everyone weigh in on this one!

ahem. dating is complicated business, and since i've lifted my "don't ask, don't tell" policy, i find i really enjoy talking about it with you. even if my dates are failures, i kind of like documenting it here. that could be slight masochism on my part, but i like to think it's because that's just how close we are, and how i do enjoy hearing how my experiences aren't as unusual as i might think. in any case, take a look over some of these facts and then fill me in on what you think it all means.

1. i've been flirty with a customer on and off over the past year, but the past few weeks i really turned it up. what changed? i saw him without his hat, and realized that he has a gorgeous head of hair underneath. shallow? sure. it's not as though he would be un-handsome without hair, but i had to be sure if he was bald that he was good bald.* since he's not bald at all, it's not an issue.
2. we finally established a first-name rapport. talked more about his work, mine, and other stuff.
3. this monday he came in while i working and went out of his way to get a coworker of mine to fetch me from dishes.
   
4. he asked me to a party, being held this next monday.
   
5. i gave him my number and we flirted a bit more.
   
6. i didn't hear from him until today, but he was extremely apologetic at the very first, and let me know that he'd misplaced my card. he even let it drop that his kids gave him a hard time about losing it. then he admitted he came by work looking for me to get it again, but i wasn't there and he didn't want me to think he was "stalking" me.
   
7. we had a nice chat and i realized that this party he asked me to is a party he's throwing; for himself and his roommate's birthdays and the solstice.
8. we established that he is a bit older than i am (he'll be 38 this week) but that he isn't nearly as much older than me as he thought. he told me he thought i was 23 or 24, which i totally don't believe. 26 at the youngest!
   
9. he told me he was looking forward to seeing me, and having some actual time to talk.
10. then he called back and told me i was free to bring a boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, etc.
11. this made me furrow my brow a bit.
12. i told him exactly this; "i won't be bringing a boyfriend, i can tell you that."
    

i'm fairly sure he was testing the waters, to see if i am indeed single, but really, why would i accept a party invitation from a man i don't know that well if i weren't interested in him? and would a man with a girlfriend ask another girl to his birthday party? i mean, it's conceviable. was i too forward? am i over thinking all of this? (of course i am, don't answer that!) he's just, really, seriously cute. with bright blue eyes that crinkle at the edges, and dark dark hair, and a lovely smile. he's unfailingly polite and nice when he's at work, and he has two really gorgeous kids that he seems super close to. i like him. i feel butterflies when i see him, and when he came in the other night to ask me out, i blushed bright red. i think he wants to make-out with me, but i don't want to show up to his party to find that he's got a girl already. at the same time, bringing a friend to his party would be advantageous to me, because then i have someone else to suss him out with. plus, i'll need someone to snark with. i'm trying to rope my sister into coming with me, with promises that i'll buy the liquor.

being nervous like this, waiting for the call, not knowing; it's all excruciating and wonderful. the imaginary part of wondering what he's like, daydreaming about what i think might be in store, is fun. how can something so awful and uncertain be so delicious? there's always a better chance of being disappointed than being thrilled, but you never know unless you try. i hate myself when things don't work, i feel foolish and silly, but after a while i realize that's jut how this particular game is played, and ultimately i'm proud of myself for not giving up. spinsterhood would be easy, getting back on the horse is hard.

so what do you think? this is perfectly normal, yes? the worry, the butterflies, the uncertainty. do you think he likes me? don't make me come over there and pull off your petals. i'll do it!



*bad bald= men who don't get that they are balding and hold on too tightly to the hair on the back of their head. longish hair in back, bald on top, not cool.

**also, i wrote this under the influence of real, honest to goodness sudafed. which makes me slightly retarded. i'm going to go paint magic mushrooms now!