the boxes are going to kill me

i feel bad for anyone who knows me in real life because lately you have been hearing one of two things, over and over again, on repeat. 1) it's hot!!! and 2) i fucking hate packing. both are true, but there's nothing i can do about either. dammit!

my internet is likely to be spotty the next few days, since i have to shut it off and one place and turn it on elsewhere, but i will be back as soon as i can. the thought of no youtube or flickr or adultswim makes me nervous, but i'll soldier through it.

also, thanks for all the nice emails and calls i got the past few days. for the record, i do feel much better. and re-reading that last post got me nervous that i sounded like the meds make it hard for me to happy, but that's not the case. i think because i get the downs, my ups are sometimes higher than normal. on the medication, i'm still happy and sad and all that shit, but sometimes my reactions are delayed or not quite as sharply focused. of course, this is mainly true about small thing. the point is, when i'm all keyed up and freaked out i rarely have the time or energy to feel anything but DOOM and GLOOM and MUST DRINK COCKTAIL. i need to be relaxed to feel much else, duh. anxiety is like a boyfriend who is sometimes nice to you, sometimes helps you clean the house until it sparkles and makes you feel pretty and smart, and then pisses all over the bathroom and tells you what a slob you are. you don't think about the bad shit when you feel good, and then when it's bad you just worry it's never going to get better. the thing is, you just need to dump the jerk and take your pills. or get a good shrink, or whatever works for you. that was a metaphor that totally got weak at the end. the point is, the meds work for me. i don't want to have to take them forever, but i might not have a choice. for now, they work and maybe later, when i have a lot of free time and money i can invest in some talk therapy and go off them. i suspect i won't ever be able to do that, i might just be neurotic the way some people are blonde or have green eyes. i can think of worse things.