the list

do you remember the list from friends? it goes like this; you make a list of five famous people that you have permission to sleep with no matter what. once you make the list, if you run into one of those people and have the chance to have sex with them, you can, with no recrimination from your partner. my sister and i have been talking about the list for weeks now, and we've made a few modifications. along with the original five, we have decided that you can indeed make changes to the list, however, all parties must be notified of said change and if you happen to run into someone you bumped off the list, you cannot take it back. we've also added two alternates to the list, one being "someone famous old enough to be a parent" and "person of the gender you don't normally sleep with." this means if you are a hetero guy, you can add one man to your list, since i date boys i can add one girl, etc. this means seven total people on the list!

yes, it's true i don't have a boyfriend right now, but since the list has been so agonizing to make i don't feel weird trying to put it together now. you know, it's like buying cute underwear just in case. even with all the weeks i've had to put my list together, i still only have two spots definitely filled. two. this isn't brain surgery, and yet i can't figure it out. right now this is my tentative list:

1. andy samberg. i know, i know, not exactly brad pitt but five million times smarter and funnier and with all that great hair. he's for sure on the list, for the hair alone.
   
2. andy garcia. he's got this way of talking that makes me all tingly in the swimsuit area region. i think he's the only reason i like the godfather III (that and it lets me indulge in my envy of sofia coppola), but i'm not sure he'll stay on the list.
3. luke wilson. my sister and i argued over who got which wilson brother, since we both like them both. it was decided that luke was more my type and owen was more hers.
   
4. i do sort of love jason schwartzman, but then i listened to his commentary in i heart huckabees, and i don't think i could actually talk to him. he's sort of pretentious and annoying. but he was max fischer!
   
5. mark wahlberg. markie mark mark mark...there is something about that man that makes me weak in the knees. although to be honest, i feel bad about this one because of his cute girlfriend and his kids. i'm not sure he's on the list. although i'd bump schwartzman for him.
   
6. the rock. i could never actually get the rock, but he's so handsome! and huge! and seems like an honestly nice guy. he's dreamy, all manly but with a soft interior.
   
7. i sometimes think i would add johnny knoxville to the list, but he seem kind of...trampy. so no, he's off.
   
8. adrien brody should be in the final five, mainly because he made a very special "guest appearance" in a dream once and i loved him in dummy (which is a film no one has seen but is really very good). added bonus: getting to shout "yo, adrien!" when i wanted his attention.
   
9. jean reno. i can't tell if he should be in the final five or as the alternate "old enough to be my pop" category. he just seems kind of intense and brooding and i like his accent. plus, the professional is one of my favorite films.
   

in the "old enough to be my parent category," it's a tie between jim jarmusch and bill murray. i have a feeling if pressed, i will go with jim. in the "person of the gender i don't normally sleep with" i'd have to say it's either milla jovovich or lili taylor. or maybe anjelica huston, although i don't really want to make out with her so much as i want to have coffee and have her help me with my make-up.

i need to whittle the list down, obviously. and you need to start making yours and tell me what they are. together we can get our lists together! i just know it!

other folks to consider: robert downy jr., jake gylenhall, ben stiller, naomi watts, ewan mcgregor, eddie izzard, john lurie, chris noth, chris meloni, stephen malkmus, ira glass, johnathon goldstein, and hugh jackman.