snowsnowSNOW

it snowed all day today! nice, light snow. it makes me feel all cozy, and wanting to stay inside and drink tea and watch movies. i love it.

speaking of movies, a streetcar named desire is really fucking depressing. it's very good, but jesus h. christ it's a downer. which was actually sort of what i was looking for; i'm sort of really keyed up and not sleeping so well. i can't stop thinking about my sister and the baby, quitting my job, finding a new one, and my pop is sick and all by himself. this, out of all the things going on right now, makes me feel really, seriously, horribly guilty. when i first heard he was sick i thought, "oh, that's okay, i'll just go home for a few days." only now going home involves a plane ride, not just an hour or so in a car. it's irrational, i know, but i feel like the worst daughter on earth. the point is, i thought something a little gloomy and talky would help me wind down a bit. it worked for about five blissful minutes. i'm back to feeling anxious now. yay!

tomorrow is my last day at this job. i'm going to have to take another piss test before the second half of my latest interview (the first part of which went fine! it was like all other boring interviews, and at this point i'm real good at them), and hopefully monday i'll do the actual interview with the employer. a lot of companies here prefer to use agencies, which makes the interview process l-o-n-g. whatever. i can't believe i turned down a full-time permanent position. no, i take that back, i can. that tendency i have for burning bridges is evidently something i'm not doing so well controlling, and you know what, at this point i'm going to stop worrying about it. i'm not good at settling, regardless of how reasonable the settling is. nope, i'm just too neurotic for acting reasonably. (insert a shrug of the shoulders here)

i admit to watching the tv guide channel sometimes. normally i'm distracted by it while trying to see what's on and i turn it to mute. tonight, i got all sucked into this show, ready, set, change! it's a campy version of trading spaces/while you were out, and all the boys who build the stuff are ridiculously handsome and hugely tattooed. hello, achilles heel. also, one of them is wearing pink overalls (so. fucking. cute.) and one has great sideburns, and did i mention the arms of tattoos? i'm telling you, i'd let them makeover my house any time.