go team venture!

it's no big secret i am totally in love with the venture brothers. a friend is having a baby next year and if it's a boy they are thinking of the name brock, not because they watch the show, but because they think it's a good name, and i am HUGELY stoked. i keep my mouth shut about it, though, because if i make it sound too nerdy they won't do it. i know that.

the point is, you can watch doc hammer and jackson publick talking about the show here. check out the extras, it's totally worth it. i have to admit, my crush on brock is waning, only because there are two delicious real-live men who make the show. could doc hammer be any foxier? seriously. and that publick...i'd take five minutes in a closet with him any day. true story.

there is so much to tell you!

but it's all kind of minor, random stuff, so you get to hear about it in list format. ready? here we go:

• i took maggie to her first drive-in movie, at oak harbor's blue fox drive in. i have been to this drive in many, many times. as a teenager, i spent a lot of time necking in the backseat of cars there, as well as drinking disgusting alcoholic concoctions and smoking joints. my night with maggie was much more tame. we saw wall*e, which was very cute, and surprisingly enough, she stayed awake through the whole thing. of course, she was dead to the world seconds after we pulled out of the driveway. i think she had fun; drive-ins are nice for kids because you can talk and wiggle and even get out and run around and no one complains. it was a pretty inexpensive night as well, so i think we'll be going again.
• the next day we hit up the north whidbey lion's club car show (slideshow here!). it was crazy rainy, as in, totally down pouring, so i bundled mag up and we wandered around for a while before packing it in. i didn't get to take many photos, i was busy wrangling the stroller through wet grass and mud, and the light was bad anyhow. maggie liked the cars, though. a little rain didn't ruin it for her at all. she was very pleased, and had a good time looking around.
• it was inventory time last night. we did a weird shift, midnight to 8 a.m. the inventory itself went really well, although i spent the rest of today sleeping and napping and snoozing. truth be told, i pissed today away. i have higher hopes for tomorrow!
  
• my camping trip is coming up, and i'm getting more and more excited! i want to take maggie with me, but i'm feeling like my sister is going to change her mind. that might be okay; i'll be sad not to bring her, but truthfully, she'll probably be easier to take next year. my weekend with her was great, but had some challenging moments. maggie just learned how to pull hair when she is unhappy, and the yelling and pinching is also not so fun. she's just pushing boundaries and testing me, i know, and it didn't take long for her to realize i wasn't going to budge, but we probably all need to get on the same page as far as her discipline goes.
  
• tiernan turns five any second now! i can't believe how big he is, how grown up my little man is getting. i need to find him the perfect present, five is kind of a big deal.
  
• did i mention the camping? jeez, i can hardly wait. we're going here, which means i need to get my ass in gear and get a new swimsuit. i'm excited about being out in the woods for a few days, with my friends, drinking beer and playing with the kids, swimming and goofing off. i bought my pocket farkle months ago, i am ready for this trip.
• i've been working on my knit christmas presents. i know it sounds early, but i'm actually sort of behind. i need to get on with it!
  

tomorrow i plan on cleaning my room, doing laundry and going the library. i know, my life is so exciting, but it should be a fun day.

when allergies ATTACK!!!

dammit, i cannot breathe. i can, however, projectile sneeze, hack loudly, sniffle and swell to the size of a balloon. go me!

i've been at my folks this weekend, and really wanted to stay there today until i had to work tonight at midnight (inventory time!) but getting any sleep there was pretty much impossible. then my allergies kicked in and i said a very hasty "thanks! bye!" and got the hell out of there.

on my way home i bought a four pack of those goofy little wines, some benadryl, a new sleep mask and some ear plugs. i only took one of the allergy pills and drank one bottle of wine, don't worry! but i need something to knock me out for a few hours so i can effectively count cheese and pounds of deli meat and crackers upon crackers upon crackers. wish me luck tonight!

personal responsibility

top off, originally uploaded by pinprick.

a good friend of mine is getting married in a few weeks. there isn't much i wanted this year more than to go back to colorado to be there, but due to financial constraints i won't be able to go. i feel stupendously shitty about this. i've had just about a year to save up for it, and regardless of the fisherman's quick exit i feel like i really should have had the money for it. not having it, missing the wedding, makes me feel like a lousy friend.

what makes me feel worse though, is that at the same time i feel bad about missing the wedding, and about missing seeing my friends tie the knot, i'm also kind of relieved. not being able to go means not having to have awkward conversations about the loser turn my life has taken. it means not having to see other friends i long ago broke-up with, and it means no one has to see my fat ass in person. truth be told, i'm in kind of an unhappy place and don't really feel like letting my enemies (more like frienemies) see that. i've never felt more shallow in my life. wanting to avoid seeing high school friends is so cliche! ugh.

i've been feeling bad about all of this for months now, ever since i realized i wouldn't be able to go to the wedding. i got an email this morning from the bride asking us all to wear a special color so she'll be able to enjoy seeing us all together and i suddenly felt even shittier (which i wasn't sure was possible), and realized that i have no one to blame but myself. my life is the way it is because i've made some poor choices. I picked the wrong guy, i ran up my credit card bills, i took a job that pays shit, i ate too much pizza and beer. i can bitch and piss and moan about it all i want or i can do something about it. while i may not make it to this wedding, i can start working on a kick ass wedding present. i can work out more. i can lay off the cheese when i'm not at work. i can make much better relationship decisions. feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in whiskey and pity isn't that attractive, and with all the things i have done in my life you'd think none of this would seem that daunting. it's just having to take responsibility for my crap-tastic life that is.

smoke 'em if you got 'em

most of you who know me know that there are times when i indulge in smoking cigarettes. however, this year i tried earnestly to cut it out for good, and did a whole six months without so much as a drag on a smoke. it was easy in a lot of ways; i mean, i really like smoking, i like the lighters and the ashtrays and going out for a smoke break at work or with friends at the bar, but never really had much of a nicotine itch. for me, smoking has been primarily a social activity. that's not to say when i was in my hard-core smoking days (ha! at the most i smoked half a pack a day, but usually it was a pack a week!) i didn't crave it, but i always felt like it wasn't so much physical as it was psychological.

however, i have been smoking more since i moved in with a smoker (she smokes about a pack a day), and i'm telling you, if i knew she'd left her smokes out on the back deck i would sneak out there right now for one while everyone else slept. i'm going to buy a pallet of gum at costco and stop with all the smoky goodness. honest!

paging the nanny

oh boy, the amount of noise these kids create right after waking up is amazing. it's a scientific marvel, i'm sure of that. i know part of them does it for the attention (they are the sort of kids who want all attention, regardless of whether it's good or bad), so i just let them go until they peter out. i don't want to start my day as the evil british nanny i know i am on the inside, so i just take my coffee into my room and turn on some cartoons. they're still not great with the concept of personal space and why i need it, but they're getting better. truth be told, they are good kids, but this is a weird situation and it's taking some time for us to all settle into a nice routine.

ridiculous in action

ridiculous in action, originally uploaded by pinprick.

i know they look insane and uncomfortable, but they are oddly appealing. i kind of like how heavy they are, it's a hard to describe feeling. the feeling is slightly tingly and just supremely heavy. in the best possible way. since i first spotted them at hot topic (yes! i am thirty! i shop at hot topic!) i've been coveting them, but was too afraid to find out how much they were. either they'd be crazy expensive and that would make me sad, or they wouldn't be and i would have to have them. the latter won out, and i'm glad. people with normal ears wince when they see them go in, but it really isn't a painful experience. odd, yes. takes some getting to, sure. they're special occasion earrings, you know. beauty hurts!

aunt flo can suck it

my uterus is totally being a bitch, y'all. tonight after work, and many, many ibuprofen, i bought some beer and ice cream and headed out. in the check-out line i joked with the cashier, "who's got her period?! not me!" ugh. i feel bloated and retarded and pissy. i just thought you should know.

the thing is, i've been having my period for many years now (twenty this year, to be exact), but it's only in the past year or so that i've actually had cramps. it's like the one nice thing god did for me; sure i got my period at an ungodly age, but no cramps! jokes on me, i guess.

alright!

i need you to remind me that flirting with a married man is not okay. a huge chunk of me knows this to be the case, but is weak enough to be flattered when he starts and unable to stop the proverbial ball from rolling. i need you to remind me that while i might not be beating the men off with a stick right now, i'm also not so down-trodden that i need to make a stop at adultery town. he's not available, and if he thinks he is, he's more of a loser than i realized. i will NOT hang out with him outside of work. i WILL start taking my lunches at weirdo times. i'll go out to a bar and meet a nice boy to make-out with and cleanse my palette of all this. i'm embarrassed how much of my attention has been absorbed by this torrid little story. gah. i feel like a girl who just got hit on for the first time and is weak enough to believe the hype. ridiculous!

in the meantime, did you know topo chico is pretty much the greatest mixer with bourbon? how did this escape my attention all these years? dear joolie and eric, thanks for introducing me to topo chico. you get a gold star!

bleh

i am not hungover, but i am tired. my roommate, she is hungover. i stopped drinking early, made all my drinks weak as hell, and drank a giant glass of water before bed. it's just that i went to bed like 6 hours ago and i need at least seven hours to feel human.

it's going to be a long day.

your mama was a monkey

going to the zoo today with my favorite little monkey! it will either be super fun, or mostly fun with a chance of one or two meltdowns. we're at that age, you know. here is a short list of things maggie does now that crack me up:

• when you say "maggie!" to get her attention she yells back "what-ie?"
  
• she will admit when she is feeling rotten. this is useful information, but it's hard for me to keep a straight face. i know that my job is to remain impassive and stern when she's being a tiny jerk, but sometimes she has that look on her face; that sparkly, ha-ha twinkle, and i break. i am a weak auntie.
• she grinds her teeth and talks in her sleep like the rest of us.
• it's retarded and i know soon we're going to have to crack down on it, but she's still hellen keller at the dinner table. we make her a plate of her own, but she never eats off it. instead she travels from lap to lap, taking what she wants and giving you that little shit-eating grin.
  

the fact is, she knows she's cute, she knowns we adore her, and she's doing her damnedest to get away with murder.

off to the zoo! i'll take photos of your mom while i'm there.

it's official: i'm a dick

i hate to say this, because i realize that teenagers are inherently annoying and abrasive and weird, but i really do not care for the one i live with. the situation is livable, that's for sure, but goddamn, the girl never stops talking. she never takes a breath, never stops to think about what is actually going to come out of her mouth, never lets more than five seconds pass before she's on to the next inane story. the only time she isn't talking is when she's sleeping or eating. her stories are also horrible; all about kids i don't know, situations i have no context for, family i don't care about. i am trying hard to be patient and kind, and remember how awful adolescence was and cut her some slack, but there are times when it takes a giant force of will to stop me from rolling me eyes or asking her to just shut the fuck up. ack. maybe motherhood isn't for me.

i don't feel this way about my kids, though. they can talk till the sun goes down and even if i'm not glued to their every word the sound of their happy little voices is nice to hear. i'm biased though, because tiernan and maggie and jude are ridiculously smart and funny and cuddly. teenagers, not so much.

plus, she's been into my cupboard. i know for sure she ate one of my kinder buenos, and then she left the empty box in there. i asked her about it and she was all wide-eyed and "i have no idea!" until i pointed out that i would not put an empty box back into my own cupboard. she's also been eating my lean cuisines, which is petty for me to be irked about, but i am. i buy them cheap at the g.o. and eat them for lunch, because i am lazy. having to pack lunches for the next few days annoys me, and i will now be putting my name on all my stuff so she can't do the whole " i thought they were mom's." they weren't, and she knew it. her mom would rather die than eat a lean cuisine. true story.

okay, i feel all jerky and embarrassed now admitting how annoyed i am. i'm a grown-up! i should be above all this! alas, i'm not. we'll all settle into a nice routine, and i might have to act a bit more stern than i would like, but we'll all survive and this will build my character. or something.

how is it saturday already?

i swear the week just started! i actually did some moving/unpacking stuff today. if i have to move out of this place any time soon i am going to be seriously pissed. and i'm going to ask for help, so beware.

a friend at work hooked me up with a dresser she was getting rid of. it's retarded looking (someone painted it hot pink and black, and they did so poorly), but it's big and fits in the closet so you can't see it. i also bought some curtains and a rod today, and a computer desk and chair. i spent a LOT of money, but it was well worth it. i think. i need to balance my checkbook and make sure i can actually keep it all, i might need to take some of the extraneous stuff back. like the candles i bought, and the votive holders. there's $10 right there!

work is both strange and good right now. i got a raise! finally. i'm serious, i've been promised this raise for months and months now, and was getting ready to quit. i was actually going to wait until i went on vacation, then do it when i got back. so that's the good news. the strange is the wine guy, of course. the rumors about us are running rampant and virulent, and i can't do much but laugh them off, really. to protest too much just makes me look guilty, and no matter what i say people are going to believe what they want. plus, he's taken to not wearing his wedding ring. what the fuck? i recall him distinctly wearing it when we met, that's how i knew he was married, but because he doesn't wear it no one else knows it. i have to tell on average three people a day that he's married and i'm not a whore, and yes we have lunch together sometimes. jeez. i think that's allowable, and to be honest, i don't want to give that up. selfish, yes, but i don't know a lot of people who share the same interests as me, and i think as long as i never make-out with him, i should be able to have lunch with him. for all i know, all those things he said could just be perfectly innocent. he hasn't made an actual move toward my boobs, so i think i'm safe.

speaking of boobs! i saw a co-worker today and she was in her regular clothes, and looking super foxy. i said, "hey M! you look super cute! man, you have great boobs." i mean, she does. (insert sexual harassment suit here!) she said "thanks, i should, i paid a lot for them." d'oh! i didn't believe her, not because i think buying boobs is inherently awful or shallow or anything, but just because i've known her for a long time now and had no idea. plus, they look amazing. really. i would have never in a million years thought they were anything but perfectly natural. she's got a great doctor. it had to be the funniest conversation i've ever had with her, though, and while i was surprised to hear her news, i was kind of stoked she likes me enough to tell me. (and you know what, if you are wearing a cute shirt and your girls look good, i will tell you too. i can't help it. some shirts just make them look awesome and i'm all about giving a girl props for it!)

reasons i hate my sister

1. she can get me to do pretty much anything with the promise of a new eyeshadow. tonight i'm babysitting my niece in order to get a free lancome shadow, a crazy pretty shade called personal style. in real life it's a lot more peacock-y.
   
2. she got me hooked on maroon five. could adam levine have a more nasally voice? could the songs be any more ridiculous? could i be any more hooked? the answer to all of those is "yes." dammit.
3. her baby is like crack to me, i can't get enough.
4. she's always super-well put together and no matter how cute i feel when i leave the house, i feel shlumpy next to her. true, i take five minutes to get ready and she takes considerably longer, but does she always have to be so damn cute?
5. all the clothes she picks out for me are adorable and expensive and worth it. i spend too much with her! in high school she was my personal stylists and i must admit she's got a good eye for what works on me.
   

awesome afternoon

awesome afternoon, originally uploaded by pinprick.

before i moved in with d, she would sometimes show up at work a bit hungover telling me she kind of had a party, "on accident," the night before. i thought she was full of shit, until it happened last night.

it wasn't anything ridiculous or retarded; i think the most daring thing we did was move a neighbor's sprinkler so it would also water our back yard, but it was fun. some girls came over, we drank beers on the back porch and enjoyed the lovely afternoon weather late into the evening, and then we all drank giant glasses of water and went to bed. it was really very enjoyable. at times after work i feel seriously anti-social, but then people show up and i have fun and think about how glad i am that it's not always up to me. because if it were, there's a good possibility i would be a hermit.

today i got my deposit back from the other apartment, and while i kind of feel like they gouged me for the cleaning, i got back a little over half and that's fine by me. it's enough to pay for my camping trip next month, and if i save a little more i can also buy a bed over at ikea. good times! i also picked up some old horror movies from the library, so tonight i'm going to enjoy some schlock and go to bed early.

remind me to tell you about my cute librarian tomorrow!

ouch

ouch 2, originally uploaded by pinprick.

still crispy and burnt and bright red. i am the same color as my bra, which is unfortunate. i took an oatmeal bath last night, which was hilarious looking, but felt pretty good. i'm slathering on lotion at hourly intervals, hoping not to peel too badly.

also, i realized that lately i'm having small headaches, due to the fact that i can't see too far away very well anymore. right now i'm about 2 1/2 feet away from my computer monitor and in order to see what i'm typing i'm squinting. this can't be good. i also realized, however, that i have some pretty kick ass insurance right now, so i called a local eye doctor and made an appointment for next week. i'm excited about the prospect of new glasses, or at the very least new lenses.

i'm still full of sloth today, but so far i've gotten some laundry done and one whole box unpacked. i have a nice list posted of things to do today, and i do indeed plan to get them done. wish me luck.

p.s. my morning jacket? yay or nay? i picked up Z at the library, and it sounds to me like the doves, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but isn't something i would normally go for. thoughts?

reading notes

not having cable tv, and also having a roommate who doesn't make fun of me when i read, means lately i've been doing a lot of that. i was also lucky enough to snag a few early reviewer books from library thing, which i've been plowing through. i admit i haven't read anything too terribly taxing or difficult; both early review books i got are semi-autobiographical memoirs couched as fiction, all about tragic childhoods and overcoming them. thanks to augusten burroughs* for making those popular. i hate to say it, but if you've read one " i was abused as a kid and all i got was this lousy book," then you've read them them all. i really enjoyed the last chabon i read, the yiddish policemen's union, and today i picked up a new library card and another of his books, gentlemen of the road. so far i'm at about chapter three, and am unsure if i like it or not. i probably should have read something else in between the two, as a literary palate cleanser. all i can do now is compare gentlemen to yiddish, which is unfair.

my new library is pretty nice. it's not a huge building, but it's a cozy brick affair, in an old part of town. for the size it has a pretty impressive collection, as well as a reciprocal agreement with another local library; one that is very close to where i work. i'm anxious to try that branch out.

sometimes i worry i'm having a boring summer, but honestly, after the drama that was my affair with the fisherman, i am enjoying the peace and quiet. are you reading anything good? send me a line and let me know what it is. i feel a bit like i'm in a rut, i need to read something new and different.

*what's funny is that out of all his books, i liked running with scissors the least. i've thoroughly enjoyed every other book of his, sometimes reading them all in one sitting, but that first one just didn't quite do it for me.

extra crispy

tonight was my overnight shift; once a month we have to do inventory and for whatever reason everyone does it in the middle of the night. it makes sense because there aren't as many customers, or workers, so a few of us can go in and bust out a shitload of numbers then head back home to bed. part of me dreads inventory, part of me loves it. the day of inventory is weird because you spend the whole day relaxing, trying to nap, taking it easy and conserving your strength. today's activities involved reading, napping, drinking beer and laying in the sun.

that last part kind of screwed me, though. i swear i was outside in the sun for all of 45 minutes. not even all of it in direct sunlight! yet i still burnt to a crisp. only on my topside, though, because my legs are refusing to take any color whatsoever. the funny part is that i applied sunscreen to my cleavage, thinking about the skin there is delicate and thin, so while my boobs are bright red, there's this pretty, perfectly straight white line between them. genius! i also have big white sunscreen circles around all my tattoos, and my nose got a bit red too. my face overall looks okay; it's a nice golden color, but my chest and arms are impossibly, painfully red. i itch, i burn, and have no idea how i'm going to sleep tonight. clothes are uncomfortable, and my sheets, while new and freshly laundered, feel about as cozy as sandpaper.

i'm going to go fill the tub with aloe vera and try not to cry. remind me of this when i feel like getting some color, okay? thanks.

conflicted

do i crack open another beer and park it on the couch? we get one channel very well, and tonight they're playing steel magnolias. do i read my new book? do i clean up my room some more and unpack yet another box? i haven't done any knitting or painting in a while either, and i have a start on a blanket and a picture of conjoined twins i could work on. go to bed early? take a bath? eat some bran flakes?

so many options.

did you miss me?

it's been a crazy week in my life. true story. i moved, one more time (hopefully the last time for a while), had to deal with the fourth of july holiday at work (who knew grocery stores got so crazy?), and have been busy unpacking and settling in.

got the internet set up today. it was less than smooth sailing; my computer's ethernet connection is fritzed, for some unknown reason. i've spent most of this morning futzing with it, but to no avail. broke down and bought a wireless usb network adapter, which is working like a dream. the other computer will need one as well, but we can probably share one for a while.

my roommate is pretty awesome; she is actually one of my bosses at work. what should be weird oddly isn't, but i admit i do try harder to treat her like my boss at work. i don't want her thinking i'm going to take advantage of the fact that i know where she lives, you know? the only downside to living here is that my room is *little* and i am a woman of lots of stuff. the other thing that puts a crimp in my style are her kids. she has two, an 8 and 12 year old. the little boy and i get along famously, he is super sweet and fun to hang out with, but the teen girl is just that--a teenager. a very talkative, know-it-all, never-quite-for-a-fucking-second teenager. she's very sweet, don't get me wrong, and i genuinely like her, but i wish she would shut her piehole on occasion. they don't live here all the time, though, and to be honest i think once they get used to me they'll settle down a bit. i might not get all of my weekends alone, but i'll get at least two a month and that's reasonable. it's more than i got when i was living with ed, so that's something to be thankful for.

okay, off to unpack more and drink more coffee. i'm so glad we got to talk, i'm sure we have lots to catch up on.