six months

tomorrow will mark my sixth month in colorado. half a year! i was writing a letter to a friend today and i remarked that sometimes it feels like i just got here, and sometimes it feels like i've been here a lot longer. six months comes as a bit of a surprise either way.

i'm glad i made the move. the last few weeks have felt really comfortable to me, i can navigate through town without thinking, i've got a grocery store i really like and i'm not surprised when i wake up in the morning. there were times even in the last few months really where i would wake up confused, thinking i was still in my subterranean apartment in seattle. i can wander through the apartment at night to get a glass of water without turning on any lights, and that's what i always think of when i think of feeling at home. i still haven't found a chinese restaurant that i'm wild about, and the thai food in fort collins sucks, but other than that i have no real complaints.

i feel like i'm making friends well enough, which is harder when you aren't in school. making friends in college is effortless, because you're surrounded by kids who are doing basically the same thing you are. you're all doing the same thing, having mainly the same experiences, and you bond over it without even thinking. life outside of school for me wasn't hugely different, but then again, i moved to a town i was already familiar with and where i already knew people. this move was markedly different, and put me in a brand new place with no one i knew outside of my roommate, without the benefit of school to introduce me to new people. it's actually kind of fun. it's also painfully nerve-wracking sometimes, but for the most part it's okay.

i still love the scenery of colorado. the long, straight stretches of road, the mountains, the giant sky. when you're driving in the sun and can see rain clouds far off ahead i'm really happy. colorado is the polar opposite of where i grew up; dryer, browner, flatter than home, but so lovely in its own way. when i feel unsure of myself and the move i made, all i have to do is take a drive and i instantly feel better.

i miss my family and friends more than i thought i would. which is worth mentioning because i expected to be just overwhelmed with homesickness, and i was, but more so. i definitely had moments where i decided i was totally fucking crazy and needed to go home now. i still miss them, and part of me really wanted to go home for vacation next month. at the same time i'm finally feeling comfortable here, and i don't want to upset that. once i become a real employee at the company (which hasn't happened yet because there's a hiring freeze going on) i'll get vacation time right away, and i'll use that to go home. by then i'll be more settled, and going home won't make me feel unsure of myself. my parents mean well, and i know they love me, but it's hard not to think maybe they're right when they tell me i should just come home.

would i do it all over again? sure. it's amazing how a big move can sort of put into focus all the things that are actually important to you. i feel confident about myself in a way i didn't before. i don't feel weird answering the question "what brought you out here?" with a shrug anymore. who knows why i did it, but i'm happy. i live in a pretty state, i have a job with co-workers i like, i get to see sun almost every day, and i did something i never thought i'd have the guts to do. it's a weird and wonderful thing.