daylight savings!

i love falling back. yes, i know this means darker sooner, but today, when i get that extra hour to lie in my bed, i'm pretty pleased with myself and the way the world works. i'm sure that feeling will pass once i get to work, but i'm enjoying it for now.

things the cat has learned to do:

• open cupboards. the task itself isn't that hard, you really don't need opposable thumbs for it, but the other night she not only got into the cabinet under the sink, but she chewed a great big hole in her food bag and had a party. bad kitty. i have to hide the food way high up now, and next payday i need to get a big tupperware thing to hold her food.
• flush the toilet. weird, right? for some reason whenever i have to pee, she comes in with me, sits on the tub next to me while i do my thing (which is very strange, but i'm not sure she gets why, so i let her sit there as long as she doesn't bug me), and then when i get up and shut the lid, she starts pushing the handle like she's going to flush. she has yet to push it down all the way, but she is close and once she figures out how hard she needs to push i might be in trouble. i imagine this will be one of those things that at 4 in the morning she'll be flushing away and waking my dumb ass up.
  

hmmm....what else is new. i'm pretty nervous most of the time lately. that's not exactly "news" but the fact that i'm willing to admit it is new. i'm fairly sure it's just a combination of weather changing, constant calls from bill collectors, and an overwhelming feeling of not being in control, but i'm trying hard to not just increase my meds and float through. it's hard to do, though. on my days off i'm fine, it's my working days that are suffering. what it boils down to is i can't afford to be that nervous-wreck at work, i can't afford to take a day off and lie in bed making lists and worrying a hole in the ground. i can't afford to not go in when they call me on my days off. in fact, i really should get another job or at least a second job. i feel this tension between my shoulder blades all the time, and i have days when i feel like crawling out of my skin. it's not so much fun. i don't think i'm very pleasant to hang out with or talk to, and i'm sure as hell boring myself with all the thinking and worry and sour stomach. logically i know that things are okay; maybe not great or fantastic, but that i'm not that much worse off than anybody else and that i have a place to live and a job and a car and things are going to work themselves out. it's just hard to convince my mis-firing brain that this is true. dear seratonin, why you got to be such a bitch?