it's never enough

tie, originally uploaded by pinprick.

i start working this tuesday, which is sort of exciting. they called me back in the other day although it wasn't for my second interview; they liked me enough to just skip that and let me come in for my orientation and to take my pee test. i picked up my fancy new uniform (apron and hat) and then went and picked out the rest of the pieces like non-slip shoes and dark pants. it sucks sometimes having to spend money to make money, but what can you do?

of course pop was irritated when i wasn't working and made sure to point that out when he could, so i got a job and now he's unhappy with that. he thinks it doesn't pay enough, he doesn't think i'll like it, he's not happy i'm not using my degree, and on and on. you can't win with him, and you can argue with him either so i'm just avoiding any conversation about it. yes, it doesn't pay a massive amount, but i think it's better than not getting paid. plus, working in a grocery store has a few advantages; discounts on food, a wide variety of positions, and grocery stores are everywhere. you get in with one and if you move it's easier to get in with another.

you would think that anyone who's known me as long as my family has would just resign themselves to the fact that i am not exactly career-oriented. work is work, i don't particularly care for it but i need to make money. i don't ever want to do anything forever, so why would i want a career? why would i want to do the same thing, day in and day out, for the rest of my life? working in the deli of a grocery store might not be what anyone had in mind for me, but i'm happy. the work sounds interesting, you get to see a variety of people every day, there are some days when you get to hang out in the back cooking, and the best thing is you go in, work and go home. if i don't feel like thinking about potato salad when i leave, then i don't have to. of course, all this might change once i actually start working there, but why does everyone have to rain on my parade? damn. i like the idea of it enough to apply, enough to put on a nice skirt for the interview and enough to take the job. i think that should be enough.

it's frustrating to have this talk with everyone whenever i get a new job. who really cares what i do as long as i'm doing it? i don't. well, i guess i do since i'm complaining about it. i'm just tired of having to explain myself to people i think would know me better by now. i am who i am, and no amount of wishing or poking or prodding is going to make me suddenly more ambitious. at heart, i'm just to lazy to care about work. it's a necessary evil, and i think career is a four-letter word i don't want to be best friends with. honestly, i could think of a million other things to dislike about me other than that. i hate the idea of what i do for a living defining who i am. it's just a job. everyone insists i have one, but then when i get one it's not good enough. nothing is ever enough. man, this week has felt shitty. my blog is suffering from all the complaints too. i promise the next post won't be so tiresome.