secret jewish boyfriend

oh andy samberg, with your floppy hair and adorable smile, you are one of my newest secret jewish boyfriends. you are the epitome of things i love in men including curly hair, big noses, and a smart ass sense of humor. i always fall for boys who love poop and dick jokes. i think sometimes secretly i'm a teenage boy stuck in a chubby broad's body.
perhaps you've seen andy on a little-known show, saturday night live, where he's funny in sketches but brilliant in the digital shorts he creates. who can forget such masterpieces as lazy sunday, natalie portman rapping, laser cats and the gift that keeps on giving, dick in a box. dude, he's funny. seriously funny. he's also sort of tall and lanky, and i think a lot about climbing up him. this might sound a little odd, but i always think about what people will look like when they're older; if they'll have a face interesting enough to always want to look at. it might be weird, but i think andy will be cool looking when he's old, and that appeals to me as well.
honestly, look at that face and tell me you don't like it at least a little. of course, secret jewish boyfriends don't get by on looks alone; i'm a sucker for the funny guy. funny is harder than most people give it credit for, and while denzel washington might get by playing the same stoic-faced, impossibly handsome man, i don't think he could crack me up. aside from cheap liquor, that's the fastest way to my swimsuit parts. andy samberg, congratulations on being this week's secret jewish boyfriend.

p.s. he's also hot in glasses, and like that. i like it a lot.