hi!

my name is amanda, and i accidentally got drunk tonight. that's the thing about boxed wine; you cannot see how much is left, and then suddenly, POOF! it's gone and you are left feeling like a drunky brewster loser. shoot.

in my defense, i came home to a glass of wine only after spending hours and hours shopping for the right outfit for a wedding i'm going to tomorrow. i have four shirts, one skirt, a cute pair of shoes and another four pairs of tights to create the perfect out of, and now i wish i had this because then i could have built the whole outfit around it. with all the drama lately i'd totally spaced the wedding, and now have to cobble together an outfit that doesn't make me feel hideously fat and disgusting. (who has her period? me? shut up!!) most of the time i'm pretty happy with myself, but tonight standing there in the unflattering light of a mall, hot and tired from walking, peeling myself out of the polyester uniform that is my life i felt kind of down about being a chubby, weirdo-looking girl. i wished i had a haircut, a pair of contacts, a girdle; something to tame my body into being what i want it to be without sacrificing mac and cheese dinners. i don't need two seats on an airplane, and usually that cheers me up, but tonight i keep thinking i could do better.

and i could. and i will. and this might not have been the best year for me, but it wasn't the worst and dammit, at least i learned some shit about myself. like, i like boxed wine. and danny mansmith's work. and snow and huge expanses of space and my nephews and niece and pizzas with salami on them. colorado means a lot to me, but just not enough. i'm excited about the wedding tomorrow and spending time with my friends, even if i do have to find something to wear. go to bed, i've had enough wine.