Thursday, January 29, 2009
i understand that it's normal for people to feel kind of freaked out by how they feel, but i've never understood the need to have a talk about "what if you leave me." i've also never been good at talking about my feelings, except to describe them as ones that feel good, and ones that feel lousy. i am woefully inept at the "talk" which makes me most guys fantasy girl. however, my man likes to talk about his feelings because he's a goddamn hippy*. just because i'm not good at it doesn't mean i can't do it, or am unwilling. however, at two a.m. when i am confused and tired you probably shouldn't bring up the big issues of your various insecurities because i will go into panic/confused mode and not be any good at listening or knowing what's going on.
i will also end up irritated that i'm exhausted all day at work while your teachers let you go home early because you look tired and they love you. i'm not mad, exactly, and i think in the end we had a good talk and he feels better about a lot of things, but dammit. today just kind of sucked.
*i might have a touch of the premenstruals, making me more snippy than usual!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
okay, maybe i'm a little blinded by my affection for him.
i have work related stuff to tell you too, but to be honest, i'm hoping to get into work early tomorrow and make some cash money. that means going to bed now! before i go, though, your stories ruled. i hope this one turns out as well.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
we've passed the one month mark. of course things are all still hearts and stars and kissing in the kitchen when we think no one's looking, which is pretty normal for this stage in a relationship, but i'm telling you this: it feels like more than your standard honeymoon phase. it feels better, which is to say it feels like feathers and sparklers and tickles and bites. hard to describe, but not too hard to feel. it still feels big and makes me giggle, and 24 hours without seeing him still seems like days. i can't get enough of him.
here's what i wanted to ask you, though; when did you know? is there a "too soon" when you meet someone seriously awesome? i vacillate between wanted to climb something high and shout about how fantastic and wonderful he is, and feeling shy like it's too soon, like i can't possibly know what i'm talking about and should keep my pie hole shut. so i'm curious about your story, when you knew you loved someone, how you knew, if you told the whole world or kept it a secret for a while. i want to talk to someone about it, and you guys have got to have a few good stories for me.
Monday, January 19, 2009
i'm going to switch my shifts around this week and start taking sundays off. we'd talked about it before, but both of us (me and him!) kept the day to make a little extra, and blah blah, but it's hard to have no time off at all. i do want to be able to spend a whole day goofing off with him, and how will hot sauce banana ever get off the ground if we don't have time to devote to thinking up album and song titles? these things are important!
i'm incredibly excited about tomorrow as well. i'm hoping we don't have a 9 a.m. appointment, so i can run inside and watch the inauguration on tv as it happens. i kind of already feel like i might cry, so if i get a bit misty while watching, you know, history in the making, please don't make fun. thanks!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
it feels like things are going well for me at the hospital. i'm making new friends (yeah, i said that out loud!), relaxing, getting used to the routine, and while i still have stuff to learn i don't feel overwhelmed. it's kind of nice. the normal hours, wearing of ordinary clothes, being treated like i'm not a retard, all these things are growing on me. plus, i get to work on crossword puzzles, watch cool medical stuff being done, and once a nice old lady told me i was a sweetheart and kissed me on the cheek. awesome. ooh, and today the cafeteria was giving out free cookies.
days like today are amazing. my boyfriend made me the sweetest bento lunch, i got a free cookie with my coffee this morning, the boss man came into town and we had a nice chat (which added half an hour onto my day!), and i got to know one of my coworkers better (i only see her once a week, but she's super cool). tomorrow i get to go in early, make more money, see my man and wear something cute. it's been a whole lot of happy lately with just a few spots of annoyance. to be honest, not much gets to me right now because i'm having such a good time. gross, right? my roommate makes fun of me all the time, "true love! BARF!" but whatev. right now things are in a good place, and i'm going to enjoy it while it lasts. dear internets, i'm in love and happy and have an awesome new job. high five!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
the salad bar at the hospital is cheap! i got a big salad for under $4 and am feeling pretty fine. although, they only viniagrette they had was fat-free italian, which is a bit too sweet for my taste. i might need to bring my own dressing!
my niece turns three in two weeks. my sister invited me and my boyfriend to her party, but not his kids. i had a whole big long blog post concerning it; about how when i asked about them she told me flat out, "no," and that there were already "too many people" coming. it was kind of a long and whiny post, and since writing it i have decided that even though my sister is being a dick, i don't have to be. the day should be all about baby, anyhow. if my sister brings it up with me, i'll be sure to let her know what i think, but a lot could happen in two weeks and i guess i'll wait and see how things pan out. there are rumours now that there isn't even going to be a party, so it might be a moot point. it just got under my skin, the way she dismissed my boyfriend's kids. he's kind of a package deal, not just for me but for all of us. he's always going to be boyfriend+2, and the sooner my sister realizes it, the better. what really annoys me is that she's a single parent, just like my boyfriend, and if someone had pulled that shit with her she would have gone nuts.
the second week in, and i can honestly say i like my new job. it's a lot of fun, watching the images appear on screen, making people comfortable, listening to their stories. there've been a few tough moments; like an older gentleman who got real claustrophobic and panicked once inside the tub, and one lady seriously whacked out on pain pills, but mostly it's a good time. i went to the grocery store this week for two shifts which were actually fun because it was a change of pace and also a bit of a relief to be doing something i know (innately now) how to do. i can navigate through the kitchen with ease, i know where things are and what needs to be done, and i don't have that yet at my new job. i'm learning, but it's going to take time. eventually this is all i'll do, and i'm sort of looking forward to that as well.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Thursday, January 08, 2009
who i hardly ever see anymore, and who probably hates me. well, she does for a while, then we settle in for a cuddle and she's fine and dandy.
nearing the end of my first week at the new job. it's very fun, very relaxing, and did i mention the pay is good? holy cow. i also enjoy having a similar schedule to my boyfriend's because that means we can actually hang out. he's thinking about taking sunday's off this quarter, and if he does that i am going to do the same. a whole day together sounds too good to pass up. just think of the things we could do! trips to the city, afternoons at the movies, drives in the country, breakfast, lunch AND dinner. we could go hiking or to the beach or the farmer's market. the thought of a whole day stretched out before us with nothing to do is tempting. i think it might have to happen.
it's strange to me to find it so easy to say "my boyfriend" with this man. it rolls right of the tongue and finds its way into a million different sentences. it's actually pretty fun to say. i think it's the boy that makes me feel that way, but it's just a hunch.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
the new job is pretty fucking awesome. for a few reasons, one of which being that today my boss told me there was downtime and i was free to bring a book or hobby with me for those time. i asked, "can i knit?" and he said "sure." i'm going to get paid for knitting. that's right! whoo! the other parts of my job are pretty enjoyable; mainly i help make sure patients are at ease, get them situated on the MRI table, and help clean up and stock stuff. i also do a bit of data entry, running of errands, and today i read a big chunk of anansi boys. after the initial shock wore off, to be honest, there were boring stretches. tomorrow i don't have to get up as early, and know what to expect, so i assume it will go even better. i bought myself a new shirt at the evil empire tonight; so ugly it goes back to being cute, so that i would have something fun to wear tomorrow. plus, i promised my man that he would get to see it. i spent the afternoon describing it in its awful glory (it's like little house on the praire met a lumberjack and they had a weird, frilly plaid baby), and now he's curious. yet another thing i like about him!
so far, this year is going well. better than last year, and the year before that. i'm not so superstitious about the new year, being that it's such an arbitrary system (any day can be the start of a new year!) but i like how it's all lining up together in an orderly fashion. it pleases me tremendously. i have a man i adore, a job that looks promising, and a truly hideous shirt to wear tomorrow. a girl can't ask for much more.
Monday, January 05, 2009
tomorrow is also my first day of work (!) and i need to find some clothes that don't suck. i've been living in white shirts and ties and aprons for over a year now, the rest of my wardrobe is pretty hobo-riffic.
i'm off to get started! so much to do today, so little time.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
i had a very interesting talk with a friend today, where i disclosed that i would, indeed, be quite pleased to be a step-mother. or probably the live-in girlfriend of the dad, because i'm not always too sure i want to get married. to me, that's pretty close to being a step-mom, and that is appealing. i do honestly enjoy children. the kids i know are all impossibly smart and sweet and good-looking (except for the one who steals my shit! she's not on the top of my list!) and i enjoy 99% of every minute i'm with them. at the same time, when i think about having kids of my own i'm conflicted. why try to compete with the kids i already know? what if i don't do nearly as good a job as my friends and family? i'm not always sure i have the patience for parenting. i also feel like i should have done it sooner: i've given myself entirely too much time to think about all the things that could go wrong, and have freaked myself out.hee hee hee... oh boy. if only i'd known. daydreaming about my boyfriend was fun before i knew him, but to be perfectly honest, he's a lot more fun now that i've had him in real life. i took my friends out to see him last night and even my sister came out to meet him! everyone agrees that he is just as handsome as i said he was, and we all had a very good time. it's funny how things worked out, funny and delightful and surprising.
the boy before last had a kid (still does!) and i liked that. watching him interact with his child was awesome. for the first time i dated someone who enjoyed being a parent, and put their kid first. it was strangely hot, and such a nice change of pace. the only other men i've dated with kids were maybe not the best dads, and that was always such a turn-off. although, to be fair, i have not dated very many men with children. at my age, though, it's getting more and more common.
which leads me to my next thought; i have this incredibly cute customer at work who's been coming in for years, and he has very sweet kids. a boy and a girl, and i just realized in all the time he's been shopping at my store i've never seen him without his kids, or with a woman. for that matter, i can't recall ever seeing the kids with their mom, which makes me wonder if he isn't divorced. he's got nice crinkly blue eyes, good hair, and a great smile. i pointed him out to a co-worker the other day, and she agreed that he is indeed handsome. for the first time i thought, "hey wait! he might be date-able!"