first things first:

the spackling job ed did on the hole he made in the wall is super shitty. i mean, maggie could have done a better job with some play-dough and spit. also, remember that big clock he bought me for christmas? he took it and hung up my "bite me" embroidery in its place. i know that's supposed to be a great big "fuck you" but dude, what the hell is he going to do with the big clock? that fucker is three feet tall. is he taking it with him to alaska? did he just throw it away? i'm confused. why not just leave me a literal "fuck you" note? whatever. what he didn't leave was any money for rent next month, or his key, so tomorrow i call the landlord and explain what happened. there's a chance they can take the rent out of his deposit and give me a months reprieve, or i can just scramble for the cash or give my notice now and pay for maybe half of next month. he left the tv and his ps2, though, and i'll probably sell those if i need the money. the ps2 for sure is going, i don't play video games and a cheap dvd player is, well, cheaper. i bought my last one for under $30. not to mention i actually one of those in storage.

i was nervous driving home today. i got a message this morning on my cell phone from his employers in alaska wanting to talk to him about his ticket back, which evidently leaves tomorrow. but i don't believe anything anymore so i was waiting to make sure he really wasn't (isn't) here. the thought of him still being here freaked me out, but i had to see. as much as i would like, i can't hide out on the island forever.

who knows what's going to happen next. i'm broke from paying bills and getting caught up on ridiculous shit (like my storage unit fees!) and wanting to save what little i do have left. so i guess i'm not broke so much as right now i am in a hyper-saving mode, and trying to make every little penny work in my favor. this is requiring some math skills i didn't know i possessed. i need to find a new home, obviously, and it really would be good to find a new job that pays me more and you know, maybe uses the education i'm pissing away. it's hard not to just want to curl up and feel sorry for myself, honestly. i'd like to do some serious drinking and steal some of pop's pain pills and take a little mental vacation, but i'm not going to. if this is the worst-case scenario, it's actually pretty okay. i mean, i still have family who will help out, i still have friends who are nice to me and love me, and for at least a few weeks i have the place all to myself. i might cry a little and feel lousy, but i'll also go to work and figure shit out.