Friday, August 31, 2007
my fisherman is home in homer, which excites me because i've talked to him two times in as many days. talking to him on the phone rules. in his line of work phone calls are few and far between, and while they're all nice to get, when you get to talk to someone more often you can talk about all the stupid little things you're thinking about. i wouldn't want to spend a lot of time telling him about some stuff if i know i'm only going to get ten minutes of time with him that month, you know? now i get to ramble at him about how i wear a vest at work, and dude? who thought of vests? they are not cool.
okay, you're bored. i know i am. i have to get ready for work and hopefully i'll have more interesting things to tell you later this week. ooh, i got a haircut. i'll take a photo and post it later. you can all debate whether or not it makes my face look a full moon.
Monday, August 27, 2007
took my food handler's test today! i was hoping to be able to brag about getting 100%, but i missed two questions. drat. i also fueled up my car for cheap on the rez, had my oil changed, and found a copy of the cartoon based on george orwell's animal farm for baby at the evil empire (for only $1!). that i found it there of all places tickled me immensely, and knowing i can indoctrinate her in my pinko ways early is a cheerful thought as well. "see, baby? that's not how to do socialism. this is why the USSR fell." genius!
i feel so out of the loop music and movie and pop culture wise since coming home from alaska, so i've been buying a glut of records. i had the new modest mouse before i left, but not enough time to add it to my mp3 player. verdict: i fucking love that album. the song florida makes me think of colorado in a bittersweet way, and while i read reviews that said johnny marr wasn't a "standout" on the record i would have to disagree. i might be full of shit, but i feel like i can hear this difference between his guitar and everyone else's. i talked my sister into buying some amy winehouse, and while i wanted to dislike it and her because she's just so outrageous, i find i'm totally smitten with both. the album is great, and i can see why rehab was such a hit this summer. i listen to this album on repeat these days, i can't get enough. her sixties girl-group sound is evocative without being a total rip-off, and i'm pretty sure on one song she actually uses the word "fuckery" which makes her my hero. new white stripes: it bores me, but makes me want to dye my hair black. new interpol: i won't say there's much on this album i haven't heard before, but i don't care because i love interpol. i'm not always so sure a band has to do a bunch of new stuff all the time in order to be interesting. interpol sounds like interpol, and that is okay with me.
i put a couple new photos up over on flickr, some doodles of my trip and stuff. go look!
Sunday, August 26, 2007
i start working this tuesday, which is sort of exciting. they called me back in the other day although it wasn't for my second interview; they liked me enough to just skip that and let me come in for my orientation and to take my pee test. i picked up my fancy new uniform (apron and hat) and then went and picked out the rest of the pieces like non-slip shoes and dark pants. it sucks sometimes having to spend money to make money, but what can you do?
of course pop was irritated when i wasn't working and made sure to point that out when he could, so i got a job and now he's unhappy with that. he thinks it doesn't pay enough, he doesn't think i'll like it, he's not happy i'm not using my degree, and on and on. you can't win with him, and you can argue with him either so i'm just avoiding any conversation about it. yes, it doesn't pay a massive amount, but i think it's better than not getting paid. plus, working in a grocery store has a few advantages; discounts on food, a wide variety of positions, and grocery stores are everywhere. you get in with one and if you move it's easier to get in with another.
you would think that anyone who's known me as long as my family has would just resign themselves to the fact that i am not exactly career-oriented. work is work, i don't particularly care for it but i need to make money. i don't ever want to do anything forever, so why would i want a career? why would i want to do the same thing, day in and day out, for the rest of my life? working in the deli of a grocery store might not be what anyone had in mind for me, but i'm happy. the work sounds interesting, you get to see a variety of people every day, there are some days when you get to hang out in the back cooking, and the best thing is you go in, work and go home. if i don't feel like thinking about potato salad when i leave, then i don't have to. of course, all this might change once i actually start working there, but why does everyone have to rain on my parade? damn. i like the idea of it enough to apply, enough to put on a nice skirt for the interview and enough to take the job. i think that should be enough.
it's frustrating to have this talk with everyone whenever i get a new job. who really cares what i do as long as i'm doing it? i don't. well, i guess i do since i'm complaining about it. i'm just tired of having to explain myself to people i think would know me better by now. i am who i am, and no amount of wishing or poking or prodding is going to make me suddenly more ambitious. at heart, i'm just to lazy to care about work. it's a necessary evil, and i think career is a four-letter word i don't want to be best friends with. honestly, i could think of a million other things to dislike about me other than that. i hate the idea of what i do for a living defining who i am. it's just a job. everyone insists i have one, but then when i get one it's not good enough. nothing is ever enough. man, this week has felt shitty. my blog is suffering from all the complaints too. i promise the next post won't be so tiresome.
Friday, August 24, 2007
this morning i was a tiny mess thinking, "oh my gosh it's ten a.m. and no one's called, they said they'd call this morning and what if this means i jinxed myself?!" but then they called and this afternoon i'm going in for the official job offer and to fill out massive piles of paperwork.
i will be wearing an apron again as part of my uniform, the same way i did over at finko's! i liked wearing an apron, they have pockets you can put stuff in. my dress code also includes wearing a tie, which i find hilarious. i picked one out at target yesterday that is black with tiny white stripes and makes you dizzy when you look at it too hard. the only part of my uniform/dress code i don't much care for is that i have to wear a ball cap every day. if you have bangs, then you know why that sucks. it mooshes them and means when you take the hat off, you look like a drowned rat. whatever. my non-slip shoes are the real prize though; totally orthopedic and chunky they make me feel like a sprightly 60 year old.
i'll have more information for you after i get back, all of which i'm sure will be riveting.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
i got a job, suckers. wait, i'm the sucker for working. damn!
i haven't technically been offered the job, not in an official way, but they french kissed me on the way out of my interview, so i'm pretty sure that job is mine.
i'll be your new grocery store clerk. i am so fabulous, so high class now, though, that we might not be able to be friends anymore. after all, i'll be slicing deli meats extra thin and you'll just be contributing something to society.
(i joke! no matter how big i become we'll always be friends. even if i get all the way up to courtesy clerk, which everyone knows is pretty high on supermarket food chains.)
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
to that end, my mom and her good friend jen are raising money for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Team In Training and want to compete in the Nike Women's Marathon In San Francisco. in order to race, though, they need a certain amount of money in donations. which brings us to the part of the post when i ask you nicely to drop a few bucks in their cup.
anything you donate would be seriously appreciated. it doesn't have to be big money, and you don't even have to leave your name. mom and jen are a little under half-way to their goal, and we've been doing all sorts of fund raisers. tonight we're headed down to the fishmonger in langley to do a brownie fund raiser (you get a delicous brownie in exchange for your donation!), we're having a big yard sale on labor day weekend, and we're all knitting and working on projects for a silent auction. if you would like to help us out and learn more about the Team in Training program, you can visit mom and jen's site here. i promise this won't be something i bug you about constantly, but i thought "i have a blog, i could put a little something up and maybe that would help." in any case, it can't hurt. thanks for reading this far!
(you know i wouldn't ask you if i didn't think it was important, and if it makes you feel any better dad is totally going to kill me for putting up that photo. that is, if he finds out, which i'm hoping he doesn't. personally, i think he rocks the bald look, but he's not so thrilled with it.)
Monday, August 20, 2007
today has sucked ass in a major way. i don't know how much longer i can live at home, looking for jobs is lame, i got into a huge fight today with my sister that ended up with my pop wanting to have a talk with me (which i think was ridiculous since she was the one that started it), and i got to talk to my fisherman which just made me miss him more. i'm frustrated and irritated and would like a cocktail. i need my own place. too bad i need a job first! i'm going to have to ask some people about maybe staying with them for a while; the house really is just way too small for all of us. if i had the money (if i get paid the rest of the boat captain owes me) i could move first and then look for a job, but right now i just don't have the funds. i think we'd all get along a lot better if we had our own space, and personally i would feel a lot less depressed about being here if i weren't living with mom and pop. this is sort of the last place i wanted to end up, you know?
if i had a bed i'd crawl into it and never get out. shit.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
- vacuumed house
- did dishes
- bleached out kitchen sink
- tidied bedroom (but still needs to be actually cleaned)
- folded clothes
- ordered a new shirt from the achewood site (the dude and catastrophe!), as well as some stickers. my car has a nasa sticker on it right now (why? i don't know), and that needs to be remedied.
- clean out the garage
we got two cute mormon missionaries today. i love those kids. i told them that i love their people, and respect what they do and their faith, but that we're a house of lapsed catholics. we talked about their mission, where they were from, how much longer they have and all that. they were impressed by my knowledge of all things mormon, and the left me with a nice pamphlet and their number in case i "needed anything." what nice kids.
i did apply for a few jobs today, and am getting ready to write some cover letters for resumes that need to be put in the mail. looking at apartments, wondering whether or not living with my sister is going to kill me. i love her, and our plan to get a place together would save us both a ton of money (especially if we live here), which i could put toward major move #3's fund. doing what's best and most practical isn't exactly my strong suit right now, but i'm trying real hard. i think once we're actually in a place where we have our own space things will be easier. right now i'm basing our potential living environment on four adults and one toddler living in a house the size of a shoe box. we're not at each other's throats all the time, but i admit we have our moments. if i could do whatever i wanted i'd get the hell out of here and head south to portland like i'd planned. it just doesn't make sense in a financial way, blah blah blah. being a grown-up rules when it means cocktails and watching late-night cartoons, but sucks when it comes to fiscal issues.
after i get my chores done (cleaning out the garage, vacuuming the house, tidying up the living room and kitchen, cleaning my room) i guess i will look for a job and maybe go into town to use a faster computer. i also want to sew a new tote bag out of the lotta jansdotter book i bought before i went to alaska. i have some cute red and turquoise fabric i found at the evil empire* the other day; i'm planning on making the bottom red with a set of turquoise knitting needles embroidered on it, and making the top turquoise. my mom and a friend of hers are also doing a lot of fund raising to walk in this marathon and i'm working on some stuff for them to auction off. so far i'm knitting a hat and think i will make some more totes if they turn out half as cute as i expect them to. we're not sure yet if we're going to host a real-live auction or do it on-line or what, but since i can't walk in it i'm trying to do my part by making stuff. have any of you done any fund raising like this? do you have any ideas or tips for me? i'd appreciate any suggestions you might have. thanks!
*i will not refer to the store by name, but rest assured i'm against shopping there for the most part, but on an island with limited stores and for a girl with limited funds i find myself there more often than i'd like. i'm torn between feeling horribly guilty and excited that the fabric i bought was only $2.
Friday, August 17, 2007
this is the best thing about being home right now. i know i tend to gush about maggie and the boys, but i can't help it. i've never met a group of smart, funny, adorable kids like this. yes, they are mine and i'm biased, but i dare you to hang out with any of them and not come away with the same conclusion.
baby and i have a lot of fun together. she likes to crawl up and down me like she's a monkey and i'm a tree, i sing "shake shake shake" and she wiggles her booty, she cuddles with me for some spongebob in the afternoon even though mom doesn't dig it because it's not "educational" enough (what's not education about a sponge that lives in a pineapple under the sea?!), and i get to give her a bath most nights. the bath part of the day is probably our favorite because we listen to the radio, blow bubbles and get to splash all over. of course, the last few days i realized that if i end up living with her and her mom (my sister) then i'm going to have to actually follow the rules and get better at saying "no." today was the first day of trying it out, and for both of us it was a bit of a shock. although after the initial crying and looks of oh-my-god-i-liked-you-how-can-you-be-so-cruel? she would just snap out of it and crawl up me like nothing happened. staying strong while she weeps and gives you the saddest looks on earth is hard work, but i think after a few weeks it will start to feel normal for both of us. i mean, that's how it works, right?!
at 18 months old she's already very inquisitive and talkative and curious about everything, which means we're all on our toes most of the time. she can be totally naughty, like all kids, but i think right now more than anything we're all just settling into living together and she's figuring out what her boundaries are. i'll probably always be a bit more lenient with her (she can taste pretty much anything i eat or drink, and even though we're trying to instill good table manners with her i still let her pick off my plate), but i promise she won't get to juggle knives or have cocktails with me until she's at least 6.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
since it was guttenberg that started it all, he should start the series, don't you think? i know, i know, he may not be high on most women's lists of hot men, but can you honestly claim that steve isn't a handsome man? look at those dreamy eyes and tell me you don't want to make out with him at least a little. plus, he's got a great head of hair, and we all know i love that in a man.
look at steve's chest! look at his abs! he might have starred in movies that made him out to be a lovable schlub, but look at all the hotness he was hiding underneath his clothes. in the 80's you could hardly see a movie without him in it, while today he makes smaller appearances on tv shows and in movies.
he's even aging well. this photo is not so great since imdb won't let you copy photos and i had to screen save it, but you can still see how steve's appeal is in no way diminishing as he gets older. if anything, he's as hot as he was before. still has great hair, still has that wonderful smile, still makes think wistfully about making out with him. i bet in hollywood dating circles he's a hot commodity.
here you have it, the first installment of secret jewish boyfriend. like your secret boyfriend, only one of the chosen people.
*it was one of four kid-friendly movies on the boat and while the kids were up, that's what we watched. after viewing #304 i started thinking about how steve guttenberg is a totally underrated actor and while he may not be known for huge dramatic pieces or as a conventional ladies man, acting in such a way that makes it seem like he's the boy-next-door and not actually acting is a harder thing to pull off than most people realize. then i started thinking about other guys like that, then i started thinking about cute jewish boys and before i had to make dinner i made a list to use when i got home. now we can have an internet coffee klatch about mensches we love, thanks to steven guttenberg.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
i got a call from the fisherman today. talking to him was great, especially since i didn't think i'd get to for a while, but when we got off the phone i felt all sad and mopey. to counteract that, i got out of the house. i'm at the coffee shop (again! god, i never drink this much coffee.), blogging and reading blogs and thinking about jobs and money and all that jazz.
you all know i'm totally neurotic, so the next paragraph won't surprise you any. i've also been over-analyzing and dissecting my phone conversation with the boy, while i drink my iced americano and hunt down new sock patterns to knit. i think he might have mentioned staying in alaska this winter for a job, which was always part of the plan but he might be you know, actually around and not on a boat. i told him i was excited for him and that i would be there for sure in a year to live, which i think totally missed the point . if he gets a job where he gets to stay on land then i could go there earlier. moving to alaska sounds insane, i know, but not any more insane than running off on a fishing trip with a boy i hardly know. i just don't want to do it when i have to do it alone; i want him to be there for a while to help me adjust and get settled. he has months where he doesn't work so that's totally feasible when you look at it from a fishing point of view. however, if he isn't shackled to a boat, then he could work while i move up there and get settled and that would motivate me to get out of the house and get my own job. (either that or i would invest in cable tv and gain three hundred pounds.) now will he think i don't want to live there? did i miss my cue? he would tell me if i did, i think. plus, he's not mr. beat around the bush. see?! this is why you don't want to live in my brain.
other than that, talking to him was awesome. i also put a package in the mail for him today. included in it were some new underpants (i know! awful, right? but his boxers are all trashed and who wants to spend their one day off a month buying something so mundane?), sunflower seeds, magazines, candy and sharpies. on a boat, sharpies can be used as currency in much the same way smokes are used in prison. or maybe that was just the boat i was on. i love sending stuff out in the mail, and have been writing to him a little every day and then making one big letter a week to send off. well, i haven't quite been here a week, but you know what i mean.
at home we're all settling into a routine that works for us. tonight i'm going to make a little spot in one of the closets to hang up one of those sweater organizers so i can keep some stuff inside and not out in the garage. i am seriously sick to death of living out of suitcases and duffel bags. having an 18 month old around is taking some getting to in addition, not in a bad way. i just have to remember to put sharp things up and sneak her soda when mom isn't watching. baby is a freaking delight to be around, and already she hugs me and cuddles with me. she's a genius like all my nephews too, and we can spend forever playing "where's your nose? teeth?" etc. she's a bit mischevious, though, and the other day she was doing something naughty but clever and my pop sighed and said, "it's too bad she's an evil genius."
speaking of nephews, this weekend my sweetie boy T turns 4 and i get to see him and all my portland peeps! i have to take a bus, which sort of super sucks, but as long as i get there i don't care. man, i missed you guys. i know i said that while i was gone, but being home now makes me realize it all the more. if i move to alaska, will you still love me? you can come and visit...it's real pretty up there and i know how to cook caribou now. i'll keep my inflatable bed, just in case. (wink wink)
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Monday, August 13, 2007
i learned to knit socks in alaska. this was my first finished pair. for years, literally, i've been trying to knit socks but just couldn't finish a pair. i'd get started and get all excited and work away happily until the heel and gusset parts, and then i'd get all discouraged and either rip it all out or shove the project into the bottom of a basket to be forgotten. in alaska, though, i ran out of yarn and this was the only thing left to work on. if you are trying to learn something and get blocked, i would recommend taking an extended boat trip. it worked wonders for me. in the end i knit two complete pairs and have finished one more. today my sister indulged me and we went to my favorite yarn store in anacortes (anna cross stitch!) where i picked up more sock yarn. i am heady with the knowledge that i can indeed make socks, and only make crazy stripey ones in big colors. i'll take photos of the other socks i've made so you can see those later. now that i can do it and am so pleased with the results i need a good pair of mary janes to show them off. i'm thrilled.
speaking of nerdiness, yesterday i ran into my high school history teacher. he was without a doubt the only reason i graduated from high school. he was interesting and excited about what he taught, and he focused my attention on something i never would have thought i'd be interested in. because of him i still give mini-tours to my friends when on the island and i still hunt down old books about the history of western washington. he introduced me to margaret mead and the state archives and college libraries and tofu, and for that i'll always be grateful. we had a great chat, where i told him i ran off to alaska with a redhead (he's a redhead too) and he told me where i should look for jobs and that redheaded men should be kept. walking away i told my friend that it was that teacher that made me love my nerdiness, never let us me feel embarassed for being interested in anything or being smart, and hooked me up with what would be my best high school friends. i might have been a nerd and a know-it-all and a dork in high school, but so were some other great kids and dammit, we were happy nerds. i still am, thanks to that man. that's why i can gush about high speed internet connections and stripey socks on my blog and not feel weird. seeing him yesterday made me feel great. it's totally been the highlight of being in town so far; i usually dread running into anyone i know, but now i feel more comfy about being here.
it is weird being home. this was the only place i wanted to be, but i find myself all itchy and wanting to get out and feeling restless now that i'm here. does that make me a total ass? i just feel sort of out of place, i guess. i know my people are glad to have me back, but there's a lot going on and at the homefront we can be a bit testy with one another.
my dad just got out of the hospital; he spent a week there with a wicked case of pneumonia and now has to use a big wheezing oxygen machine to help him breathe. the good news is his chemo is pretty much over, and next they move him on to radiation. i was afraid his being bald would freak me out, but he's damn handsome that way. his head is perfectly round, and he looks so tidy and at the same time totally badass. he's like mr. clean and the king of siam rolled into one! in short, he looks good. he doesn't feel great right now, but the doctors assure us the oxygen isn't a permanent fixture and that he's doing well. it's affecting us all in different ways and while our main concern is him doing okay and being comfortable i think it stresses us ladies of the house out. being able to actually see my dad and hang out with him also makes the cancer a real thing. it was scary before, but now i'm terrified. i'm also still skittish from all the yelling on the boat find myself trying so hard not to step on anyone's toes and/or get in the way. it's all very weird, like i said before. not weird in an awful, get-me-the-hell-out-of-here way, but it is stranger. it all feels extra surreal, but i'm sure by this weekend it will feel totally normal.
being with my niece absolutely fucking rules. that kid cracks me up. while i wasn't exactly aching to move back to the island i will admit that the chance to live with her for a while and get to know her is too good to pass up. if i stay here and live with her and my sister we'll also be able to save a lot of money and that would help me get back on my feet again. if i'm serious about moving to alaska next year this would be a good place to be.
i missed a call from my fisherman today. i wish i'd been there to get it, i was all bummed out after pop told me. it's only been three days but i'm not liking the separation part of this. i know it's par for course and growing up with a dad who was gone most of the time for work (navy) i always kind of suspected i would end up with a sailor. my uncles were always gone too, thanks to uncle sam, and this is how i thought all married people were. being on the boat for a few months as well i know what the boy is up to, and how days fly by when you work and don't have access to the outside world via tv, papers, radio or mail. three days probably feels a lot longer to me than it does him, and i know that his work isn't all fun and games and beer drinking. he works hard, harder than anyone i've ever known. i just want to talk him. already i've sent letters because it feels so strange to spend a day not just chit chatting. that was one of my favorite parts of the day; when we'd be in our bunks, talking before falling asleep. it was like slumber party goodness every night!
i should go look through monster.com and the local paper for a job. i borrowed mom's macbook and am sitting outside the local coffee shop that has wifi. they're closed, of course, so i'm roughing it by computing from the car. ha! roughing it. taking a shower every day now feels all decadent, and everyone says i smell like diesel, although i still can't smell it myself. i might have a little culture shock, which isn't a bad thing. it's actually sort of a fun thing to be able to say, it makes me feel like a worldly traveler. also kind of dorky for even thinking that, but if culture shock is the biggest of my complaints right now, i think i'm doing okay.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
i have tons of stuff to tell you, but my niece sleeps in the computer room and goes to bed e-a-r-l-y. you can't try to sneak in there when she's asleep either; she wakes right up.
today was a good day overall. maggie and i spent the day together, and i think we had fun. she's an easy kid though; very happy and pretty much anything entertains her. she's also crazy cute and inquisitive, and so it's fun to wander around with her and answer her questions. she's not exactly speaking yet (she's 18 months old), she can say words and is loving saying "hi!" "bye!" and "oh, no!" but i swear she makes a sound that is almost exactly "what's that?" it's funny.
i also ran into my favorite high school teacher* at the local arts and crafts festival and had an ice cream cone today, so i would consider that a success. tomorrow i start looking for a job and trying to get out of my parent's house. and hopefully i'll get a chance to do some real blogging and reading and pay some bills.
*i want to tell you about that in more detail tomorrow, so if i forget, please remind me. thanks!
Saturday, August 11, 2007
well, almost. right now i'm in the lobby of a cheap hotel, waiting for the airport shuttle to take me back to seatac so i can catch another shuttle back to the island. i got into town late last night; it was sort of a madcap trip involving three planes, a million layovers and one very sleep amanda, but i made it home all in one piece and as soon as i get onto the island and unpack my (fishy) clothes and have a drink i will tell you more.
i did leave a bit earlier than the other kids, but not in a bad way. there basically wasn't much left for me to do, and after three months at sea i wanted to be home. it's bittersweet of course; sleeping without my boy is hard and knowing it will be a few months before i get to see him again is harder, but i forget how much i love taking taxis and being in the city. there are so many options here! it's fantastic.
got to go!