i miss blogs

patient yellow, originally uploaded by pinprick.

and the internet and calling home and taking showers more than three times a week. MISS IT. also, i miss having more than two pairs of pants to wear and being cute on occasion.

alaska is still wildly beautiful, and i am still having fun, but i admit that the past few days i've been homesick. i talked to my pop yesterday, who just started chemo, and while it was good to hear him and nice that he likes me enough to talk to me, i think it was the first time i realized what exactly is going on and i had a hard time not crying. i admit i spent the rest of the morning after talking to him and mom crying in my bunk, but i acted like a grown-up on the phone with him. it was hard, but i did okay, i think.

i would be lying to you if i told you i just liked the fisherman, and did this as a lark. you know that i maybe more than just like him, i know you're smarter than that, but i felt like i needed to tell you. he's my fisherman now, not just the fisherman. we have our moments, and have actually had a real fight where there was yelling and shit, but after all this time on a boat where the other is inescapable, i still like him. i still want to hang out with him, he still surprises me, and i mean in good ways. i like the surprises. i like the random kisses on his way down to the engine room, and when he wears his green shirt because i like it best.

the other boys on the boat are also sweet; young guys who make me feel like throttling them some days and baking cookies others. i try not to mother them too much, but i do have to yell at them to put down the toilet seat at times. living on a boat with only boys is sometimes exhausting, but mostly good. we live in what amounts to a big diesel engine, which means i wash my face three times a day, and every time the washcloth is actually brown with dirt. i've given up on cute as a concept, i go for "cuter than usual" at time, but most of the time "clean and not stinky" is the goal. it's like being on a real long camping trip, and my sense of style is sorely lacking. you thought i was frumpy before. ha! i had no idea what frumpy WAS.

here's the thing: you leave your bra on the life preserver of your boyfriend's boat in a certain bar in homer, alaska. it's not that crazy a story, sorry, but my favorite bra, the cute black one with the hot pink straps and lacy front, is now on display and not on my body. that's annoying sometimes, but i will be in town long enough this week for mom to send me another one. also, if your boat is beached so you can work on the bottom, you will have to walk into town to use the bathroom. that is seriously annoying.

i should be able to post again this week, cross your fingers, xoxo