nerves

today one of my roommate's asked me if i was nervous about moving. i'm not. i should be, given that i can't exactly afford it, don't have a job or place to live lined up, and won't have a new doctor/shrink for a while. everything in my life points to chaos and me freaking out, but i'm so excited i could care less. it will work out. i will be broke for a while, very broke, and then i'll get a job and i'll hate it, or be scared of it at first and then hate it, i'll spaz out on occasion and get mopey too, but i'll be home. i can visit my mom and she can make dinner and i can curl up with her on the couch and watch movies, and dad can harangue me about work and we can watch the sci-fi channel together. if i feel weird and freaked out in portland i can head over to the o'neals and read books with t and chew on henry's fat legs, and try to convince anne that drinking on a weekday is perfectly okay! my friends and family are at home, and so the move back to there is a lot less stressful. honestly, if you said to me right now i could go but had to leave everything here, i would just go. i mean, i'm glad i don't have to (i love my computer table, i could never leave that behind!), but i would do it.

i still have about a million lose ends to tie up, and many a list to make with items to check off. however, i did put up a few signs on in the rocket and have already found three potential buyers. i thought there was no way i could unload that car, but i think it will be easier rather than harder. i have a lot of boxes still packed from the last move; and what i want to focus on right now is getting rid of even more stuff that i don't need. i have sweaters that i love but never wear that will become pillow covers, more stuff to sell on ebay, fabric i should get rid of, that sort of thing. i have two days off in a row this week, i plan on spending tomorrow doing nothing but drinking coffee and getting stuff done. if you see me here too often, please feel free to do some scolding.