it's october!

my favorite month of the year. i also just realized today that i haven't changed my calendar since august, so i might want to get going with that. today i baked skull shaped cookies with a cookie dough recipe i did not love (too flakey and hard to work with). the cookies themselves are okay, but nothing spectacular. i blocked the front and back of my sweater, sewed in all the loose annoying ends on one sleeve and am only a few inches away from finishing the last sleeve. i dread sewing it all together, but am thrilled to have gotten this far in a project this big. i'm already looking for my next sweater to knit. my wrist is itchy and hurty at the same time, which i think is a first for me. most of my tattoos are one or the other at any given point in time, not both. to be honest, though, i thought the guy was going kind of deep. pervs, shut up. i think it's time to invest in a bike, because after a week of walking around i felt totally sluggy today just hanging out. i have a feeling if i get a bike i will ride it if i tell myself i'm riding out to areas to take photos. if i mix the photos in, maybe it will feel more worthwhile to me, and less like excercise, the very word making me break out in hives. i should have split this up into more than one paragraph, but the grammar nazi is on break and you are stuck reading one never-ending paragraph! distinct thoughts be damned! also, the little asian market i found in denver might not be as fabulous as uwajimaya, but i miss it already. time for the venture brothers, which i can't understand why dave doesn't like. it's great. dave, try it again. maybe you'll grow to like it.

i'm home!

i'm also totally tired. i spent the past week in the most boring training on earth, surrounded by idiots who wouldn't shut up, and when that was over i walked all over the city. last night my roommate's and i went out on the town, and i have to say, that week i spent walking all over totally came in handy. i feel so much more comfortable in denver, and it was good to remind myself of the things i love about city life. the next time i move, i'm moving into a much more urban area. of course, i say this now but the next time i move (this december, when the lease is up) i'll be moving into a smaller town than the one we live in now. of course, i'll also be that much closer to denver, so yay! the move after that it totally going to be into the city. some city, any city. coming home sore from all the walking, with a camera full of photos, is something i love more than i realized. i took a lot of photos, and whittled it down to a nice little set you can see over here.

my tattoo is scabbing up hugely, it's beginning to itch rather than sting, and i still have half a sleeve left to finish on my sweater. i thought i'd get it done this week, but getting the tattoo took two days out of my schedule, what with my wrist being all gooey and hurty.

kinkos!

remember when i worked for kinko's? and i was mean and unhappy and wearing a lot of polyester? you might think this means i hate finko's now, but on the contrary, I FUCKING LOVE KINKO'S. i might not want to work here ever again, but they're in every town, they have computers you can log into with a credit card, and seeing my blog again is refreshing. whew. of course, because i'm paying per minute, don't expect spell check or anything fancy or well-thought out. what you see, is what you get, kids.

this week in denver has been alternately boring and extra-fun. i'm taking notes in a real journal that i'll scan and paste when i get home, but for now here are a few thoughts about today:

1. there's this one loud girl who absolutely, positively, must say something (anything!) everytime the instructor takes a breath or otherwise pauses. she answers every fucking question, she has to tell us her every experience, she has to remind us ad nauseum that she's a latina and how that relates to the subject, blah blah BLAH. i want to kill this girl. not with kindness, but with a solid blow to the head with something heavy.
2. i'm the oldest one in the class. this is not a surprise to me.
3. modern art makes me feel better about the world.
4. google mobile maps for your cell phone is amazing and wonderful.
5. my cell phone is a lot handier than i ever imagined.
6. i'll be glad to go home and bake some cookies and see my kitten-face and catch up with the thousands of blogs i'm missing right now.
7. also, go ahead and comment! dude, i can check my email through gmail, and it makes me feel a lot less bored. do it. you know you want to!

miss you! love you lots! wish you were here!

i'm a star!

maybe i shouldn't be left alone in a strange city, because today after training i walked a few blocks away and got a tattoo. a nautical star on my left wrist, blue. it's cute, it stings a little, and it's mine! next up on my tattoo wish list is my beehive.

time

yesterday i was 20 mins late, today i'm 20 mins early. I CAN'T WIN.

where's my razor?

nothing makes me feel older or crabbier than being trapped in a conference room full of 20 yr olds who won't shut up. also, i miss my computer! i'm having flickr withdrawls!

on-ramp

my hotel is ghetto-fabulous, emphasis on the ghetto. i'm equidistant from a gas station & the freeway. next to a diner, which i can't wait to try. crappy hotels aren't as much fun solomente.

sayonara!

i'm off to denver for five whole days of new-hire training. after eight months at work i was not only hired, given free cell phone service and new snazzy twin-set to wear at work, but i also get to get trained all over again! the joy of it! i might actually die of boredom!

the good news is that i get to stay at a hotel down in denver for a week, where i plan to finish my sweater (only one sleeve left, then blocking and sewing to go!), watch cable tv, take long baths, and eat out. i'm staying one extra night in town as well, and the roommate and some friends are going to come down and go out with me. i'm also going to try to hit the DAM and find a hom bao. i will not have a computer with me while i'm there, but i might try posting with my cell phone. expect short posts because i have fat fingers.

now i have to pack, which is undoubtably my least-favorite part of travelling.

also, i went out last night with my roommates and came closer to actually talking to a real-life boy than i have in months. it was a step in the right direction. i missed out on the kraken movie (it was hard to leave that behind, trust me) but i figured i could catch in re-runs and that my chances of meeting a boy were better if i actually left my house. you know, it has something to do with math (the amount boys out there versus the amount in my living room). it's been forever since i did something like date or flirt, so i'm easing back into it slowly, and dorkily. i'm pretty sure i made finger-guns at a guy. finger guns. dude! i rule! although to be fair, he was looking at me and he did shoot back.

magic bullet

ha! i underestimated how tired i was from the other night's boxed-wine debacle. i came home from work last night, watched about five and a half minutes of tv, then decided what i really wanted was to read (nap) and the next thing i knew it was 11 at night. i stayed up for a while after that, watching yet another infomercial about the magic bullet, which i'm sorry to say i have to have, before falling back asleep around 1. for those of you counting, that makes two whole hours i was actually awake and conscious last night. the rest was all sleepy good times.

i would feel worse about it if that nap hadn't been so good and if fallling asleep after it wasn't so easy.

folly

the thing about boxed wine is that it doesn't feel like drinking wine. it's more like juice that ends up making you feel sort of silly. it's cold, it's sweet, it goes down easy. then you wake up with cotton where your brains should be and a bit of a tummyache.

i ate a breakfast burrito this morning in an attempt to soothe my fussy guts, but i don't know if it's working. i'm also drinking a soda with breakfast. it's too early to be at work, but i am. if you come by the store, please speak softly. at least for a while.

verbatim

me: hi! what's up.
sister: i'm making a gin & tonic, what are you doing?
me: drinking boxed wine out of a mug.
sister: excellent. i'm making the gin & tonic in a jar. oooh, that's a lot of gin.
me: there's a lot of wine in my mug.
sister: i miss you.
me: i miss you too.

my sister and i have been having cocktails over the phone for years now, since we've been separated by states. however, the amount of over-the-phone cocktails has decreased significantly since she got knocked up and had a baby. hearing her on the phone a little bit tipsy, like me, is a welcome change. it's not that we can't talk while sober or anything, but i admit we have the most fun and retarded conversations after a few drinks. i love my people. bentley's RULE! you drool. well, at least when you sleep.

*also, we decided while having this conversation that this year for christmas we would be buying each other copies of arrested development on dvd. that way we both get what we want. which is a lot of the bluth's!

lazy

i don't know if there is anything i like more than boxed wine in a mug. the end.

baby cakes

we all still call her "baby" or "that baby," even though she's almost eight month old. first we all just called her "baby" because my sister changed her name so many times that when she settled on margaret none of us were used to it. then we started calling her "that baby" because that's what i called my sister until she was almost one. maybe when she's less like a baby and more like a small person we'll all switch over to maggie, but for now i like that she's still the baby. at the same time, every day she's more like her own person. when i talk to my sister on the phone i can hear her in the background, talking her baby talk, making noises, shrieking with glee when the cat walks into the room. my sister always puts her on the phone for a minute to, and i just talk to her, saying, "hi baby!" and "maggie" and i can hear her baby breathing and sometimes giggling. my sister says she wants her to know me and wants her to get comfortable with the phone, and that even though she doesn't say anything yet she always smiles when i talk to her. i think it's more the novelty of hearing her name on the funny, blinky thing that's mom's than her thinking "this is my cool auntie" but i like it anyhow. it pleases me immensely, her baby breathing on the phone.

i got my ticket to california for thanksgiving, even though i haven't *technically* been given the time off. mom found a cheap ticket and insisted on just buying it, and we figured if we needed to change the flight out or return that would be easy enough to arrange. i'm really excited. my sister's been calling every day since we got the tickets, and tonight she called to ask what sorts of things i wanted to eat while i was there. this is something mom used to always do whenever my sister and i came home for the weekend from college. you'd get a random call and she'd be on the other end saying, "you like goat cheese, right? how do you feel about gouda? would you eat a lamb roast or should i get beef?" i loved that. what i love even more is that evidently it's a habit mom's passed on to us, because i got to ask my sister to make popovers and teach me how to make a brioche. all my requests were made after i pointed out that i didn't care, that what i really wanted was to chew on my niece's cheeks and take a million photos of her. if we had time for dinner after that, then yay! what i really want though is to nibble on that baby.

well, and that and visit giant robot, chinatown, and kid robot. i also really want to see my people and sleep in late. and maybe ask mom really nicely if she'll make sticky buns. but mostly it's all about that baby.

really, i'd make a good housewife

except for the whole cleaning thing, that is. i like the baking and knitting and reading books to kids. that's the bulk of it, right? fall always makes me feel this way; i start nesting and cooking a lot. part of it this year is that summer was so hot, the cool of the fall makes being in the kitchen not so unbearable. plus, i love making anything involving pumpkins. today i'm doing some more baking, some knitting, and putting stuff in the mail. i'm telling you, i could do this every day.

last night i was watching dirty jobs with my roommate and we spent a good amount of time talking about how hot mike rowe is. i'm not talking a few moment of idle chatter, i'm talking a serious conversation about all the ways he is hot. he's not amazingly handsome or pretty, like say, keanu reeves or brad pitt, but he exudes this manly-manliness that is totally intoxicating. i might have to put him on my list.

mr. man of my dreams did not come back into the store yesterday. although i think i may have talked to him on the phone, and i think i made him laugh. the chances of us actually going out on something like a date or impossibly slim, but i have to say this little crush is pretty fun. it's nice to know that there's a cute, funny man out there. it's gives me hope that there might be another one somewhere in colorado. let's hope finding him isn't too much like a needle in a haystack. (does that make me sound too pathetic? i worried about whether or not to leave it in but decided to. i'm not totally boy-crazy, or desperate for a boyfriend, but i like the idea of having one, and to be honest, it's been on my mind. now you get to read about it. sucks to be you!)

cheesy

i totally met the man of my dreams today. actually, i met him a few days ago. he's cute, sort of nerdy, wears these cute glasses, and i think i maybe made him blush tonight. yes, he's a customer, because work is the only place on earth i meet men. seriously. also, i'm going to say this out loud: i kind of want a boyfriend. not just a boyfriend for the sake of having one (those are easy to get) but i'd like to meet a boy i like and want to hang out with and get to make-out with too. i miss going to the movies, having someone to call up and say, "hey, i saw this cool thing in the paper, want to go ____?" so if mr. man of my dreams comes into work again, maybe i'll try being bold and saying something to him. after all, this silent-treatment thing i go for isn't exactly working.

i know, cheesy. what's more cheesy are those pretty noodles pictured above. this weekend i tried my hand at making honest-to-goodness cheese sauce from scratch. it wasn't ar hard as i thought it would be, and even though my sauce needs some work, it was ridiculously good. i carbo-loaded and napped and was very pleased.
speaking of pleasing (god, my segues rule!), i found episodes of arrested development on some channel i'd never even heard of before, G4. i love love love arrested development, and while it's in my netflix queue as we speak, it's nice to tune in at night. it makes my rage seem smaller. in fact, tonight i feel downright chipper. what the hell? being a woman is fascination, frustrating business, yo.

i hate my job

i know, you're surprised, right? they want me to work tomorrow, even though i had that day off. mondays suck at work, suck more than they do anyplace else, because for some reasons only jerks come in on monday. i know this because i work basically EVERY MONDAY EVER. i agreed to it, on the condition i get the three days off before thanksgiving. they aren't technically allowed to give it to me as vacation, because it's "blackout" but i don't give a shit. i am the only person in that store who doesn't have family in the state. the only one. i think they can spare me. it's been a year since i saw my people, and they'll all be at my sister's in california, and honestly, if they don't give me this vacation i'm fully prepared to sell my car and all my stuff, quit my job, and get the fuck out of here.

i'm sure part of my rage is hormonal, part of it is just the grind of working a job where you're basically expected to check all feelings of human dignity in the overheard compartment, and part of it is just that i miss my family. i don't even hate colorado anymore, it's not that, i just miss my people. i just want a few days with them to hang out and goof around, to meet the cutest niece in the world, and to eat all the delicious things my sister and mom cook. is that too much to ask for?

**this weeks rageful outburst fueled by hormones and not enough sleep**

boozy

i don't want everyone thinking i'm some sort of boozy broad, but i have really been enjoying coming home to extra-cold beers this past week. normally we don't actually keep a lot of beer in the house (we have a small fridge and generally come home to cocktails, when we come home to drinks) but when we went to breckenridge i bought a 24 can pack of bud light. now we have a lot of beer in the house. or rather, we used to. coming home to a nice cold beer, a cat happy to see me, and taking off my uniform is like a comforting mr. roger's ritual for me right now. although at this moment i'm a little more itchy, i'm thinking, "it's friday, and only 6:30. let's go somewhere and do something." i know, it's a brilliant plan, i just need someone to execute it with me.

you should live closer to me.

things i am totally loving right now

1. rain! we don't get enough of it here. more, please.
   
2. pumpkin anything. bread, pie, lattes...on that note, i really wish i could go home just for a long weekend to pick pumpkins with the o'neal family. last year that was one of my favorite parts of fall; the fun ride out, the apple cider, the pumpkin throwing and the picking. tiernan was really into clean last year, and i think his favorite part was using the well pumps and giant brushes to wash off the pumpkins. we did that for quite a while.
   
3. adult swim on line. if you go the "fix" section of the site, you can actually watch cartoons commercial free. that means at lunch at work i turn on a little aqua teen hunger force, the venture brothers or metalacolypse. it's like not being at work for up to 22 mins straight.
   
4. having firefox back. oh man, that internet explorer is not so fun.
   
5. finishing knitting projects. i'm pretty sure not much else makes me feel so accomplished. especially since for a long time i was almost incapable of it. now, i'm like a rock star. (albeit a very librarian-looking one.)
   

work hijinx

they are making our cell phone store a repair facility. because of that, we've been getting boxes and boxes of supplies all week long. today we finally got the back room organized enough to start sorting through it, and i found a giant bag of finger cots*.
FINGER COTS. could any work supply be more fun? i suppose post-its are infinitely more versatile as far as work doodles go, but finger cots you get to wear. or pose! and they are freaky looking and feeling! therefore, they are my new favorite thing about going to work. i spent this afternoon with one of my co-workers drawing these guys and cracking each other up. we did the finger mustache thing, we gave the puppets funny voices, we goofed for a good, long time. it was great fun. although we didn't get much done as far as work went. i want to do a whole little series i will call "finger cot theater."

i also got my new uniform today, and it's infinitely cuter than my last one. it's actually a little twin-set, a cute shirt and cardigan combo. it fits well, and makes me feel a hell of a lot more attractive than that giant polo i've been wearing for months. i wish it had come in yesterday, when my current customer-crush came in. dammit.

*dude, that whole web site is all about finger cots. that freaks me out a little.

i came right home to a beer

i'm not suggesting to anyone out there at all that alcohol is a good way of dealing with stress, but um, somtimes a beer after work makes me feel like life might indeed be worth living. i just get so sick and tired of dealing with whiny bitches all day. that's essentially all i ever see: people who are fussy and mad and whiny and can't possibly live without cell phone service for the next thirty minutes. i want to point out to them all that you can't live without your liver that long, or your heart, or oxygen, but a cell phone? yes, you can live without it. the world will keep on spinning, and you'll still be an insufferable asshole when all is said and done.

hmmm. i wonder if my period is going to show up soon or if i'm just full of rage because it's fun?

i hope this isn't too horribly narcissistic

this is the photo:

and this is the bio:

When I was about 7 years old my mom taught me how to embroider. An extremely gifted embroiderer, she taught me everything I know about the craft and art of embroidery. As I got older and my ideas about what it means to be a woman and feminism got more specific, so did my embroidery. I feel that embroidery is often relegated unfairly to the world of crafts and not taken seriously as an art form. For me, embroidery is more than just making something prettier; it can be a fully functional piece of art that reflects more accurately the role of women today. I strive to make all of my work surprising, interesting, practical, and above all to challenge the way people think about the traditional arts. For a more detailed look at my work, please visit [website goes here.]

my sister wrote it, don't get too excited. she's way smarter than i am, and after spending all day trying not to sound like a total dork i finally sent her an email that said, "write my bio, i'll give you $5, cash money." good thing she will work for cheap. doesn't that make me sound all smart without also sounding like a pretentious ass? i mean, i hate to admit that i take my work that seriously, for fear of coming off like one of those art school students who spends too much time composing answers to interviews they think they'll have someday, but i do what i do for a reason. sometimes it's just that it cracks me up, but a lot of the time i am actually striving to make things that make people stop and think for a second. i don't need them to re-evaluate how they think about women and so-called women's work, but if they stop for a sec and go, "huh, i wouldn't have thought of that," then i'm happy.

but right now i'm tired and i think futurama is on. why am i here when i could be in bed in my still-warm-from-the-dryer pjs? jeez.

sometimes i just want to be a housewife

or maybe days like today where all i do is cook and clean and knit are just proof that i was a housewife in another life. most of the time i'm pretty happy with my haphazard spinster life, but days like today when i get to do fun domestic stuff all day make the whole happy homemaker thing pretty damn appealing.

that is a macro view of my mom's famous pumpkin bread recipe. i would post the recipe here, but it's top secret. if i were to post it on the internets where just anyone could find it, my mom would have an aneurysm. therefore, if you want it, you have to email me. i'll send it to you, but if you tell my mom about it you will be dead to me.
look! i did indeed finish the first sleeve of my sweater. i would have been done with it, oh, about a week ago if i hadn't made such an amateur mistake the first go-round. i was almost done with it last night, but i admit i got tired early and that was the end of me. i finished this today, and got about five inches into the body of the back of the sweater. i'm hoping by the time the fall bite is really in the air i'll have a new sweater to wear.

i think i have the photo situation figured out. i found out that the pictures themselves are going to be about 1x1 inch squares, so that helps a lot. no one will be able to see my pimples without a magnifying glass, whoo! i had this great idea for a bio too, then i sent it to my sister and she and her stupid english degree kind of tore it down. in a nice, loving way, sure--but she thinks it sucks so now i'm back to working on that again. i will get this done, tonight, if it kills me. i will also make my bed with new clean sheets, which is always an annoying task but also rewarding. it's still early, and i have more to do before i get to go to bed and do some more knitting.

i'm little betty homemaker

i baked two loaves of zucchini bread today! two beautiful loaves, one for home, one for the kids at work. i found the recipe over at allrecipes.com, and i have to say i really like it. it's pretty basic, but extra delicious. although instead of walnuts like they specified, i used pecans. mainly because i think walnuts can be sort of bitter but pecans are always great. that and there were no walnuts in the bulk section of the grocery store. tomorrow i'm making my mom's famous pumpkin bread. more happy homemaker photos to follow.

i've spent entirely too much time tonight trying to take a photo of myself that i like and doesn't suck. dude, my chin is fat. oh, and there's the acne to argue with too. this is a very important photo, dammit, and it has to look good enough that when i see it a few years from now i won't be too horribly embarassed. i promise to tell you all about why i'm taking this photo tomorrow.

or i guess i could just tell you know. i was approached in june by a very nice lady about contributing an embroidery pattern to a book that's coming out next year. i wasn't sure if i should do it, but after talking to my friends and family i said yes, and it turned out to be a super fun project to work on. (that and my mom is beyond stoked to see my name in print, and not in a police-blotter kind of way.) i got to make the stuff for the photos, write out the pattern, and now all that's left to do is take a half-way decent photo of myself and write a short bio. the photo part is sort of freaking me out. where's dan when i need him to make me look fabulous? when did my face get so huge? i know it's shallow, but i hate this part of the project most. writing the bio is fun, though. it's just weird knowing that after the book comes out that photo will be all the people see of me, and i don't want any of the chumps i went to high school with seeing it and snickering about how retarded i look. hello, neurosis.

also, i got so irriated with firefox the other night i uninstalled it. i lost all my links, which is a mild irritant (i use bloglines for just about everything i can, so it's not a big loss), but now i'm using internet explorer again and while it's less annoying than the present version of firefox, i hate it too. i need an internet browser that doesn't suck. suggestions?

remember the "suck it" story?

i kind of lost it at work today with some customers. i don't know why exactly those two people made me mad, out of all the jerks i deal with on a daily basis, they were actually not all that jerky. it was a couple, a father and daughter deal, who came in complaining that they'd had a phone for over a year, it never worked, and they wanted me to replace it. um, okay. why didn't anyone come in when they got the phone to point out that it didn't work? why wait almost a year and a half to come in demanding a new phone? it's not even a phone we sell anymore (anyone who's ever had anything to do with cell phones or cell phone service knows that a year is a hell of a long time in the cellular world. new phones come out all the damn time, and if those phones suck, they don't last very long either.), and how was i to know they weren't yanking my chain? why should i be responsible for a bunch of assclowns who not only bought, but paid for service on, a phone that they claim never-ever-ever worked? if they had come in and been nice about it, if the father hadn't immediately raised his voice to a level that was highly inappropriate indoors, i might have tried to hook them up. but once anyone hits a certain decibel level, i shut all the way down. in the end i kept my tongue and simply said, "i'm not having this conversation anymore. as a customer you have a certain responsibility to deal with phone issues in a timely manner. i've told you what i can and can't do for you, here's my card with my name, call customer care, call my boss, call anyone you want to complain about me. i'm done with this." the pop stuttered and stammered and tried to get in one more jab, but i said, "no, i'm done, you can go now." the daughter chimed in with an "i'm very disappointed that your customer care is awful and you don't want to help us," and i told her the same thing, "done, there's the door."

then of course i had to draft a long-ass email to my boss saying, "hi, i probably should have given them ten more minutes to yell and get really irate before asking them to leave, but something about them seriously irritated me and i just had to end the situation before i acted seriously jerky." he doesn't know about the "suck it" incident, and he doesn't need to. i'd say 89% of the time i'm perfectly fine with customers. i'm infinitely more patient, i'm a hell of a lot more pleasant, and i do indeed keep quiet when i want to shout obscenities, but there are some people who just get me in a soft spot. once they've gone there with me, i can't back down, i can't think straight, i can hardly stop from going all hulk on them and freaking out. the crazy part of me, the part of me that think that no job is worth totally suppressing my dignity (slight as it might be), the part of me that actually told an old lady once she could "shove it up your ass," is always there. loudmouth amanda is right under the surface of good customer service amanda, and while she doesn't come out often, it's only because i try to beat her into submission.

at the end of the day there's a line i won't cross for money, no matter how much i need it. it's petty and immature and ridiculous, seeing as i'm a slacker loser, but it's what i have. my parents hate it about me, and know they raised me like that. it's not that i'm full of my own self-import, it's that i think no one should be treated like shit because someone gives them money, because the rent hangs in the balance and i get tired of peanut butter sandwiches. while i did get a little irrational and shrill this afternoon, i did not tell anyone they could suck it, i didn't not storm out of work, and i did apologize to my boss before he even knew what i was apologizing for. it's a small step in the right direction as far as growing up goes, but it's a step nonetheless.

i hate the new firefox

i'm not afraid to say it, either. i don't know why i downloaded this version, especially while it's still in beta, because it s-u-c-k-s. for those of you who actually know shit about computers and modifying programs to suit your needs, i'm sure you love it. for dopes like me who like to download, extract and run things that work right away, this program is frustrating. for one thing, i don't like tabs and they show up immediately. i'm still missing my scroll bars, which is also seriously irritating, and whenever i open my browser i get this annoying message asking me if i want to look for a compatible google bar or tool or something, which i don't get because i can see my google bar up there right now. what does it mean it's not installed? i know i can fix these things, but i don't want to. i just want it to work, dammit, like it did before. can i just re-download the older version? i'm going to go look into that now.

in other dork-tastic news, i found out one of my co-workers loves* buffy and angel more than i do, and has, in fact, both sets of series in his possession. he's been doling them out, in order, to me the last few weeks and now i get to watch vampire-slaying-goodness every night before bed. me and the cat and my headphones are very happy.

and as a last testament to my own nerdy self, i just ordered this shirt. it's the second one down, the green one. i love it. it's on pre-order right now, meaning you can only order it until this sunday. which i highly recommend you DO. let's get all the kids we know to order them and then wear them around our fundamentalist, evolution-hating friends and family. it'll be a riot!

*he might not actually love the shows more than me, but he's certainly more dedicated to them. i have to say, when i found out that we both loved everything joss whedon's ever touched, i was so happy. marnie was the only other person i knew before now who understood how great buffy and angel are, and i missed that. now everyone at work knows our dirty little secret, and they try to make fun of us for being dorks, but together we are invincible. or at least, not nearly as embarassed to say out loud that we love vampire slayers and their undead-soul-mates.

OMG!

it is terribly shallow to admit that i squealed with glee this morning at the news that paris "it burns when i pee" hilton was arrested on a dui? because i was thrilled. oh my god, i hate that girl. i have no idea why she's famous. she's not even an interesting whore, she's just vapid and slutty.

lately i've been mainlining the pop culture, which i'm pretty sure isn't great for me. last night i dreamt i had to wear mischa barton's awful shorts, all while the pussycat doll's song "don't cha" was on. do i need to point out that i despise both mischa and those pusscat dolls? because i do. i'm sort of sick of women only being famous for being skanks. you can be a talentless, jerkface, idiot, but if you are hot no one will care. thinking about it is making me bitter, so i give up now.

there is a good chance i'm going to get sick this week so i might end up bitching about it here. two kids at work are super sick, and we work in a small office where we like to pass the germy goodness around. i'm drinking a lot of emergen-c, going to bed early, washing my hands all the time and trying to avoid the plague.

must go on!

see those balls of yarn in the upper right corner? they were the first sleeve of my sweater originally. you know, the sleeve i knit after reading the directions wrong. i ripped out approximately fifteen inches, irritated but grateful that i used thick yarn and fat needles. it's easier to reknit a sweater this way.

today i got a lot done at work. i signed up for benefits (yes!), ordered new business cards (just as hokey as the last ones), some fancy stationary (which i will then steal from work and use to write letters), and also ordered new work shirts. the ones i have now are so ridiculously lame. not only are they all faded and crappy looking, but they're a million sizes too big because i overestimated my girth at the time i ordered them. these shirts are going to fit, dammit.

being hired on as a real employee is good because of all the stuff mentioned above, but now i actually have to give a shit about commissions, which gives me the willies. i have to suddenly worry about making quota, combing my hair on a regular basis, and being extra nice to jerks that right now i barely tolerate. if i've said it once, i've said it a million times: i don't want to kill them with kindness, i want to use a good old-fashioned shiv. it doesn't feel real yet, and it also sort of cramps my i-want-to-move plans. i'm not going to bore you with my pro and con list right now, suffice to say it's being made on just about a round-the-clock basis.

the best news of all, though, is this delightful book my nephew sent me. it's an alphabet book that's all about day of the dead. i wish i could be there to read it to him and carve pumpkins!

teeny trip recap

breckenridge is very, very, very high up. the altitude made wine taste better, but also made my skin extra dry and the inside of my nose like sandpaper. it was a nice trip. i had the most beautiful roasted shank of lamb with wild mushrooms and a boursin risotto. i fell down really hard on a crack in the sidewalk and messed up my ankle. i realized this morning that i read the sleeve portion of my sweater pattern wrong and guess what had to be taken ou? vacations in general are always fun, and always tiring. i'm going to eat some cheese and watch some tv and get ready for work tomorrow.

cellular

up high in the mountains! roughing it by writing this on my cell phone. hooray for technology! and big dinners and buying tourist t-shirts and knitting AND having one more day off.

not only am i NOT packed, but i had one too many beers

now i don't feel like packing at all. i'm looking at my stuff thinking, "eh, whatever." what i should be doing is sorting things into nice piles, the "daytime looks" pile on one end of the bed, the "i'd like to make-out looks" on the other. in the middle the "hey, i'm asleep" look. oh, and my sweater needs to be packed. the whole point of this weekend, aside from maybe tipsy snogging in a corner, is getting more of my sweater done. i can't tell if i'm just becoming more into knitting and that's why it's on my list with tonsil-hockey, or if i'm slipping more into spinsterhood. you tell me.

i just watched brick. when i tell you a movie is totally fucking amazing, you should realize i don't say it often. this was one fo the few "holy shit" movies i've seen in years. if you hate noir, or a lot of talk, don't rent it. if you like both, then do, but watch it with the subtitles. the dialogue is too good to miss. i'm telling you, watching that movie was amazing. when i can't knit a movie is so engrossing, then you know it's good. i was completely sucked in, in the most wonderful way.

also, i sucessfully painted my toenails red, worked on more of my freddy sleeves, and make the cat supremely annoyed when i taunted her with my knitting needles. you might think i live a boring live, but ahem, i don't.

(the title goes here)

progress on my sweater is slow and steady. actually, it's sort of more like 45 miles per hour since i'm using big needles and a chubby yarn. i'm almost done with my first sleeve, and i did get the front (or back) done. it might end up being either, since you work both the same way. i love the red and black together, although last night i realized i'm making a sweater with freddy krueger's sleeves. dammit. i wonder if i'll ever be able to look at it or wear it without thinking of him?

my shoes showed up. like most pairs of converse i own now, they are a little too big. i hate the lack of half-sizes! they used to be a lot easier to find in cons. they are extra cute though, and i can't wait to wear them everywhere.

i'm going up to breckenridge this weekend. i actually got sunday and monday off, so tomorrow night after work i'll drive up and meet my roommates. i haven't been into the mountains really since i drove through them with dave. it will be a fun little trip. i should be packing for it now, though, since i work early tomorrow so i could get out of town at a reasonable time. (girly note: today while out running errands i found the absolute cutest top on earth. it's both kind of slutty and perfectly reasonable, and it makes me look hot with two T's. watch out boys of colorado, i might be fiesty this weekend.)

hmmm...i have a million things i want to tell you but there are a million things here i need to be doing. when i get home monday i'll fill you in on all the gory details. topics may or may not include; actually getting hired at work, baby cutting her first tooth, re-discovering dr. katz, being able to wear a size L now rather than XL, that funky cramp in my hand and my efforts to thwart it, kvetching about moving home and how fall in colorado really is ridiculously lovely. the air's been all crisp and delicious, the rain is coming back, and the kitten and i are spending ridiculous amount of time on the couch drinking tea. well, i drink the tea while she just sheds all over me. good times.

painfully exciting

i went looking on-line last night for a new pair of low top chucks. you know, the ones me and every other hipster has been wearing since high school. in fact, i think the pair i have now i actually bought right after high school. personally, i like to wear them with a dress or skirt, because i look extra-cute in them that way. i'm digressing. i did some looking, found my shoes, and then was browsing the other converse shoes when i happened upon these beauties. they are just like my classic low-top chucks, but they are leather, with velcro straps. i nearly had a heart attack i was so excited. look at them! are they not gorgeous? don't they scream my name? even though they weren't available in my exact size (i have small feet that come in a half size, when not all men's/boy's shoes come in half sizes), i'm used to wearing my chucks a half size too big or small, plus you always have to stick an insole them to begin with. lucky for me (unlucky for my checking account) a certain on-line shoe store has a credit card of mine on file. in short, five minutes after seeing these lovelies they were ordered and now all i have to do is wait. that's the exciting part.

the painful part is my left hand. i think i'm knitting too much, typing too much, and that that weird undiagnosed hand thing might actually be something i need to have looked at. my hands new favorite trick is to spazz out, seize up, and/or go numb. one of my roommates thinks it might be carpal tunnel, but i've never heard of it presenting in the hand as a weird, painful crease. although i do have tingling as well as decreased gripping ability. i can't hold anything with my left hand if i grip it like an "o" for long, i have to put my thumb on the same side as my fingers, making a "c" instead. i might be wrong, though, and this could be carpal tunnel. my mom had carpal tunnel so bad she actually had to have surgery to correct it. she was all frakenstein-y for weeks and pop had to help her get dressed and stuff for a while, but she's much better now. i don't know, i could self-diagnose myself from here to next week, but the point is my hand hurts and i can't wait to have health insurance. once i get it i'm staying in town long enough to see a whole lot of doctors. i want to see an eye doctor, a hand doctor, someone about my back and my bum knee and maybe a real shrink. oh, and a dermataologist and dentist. it's going to rule.

also, that whole john mark karr bullshit? he's extra freaky for sure, and i admit i was sort of fascinated by the whole thing in a way that made me feel guilty as well as creeped out, but we all knew it wasn't him. he's too batshit crazy for that, although i do think he's been messing with little girls for way too long and i'm glad they've at least got him for that. it just all seemed too easy, too strange, and oddly convenient. i know there's no proof of it, but i've always thought the killer was more close to home, and that once we found out who it was it would be even worse because of that.

sadness and stupidness

it monsooned the other day here. of course the second the rain started coming down hard, the cat decided she needed to go outside. i thought she'd hang out under the overhang watching the rain and staying dry, but she disappeared for over and hour. there was a massive amount of lightening and thunder, and i was sort of worried. i mean, what if the cat got hit by lightening? that would make me a collossal jerk for letting her out in the first place. she came inside happy and soaking wet later, let me rub her down with a towel, then insisted on getting me all wet by sitting in my lap and licking herself clean. such a strange little creature.
i enjoy lambics. this was the first time i had the cherry, and it was lovely. nothing like a nice fruity beer while a girl gets some knitting done.
then! the saddest news of the week, that sweater i'm making had to be frogged. the whole ten inches, ripped out and started over again. goddamn. i made a very amatuer mistake, using the wrong size needles for the body. when i realized what i'd done i spent some time measuring the piece, trying to figure out if it would fit the way it was, trying to convince myself i could forge ahead and everything would be fine, but in the end i realized it was going to have to be ripped out. i'm not going to spend upwards of $100 and countless hours working on a sweater that doesn't fit and makes me sad to look at. ripping it all out was sad at the time, but it's a temporary sort of sadness. once the sweater is done and lovely and my favorite thing to curl up in i'll think aobut the frogging and be glad i did it. i hope!

last night a boy i sort of know harassed me all night long about making him a sweater like the one has now and loves, but i told him over and over again NO. all knitters know that you only make sweaters for people you are married to or are related to. sweaters are a big deal, they are work and stress and the ultimate sign of "hey, i like you." some boy i kind of know is not getting a sweater from me. "but i'll buy the yarn!" um, no. you can't give me back the hours it will take to make it, and plus, you haven't bought me a big, shiny ring. you aren't my cousin, my kid, or a sibling. you do not qualify for a sweater. the end!

dumb question

i'm up too late (have to work early tomorrow and i admit i'm sleepy) trying to figure out why when i downloaded the latest firefox i lost my scroll bar. i can't scroll from side to side on pages that are wide. i also can't zoom to the bottom or tops of pages that are very long. this annoys me to no end. can you help me? did i download it wrong? is there somewhere i can go to fix it? i tried edit and view and tools, and haven't found anything. i'm feeling dorky for being irritated by this, and even dorkier for not being able to figure it out.

favorite part of tonight: saying to my roommate, "we only had two beers" and having her say back, "yeah, but it was 42 oz of beer." math!

i melted

today was a really hot day. not so hot that i burst into flames, but almost.

i had to work at an outdoor event all day, on campus, and it was the hottest day of the week. naturally. had to get up at the crack of dawn (i was at work at 7 in the morning, which for me is early), haul a ton of stuff that we didn't sell up what felt like a million flights of stairs, and then we sat there. after that, we sat there some more, and then finished up the day with some sitting. it was beyond boring, but i did do some reading, and almost finished the very last mitten that's currently on my schedule. i would have gotten it done, but i have this weird muscle-cramp in my left hand that decided to act up today. once i get health insurance, the first thing i'm doing is seeing a doctor about that hand because since december there's been this bizarro crease in it and i can't open it up all the way without huge pain. oh wait, i was complaining about my incredibly hot and boring day. um yeah, so my hand hurts, i'm tired of being sweaty, and spending all day tomorrow in an air-conditioned store actually sounds kind of fun right now.

my ebay auctions ended today, and i earned about what i wanted. if i had made $20 more i would have been happier, but i almost made half of what i spent on the yarn for my new sweater, which showed up today! it was such a small little box i almost had a heart attack. the balls of yarn looked so teeny, i immediatedly freaked out that it won't be enough for an actual sweater that will fit my chubby body. of course the only way to make myself feel better was to start knitting right away so i could see how it knitted up. hurty hand be damned! i only got a few inches of the front (or back, they're the same) done, but already i feel like it's going to fit just fine, and i'm excited about making my very first sweater.

excited, sweaty, tired and hey! futurama just came on. must be time for bed.

dude, those are my boobs

more importantly, that's my new brothers and sisters shirt! the show last night was great, i was really happy i went out. hangover be damned! having a red beer when i got there helped, too.

seeing dave made me really happy. the place the show was at, the hi-dive, was pretty cool. not too divey, not too pretentious, just right. i got to hear a new song the band recorded while they were in l.a., and i got to see the inside of a real, honest-to-goodness tour bus. it was a good night out. there are some pictures over here.

i'm conflicted about moving right now. on the one hand, i want to go home now. on the other, waiting a few more months means saving more money, not having to worry about getting a new job right away, having more time to get my ducks in a row. on the other hand, who cares about debt when i have a job that's retarded, working for a company who's been yanking my chain about hiring me for months. i could be at home with my people sooner rather than later. i don't know. the people i work with i honestly like, the job itself i'm so-so about, the company is kind of massive and oppressive and i still have to pay through the nose to see a doctor for anything. at this point i'm even thinking about selling my car and just about everything else, packing the rest of it up, shipping it and getting on a plane. i miss my people more than anything, but i made my bed, and there's a certain amount of sucking it up and just dealing with this reasonably that should probably be done.

oy

ahem. i am a bit hung over. however, i did learn last night that riding bikes while tipsy is just about the greatest thing ever. i mean it, it's not just fun, it's like the most fun thing in the whole wide world! i met up with some friends for drinks downtown, and when we were done and ready to go home i got to ride the pegs on kevin's bike. that was fun, but when we got back to the house i took one of the bikes out myself and just rode around the block. it was all quiet and dark and beautiful, and i rode past still houses and parked cars, looking at the stars and getting my hair all messy. it was wonderful. i want to get myself a little beach cruiser so i can ride around town all the time.


i'm going into denver tonight, which should be fun, but it would be more fun if i weren't so tired and my head didn't hurt so much. i took some ibuprofen, and i've been drinking tons of water (and some soda), so i think by the time i have to leave i'll be fine. i have an hour and a half to get it together, wish me luck.

not exactly milk and cookies

but it is beer and cookies. a co-worker is having a birthday barbeque, and so i made her cookies. tollhouse chocolate chip, the greatest cookie recipe of all time. i don't know why anyone bothers to make another chocolate chip recipe, this is the one. baking made me wishful for fall, though. i'm done with the sun and heat, give me a nice cloudy day, leaves changing color, and air that smells like fireplaces.

the list: law & order edition

it wasn't just me that noticed that good old crush vincent d'onofrio wasn't on my official list. this is because i felt like law & order consumes enough of my life as it is, and i didn't want all my slots filled with nothing but good looking television detectives. that's why i'm making the list: law & order edition.

1. detective robert "bobby" goren. weird, smart, neurotic, tall, with slightly curly hair. in short, my dream man. i will also admit that the first boy i ever kissed and the first boy i ever went all the way with were the same way. i don't know if it's just me or all women, but there's this thing about your first that always sticks with you. it's like a weird imprint that you can't quite shake.
   
2. detective elliot stabler. there was this one episode where stabler is talking to his wife at home and he has these teensy aqua bikini briefs on, and i was simultaneously grossed out and totally excited. i mean, if the briefs had been black, i would have been a little upset (because i believe men should only wear boxers), but i could have lived with it. the sheer fact of their bizarro color makes this one of my most shameful secrets: i liked him in teensy manties*. no, i loved him.
   
3. detective reynaldo "ray" curtis. hotness on a stick. that beautiful face, that great hair, that conviction to get the bad guy and the way he worked with lenny all made me fall for him. i wanted to be mrs. detective curtis for a long time.
   
4. detective mike logan. a little bit of a loose cannon, stereotypically fightin' irish kind of guy, i loved his plaid ties almost as much as i loved his hair. um, i think i might have a problem with hair. i've mentioned it a lot already, but i can't help it. hair is very important to me. in any case, logan was all firey and sometimes a total jerkface, but always a solid guy and i dreamt about meeting him in a cop bar and taking him home.
   
5. dr. emil skoda. unlikely choice, i know, given that he has no hair (and that photo of him on imdb is bad) but i've always had a soft spot for skoda. i think it's his deep voice i love, and his sad eyes. i love dr. huang too, but i know he's gay in real life and i've never been one to have a hopeless gay crush.
   

*manties are man-panties, which is what i call anything that isn't a pair of boxer shorts.

a regular post for those of you who don't knit

before my roommate's went camping i found a box of zoo pals cutlery at the store and brought them home, where i snuck them into their cooler before they went. they found them as they were unpacking and cracked up, but then they found an octopus fork. i had no idea it was in there. NO IDEA. if i had known one of the designs was a happy pink octo, i would have taken them all out of the box. thankfully they brought a few home, and i made this one into a magnet for the fridge. it's not enough that this incredibly adorable fork exists, i have to be able to see it all the time as well.

i took the catapus painting off the watercolor paper block this afternoon, so i could paint another picture (of one of these) and found it was the last piece of paper on the block. how could i have not realized that?

done!

well, the knitting part of this blanket is all done. it does still need to be washed and blocked, but i'm happy it's finished. it wasn't the hardest project i've ever undertaken as far as the knitting went (it was a pretty basic pattern) but it did require a lot of paying attention and making sure i took notes as i went along. i am not the kind of knitter who can remember which row she left off on, or memorize patterns easily. that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it did mean i had to get used to carrying around a pencil with my knitting. the end result was totally worth it though; it's a lovely little blankie that is crazy soft and snuggly. plus, it was the first time i tried something like this and realized that with some preparation i could do it. this definitely bolstered my knitting self-esteem.

because i feel sort of guilty about spending big money on yarn, i put up some from my stash on ebay. that's originally how i got started on ebay; buying yarn. it's a great resource for buying and selling yarn, because we all buy yarns that we don't use or are looking for a bargain. sometimes just clearing out your stash is a good feeling too. some yarns hang out forever, constant reminders of a project you never finished, some are leftovers from a project you did finish, and some is just stuff you buy thinking "oh this is pretty i'll find something to do with it" and then never do. i have three yarn baskets, and they are pretty close to full. when they get that way, i get rid of some. it's just that time of year! plus, maybe selling some will defray the cost of my very expensive sweater (which probably isn't that expensive when you think about it, it's just more than i've ever spent on a project). i'm nervous about making that sweater because i have yet to finish a project that big, but i'm sort of sick of smaller projects, and have done really well this past year starting and finishing all my projects. i think i'm ready. wish me luck.

also, if you don't knit or don't care about knitting, this post was kind of crappy, huh? oops.

bye bye, paycheck

i spent $80 tonight on yarn. seriously. why? because i'm absolutely dying to make this sweater, and a thorough internet search found very few sources of the yarn indicated in the pattern. normally this does not bother me since i very rarely actually follow patterns all the way through. i don't remember the last time i actually used the yarn they tell you to in the pattern. however, this yarn i know for a fact to be ridiculously soft and delicious, and please! it's stripey. i was doomed from the start. i also love the boatneck, and while i wanted to do the stripes in red which i found impossible to find, i did secure some nice grey for the stripes. the end result will probably be a bit less mod and a little more goth. i've started one sweater in my entire knitting career, and did not finish it. i think i was too green when i started it, and now i have no desire for a brown cardigan. (the yarn will likely be recycled into another project, hopefully one i will finish.) this will be different i think because i'm getting faster with my knitting, i'm infinitely more patient, and i'm actually better at what i do and feel more comfortable doing it. buying $80 worth of yarn might be a gamble, but i truly love this sweater and want it to be my own.

also, i'm watching no reservations on tv right now and thinking maybe anthony bourdain might need to be on my list. he's smart, he's funny, he's a great writer, has that great thick hair, and knows the value of a well-made cocktail. plus, he just ate sheep stomach like it was no big deal. he could be my boyfriend.

shallow

i'm embarassed to admit this, but the news of chris robinson and kate hudson breaking up makes me sad. it's not like i love either one of them that much, or even know them for christ's sake, but i liked their whole "happy hippy family" vibe. even if "happy hippy" was really more like "insanely wealthy with long hair." they just seemed cute and happy.

nocturnal mole girl

there is something about 11:30 at night that makes me want to clean stuff, fold clothes, make the bed, do a mud mask and pull out the vacuum. it goes totally against my slug-like nature. maybe i'm nocturnal. do you think there's something wrong with me?

i bought some cute yarn today, finished everything but the thumb on a new pair of mittens, picked up some magazines (stupid interweave knits came in a bag this month, making it impossible for me not to buy. i had to know what was in there!) , got all the stuff i've been meaning to mail but avoiding together, and now the venture brothers are on, so i might become less productive. although the past few weeks i've missed big chunks of the venture brothers because they come on at exactly the same time as my instudrious attacks.

last night i stayed up until three because i found the fuse channel and had to watch massive amounts of music videos. i grew up with early mtv, and can't help my deep love of teensy movies set to music. i also discovered another reason to love the raconteurs: their video for steady as she goes. 1: little jack lawrence has a villianous mustache, 2: paul reubens is in it, 3: jack white's incredible cuteness. while watching videos last night i also started thinking about adding danger mouse to my list. i don't have any musicians on there, plus he's super cute, has great hair and judging by his work with the cartoon network, would indulge me in my love of cartoons. then i saw the video for 30 seconds to mars, and realized that jared leto is still pretty, but still strikes me as pretty dumb as well. i hate how in interviews with his band he's always in a unibomber hoodie like we won't recognize him as jordan catalano. sorry, jordan, that's not going to happen. yay for rocking the eyeliner, though! we need more men wearing makeup, as far as i'm concerned.

this is the end

i've had the house to myself for most of the week, with my roommates out camping since tuesday. i haven't done anything super fun or revolutionary while they're gone, outside of making a frozen pizza and waiting a full 24 hours before i wash a dirty dish, but it was a good time anyhow. since tonight is my last night i bought a bottle of sofia and finished off the leftover pizza, now i'm going to finish some mittens for jude and watch some horrible tv. (saturday television is horrible because tv stations expect us to be out, you know, having a life. when i get my own tv station, i'm going to cater it to insomniacs, introverts and spinsters.)

i had a guy at work today get all fussy with me and he said, "i'm sorry i'm being so confrontational" and i said "you're nothing compared to some customers." after that, he calmed down. weird. also, this week i ordered a phone from the company i work for. after eight months, they got me! i still won't have an employee plan (what with being the longest-temp-on-earth), but i do have a "friends and family" family plan that kicks ass and a teensy, tiny pink phone is on it's way to me. i swoon when i think about it, and have already named it justine. when i talk about it i sing the old dolly parton song, "jolene" with her name instead. dork!

i got a haircut yesterday and today i actually got up, blew it out like i was supposed to, and put in mousse. MOUSSE. the end is near, kids.

be honest

when you blog, do you have a specific audience in mind? sometimes i think about the kinds of people who seem to read my blog (or rather, the people that post comments. those are the only readers that you learn anything about!) when i'm writing something up, sometimes i'll think of a specific person when i write about a particular topic, sometimes i think about how people might react at a lack of posting, or i'll swear less because i think someone might not like it so much. i leave stuff out because i'm not comfortable sharing with everyone, and i feel guilty sometimes about that. which is dumb, because damn this is a blog and not anything terribly important. even the word "blog" makes it impossible to take too seriously. i just wonder what sorts of things you might think about when you blog, if you think long and hard before posting (like i sometimes do) or if you just let your fingers do their thing and deal with the effects later (which is another way i work). i'm more curious than anything else. i've been thinking about this for a while, and just wanted to know what you thought.

i mean, in the grand scheme of things it's not like my blog is of worldwide importance, at the same time, it is very important to me. this last year was difficult in a lot of ways, but i always had a place where i could say/write what i was thinking, and that's been enormously good for me. plus, i've been blogging for what? three years now? that's a long time. i started it in my basement apartment with a free trial of typepad, messing with settings until super late at night on my crappy old laptop, buying domain names later, and even learning a little coding along the way. it's a part of my life that i have a hard time explaining to anyone who doesn't get it, like why i feel the need to post entries about movies and nervous breakdowns and books and my lists. then when i think i've thought about it enough, i like to ask you why you do it.

plus, the mustache totally won. i'm going to go shopping for one now! and do a little drawing just to be on the safe side, because really, it was a close race.

day off!

lately my days off are basically the exact opposite of productive, but i am determined to make tomorrow's day off count. i've already booked a hair appointment, looked into a paint-your-own-pottery place (more on that in a sec), put some clothes both in the washer AND the drier, and done some sketches for a shirt and the pottery place. i'm also looking up good haircut photos for my hairdresser. i might keep the bangs and get a long shag haircut. i kind of want a whole bunch of crazy layers that i can mess with in the morning and that make bed head look good. why is it all hairdressing photos on line are so awful? i might have to do a little sketch for that, too. also i have five million emails to respond to, a book to read, a kitten to pet, and some pjs to crawl into.

oh! the pottery place. minnie said it first, but i'm not going to lie, i've been thinking about it for months. i want to make a big kraken platter. and maybe some kraken mugs. and possibly a bowl. i mean really, you know i could put him on anything.

the list

do you remember the list from friends? it goes like this; you make a list of five famous people that you have permission to sleep with no matter what. once you make the list, if you run into one of those people and have the chance to have sex with them, you can, with no recrimination from your partner. my sister and i have been talking about the list for weeks now, and we've made a few modifications. along with the original five, we have decided that you can indeed make changes to the list, however, all parties must be notified of said change and if you happen to run into someone you bumped off the list, you cannot take it back. we've also added two alternates to the list, one being "someone famous old enough to be a parent" and "person of the gender you don't normally sleep with." this means if you are a hetero guy, you can add one man to your list, since i date boys i can add one girl, etc. this means seven total people on the list!

yes, it's true i don't have a boyfriend right now, but since the list has been so agonizing to make i don't feel weird trying to put it together now. you know, it's like buying cute underwear just in case. even with all the weeks i've had to put my list together, i still only have two spots definitely filled. two. this isn't brain surgery, and yet i can't figure it out. right now this is my tentative list:

1. andy samberg. i know, i know, not exactly brad pitt but five million times smarter and funnier and with all that great hair. he's for sure on the list, for the hair alone.
   
2. andy garcia. he's got this way of talking that makes me all tingly in the swimsuit area region. i think he's the only reason i like the godfather III (that and it lets me indulge in my envy of sofia coppola), but i'm not sure he'll stay on the list.
3. luke wilson. my sister and i argued over who got which wilson brother, since we both like them both. it was decided that luke was more my type and owen was more hers.
   
4. i do sort of love jason schwartzman, but then i listened to his commentary in i heart huckabees, and i don't think i could actually talk to him. he's sort of pretentious and annoying. but he was max fischer!
   
5. mark wahlberg. markie mark mark mark...there is something about that man that makes me weak in the knees. although to be honest, i feel bad about this one because of his cute girlfriend and his kids. i'm not sure he's on the list. although i'd bump schwartzman for him.
   
6. the rock. i could never actually get the rock, but he's so handsome! and huge! and seems like an honestly nice guy. he's dreamy, all manly but with a soft interior.
   
7. i sometimes think i would add johnny knoxville to the list, but he seem kind of...trampy. so no, he's off.
   
8. adrien brody should be in the final five, mainly because he made a very special "guest appearance" in a dream once and i loved him in dummy (which is a film no one has seen but is really very good). added bonus: getting to shout "yo, adrien!" when i wanted his attention.
   
9. jean reno. i can't tell if he should be in the final five or as the alternate "old enough to be my pop" category. he just seems kind of intense and brooding and i like his accent. plus, the professional is one of my favorite films.
   

in the "old enough to be my parent category," it's a tie between jim jarmusch and bill murray. i have a feeling if pressed, i will go with jim. in the "person of the gender i don't normally sleep with" i'd have to say it's either milla jovovich or lili taylor. or maybe anjelica huston, although i don't really want to make out with her so much as i want to have coffee and have her help me with my make-up.

i need to whittle the list down, obviously. and you need to start making yours and tell me what they are. together we can get our lists together! i just know it!

other folks to consider: robert downy jr., jake gylenhall, ben stiller, naomi watts, ewan mcgregor, eddie izzard, john lurie, chris noth, chris meloni, stephen malkmus, ira glass, johnathon goldstein, and hugh jackman.

today was a long day

but i finished my cute new children's mittens, spent a whole day at work (which was actually pretty productive), and am now seriously thinking about vacuuming my bedroom. someday, that is.

right now i have some pj's i needed to be in about four hours ago.

oh! and my friend dave's band, brothers and sisters, is coming to denver! they will be at the hi-dive Aug 20. i know it's a sunday, but you should all go anyway. they're a great live show, and we can have a beer and it will be fun. promise. i'll bug you about it more as the date gets closer!

sleepy, sleepy, sleepy

a.k.a. lazy. lazy, lazy. i feel like i went to bed early last night, after falling asleep on the couch for an hour. i woke up at 9:30 and fell back asleep, staying in bed until NOON. then i got up, ate some avocado on toast, watched the end of brazil, and fell asleep one more time. it's now three in the afternoon, i've gotten nothing done today (except taking out the recycling), and i can't decide if i should make a cup of coffee and go to the grocery store, or settle into the couch with a book for yet another nap. i have a feeling i'm going to just piss away the rest of this day off, but i can't figure out why i'm so tired and i don't feel like arguing with it. a book and the couch it is! maybe i'll do the cup of joe as well, and see where that takes me.

the highlight of my day

wasn't the two cocktails that made me all soft and pillow-y, rather, it was the crazy old hippy who hugged me at work today. there's something about a dirty old man with a long ponytail and a yen for composting toilets that pleases me tremendously. he asked my name, and when i told him he sighed and said, "that's wonderful, i love that name." then he wanted to know my last name, which i told him, but then added that someday i hope it's "pants." he laughed out loud and said, "amanda pants, i will be back to see you." then he hugged me and left and my co-workers made fun of me for being a softy for old hippy guys. what can i say? three magic words and i'm yours. "off the grid."

dorkiness aside, the mustache so far is winning the race. i'm looking over here for the perfect one. i'm also drawing some pictures, and looking through past photos trying to find one i like. i'm thinking about growing my bangs out. i'm chasing the cat around the house on a regular basis, which she complains loudly about but i think she secretly loves. i have a load of laundry that needs to go into the drier. i actually interviewed for that other job at work. i don't think i'll get it, but i did get a free cup of coffee out of the deal. also, i watched the machinist the other night and realized that i will never again want to make out with christian bale. once you see all of a man's vertebrae, it's over.

urine trouble!

guess who had to pee in another cup today? that's right, ME! my boss tells me the other day i have to fill out another online application at work, and that i have to take another urine test. i tell him i might need to take to a couple of days to flush all the pcp out of my system. then i ask him where and when and so today, on my day off no less, i got to pee in yet another cup. i've almost peed in as many cups as months i've lived here. whoo! he assures me that this is the last test i'll have to take before they "hire" me, and i told him i'll believe it when i see it.

we also have a work meeting tonight at some irish-pub-meets-red-robin, which is annoying (again, it's my day off) but i'll be getting paid to eat a free meal so whatever. i did tell the boss that if he does this again, schedule a work meeting for my day off, i'll be quitting. it's retarded.

other than that, i napped, made my first children's mitten (photos to come soon), made a salami sandwich and watched word wars. not a bad day off, in all. i'm looking for a good sci-fi book to read right now too, if you have any suggestions leave them in the comments!

here is a photo of the first small red mitten all done. it needs to be blocked and washed still, that will make it less lumpy around the edges. it's so little! and worked up so quick!

p.s. so far in the poll, 'stache is winning, with cartoon me and photo me running a close second. i'll let you know the final results on monday. or tuesday.

to 'stache, or not to 'stache

i have something kind of super-top-secret in the works, only it's less "secret" than "i don't want to jinx it" but i have to submit a photo of myself and this is freaking me out a little. one, i don't always take the best photos. two, i am chubby. three, this is a photo that is more important than my senior photo as far as i am concerned. i am pondering the following and need your advice. please answer my poll!

these are the looks i am considering:

1. fake mustache. you know i love the 'stache right now like no one else. i am jealous that only boys get to wear them with impunity. i want my own, and this way i will get to have one and also keep my identity sort of secret. plus! i will look all villianous.
2. draw a cartoon me. mom suggested this one after i told her i wanted to wear a fake mustache in my photo. she likes the little cartoony me i draw, and thinks i could make a nice one of those. i think she did not find the faux 'stache idea as funny as i did.
   
3. try to take a normal photo of myself. this will involve hours of patience and my tripod, but it's possible i could get a photo of myself that i like. also, i could make it black and white, which might look cool.
4. ask everyone i know to send me the photos of my they have and try to find a good on there. i could also ask a friend to take some photos, but i might get sort of self-concious and act all weird about it.
   

take the poll, yo and let me know.

what look should i rock in the mystery photo? mustache! curly mustache! cartoon. try to take a normal old picture of myself that doesn't suck. ask someone nicely to do that for me. View Results Make your own poll

si o no?

another set of the fetching fingerless mittens from knitty. this time i used a creamy wool with some thin, sparkly silver yarn thrown in for good measure. i can't tell if i love them or hate them. the silver bits are pretty subtle, but kind of punk rock. i don't know. i'm feeling all self-conscious and weird today.

mainly it's because i ran into some photos a girl i used to be friends with posted on flickr (oh flickr i love you but sometimes not so much!) and it made me sad. don't get me wrong, this was (is) a girl i decided i didn't want to be friends with, and so i stopped being friends with her, but it was not exactly a good break-up. i had another blog at the time, and she had one, and she said a lot of shitty things about me on hers, and i said things to her that might not have been very nice, but at the same time i was having a really hard time explaining why i did not want to be friends with her anymore and she just kept beating at a dead horse until i got sort of snippy. jesus, that was a long sentence. the thing is, i just didn't like how she treated her other friends. i didn't know her for very long, but these were people she grew up and she was doing things that if i were on the other end of, i would have been pretty upset. i've been friends with enough people in my day to know that how you see someone treating their friends is how they will someday treat you, and so i got off that ride because i knew how it ended. shitty? maybe. that whole "best girl friend" thing makes me nervous anyway (for a number of reasons that i'm not going to bore you with), and at the time i was hanging out with a bunch of kids i didn't think i could trust and wasn't comfortable with, and so i stopping hanging out with them. she wouldn't let it go, and i tried so hard to just say, "look, i don't want to be friends. the end," but she insisted on knowing why and i said some things that were probably pretty hurtful. however, i said them in private and she let it all out on the blogosphere, and now when i see her photos (which i am compelled to look at) i feel sad because i really did like her, sad that i can't make friends, like a loser for not having that many, and like the home i love i can't go back to because i would hate to run into her and basically everyone else i have a weird past with.

the friends i have i adore, and i feel lucky to have them, but that whole easy way i used to have of meeting people and making them my own is gone. maybe i'm too picky, maybe i'm too difficult to get along with, maybe i really am a drama queen, but i can see a difference in myself from a few years ago to now. i'm decidedly less open, and i don't know if this is a phase i'm going through, along with my early-midlife-crisis, or what. i joke about my impending spinster-hood, but i worry about being alone sometimes. and i worry that those mittens are butt-ugly.

baby names, etc

no, i'm not knocked up. but i know someone who is! since no one knows what the bun in the oven will be (other than baby, that is), the list of possible names are being made. i love thinking about what the baby might be called, and i love looking at lists of names and their meanings. of course, in order to determine whether or not the name works for me, i try yelling it after tiernan. i figure at some point someone will have to hang their head out the door yelling for them to come in, and i want it to sound all good together. so if it doesn't good right after T, then it's not on my list.
also, my niece has evidently found where the bong is hidden. i joke! baby knows hugs are better than drugs. this picture is my favorite right now for a few reasons, one being that she's beginning to look more and more like her own little person. she has her own expressions, she's starting to interact with people, and she cracks me up. is it weird to miss her and have not actually met her?

i'm addicted to the on demand on my tv. lately all i watch are old hitchcock movies. tonight's movie was spellbound, where once again i was faced with gregory peck's impossible handsomeness. he sounds amazing, and that face! i know it's not classically handsome, not pretty like newman or brando, but if i i could have had a shot at that man back in the day, he would have been in trouble. big trouble. also, ingrid bergman was insanely beautiful. the whole movie was sort of over-dramatic (like most were at the time), and the ideas about psychoanalysis were hilarious, but i enjoyed it very much and left the movie thinking more about how maybe i should do something with my hair more often and invest in a lipstick i like. hitchcock makes me feel sort of dumpy. oddly enough, in a good way.

i had a beer and a bowl of raisin bran for dinner. too hot for cooking.