adios, twinkie

it seems every time a person turns around there's some new apocalypse ready to take down humanity (like the year 2000, bird flu, solar eclipses, zombies rising), and right now people seemed freaked out by swine flu and the year 2012. granted, swine flu is about as bad as the "regular" flu, and even the mayans don't buy the year 2012 being the end of the world, but planning for disaster is one of my favorite guilty pleasures. we all know my love of sites that let you prepare for emergency by storing big barrels of raw red wheat and MRE's, and how i try to have a few cans of spam and bottles of water around just in case. with that in mind, i reveal to you the foods i will miss when society crumbles:

• crunchy cheetos. not the puffed ones, those suck. how can two foods supposedly be from the same family and be so different? the puffy cheeto is an abomination.
• snickers bars. i don't often eat a whole candy bar, but when i do, i like a snickers bar.
• marzipan chocolate bars, like the ritter sport. sure, i said i don't eat a lot of candy bars, then listed two back to back. it's just thinking about snickers bars made me think of those dark chocolate squares of almondy goodness that are ritters! so sue me.
• moons over my hammy, from denny's. anyone can put ham and scrambled egg and processed cheese on toast, sure, but no one does it like denny's.
• slushies. specifically red ones.
• red vines! oh my burned-out-shell-of-a-city/kingdom for a tub of red vines.
• microwave popcorn or jiffy pop. fake butter is somehow more buttery when it's on popcorn. how does that work?
• doritos. more artificial cheesey goodness. let's throw in frito's while we're here, specifically the chili cheese ones. they make your breath smell bad, but they are delightful.
• pretty much any kind of chicken strip or nugget you get from a fast-food joint or grocery store. if you have to eat white meat from a chicken, it should be deep fried, crunchy on the outside and dip-able.
• hot wings!!!! when the world runs out of frank's hot sauce, it will be a dark day for humanity.
• ranch dressing. i'm sure you can make it yourself, but it's not the same. you know it, i know it, hidden valley makes millions based on that fact alone.

what will you miss?