all aboard the anxiety express! i've been riding it all day, save for a brief few hours at the movie theater, where i saw the dark knight approximately later than anyone else on the planet. what did i think of the movie? it was excellent and damn if i don't find superheros as well as villains crazy sexy. granted, i do not like the bulldog voice that bale adopts as batman, but i'd still like to rub myself against that fancy rubber suit. rwarr....
my financial situation is in the shitter, i'm going to have to ask my parents for an obscene bailout a la fannie and freddy; i hate where i live; i got The Boy sick and as a result will probably never see him again; and am planning what is hopefully my last move for a while. i feel excited when i don't feel like barfing or breathing deeply into a paper bag.
the fact is, the job isn't working out for me. i've looked in the area pretty extensively, and have found nothing better. my prospects in a city, like, say, portland, while i'm no clairvoyant, seem better. the job openings are there, thanks to the holidays. i have friends in that city, they have a room in a basement for rent. it's where i've always wanted to be, and to be frank, there isn't much holding me to this town specifically. i like being able to go home and visit my folks for the weekend, but portland is really only 4 hours away, and nothing like colorado. my father is full of rage, he's taking it out on my sister since she's home the most, and as a result our relationship right now is strained (with both pop and my sister!). my mother seems relatively calm and supportive about the whole thing and i can't tell if this is because she honestly thinks it's a good idea or if she's given up trying to talk some sense into me. plus, i think she misses the city the way i do, which is another reason i want to go. i miss city life! i miss hustle and bustle and public transportation, and feel like portland and i would get along great.
i'm torn. i want to tell this town and my job to fuck off, pack up what little i have, sell the rest and get out of town. at the same time, right now i have a job, and even though it sucks ass and pays abysmally, it is indeed a JOB. there's always the chance i won't find anything in portland. what happens then? should i just keep looking here and struggling along? no matter what, i have to move out of this house. living with a teenager who's voice makes me want to slit my wrists and who has no fucking boundaries is killing me.
let's not even discuss The Boy. i like him, and haven't been able to talk to him about any of this because i've been sick, he's been busy working and schooling and parenting and this isn't something i want to talk about over the phone. he's a good guy, he deserves more than that. to be perfectly honest, i don't think this is going to phase him much; he's got a whole life going that needs his attention, and while i'm sure he enjoys me, i don't think he feels "that way" about me. this isn't me being a sad sack and feeling sorry for myself, it's just a gut feeling i'm going with. he's lovely, he's wonderful, no one ever has anything but kind words about him and i'm lucky to get to hang out with him. of course i'd like to continue that, but i'm not entirely retarded.
so, if anyone has any ideas or anything, feel free to let me in on them. if a debt has been sent off to a collector, is there any hope in consolidating it with a non profit? who should i call? i don't want to put all my specifics out there, but if you have questions, email me. maybe you guys know something i don't. wait, maybe? of course you do. collectively i believe you all are a lot smarter than i am! now if you'll excuse me i'm going to go drink more coffee, rub all my raw nerves together and hope for a miracle. whoo!
5 comments:
I'm no expert, but I've been advised that debt consolidation is generally a losing proposition. The only "good" options are paying the debt, or declaring bankruptcy. If it's with a collector, and you have a way to pay it (bailout??), there's always the possibility that they will settle for a lower amount.
I think Portland sounds like a great idea!
I had a friend who did debt consolidation, and it worked out pretty well with her. I'm sure you're already aware of this, but any place that's going to charge you for the service is evil and is out for even more of your money. I dunno if she went with someplace local here in the sticks of SoDak, but I could always find out for you (and nevermind that I just lurk around here and don't really know you or anything, but you seem like someone cool to hang out with, so I check your blog obsessively). All that being said, I have yet to see The Dark Knight, and I understand you wanting to go back to city life--I miss it a lot myself.
I had outstanding bills from both a doctor and a phone company sent to collections. The letter I got regarding the phone company debt was so anger-making that I vowed never to pay it, not in spite of their threats, but because of them. Outstanding bills or no, I still have excellent credit, so I guess I'm trying to say that it may not matter too much, depending on the size of and the reason for the debt. And if it don't matter, don't fucking pay it!
Oh, it's so hard to leave the family and the comforts of small town life, but Portland sounds like a really good idea! I've been doing the big city thing for five years and even though it was really hard to leave, I'm so glad to have found the opportunities that only a big city can offer. Even though The Boy sounds special, maybe he'll understand and keep in touch?
On a purely selfish level, I don't want you to leave...we just met! But I completely understand the need to get out of here, so I won't hold it against you if you leave, but I will be sad.
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