a brief explanation

it's hard to post when you don't have an internet connection on your computer, and rely on your cell phone. on one hand, i can tell you what's going on, but on the other it's very brief tidbits.

the long and short of it is that my current living situation is super-mega-bogus. i'm treated like a teenager, told what i can and can't do, and when i point out that i pay rent, that i was invited to live there i'm shrugged off. every three minutes someone is reminding me in no uncertain terms that this is not my house, and i get the message. i've decided to move out, which SUCKS for a couple of reasons, the main one being shit, i have to move again, and this will basically suck out what's left of my money. oh wait, there isn't any of that, so let's just dig my hole of debt a little deeper.

you can tell a lot about people by how the respond and react to your crisis. when i got into my car accident, my roommates cared less about that than making sure i didn't hang up too much stuff in my room. they don't want to deal with a lot of nail holes. they were fussy that i was parking on the street because the garage i use was full of my stuff and they thought i should be moving it all in. i would have, but you know, i was kind of sore and stiff from the accident and trying very hard not to freak out or have a nervous breakdown. also, none of my stuff was in their way! my stuff was in a garage they don't park in. if i were in their way, i could see their annoyance. i feel like i haven't been able to catch a break; instead of concern for me and what i was going through, they were more concerned with pointing out the rules and regulations, telling me all the things i was doing wrong, and making me feel incredibly uncomfortable going "home." it's not my home, i understand that, but there's no need to rub in my face in it. they want help with the mortgage, but they don't want me to be too comfortable.

fine. okay. it's time to move on. if i'm quiet it's because i can only use my phone to post and i'm busy now making more lists and trying not to burst into tears when something dumb happens, like my cupcakes falling. everything is going to be fine, i can get through this. i'm just really tired, you know? at the same time, if i want to be happy then i have to work at it. it's my responsibility, not anyone else's. instead of being miserable i can do something about it. at this point i'm actually really good at filling boxes! and this is just another opportunity for me to go through my belongings and pare them down even more. i will miss my sweet closet, though. dammit.