my feet are still kinda fat

this is what 13 miles looks like

i still kind of can't believe i did that half-marathon.  it's an understatement to say that i am really, seriously, truly not built for extreme feats of exercise.  i suppose to a real athelete, 13.1 miles is child's play, but for a girl who loves her couch and won't hustle to answer the phone, 13 miles was a hell of a long walk.

part of the reason i wanted to do this race was to raise money for LLS, but i was also curious to see if i could do it.  my first piercing was also done in the same spirit ("can i really endure a needle through the tongue?"), i learned how to drive a stick because i thought it would be too hard, i moved far away from home because i kinda thought it would kill me, and we all remember that time i lived on a fishing boat because i might never get a chance to do so again.  evidently i am all about making myself uncomfortable in the name of "broadening my horizons."  for someone who is usually so anxious and weird, i sure do a lot of things that seem ridiculous even to me.  in any case, i believe that this is one of those things i did once as a lark, but will keep on doing.  kind of like the piercing and driving a standard shift.

i have a new respect for my body and what i can do.  training for the race showed me how all that talk of exercise and endorphins might not be a lie that thin people tell fat people to make us feel like shit.  spending time out in the world, listening to music and taking in the sights is a fun way to spend an hour or two alone.  i can also feel better about the upcoming zombie apocalypse, because now i have the stamina to get out of the way.  i don't think i'll ever be a racer who cares much about beating other racers, i'm not that competitive; but i can see myself trying to beat my own times, and enjoying doing more walks like this one.

things you won't ever see me doing: throwing my water cup on the ground like a lot of asshole walkers.  that part i didn't get.  i wasn't at the head of the pack, slowing down to throw my cup in the trashcan did not add precious seconds onto my time that i couldn't recover from, so if you were ahead of me and threw your cup on the ground, i thought you were a dick.  if i didn't need to do it, you didn't need to do it either.  you won't ever see me in a super-coordinated, cute running set, unless you think black pants a t-shirt are the height of fashion.  you won't ever see my sneering at other runners or walkers if they get in my way for a fraction of a second.  you won't see me eating one of those energy goo things; they look weird and i can't imagine eating them without looking retarded.  you also won't ever see me throw my clif bar wrapper on the ground because i'm so busy walking fast and can't stuff it back in my stupid fanny pack.  you will probably see me in a fanny pack, though, because as dumb as they look, they really are useful.  after the race, you will probably also have to hear about how my feet hurt and my toes look like vienna sausages.  because guess what? my feet hurt and my toes are swollen little nubs of pain.  in fact, i think i'll go put them up and ice them again!

thanks to everyone who sent me nice thoughts, money, and comments.  it was amazing to have such support, and it sounds cliché, but i couldn't have done this without you!  thank you, thank you, thank you!  

four and half hours, baby!

i survived!  i actually did better than i thought i would.  i also got my period that morning, got lost, and it rained so hard that i ended up with blistered feet (forgot dry socks!) and wearing five hundred pounds of waterlogged clothing.

i am totally, and completely amazed.  it was hard, but the nap i had after the race was sublime, and eating pizza later that afternoon i felt all blissed out and happy.  the o'neals were excellent hosts, as always, and while i'm glad to be home with my people, i still think we all live too far away from each other.

photos and details to come!  right now i'm going to go soak my poor feets, which are swollen to an obscene extreme, but oddly enough, the only part of me that hurts.  my legs, my back, my hips, all still feel rad.  i was better prepared in some ways, not so much in others, i guess.  i had to buy some old man slippers yesterday because my feet were literally too big for all my shoes.  oh, you should see them.  they are a sad, sad sight.

birds!

can you guess which one is mine?

my race is tomorrow.  i am trying to set up my cheap-ass pay-as-you-go cell phone so i can update you while barfing in port-o-potties.  ha! i joke.  i will not be using my cell phone while puking.  i really, really hope i don't vomit.  we went to get my race day stuff today, and i have to say, all those serious marathon runners in one place gave me hives.  they were very SERIOUS and WALKING BRISKLY.  there were also a million people in one place, all hot but wet because it was pouring out, so collectively we were a steamy mess.  needless to say, i was glad to get out of there. 

so far my portland trip has been awesome; lots of great food, some treats bought for my people, a visit to a yarn store (!), and now i'm getting ready to carbo load and then go to bed early.  if i die tomorrow in the race, please make sure you remember me fondly, and that no one makes any reference to my failure on my tombstone.  okay, thanks!

hello, october!

my favorite month is upon us!  the weather is getting cooler and the days a bit shorter, and halloween and my birthday are coming.  this year my birthday falls on a saturday, which is nice.  it means i don't have to take the day off work.  :-)

there's battle of the bands going on in my house at the moment; D is in our room, listening to led zeppelin, and the girlchild is in her room, listening to some top 40 radio.  katy perry and robert plant, oh my.  i'm sandwiched in the middle, in the computer room, kind of hating my life.  both are cleaning, and both are in less-than-stellar mood.  whoo!

i have one last week to kind of get ready for this half-marathon.  i know i'm not going to pass out or die during the race, thanks to my internal laziness (i wouldn't really know how to push myself too hard, physically), and also thanks to there being medical professionals and water stations at this thing.  i'm not going to do great, though.  at this point, however, survival totally trumps excellence.  you'll get to hear all about how sore i am next week, i promise.  i bet you can't wait!

another great thing about october? all the horror movies on tv.  i've been going out of my way to rent kid-friendly movies for the girlchild as often as i can, because what's fun for the boychik and i is fun for no one else.  we get away with it when D's at work and she goes to bed, but i don't want her feeling left out of the fun.  i'm also using this time to pass on valuable parental advice.  like, in all horror films, the girls going wild in the movies always die first.  i told her that having fun at parties when she gets older is one thing, but if she takes it too far, the psycho in the woods with a hook for a hand is going to come for her first, so she better be careful.  i got an eyeroll for that, but also a giggle.  i know when i was her age, i hated scary movies, so i'm keeping that in mind when i go rent something.  for every copy of slash and bleed that comes into the house, some ridiculous comedy comes in as well.  it's only fair!

one more thing...

remember that marathon i'm doing in a few weeks?  if you've been waiting to donate, you can do so now.  you know, no pressure!  but if you'd like to throw a few bucks my way, donating to an awesome cause and helping raise money for cancer research, you should do it this week.  i guess the deadline for funds is this friday.  huh.  i thought i had longer, but i don't! 

check it out over here, my friends.  i can't prove it, but donating money to chubby girls who plan to walk way too long to raise money for a disease that sucks ass will probably get you into the heaven of your choice.  just saying...

give me an "L"

this summer has seen a whole lot of this going on. i've been seriously lazy when it comes to doing just about anything but lying around reading, meaning i haven't been taking my walks or doing anything seriously productive. part of me feels bad about that, part of me is reading some awesome books and could care less. this was pretty much my favorite thing to do during summer break as a kid; read, in epic amount, just about any and everything that comes my way. i've read good books, i've abandoned terrible ones, i've plowed through mediocre but entertaining ones, and brought more books home than we have room for on the shelves. (to be fair, i do also have a box of books for taking to the thrift store as well, i just haven't gotten around to taking them out!) i need to get back on track with the marathon training, both because it makes me feel better physically as well as mentally. i'm a lot perkier and sleep better, and i've noticed lately my sleep cycles being all messed up. damn you, excercise, for having positive aspects that have nothing to do with making my pants fit better! right now, though, i have a cat and book waiting for me. aaah, summer.

i'm still here

you can be a crazy feminist and love mickey avalon at the same time, right? because i looove mickey avalon, but also rage against shaving my legs and losing my hyphenated last name in marriage. i can't help that i love his dirty rapping! i'm telling you, there's more than one 15 yr old boy living in this house; i let the boychik listen to "my dick" (which is just as ridiculous and raunchy as it sounds) and we giggled like dorks while bobbing our heads.

i made it through a week without crying at work or setting anything on fire. i suppose since it's only thursday i should wait until tomorrow to make that statement, but i like to live my life right on the edge of things, as you can plainly see. my uncle's party-which-shall-not-be-called-a-wake happens this weekend. i'l be glad to be wtih my family for a few days, even if it isn't for the happiest of reasons.

i didn't want to walk today (because for me grief involves couches, beer and long showers), but i have to say, it does me some good to get all stompy and hot and sweaty. my butt hurts, though. my legs seem stronger lately too, which is a weird and awesome feeling. i find that as much as i drag my feet and procrastinate with the exercising, once i'm in the swing of things, and afterward, i feel good. those endorphins health articles are always extolling might actually exist after all. shit, who knew shape had anything of value to offer a girl?

heel, toe...

i signed up to participate in a marathon today. granted, i'm only walking the half-marathon, but still. my name was (is) on some serious paperwork that says i will be doing a marathon. when did i become this girl?! what the hell is going on? i won't run to catch the phone in the privacy of my own home, much less run or hustle my ass with anyone watching. physical exertion in public is something i avoid only slightly less than peeing my pant in public. truth be told, both ideas are terrifying to me. i don't want to be known at the woman who peed her pants any more than i want you to see the weird way my legs bend outward when i run.

what made me decide to associate myself with a marathon is that for this particular one you train in teams, and you get a coach to help you work up to being in the race. which means i'll get help getting into shape, from professionals who hopefully won't let me do something that will kill me either with a heart attack or death by embarrassment. it also raises money for leukemia and lymphoma research, and i like the idea of not only getting in better shape, but helping out a worthwhile cause at the same time. i'm honestly surprised at myself for going to tonight's meeting; i've already gone farther with this than i thought i would. it's a nice idea, me walking 13.1 miles with a bunch of other people, raising money to help fight against a cancer that made my pop sick, and maybe getting myself into better shape at the same time. no one would ever accuse me of being terribly ambitious, especially when it comes to exercise, but i feel optimistic about this. maybe with three awesome things going for it, this is something i can stick with and do. perhaps i can hide my ridiculous gait in a herd of other walkers and runners, maybe in a group i won't be so self-conscious. i suppose we'll see!

while i'm here, if you do any considerable walking or running, what kind of shoes do you like? i started doing some research on good walking shoes, and was quickly overwhelmed.

cancer dad!

as many of you know, earlier this summer my pop was diagnosed with T-cell lymphoma. since then he's gone through chemo, lost all his hair, is preparing for radiation, and got a wicked case of pneumonia. needless to say, his summer hasn't been all reading on the beach and drinking beers delightful for him. he's in good shape, and looks fantastic bald, but let's face it: he doesn't want to be cancer dad any more than we want him to be.

to that end, my mom and her good friend jen are raising money for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Team In Training and want to compete in the Nike Women's Marathon In San Francisco. in order to race, though, they need a certain amount of money in donations. which brings us to the part of the post when i ask you nicely to drop a few bucks in their cup.

anything you donate would be seriously appreciated. it doesn't have to be big money, and you don't even have to leave your name. mom and jen are a little under half-way to their goal, and we've been doing all sorts of fund raisers. tonight we're headed down to the fishmonger in langley to do a brownie fund raiser (you get a delicous brownie in exchange for your donation!), we're having a big yard sale on labor day weekend, and we're all knitting and working on projects for a silent auction. if you would like to help us out and learn more about the Team in Training program, you can visit mom and jen's site here. i promise this won't be something i bug you about constantly, but i thought "i have a blog, i could put a little something up and maybe that would help." in any case, it can't hurt. thanks for reading this far!

(you know i wouldn't ask you if i didn't think it was important, and if it makes you feel any better dad is totally going to kill me for putting up that photo. that is, if he finds out, which i'm hoping he doesn't. personally, i think he rocks the bald look, but he's not so thrilled with it.)

i have chores

seriously. chores. as in; a list of things my mom insists i get done today before she gets home this afternoon. chores! sometimes living with your folks will make you feel 16, so if you ever think about moving back in at 29 you should take that into consideration.

after i get my chores done (cleaning out the garage, vacuuming the house, tidying up the living room and kitchen, cleaning my room) i guess i will look for a job and maybe go into town to use a faster computer. i also want to sew a new tote bag out of the lotta jansdotter book i bought before i went to alaska. i have some cute red and turquoise fabric i found at the evil empire* the other day; i'm planning on making the bottom red with a set of turquoise knitting needles embroidered on it, and making the top turquoise. my mom and a friend of hers are also doing a lot of fund raising to walk in this marathon and i'm working on some stuff for them to auction off. so far i'm knitting a hat and think i will make some more totes if they turn out half as cute as i expect them to. we're not sure yet if we're going to host a real-live auction or do it on-line or what, but since i can't walk in it i'm trying to do my part by making stuff. have any of you done any fund raising like this? do you have any ideas or tips for me? i'd appreciate any suggestions you might have. thanks!

*i will not refer to the store by name, but rest assured i'm against shopping there for the most part, but on an island with limited stores and for a girl with limited funds i find myself there more often than i'd like. i'm torn between feeling horribly guilty and excited that the fabric i bought was only $2.