Saturday, December 24, 2011

the stockings are actually not hung by the chimney with care

but not because i'm a grinch! i'm not sure how to hang them up there without them falling down once full.  i think they'll end up being stockings laid before the chimney with care, if that's okay with you.

the shopping is all done (aside from maybe an eyeliner or two i should buy the girlchild), cookies and festive breads have been baked, all our plans for the next few days have been made and confirmed, and now it's just all about trying to show up on time and vacuuming the living room.  i got a four day weekend, which is exciting, and i spent yesterday napping and goofing off, which felt amazing.  for whatever reason i got a lot of medicare calls this week, and medicare is kind of confusing to everybody. it's a subject that definitely taxes my brain.  

work is going well, though. i feel like i'm getting to a point now where i'm not so overwhelmed that i come home and go to bed early.  i feel more confident about what i'm doing, and have gotten some positive feedback from my bosses.  i had a QC call last week (where they listen to a recording of a call a few times and take notes to give you) that went very well, and the monitor actually told me that she liked how comfortable i sounded on the phone.  "you sound like you've been doing this for a lot longer than you have been."  i always want to reply like jon lovitz on snl, "acting!" honestly, i figure it can't hurt to at least sound like i know what i'm doing, and no one needs to know how new i am.  i feel good at this job; it feels like a place where you're always learning new things, like there are all sorts of opportunities, and like they honestly give a shit about their employees.  it's so refreshing.

i feel like things are going well, both at work and at home.  i love my little house, my little family, and am looking forward to the next few days.  i hope you all have a great holiday, whatever you celebrate, and if i don't get back to you before january, happy new year! 

Thursday, December 15, 2011

cubey love

i love my cubicle. i love that it's mine, a little space for me and my phone and my computer, and i love that the company i work for outfits us all with two computer monitors.  you have no idea how much easier that makes my job.  one one screen i have the main program we use to look up information on, and on the other i have all the research tools loaded.  i can go back and forth like no one's business and it's amazing.  the tech geek in me surges with joy when i see those two screens waiting for me in the morning. 

not to sound like i'm already drinking company kool-aid, i also love that my cubicle is surrounded by people with more experience than i have.  i actually had a co-worker come over today to show me something that i missed, and she wasn't a dick about it.  she just overheard me and knew that she could show me a shortcut, and so she came over and did.  when i'm working i can hear what other people are saying, i can look stuff up that i didn't already know, i get a better idea how of how to do things.  the atmosphere at this particular cube farm is seriously friendly, and i wasn't expecting that.  it's just nice.  i know that makes me sound like pollyanna, but it's true.

i do have one teensy, tiny, barely there beef, though. you didn't expect all ponies and sunshine, did you?  you know that trainer i had that was kind of eye-rolly and jerky? the one i was excited about not having to see anymore?  yeah.  they assigned her to my team.  she doesn't work where i have to see or hear her, but still!  i was free, but only for one day.  dammit.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

this bed is too soft

man, it's only a little after ten at night and my whole family is asleep.  which is lame because i'm finally adjusted to my new schedule, just had two glasses of wine and want to rock out while baking cookies.  i have to be quiet so they can all sleep, though.  shoot. 

the new job means i don't have to get up crazy early, and this winter i've actually seen some honest-to-goodness real sunlight in the morning and afternoons as a result.  none of the going-to-bed in the dark and waking-up in the dark for me this season; and to be perfectly honest, i have noticed a difference.  i'm clenching my jaw less, moping around less, going out and doing stuff more.  oh sunlight and vitamin D, i suppose this proves i am your slave.  i'm okay with that, as long as you both stick around.  in any case, i like not getting up at zero-dark-thirty, and don't mind working five days a week because a) i don't have to get up crazy early and b) big girl paychecks.  also, we are busy at work; the day flies by and when i leave it, i do honestly leave it behind.  i might take a few moments to be quiet, because i talk to people all day, but that's all. 

a friend at work bought me this adorable zen garden for my desk, along with a mug full of treats.  some sour patch kids, chopsticks, a nail file and this crazy orange polish.  it sounds crazy, but i think i'm too old for neon nail polish (because 34 is like old, man) so i only put it on one nail.  i think that will probably end up looking stranger than just using the polish on all my nails, but it makes me happy.  i like the contrast too, even if it is a bit silly.  one orange, nine grey.  seems reasonable to me.

Monday, December 12, 2011

counting down!

one more shift in the classroom, then it's upstairs to my very own cubicle.  not only will i have my own little space, but this past week i've spent a chunk of my days scooting in and out of my desk to let people in and out to answer questions and OMG i'm tired of moving out of everyone's way.  sitting on the aisle seat in a classroom is balls.  plus, did i mention this classroom has no windows? because it doesn't and that can create a weird time-disconnect.

one of the girls i work with brought me a cute little desktop zen garden today, too, which i can't wait to set up.  i've been looking at mouse pads and wrist rests and bought a new travel mug that can go in the dishwasher.  there are just too many of us all on the phone at once in the classroom to be comfortable for anyone.  i know we're all a bit antsy to get out of there and stretch out a bit.  one more 8 hour shift, then i'm free!  

Thursday, December 08, 2011

how may i help you?

today was my first whole day on the phones, answering calls and hunting down information.  yesterday we did half a day, which was enough to fry my brain and leave me slightly retarded and seriously tired.  i have to say, even though i most definitely had a moment (or two) today of sheer frustration, i actually felt pretty chipper when i came home.  i don't know as much as i need to, but i am learning stuff, and only one person today got fussy with me because i didn't know what they wanted me to know.  she got huffy and said, "um, are you new or something?" i said, in my most happy and excited voice, "yes! i am!" which i think kind of took the wind out of her angry sails.

i feel like i'm doing okay, but of course i don't really know.  the feedback we're getting at this point is nominal at best, and every time i ask my teacher a question she seems annoyed that i exist.  at some point i rubbed her the wrong way, and now she kind of hates me.  she only hates me a little, so i'm okay with that.  to be fair, i don't much care for her either, so i guess we're even.  i feel like she didn't do the best job preparing us, and we had hours and hours of down time that she could have been going over scenarios with us, instead of suggesting we poke around on websites looking for things we didn't actually know to look for.  it's like telling someone you're going to teach them how to cook, sending them to the store for food, and then when they get back, they have all the ingredients for baking a cake but she wants us to cook a chicken.  dude, i did not buy a bird, and i looked up a lot of stuff i do not need now.  weird example, but true.  then again, there is a massive amount of information to learn in order to do this job with any sense of competency, so maybe this is just how it goes.  what i do know for sure is this; i can't wait to be out of that classroom, i can't wait to decorate my little cubicle, and i just spent way too much time looking at mouse pads for my computer.  dorkbot.   

Sunday, December 04, 2011

how to make a good sandwich

i had a dream last night that i got call from the deli used to work at.  they left me a message saying they had no one else to open the deli that morning at 4 a.m., and they really needed me to work.  i knew i didn't work there anymore, but i went in anyway because i knew there wasn't anyone else to take that shift.  i got there early (honestly, going to work at 4 at the morning sounds lame, but is quite nice. it's quiet, you have your list of things you need to do, you get into a certain rhythm and before you know it, the sun is up and it's time for you to go home.), and started work.  slowly, the other deli workers came trickling in as their shifts started, and they were all surprised to see me.  "oh! you're the manager that never works here!" they kept saying.  i told them they never saw me because i didn't actually work there anymore, and when they asked why i was there, i explained that there was really just no one else.  then we started getting customers, and i was amazed at how i knew what ingredients went on which sandwich, and how easy it was for me to put them together.  then, because this was a dream, i forgot to price the sandwiches and all the cashiers got mad at me.  i left work early, because i had to go to my other job, and woke up feeling weird.  proud that i still know how to make a kick-ass sandwich, chumpy because they got me to go into work, at a job i didn't even have anymore.  then i woke up all the way, and reminded myself it was a dream.

Saturday, December 03, 2011


i know, i'm too old to indulge in adolescent musical interludes but this song reminds me of a boy i was smitten with at 20, and still miss today. not because we would have ever grown up and gotten married or had kids or been anything but childhood sweethearts; but because he was a nice boy.  not my boy, but a sweet, kind boy who knew that i wasn't the marrying-kid-having type.  we actually argued about that sort of thing, and i recall being annoyed he thought that i wasn't ready to settle down.  he was right, and i was wrong about what i wanted and when i wanted it, which in the end was exactly what i needed.

i wasn't supposed to get married at 22 and have kids.  my kids were already around, waiting for me to show up.  i couldn't love them more if i had made them with my own body.  i hear albums like this one, and remember what i though my life was going to be, and am happy i was wrong.

*what makes me think of him is that my parents really loved him; they were his parents in a way.  i have moments where i remember we all went out, hand in hand, and they loved him, knowing we wouldn't grow up and get married.  it's a testament to how great my parents were that they loved him regardless, and how i learned about love with all of them.  is that weird?  knowing even then that what i wanted wasn't the best for me, wasn't what was in store, and still playing along.  he remains a good man, someone's happy partner, just not mine. 

what makes me think about all of this is knowing if my dad had known D at all, in any way, he would have been happy.  he would have liked him, they would have gotten along, and they both would have rolled their eyes at my more insane tendencies.  my dad loved the boy i grew up with, but he would have loved D more. i wish they had known each other.  it feels unfair that he knew the boy i wouldn't grow up to marry, and not the man i love so much.