surreality

yellow crocs, originally uploaded by pinprick.

it is weird being home. this was the only place i wanted to be, but i find myself all itchy and wanting to get out and feeling restless now that i'm here. does that make me a total ass? i just feel sort of out of place, i guess. i know my people are glad to have me back, but there's a lot going on and at the homefront we can be a bit testy with one another.

my dad just got out of the hospital; he spent a week there with a wicked case of pneumonia and now has to use a big wheezing oxygen machine to help him breathe. the good news is his chemo is pretty much over, and next they move him on to radiation. i was afraid his being bald would freak me out, but he's damn handsome that way. his head is perfectly round, and he looks so tidy and at the same time totally badass. he's like mr. clean and the king of siam rolled into one! in short, he looks good. he doesn't feel great right now, but the doctors assure us the oxygen isn't a permanent fixture and that he's doing well. it's affecting us all in different ways and while our main concern is him doing okay and being comfortable i think it stresses us ladies of the house out. being able to actually see my dad and hang out with him also makes the cancer a real thing. it was scary before, but now i'm terrified. i'm also still skittish from all the yelling on the boat find myself trying so hard not to step on anyone's toes and/or get in the way. it's all very weird, like i said before. not weird in an awful, get-me-the-hell-out-of-here way, but it is stranger. it all feels extra surreal, but i'm sure by this weekend it will feel totally normal.

being with my niece absolutely fucking rules. that kid cracks me up. while i wasn't exactly aching to move back to the island i will admit that the chance to live with her for a while and get to know her is too good to pass up. if i stay here and live with her and my sister we'll also be able to save a lot of money and that would help me get back on my feet again. if i'm serious about moving to alaska next year this would be a good place to be.

i missed a call from my fisherman today. i wish i'd been there to get it, i was all bummed out after pop told me. it's only been three days but i'm not liking the separation part of this. i know it's par for course and growing up with a dad who was gone most of the time for work (navy) i always kind of suspected i would end up with a sailor. my uncles were always gone too, thanks to uncle sam, and this is how i thought all married people were. being on the boat for a few months as well i know what the boy is up to, and how days fly by when you work and don't have access to the outside world via tv, papers, radio or mail. three days probably feels a lot longer to me than it does him, and i know that his work isn't all fun and games and beer drinking. he works hard, harder than anyone i've ever known. i just want to talk him. already i've sent letters because it feels so strange to spend a day not just chit chatting. that was one of my favorite parts of the day; when we'd be in our bunks, talking before falling asleep. it was like slumber party goodness every night!

i should go look through monster.com and the local paper for a job. i borrowed mom's macbook and am sitting outside the local coffee shop that has wifi. they're closed, of course, so i'm roughing it by computing from the car. ha! roughing it. taking a shower every day now feels all decadent, and everyone says i smell like diesel, although i still can't smell it myself. i might have a little culture shock, which isn't a bad thing. it's actually sort of a fun thing to be able to say, it makes me feel like a worldly traveler. also kind of dorky for even thinking that, but if culture shock is the biggest of my complaints right now, i think i'm doing okay.