it's like a white-trash soap opera

full windsor, originally uploaded by pinprick.

i'm not sure what's going to happen next. i called ed's last boss and found that he is indeed in king salmon, running a boat for the summer. i told him what he did, just so he would know what kind of asshole he's dealing with, and thinking maybe there is a slight chance he'll feel like a dick and help me out. then i kept thinking and wondered, did he have this planned all along? did he start that last fight expecting me to act the way i did to set all this in action? part of me thinks that this was all done very deliberately; after all, he cashed my rent check weeks before he left. another part of me thinks he isn't that smart or clever, then i realize he was totally smart enough to fool for me for quite a while so maybe he is.

i'm glad he's gone. my father is less furious at me than i expected, which is a bit of a surprise. he's not thrilled with me, and is disappointed i picked someone so wrong on so many levels, but he and mom both say they're just happy i didn't get married or knocked up. they feel like i got off easy, aside from the money issues. i'm upset about that because ed knew how hard i was working for that little bit of savings, how much it meant to me, and then he left me in a lurch and now it's all gone. it's all gone and my rent isn't even paid. what little i had set aside is gone and he's probably laughing his ass off about it.

if i think too hard about this i cry, because not only did i get royally fucked over, but i'm lucky that i did and ashamed that it came down to this. that's the part that is so hard to convey; how worthless and awful i feel. take ugly and multiply but a thousand, give it a wicked hangover and break out a front tooth and that's how feel. emotionally sucker-punched. by him in a bad way, and by my family in a good way. they don't have to stand by me, they have every right to want to tell me to grow up and take care of this on my own, but all i get are hugs and glasses of wine and kisses and soothing noises. i really am the luckiest girl on earth, even if i do feel shitty.

good riddance to bad garbage, right?