my, how things have changed

i got an email earlier tonight from a friend of mine who needed help picking out a phone that would work with the bluetooth in his acura. HIS ACURA. mind you, when i met this boy, he drove a VW bus, had longer hair than mine, and a penchant for jam-bands. now he has an acura! and khaki slacks! and short hair! however, he is still a vegetarian, and he did provide me with the greatest nephews on earth, so i am not complaining. it's just a very damn moment when you realize "oh shit, we're growing up." by "we" i mean, of course, all my friends. i'm still single and sans-cat or children, and looking to move myself both out of this state and further into debt. i do get carded a lot less, and that's grown-up enough for me right now.

i never told you about my ridiculous st. patrick's day, did i? i went out with friends from work, wore the de riguer green shirt and some new shoes of mine (that i ended up scuffing, but damn, they were cute!), drank green beer and many car-bombs, and had a blast. i ended up where i always do after nights out in fort collins, at meaghan and kevin's house, in one of their guest bedrooms. i love their house. it's close to downtown, it's big, they have two wonderful dogs and cable tv. i think sometimes i drink just so i can spend the night there. in any case, a whole bunch of us went back there including some married guy who honed right in on me. i knew he was married, and kept turning him down. plus, he wasn't exactly my type. we had fun talking about music and stuff, but i think he mistook my general friendliness for something else* and just would not get the hint. he followed me to my room, where he tried to feel me up, and so i got up and told him i had to puke. i did not have to puke, barf or otherwise vomit, but i kind of think of barfing as being the biggest turn-off on earth so i used it. i hung out in the bathroom for a while, drank some water, did some coughing, sat around then headed out. seeing that he was still in my room, i decided to crash on the couch. guess who came looking for me? um, hello. i fake-barfed to get away from you and am now sleeping on the couch instead of my perfectly wonderful guest bed and you still don't get the hint? so i fake barf again, only this time instead of taking my time i head for the bathroom and make a beeline to my room, where i lock the door and turn on the tv and go to bed. yay for me! yay for locks! the next morning said boy tried to be miffed with me, but i ignored him. i woke up quite pleased with myself, albeit hungover and with a sour stomach.

i also decided that night that colorado is full of people who are already dating other people. i know one single person in the whole state beside myself, and pretty much everyone else i know is dating someone they went to high school with, which is just about as foreign a concept to me as dating my cousin. why would you date someone you went through puberty with? maybe bigger schools make this less of an issue, but i can't wrap my brain around it. i would never in a thousand years date someone i went to high school with, but evidently here i am in the minority. plus, i'll never find my jewish prince charming here. at least on the west coast i have a fighting chance. speaking of west coast: 14 days! fourteen!

*this never fails to mystify me. talking about music and agreeing that marylin manson is not the devil is not exactly an invitation to my vagina. it's small talk. when one of you is married, it's more than small talk, it's chit-chat at best. i cannot figure out what in our conversation exactly led this boy to believe that not only did i want to do him, but that his being MARRIED wasn't an issue. what the hell. plus, he was enormous. i wasn't going to mention it, but he was a fat bastard and that wasn't helping his cause either.