i went to a gym tonight and took a tour. i got a free pass to try them out. they have cardio machines with these little boxes on them, and you plug in your own headset and pick which of the tv's you want to watch. then you don't have to watch espn while you run in place. which is good, because i hate espn. oh boy, do i hate it. if i knew i had to watch espn while getting all hot and sweaty and running around, i would kill myself.
i'm not going to lie to you, me and my body are not best friends. i had a gym membership once before and was so painfully embarassed to be working out in public that i didn't use it much after the first month. i literally thought i would die of shame before i passed out on the eliptical. i didn't even realize until then that i could blush so deeply all over my body. i can't stand the idea of anyone looking at my body, and yeah, i know that at gyms that isn't the point. you try arguing with my neurosis and see if you get any farther than i do. there's this part of me that just cringes at the thought of being seen sweating. at the same time, there is very rational part of my brain that knows that skinnier girls than me work out, and chubbier girls do too. i understand that if i don't want to hate my body this badly then i can't just bitch about it. dude, i have to actually get up off the ass and make it do something. working out at home doesn't work because i come home and find two million things i'd rather be doing. plus, i know hardly anyone in this town, so who's going to see me? this gym is nice because until the end of this month there is no initiation fee (and no one jumping me in!), and it's only month to month. i don't have to sign a contract. that means even if i fail, then i'm not out a ton of money.
i'm going to give it a try. after i took my little tour i bought a sports bra and a shirt for running in place in. i only really want to use the elipticals/stationary bikes/treadmills. i don't know. i can't believe i'm even telling you this! i just think maybe if i do, maybe if i say it out loud, then i'll be motivated to actually do something. it's really not that big a deal, people join gyms every day. they run around, they lift weights, they don't think twice about it. no one will even notice me! i'm such a dork! please disregard this post.
