i'm not actually that bitter

but pretty bitter considering i had to work today, and did not get any special holiday pay because i'm not a real employee. goddamn i hate that job more and more every day. especially considering now i'm well beyond the point of temping, but thanks to the hiring freeze might not be a real employee for a lot longer. i would really like some health insurance, please and thank you.

ahem, i digress. maybe i am bitter. that might very well be, but i am also thisclose to vacation and i'm thinking seven days in a totally different state will do me good. i don't remember a time i needed a vacation this badly, which is sort of funny because you'll remember that about seven months ago i was unemployed for two months. my work ethic is just sort of shitty, i guess. none of that protestant work-yourself-to-death crap for me! nope. i like to think once i find a job i like, i'll stop being so shiftless and devoid of ambition, but there's a good chance i'm just kind of lazy.

again, with the digression. i'm lazy and can't write in a straight line tonight. so yes, vacation is good. i'm not just looking forward to it, it's kind of the only reason i'm not yelling at jerks at work. i can make it through a week. then after i am well-rested, full of barbeque and beer, cheered up by hanging out with friends, i can come home and look for a new job. i've polished the old resume, i've dusted off some skirts and gotten a decent haircut, i think my prospects are good. i'm sick to death of being jerked around by a big corporation, i kind of wish the american public would figure out that having a cell phone does not make you special, and knowing that i can do this is great,* but doesn't mean i should do it. i took this job as a lark, as a time-filler, expecting to quit right away when something else came along. nothing did, and here i am. it's been good for me in a way, i think i'm a lot more patient, but i don't honestly think this job suits me very well. looking for a new job is sort of depressing, i was hoping to be more settled at this point, but being this miserable isn't working either. i had that brief window of time when things were good, but now it's back to not sleeping and stomach aches. it's affecting the rest of my life too, i mean, when was the last time i made a good kraken? i don't want to make stuff when i come home, and when i do, it's not very good. if i could mainline television, i would at this point. i know i haven't always been this god-awful boring, and i can pretty much trace it to a few months ago when i sold my soul to a job called "sales."

dude! the point is, i'm going on vacation soon, and that's beyond exciting. i have tomorrow off, and i plan on eating pancakes, putting stuff in the mail, and getting out my luggage and making a list of stuff to pack. lists always cheer me up, and soon i'm going to get to see a whole new state. things aren't awful, it's just easy for me to focus on that sometimes.

*how many of you thought i would have already broken by now and said something shitty to a customer? go ahead, raise your hand. i know mine is.