Sunday, January 29, 2006
i went to see slim cessna's auto club with some friends, who told me that i'd love them based on what they knew about me and music to start with. they were right, and i was in love. munly seems to be in the band, or maybe he was part of last night, but since i've only seen them together i can't think of slim cessna without munly. i'm getting way ahead of myself.
there were two opening bands as well, starting with little darlings. cute name, yes? they were fairly good. for a few songs at the beginning they seemed to be warming up, but once they did i liked them. plus, they had this really tall guy with great sideburns who played the banjo (and he played it well) so i decided even if at times i didn't love them, i still liked them. next were the virginia sisters, who i really, really wanted to love. they had a cute t-shirt for sale, and just about everyone in my family is named virginia, but alas, they were sucky country rock. oh sure, they could rock, but every song sounded exactly like every other song, the lead singer wouldn't take off his knit hat which annoyed me because it was not cold on stage, and then of course he was balding and i thought "oh, that explains it," and the bassist looked like the love child of dean ween and al franken. i'm also fairly sure that southern rock is really only appealing to men. i admit to absent-mindedly doing some toe tapping, but my heart wasn't in it.
the crowd grew steadily during the first two bands, but the moment slim cessna came on-stage the place was suddenly packed and we had to stand up to see. it was like being at a revival show, or at a punk show. i'm not sure a seattle crowd would get it, i think they'd want them to be a lot more ironic and less earnest, but i liked that you couldn't tell if they were singing about jesus in a tounge-in-cheek way, or if they meant it. some audience members put their hands up like you see in big evangelical churches, and people were freaking out left and right. munly and slim were in matching black shirts and pants, big cowboy belt buckles, tan cowboy hats. slim was slender, but you could see where the bones came together in munly. he was like a finely articulated skeleton with a bit of skin thrown on so he wouldn't freak us out. he might have been thin, but he rocked out hard. eveyone did. i haven't seen a band look like they were having that much fun, or needed to rock so bad, in a very long time. the music was fantastic too; raucous and loud and rocking but with banjo! and one of those keyboards that sound like an organ with a section where you can pull a bow, like on a stringed instrument (i have no idea what this is called or where to even look it up). it was country, but it was faster and a lot more raw. i'm finding it hard to explain. you can go over here and download an mp3, and decide for yourself.
i guess the point is, i had a great time, the music was amazing, and i got to have fries afterward.
after some more research, you can find more information about slim cessna's auto club over at alternative tentacles, inlcluding a biography and more mp3s. and you can buy cd's! which i think i might have to do.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
i shouldn't complain because one headache in two weeks is nothing, but i admit that it makes me super grumpy that i woke up with it. i prefer my head pain to mosey on in later in the day, not be there waiting for me the moment i open my eyes in bed. i think it showed up because it knows i have plans later tonight. stupid headache.
Friday, January 27, 2006
also, i am very, very, seriously bored. which is retarded because i don't feel like doing anything to start with. i just want to hide out in my room (which i'm doing, dreams do come true!), but i sort of wish there were some people here to entertain me and amuse me. if only i were more exciting.
in this picture you can see her cute chin. this was taken her first day home, less than 24 hours old. she was already adorable. today was her first doctor's appointment outside the womb, and she gained 2 oz since birth! most babies don't gain weight, which means that she is obviously the most advanced baby ever. or just really hungry. my sister says all she really does is eat and sleep right now. she's taken to calling her "slug."
today's interview was really great. which makes me all sorts of conflicted. i won't hear back from them until the middle of next week, though. i'm supposed to start the other job on monday, which would be okay, but if i get offered the other job i think i'd rather take that. it's true it's office-y, which sort of sucks, but the office was comfortable and everyone looked happy, and i'd get to see what people with computer-drafting degrees actually do. the lady i talked to today was fantastic. i don't know. to ease my furrowed brow i had a martini when i got home. yay martini!
if babies aren't your thing, though, here is the cat being ridiculously cute in my lap while i enjoy my martini. kittens make martinis better, if you can believe that.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
but...it can't ever be that easy, can it? nope. the place i interviewed at yesterday got me an interview tomorrow, for a reception gig at an architechture/engineering firm. the pay is actually the same, except there's one more day (m-f as opposed to m&t, f&s). also, it's another office job. i'm not sure how i feel about that. there's this part of me that is sick of trying to fit into coporate america, doesn't like being trapped at a desk, and hates the 8-5 grind. i am not, nor have i ever been, much of a morning person. i'm 28 and this is the one thing i know really well about myself. there's part of me that knows that taking that job over the retail one is the smart thing to do, the reasonable thing to do, the grown-up responsible, making more money thing to do. yet i hate the idea and find myself stiffening against it. fuck!
the thing is, working four days a week will mean i'll be making enough to survive. i won't have a ton of money left over, but i would be making enough for rent and food and the bills i have. when i say "not a lot left over" i mean, maybe $200. there's the slim outside chance that i could supplement my income with an extra day here or there, or selling enough stuff on-line. theoretically, i'd have a whole extra day a week that i could devote to making stuff to sell, as well as painting, photography, and all my other little crafty ambitions. i could also tighten my belt, as it were, and cut some of my expenses. this place is close enough that i could walk or ride a bike, i could get rid of netflix (which might kill me but could also make me stronger! plus, i can't cut off the cable because that's something all three of us pay for), i'm already becoming better and better friends with the library, and being broke this long has only renewed my love of top ramen. it could be done, and it could be a way for me to take a break from corporate desk life and get a little more retail experience under my belt. with that, after a while i could move somewhere else. it is possible.
if i take this job with the idea that i'll use that extra day to give the side business a lot more attention, as well as all the artsy stuff, then that means i have to seriously commit to that. i can't spent that extra day goofing off and fucking around doing nothing.
i feel super conflicted. on one hand, this job i was offered sounds right up my alley; no desk, an afternoon schedule, working with other kids as well as seeing all sorts of weirdos wander in and out of the store. when i'm not telling people to "suck it" i'm actually fairly pleasant. i do have a teensy chip on my shoulder when it comes to being treated like a retard by customers, but the same thing happens as a receptionist, only by the same people every day. on the other hand, i'm 28 years old and might be giving up a really good job with benefits and blah blah blah (to be honest, i'm sick to death of working jobs i hate just so i can see a doctor if i get sick. that's fucking bullshit!), and how grown-up can i be if i'm working as a greeter in a cell phone store? my mother almost had a conniption when i mentioned this to her on the phone, which made me feel guilty, and yet is exactly the reason i moved away from home to start with. i've done what she and pop wanted me to do my whole life and all it's gotten me is some serious educational debt and this nagging feeling like nothing i do is ever good enough. i'm not a workaholic, i'm not "ambitious," i work because i have to do and i try to not doing anything that makes me want to kill people.
am i being unreasonable? my head hurts.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
um...i had an interview today. blah. i have another tomorrow. work is boring. b-o-r-i-n-g. i looked at technical schools today. that surprises even me. the more i think about it, the more i think, "why not?" i don't consider myself to be math-smart, or even very techno-savvy, but i do spend a lot of time on computers. i do like playing with them and seeing how they work. i like the idea of using computers to do creative stuff, i like merging artistic and practical. also, everyone uses them and if i got a basic associate degree i could work in just about any IT department doing help desk type stuff. i sort of like the sound of that. i've thought about it for the past few weeks, and figure getting an information packet can't hurt.
i took a nap today. which wouldn't be so note-worthy except dude it's been months since i fell asleep without fighting it, especially in the middle of the day. of course the one day i take a nap i get an email invitation to a party that i ended up sleeping through. rock! sleep, you fickle thing. i would shake my little fist at you, but i am too busy trying to figure out how to make myself tired again so i can sleep through the night.
i saw ham on the street again, and chew, he's got two moles. two is not that many and they are not big or hairy, and i don't know, for some reason i want to make out with him. especially considering he made coffee flavored rice crispy treats. then again, he is losing his hair and i grew up surrounded by men with great hair so no hair freaks me out a little. shallow? yes. but also true.
and on a final nerdy note, they are making this american life into a show for showtime. i feel conflicted by this; on one hand i love this american life and want more of it and getting to see more of the love of my life, ira glass, would rule, but we all know i fear change. my hope is that it's enough like the original in that the stories are good and well-told, but different enough to make it feel like it's own entity. and that it comes out on dvd because lord knows i'm not paying for showtime.
p.s. i got a picture of maggie! want to see it? email me.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
next on the list was all about eve. i keep thinking i haven't seen it, but i have. a few times. how can i be so retarded that i forget that? in any case, it's a great film. i miss bette davis. she was complicated and unusual and smart and all those things were considered good things. is it just that there are no women who are as great as bette anymore, or is that those qualities she had aren't as valued? regardless, we have her great movies. yay for them! (and the costumes are delicious as well.)
and i have another interview tomorrow for what i'm sure is another stupid job.
ssk=slip, slip, knit. i thought this was meant literally: slip a stitch, slip another, then knit one. what it really means is: slip a stitch, slip another, then knit those two slipped stitches together. it's essentially the backwards version of K2tog (which is knit two together). the way i was doing it wasn't decreasing a stitch, which is the whole point of ssk, and therefore i was running out of stitches to do my thing and making a lumpy mess! i felt pretty dumb when i figured it out, but better now that i realize my pattern might not be totally full of shit and that at some point this week the chances are good i will have a sock that i knit myself.
whew. also, that link has a handy video that show you how ssk should look.
*ha! i meant "heel" but "hell" works okay too.
(and! i got to hear maggie on the phone today. she's got lungs and is not afraid to use them.)
my sister went into labor at about two in the morning, but the hospital said she wasn't far enough along, so they sent her home. when they went back in at seven she was dilated to 7 centimeters and they decided inducing wasn't necessary. mom says my sister freaked out more about the IV than she did the actual labor. she kept telling everyone she was having contractions, but everyone said, "if you can talk through them they aren't serious." except i guess either my sister is entirely too badass for her own good or else they just didn't hurt that bad, but she really was having serious contractions. before the birth she wanted all the drugs she could get, but then she didn't take anything until the very end (when she got nervous about pushing out that giant baby head) because she said it just wasn't that bad. my mom was amazed at how calm and easy-going about the whole thing my sister was. she said it was an easy labor, and that my sister was a champ. also that she was pretty damn lucky, because most women's first kids can be the toughest. if this is as bad as it's going to get for her, then maybe she should have lots of kids.
mom, dad and baby spent last night at the hospital and are coming home today. the last i talked to her, my mom was looking forward to a nice bourbon and soda, and maybe more than three hours of sleep. i had a ton of champagne and conked out at about one, only to wake up at seven. i can't sleep now just because i'm thinking of all the things i want to make her; onesies with her name on them, bibs, a nice "welcome home" card. i can't wait to see pictures of her. it's an exciting time. my mom is a grandmother! my pop is a grampa! there's this new baby and i have three other aunts to compete with for title of "best aunt ever." i should get to work.
Monday, January 23, 2006
i can't tell you how happy i am she's here. it makes me all choked up just to think of it.
i also found this on boing boing: the stardust recovery program has a webcam. better yet, watch the time-lapse compilations from days past.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
first things first: i want the goddamn baby to show. the longer she's in there, the more anxious i get. i'm probably over-thinking the whole thing, but i won't lie, i'm nervous about something bad happening. i won't stop fretting until she's here and all limbs and fingers are accounted for.
secondly: what the hell am i doing? should i keep working, should i go back to school and get a degree that might actually result in my being qualified for a job? the thought of going back to school makes me tired, but i have what might be the world's most useless degree. i've also been feeling massive amounts of guilt and regret over leaving school before finishing my master's degree. i know why i did that at the time, and i don't think getting my degree would have actually done me any good (again, i did something useless!), but goddamn i'm going to be paying that off forever. i honestly wish i'd gotten out sooner, when i wanted to. while i think college was good for me in a lot of ways, i studied something i loved but didn't actually want to work in. i loved teaching while working, but don't love academic politics. i could study forever, but they won't pay you for that. i've always wanted to work in a museum (either art or history), as a tour guide. getting a degree for that would help, but let's face it, those jobs are few and far between. i'm hesitant to spend any more money on school as well, seeing as i pissed that last degree away. then i think about culinary school, which would be super fun and would probably ensure that i could get a job anywhere. after all, people will always eat. working with my mom and sister catering was probably the best time i ever had working, and i'd like to do more of that. then again, i do like kids and maybe teaching them would be worthwhile. there's a program here at the university of colorado that's just for getting your teaching certificate. they have an orientation coming up tomorrow that i just found out about, but there is also on on the 6th of next month. if i could teach high school kids anything, i'd teach history or art. do you think they'd let me keep my ear plugs?
thirdly: i realize that lately i've been complaining a lot. much more than normal, and this bothers me. i don't want to be that girl who bitches and whines and freaks out all the time. sometimes just admitting i'm being boring and wasting my time kvetching is enough to get me to knock it off. it's easy to feel overwhelmed and then just spend all my time voicing my concerns, the trick is to maybe just do something. stop with the talk and on with the doing. that sounds all pop-psychology, even to me, but sometimes this is just something i need to say out loud. and by that i mean, "make you read about it."
and last but not least, have you seen the new cooking show, ham on the street? i have the biggest crush ever on the host, george duran. holy cuteness. maybe i should go to culinary school just to snag a boy who can cook...
i'm having a hard time thinking about anything else. prepare for boring blogging times ahead.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
my computer is acting up, i'm still working on knitting some socks, and i found falafel today. also! my sister is having some contractions. nothing big or serious, but she hasn't really had any before. no matter what, baby's scheduled to be here on monday. being here instead of there with her and mom makes me sort of hate colorado, though. i mean, don't take it personally colorado, but right now i sort of think you suck ass. why do you have to be so far away from california?
Friday, January 20, 2006
- the air is so dry the inside of my nose is sandpaper. you think i'm joking, but i could sand your night stand with my nostrils.
- i had drinks with kids from work. when was the last time i did that? months ago. i'd like to say that's because i haven't had a real job in months, but really, it's because sometimes i'm socially autistic.
- nina totenberg on the colbert report: she's not a brunette! i thought she was one of us. instead, she looks like mayim bialik's mom. i was wrong, but she is still so ridiculously adorable. and on NPR! i might need to get a new degree, so i can also be on the radio.
- i took a lot of photos today, because it was my last day at work. i wasn't worried about anyone catching me or making fun of me.
- i got the kids at work to also go out for lunch, and we went to a remarkably good chinese buffet. they had a dim sum table, complete with sticky rice and hom bao. i was a happy, full girl.
....dammit. i ran into an episode of mtv's made, which normally i hate hate hate, but this one is about this extra-sweet goth girl trying to become a beauty pageant contestant. being a teenager can be really hard, and this show makes me think about that, and also how that made me the amanda i am now. high school was crazy and uncomfortable for me, and seeing this girl go through some of that makes me alternately weepy and cheerful. do you know anyone who had it easy in high school that didn't end up being a total asshole? i didn't think so. this girl is so sweet, so lovely and wonderful that part of me hopes that she succeeds, and then there's this part of me that hopes she stays exactly like she is. regardless of how goth or not she is, she's a wonderful girl. if she wants to do this, i want it for her, at the same time i want her to be exactly who she is.
don't let me drink beer and watch mtv anymore, okay?
also these are songs on the musak that i will not miss ever and hope to never hear again:
- falling, alicia keys. goddamn i hate that song. i mean, i seriously hate it. i loathe it. i wish it would go to hell and never come back. alicia might be a nice enough girl, but that song is just so damn awful.
- walking in memphis, by the guy who got shot in the head. they play that at least once a day, and while i had a huge soft spot in my heart for memphis thanks to mystery train, now i'm not sure i'd ever go there. oh wait, i would. they have po' boys there, which i'm pretty sure is the king of all sandwiches. sandwiches are by far my favorite food.
- lady marmalade, by the slutcakes. the original was fun and campy and ridiculous, but making it over with a bunch of girls showing us their vaginas was uneccesary.
- any and all boy band songs. i just can't get into power ballads sung by boys prettier than me. can't do it. although whenever i hear 98degrees i feel bad for nick. not too bad, seeing as he has lots of money and will always get to say he took jessica's virginity (which should get him bragging rights for the next fifteen minutes), but i do feel sort of bad for him. he seems like a nice enough guy.
- sugar ray! whores, all of them. songs so bad they get stuck in your brain like those ear-buggies from star trek: wrath of khan. there are so many of their song out there, too. lying in wait to hurt you.
this weekend i'm going to wait for baby and watch only movies that deal with working in offices and how retarded that is. this will involve a viewing of office space (duh) as well as clockwatchers, with a bit of the office thrown in for good measure. any other recommendations? i've got a few days to myself after this!
Thursday, January 19, 2006
speaking of movies, a streetcar named desire is really fucking depressing. it's very good, but jesus h. christ it's a downer. which was actually sort of what i was looking for; i'm sort of really keyed up and not sleeping so well. i can't stop thinking about my sister and the baby, quitting my job, finding a new one, and my pop is sick and all by himself. this, out of all the things going on right now, makes me feel really, seriously, horribly guilty. when i first heard he was sick i thought, "oh, that's okay, i'll just go home for a few days." only now going home involves a plane ride, not just an hour or so in a car. it's irrational, i know, but i feel like the worst daughter on earth. the point is, i thought something a little gloomy and talky would help me wind down a bit. it worked for about five blissful minutes. i'm back to feeling anxious now. yay!
tomorrow is my last day at this job. i'm going to have to take another piss test before the second half of my latest interview (the first part of which went fine! it was like all other boring interviews, and at this point i'm real good at them), and hopefully monday i'll do the actual interview with the employer. a lot of companies here prefer to use agencies, which makes the interview process l-o-n-g. whatever. i can't believe i turned down a full-time permanent position. no, i take that back, i can. that tendency i have for burning bridges is evidently something i'm not doing so well controlling, and you know what, at this point i'm going to stop worrying about it. i'm not good at settling, regardless of how reasonable the settling is. nope, i'm just too neurotic for acting reasonably. (insert a shrug of the shoulders here)
i admit to watching the tv guide channel sometimes. normally i'm distracted by it while trying to see what's on and i turn it to mute. tonight, i got all sucked into this show, ready, set, change! it's a campy version of trading spaces/while you were out, and all the boys who build the stuff are ridiculously handsome and hugely tattooed. hello, achilles heel. also, one of them is wearing pink overalls (so. fucking. cute.) and one has great sideburns, and did i mention the arms of tattoos? i'm telling you, i'd let them makeover my house any time.
last night i dreamt about the baby. she was in a shoe box, and i wanted to peek inside and see her. my sister told me she wasn't "done" yet, and that i had to wait. "baby will come out when she's ready." so i held the shoe box and said to it, "come out, baby!" it was such a small box, burgundy colored and soft on the outside, warm and heavy to hold. i was trying to be patient, but i really wanted to see her.
what strikes me about this dream isn't that baby was in a shoe box, but my insistence on calling her "baby." until my sister was about two, i never called her anything else. it was always "baby" this and "baby" that. finally my mom got sick of it and insisted i call her by her name.
of course, she's still baby to me. which is probably why i'm so freaked out and excited and nervous and tired.
p.s. it's snowing! not a lot, and it seems sort of dry and light, but everytime it snows i get excited. something about snowy weather makes me feel all cozy and happy to be inside. even if by "inside" i mean "goofing off instead of actually working."
*scroll down to the bottom of the page!
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
i've been listening to nothing but the life aquatic soundtrack, thinking about how i really should have learned portuguese as a kid because then mom and i could talk to each other without anyone else knowing what we're saying. brazilian portuguese is different from mainland portuguese, but they're close enough. it also makes me think a lot about david bowie and how he was the first real crush i had on a man. as a teenager i was madly in love with a slew of thin boys with pretty faces. while i still like the look of a slender, lovely man, experience has taught me that i prefer to get my hands on a man with a bit more meat on his bones. but really, you can't ever shake those first crushes. if i were to get to meet david bowie ever, rest assured i'd burst into tears like a crazy fan-girl. how could i not?
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
i told the temp agency that i want out. they seemed surprised, which is funny considering i've been very upfront with my issues at this place. it's just a real uncomfortable work environment, with no one knowing from one day to the next what they do, what they will be doing, who's in charge or whether or not they'll have a job next week. it's tense on good days. i don't care how much they pay. if you work for money you end up miserable, and if you work for money you make your commie parents cry. how can i be a good commie/hippy/pinko role-model for my new niece and nephews if i work just for the cash?!
what's funny is that the moment i decided "no!" i got a call about another job. this one is part time (four days a week) but the perfect hours for me: 11-7. i'm going to apply for that and see what happens. not working five days a week will mean making less money but will also mean three days off a week and more time for me to goof off. i feel a bit guilty going for a job that isn't forty hours a week, but i don't really have that much in the way of expenses so what the hell? let's do it!
i'm watching rex the runt sort of out of the corner of my eye while i work on some stuff i sold to australia. dude, australia. that's real far away. selling stuff there makes me feel all sorts of cosmopolitan.
p.s. my sister is thinking about not using the name for baby that she's already picked out. she doesn't really like it, it's just the one that she and my brother-in-law can agree on. personally, i thought the name was a bit snobby, and am relieved that it's not set in stone. the new name is super-ultra-cute and i'll tell you what it is after baby shows up. i don't want to jinx it!
thank you for reading. i'm done.
no wait, i'm not done. last week i talked myself out of being in a bad mood about the job-situation, which works sometimes. today i am having a hard time talking myself out of hating it here, i'm feeling very "who cares?" and "what's the point?" about the whole thing. i know i'm selfish and it's extraordinarily self-absorbed of me to hate a job this much, to want out just because it annoys me, regardless of the money. it's hugely immature. if i had a family to support, maybe i would be able to stick it out, to see this in bigger, broader terms. as it is, i find myself exasperated and rolling my eyes and crunching my eyebrows together. i feel mean and spiteful today, and i've got that too-familiar itch to burn some bridges. why can't i just grow up? people do it all the time, every day, and yet i'm still acting out an extended adolescence that stopped being attractive about a million years ago.
god, i'm whiny. what's funny is that i've been complaining lately about someone who only complains about one thing and dude! i'm just like her!
i think part of this is homesick-doldrums. i thought i'd be through with that by now, but i guess i'm not. i find myself thinking fondly about seattle, and when i left there i sort of wanted to burn it down. amazing how everything looks so much rosier when viewed in hindsight.
while i do complain a lot lately, i am actually having a pretty good time when i'm not plotting and scheming against the world. i'm painting a lot more, which makes me happy, and knitting all sorts of fun stuff. i'm meeting new people who i actually like, and i'm finding it easier and easier to do stuff that ordinarily freaks me out. it's just i only write about the freaked-out-complaining stuff as of late. i guess i'm hoping to hear that i'm not totally crazy, that feeling this way is perfectly normal and that it will pass. this new life of mine has me wondering what to expect next, thinking about what i used to think was normal vs. what is becoming normal. growing pains of the annoying kind!
Monday, January 16, 2006
*they should change the name of the history channel to the bible channel because lately all they show are docu-dramas about bilbical figures. i get it, you're trying to make the bible a historical document, but really? it can't be done. you can show the history of the time it was written, but you'll never make it science or actual history. it's literature. the end.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
- no matter how cheap some things are at the dollar store compared to any other store on earth, i shouldn't be allowed to go in one alone. for some unexplainable reason they depress the hell out of me, and i leave feeling awful, like i cheated someone. today i went because i needed hangers and some of those awful hair claws (i need them in the shower. i know, i know, i'm very picky about my hair, but i have to pull it up and out of the way when i shower or else the conditioner washes out too early. seriously.), and i hate paying more than a dollar for them.
- i should also not be allowed to go into art supply stores all by myself, because buying art supplies makes me feel like an asshole. why? i mean, i use them, and i'm not much of an asshole in my everyday life, but for some reason being in art supply stores and buying brushes and paints makes me feel like a pretentious ass. i am too self-conscious for my own good sometimes.
- don't let me watch television shows about tattoo artists and shops, either. it just makes me want a new tattoo real bad. also, i have a crush on yoji. he's just so damn cute! if i can't have a new tattoo, can i date a boy who's a tattoo artist?
also, i am still full from last night. is that even physically possible?
Saturday, January 14, 2006
before sushi i went to see memoirs of a geisha with some friends. i've read the book, and just in case you were thinking about reading it, don't. it's super-boring. okay, not the most boring thing ever, but it was a dry read. the movie was a lot more fun to watch than the book was to read; very lovely and sweeping and historical, and aside from a few nerdy details that were omitted that annoyed me i liked it more than i thought i would. the costumes were gorgeous, and i get a huge kick out of beautiful japanese textiles. the thing is, even simple, everyday japanese outfits are amazing. i was also really excited to see pumpkin, she was in mystery train and once i realized it was her i was super excited. (anyone who has ever been in a jim jarmusch film is automatically one of my favorite actors.) i did think it was a bit too happy-hollywood-ending, but sometimes even that's okay.
this might crack you up a bit, but i thought rob marshall was the same as garry marshall and i couldn't figure out how the guy who did mork and mindy could make the switch to a historical drama. at least i had the last name right.
turns out my sister was just taking a nap, and when i did get her on the phone she told me not to worry, she wouldn't have the baby without telling me. "what kind of sister do you think i am? of course i'll call you." by that time, though, i'd gotten a hold of my brother in law and harassed him, and gotten his number too just in case. i don't want to take any chances, if i can't be there physically, i want to at least be there on the phone.
tomorrow is technically her due date. all the babies in my family have been late (my sister and i by almost a month each), but my sister's already effaced and beginning to dilate. baby's ready, my sister's ready, and moreover, i'm ready. well, mostly ready. i still have a few onesies that need some work done to them, which i should do this weekend. i predict baby will show up sometime next week. until she does, i'm gluing the cell phone to my body.
these are the onesies i made her today. i love the black onesies, but i hate working on them. you can't make a transfer for dark colors, you have to draw it on with a chalk pencil and hope it doesn't rub off before you're done. it's a huge pain in the ass, but the results are so cute i shouldn't complain.
Friday, January 13, 2006
also, did you know today is the day in 1938 that the church of england accepted the theory of evolution? and here in the states we're still trying to teach "intelligent design." oh my, we really are the hicks of the world, aren't we? this morning on NPR i heard a woman with a thick southern accent saying she didn't care what they taught in schools as long as it was "god created man and we don't come from monkeys." look, i think intelligent design is a total crock of shit, but portraying followers of it as only back-woods southerners i think hurts us more than helps us. reducing the people who disagree with evolutionary theory to caricatures of hillbillies implies that they aren't a threat to scientific thought and progress. while i think that anyone who refuses to see the merit of the theory of evolution and instead believes in pseudo-science biblical thought is totally, completely, 100% retarded and stupid, i realize as well that those people vote, have jobs, and families and are more than capable of influencing school curricula and political process. i want to believe in science they way the believe in god, and that scientists will triumph over imbeciles, i'm telling you that the people who believe in intelligent design are a stubborn bunch of assclowns who will do everything they can to push their beliefs on the rest of us. they'll do it with their dollars, their votes, and their kids. for crying out loud, our moron of a president thinks intelligent design is "science," you think we aren't in danger? we are. hillbillies or not, we need to be alert and aware of their agenda and watch out. and we need to stop making them all look like ignorant, toothless, overall-wearing slobs, no matter how fun it is. it's not helping us out any.
viva el mono!
Thursday, January 12, 2006
i thought to myself, "hey, maybe i should clean the car out." today at lunch i took it to a wash-it-yourself place, cleaned out the trash and gave abby a good scrub. she looks so nice and sparkly now! while the rainbow foam was lovely and vaguely fruit-scented, i wondered why they bothered to make it rainbow. i mean, really, what's the point? does rainbow foam encourage the stoner population to clean their crs more often, and is that demographic that car washes actively court? is it to curry favor with clowns who need to clean their clown-mobiles? do a lot of five-year old girls in love with rainbows and unicorns beg mommy to take them to the car wash? what am i missing? what's ironic is that the car was not stinky while the bread was growing its lusterous coat, but once i disturbed it from its hiding spot, you could definitely smell it. i had to leave the back windows cracked for the rest of the day while i worked, so it could air out. you will be glad to know that the car smells fine now, so if i have to drive you around, don't be scared.
this is my mp3 player, pierre. he's a creative zen micro, and i have access to a label maker at work. therefore, he has a nametag. as does my water bottle, my files, my organizer, and anything else that stands still or is moderately inanimate.
pierre and i have been inseperable lately. my favorite thing to do is make up random playlists and plug in, i find i get a lot more done that way. today's mix was neutral milk hotel, the shins, and pavement. it was an indie rock cocktail, mildly pretentious but oh so satisfying. another good one is the decemberists, the arcade fire, and spoon. (why did it take me so long to discover spoon? there are years that i'll never get back.) speaking of the decemberists, this article in the stranger about colin meloy was great. any day now my new decemberists shirt will be here, and i can't wait!
p.s. i just watched home movie, made by the same guy that did american movie, and you should really see it. it's one of the strangest documentaries i've ever seen. it cheers me up and sort of makes me sad too. also, it's heavy on the hippies.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
i haven't had a cigarette all year. true, it's only day eleven, but i realized that today. i don't smoke that much anymore to start with, but it's kind of really fun to say, "i haven't had a cigarette all year." it feels like an accomplishment, albeit an accidental one.
i feel real hermit-y, so tonight i think i'm going to write some letters and read some comics. i need to get my thank-you notes for christmas done, as well.
one more thing, have i told you lately how much i love the public library? i found some tom waits tonight, and a best of motown cd that's heavy on the jackson 5. and it's all free. i love free.
confidential to chelsea: um, i'm in love with my chemical romance too. although i feel better about this crush than the one i have with fall out boy because at least my chemical romance wears eyeliner. that makes me feel okay about it.
- the plan has been to move the AP department from here to the denver office, but now without a leader that plan is on hold.
- this means i might be kept on this department.
- this could also mean everything is cut, and soon.
- when management starts bailing, you know things aren't good.
everyone is all in a panic, wondering what the hell this will mean, whether or not they'll move us or keep us, and who they'll get to take over that job. the head of our department had to rush to denver for an emergency meeting! fun stuff.
oh, the clusterfuck of it all. i was offered anther job today, but for a whole $4 less an hour. my plan right now is to stay here as long as i can, working as little as possible and getting by on my charm and wit. that should be workable, right? i mean, i'm not a third as incompetant as the other jerks around here, so even doing little to nothing might even get me promoted. or fired. you can never tell here...
in addition to the urinaylsis, the company i'm working for wants me to have a background check. i'm used to that, but they want every address i've ever lived in for the last seven years. hey guess what, in college i moved once a year, every year. i mainly lived in streets named after trees, and don't have any clue what the numbers or real addresses might be. somewhere in all my boxes is probably a list, but what the hell?! every other background check i've ever had asked me one thing only, social security number. with that, you can find out anything you need to know about a person, so what's with all the fucking addresses?
i really feel like i'm being treated like a criminal unjustly. i know this is fairly typical of getting a job, but it strikes me as excessive and annoying and i don't even want to work here in the first place. if i really wanted this job, if i liked it and was excited about it, maybe then i would be more thrilled about jumping through these moronic hoops. as it is, the whole thing stinks to me and i don't want any part of it. i know i'm being immature about it, and the grown-up thing to do is just comply and keep my piehole shut and make the money and pay the bills, but goddamn i wish i could do that without also squashing what idealism i have left. i'm bitter about a lot of shit, but i don't want to become that way about work. especially since i spent a big chunk of my life there.
the one thing about today that's going my way so far is my hair. i am having a wicked awesome hair day, and that's got to count for something, right?
p.s. i know, i know, i'm lucky to even have a job. i need to remind myself of that. lucky lucky lucky. annoyed, sure, but working is good.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
be glad i didn't take a photo of it with the pee inside. although to be honest, my pee was real pretty. light golden and sparkly!
they let me bring my purse into the bathroom, which was a first for me. normally they make you lock your stuff and they check your pockets to make sure you aren't smuggling in clean pee. i really wished i'd had some goat pee in my purse at that moment, because that would have made for an interesting test result. as it was, i only had a camera in there so all i could do was take this fuzzy photo. (did i just talk about pee too much? are you all peed out?)
after putting my urine in a cheap plastic cup, i thought it was time to do a little something for me. my black glasses needed one of those nose-thingies because one broke and the metal against my nose was making me crazy. i saw a glasses place, and thought now was as good a time as any to get it fixes. while i was there i also had an eye exam, and tried on some new glasses. i liked these a lot, but i couldn't really see myself in them. i took a picture so i could look at them with my glasses on, but didn't buy them. instead i had new lenses put in my brown frames, i'll wait to get new glasses. it might be prudent to do that after i know for sure what my employment situation is and how much i'll be making. while the place i went to had reasonable prices on eye exams and lenses, they weren't giving the frames away, either. now that i have my prescription, i can look around. i do like the shape and color of these, though. what do you think?
p.s. how do i make my links less gap-y? do you know?
Monday, January 09, 2006
this sign is in the bathroom. evidently you shouldn't flush food (like sandwiches!) or large materials (like babies!) down the toilet. the fact that they need this sign in the bathroom just shows you the sorts of assclowns i work with.
my urine test is tomorrow. how do you study for something like that?
my knitting group was tonight, and i got some work done on some last-minute baby gear for my sister. i also think i might have accidentally had a drink with caffeine with it. we'll know for sure if i never sleep again. and i'm going to mention this even though it will just prove to you how evil and small i really am, but while most of the women who do the knitting group are lovely, there was one there tonight who just grated my nerves. it's hard to explain exactly, but she was just a little too forward. she told us we were going to have to teach her how to x and y, and that she'd done this and that and blah blah blah, and i was like "dude, we just met. bring it down a notch." it reminded me of my sister and her tendency to say to me, "inside voice!" it's true when i get excited i get a bit loud and fast-talking, but if i ever, ever, ever act like this girl please kill me. she asked for my number at the end of the group and i told her i never use the phone, and i gave her my email address. the thought of her calling me made my insides curdle like milky badness.
there you have it. i'm obsessed with my civil liberties, the way urinalysis can be used against the average joe (what if they find out i'm diabetic and then don't hire me because of insurance premiums?), and whether or not i am too loud in public. i'm pretty sure i'm not going to sleep tonight and my roommate keeps bugging me because she says i'm "down" and i don't know how to tell her "i just don't feel like hanging out" and how annoyed i am that she psychoanalizes me at every single fucking turn and any second now i'm going to be an aunt again! i'm going to watch some pbs documentary now and knit some more. knitting will make it better, right?
*tawny kitaen is a very pretty girl i work with who wears unfortunate outfits that would be perfectly at home in an 80's hair band video. she has a pair of white pumps that caused me to start calling her tawny.
the world is a fairly retarded place, but i'm getting paid to pee in a cup so i shouldn't complain. i shouldn't but that doesn't mean i won't. i hate being treated like a suspect before i've done anything wrong. i hate having to prove that i'm not a total fuck-up before i can make $8 an hour. it makes me want to rant and rave about civil liberties, the constitution and my right to privacy. then again, i need to pay the bills so if they want my pee that goddamn much they can have it. when i'm less poor i'll have ideals and values worth standing up for again.
Sunday, January 08, 2006
it was good. i mean, i can see now why everyone wanted me to see it. paul pena is funny and charming in a sort of self-depricating way, the throatsinging is seriously fun to listen to, and you get to hear paul do the blues. it was just amazing how he discoverd tuvan throatsinging, learned the language (first by translating from russian to english, then english to braille), and then went there. getting to tuva is not like hopping on a cross-country flight. i will admit to being a little annoyed with his hippie/freak cohorts at times, but he couldn't have traveled without them, so i take that back. i appreciated that even though the film had these great lighthearted moments, they also showed how the difficulty of being a blind man in a totally different culture. the disorientation, the loneliness, feeling like a burden, all told in paul's words. no trip is ever 100% fun times, but i bet most movie makers would have glossed over that fact to make it seem that way. even though it wasn't an easy trip, it looked like paul was having the best time ever, and it's amazing how fun that was to watch.
i just liked it a lot more than i thought i would. it cheered me up to watch it yesterday.
while out running errands yesterday i went to the only asian grocery store i've been able to find in this town, and i have to say while i'm glad to know of a place to buy haw flakes, pocky and rice crackers, the guy who runs it keeps the place way too hot and something in the back seriously stinks. due to the ridiculous heat a lot of products suffer and you never know until you get it home. super-stale sticky rice crakers suck ass. pocky that's melted and then hardened again, also sucky. i need to find another source of bao and quick.
p.s. i am still messing with the template on the blog, so that's why all posts look a little different. i like the style of this template, but the colors need some work. i'm learning!
Saturday, January 07, 2006
it made me think of my cousin, and her first son. he died during childbirth, for no apparent reason. the whole family had been so excited about him, i even learned how to knit because he was on his way. when my mother called that morning to tell me the news, it took forever to sink in. i remember just sitting there with the phone in my hand saying, "what?" after nine ordinary months, no sign of anything strange, he was just gone. i cried for days. it was so hard to imagine anything bad happening to him. my aunt and uncle were just so sad, i had never seen them like that. it was awful. the day he died was new year's eve, and i've never celebrated since. it just doesn't seem okay.
having never had a baby of my own, i can't honestly say i know what it feels like to lose a child. i do know that it hurts the whole family, and that i'm thinking about sharyn and hoping hoping hoping this gets better. i wish i had something to say that could make it all better, something i could do to help, other than offer my condolences.
also, i officially broke up with typepad today.
i have to say, using blogger is a bit more work than typepad. at the same time, i've probably learned more about html and coding in one night than i have in the last two years of my blogging life. i can live with that! it's actually pretty fun. of course, moving my links to this site is going to be a bit of a pain in the ass. i'm not sure what to do with my old typepad posts, either. i might just save them all as a word document for posterity (ha ha) and start all over again here. worse things could happen. it will take a while to cut and paste and copy all of that writing, but i feel bad about it all just going away. it's not my version of war and peace, by any means, but it's a significant part of my life in writing.
also, here is more proof that pat robertson is the fucking devil. after what he said about assassinating hugo chavez, and now this, i think we should think seriously about taking him about. i was talking to my mom about him last night, and what he said about ariel sharon, when i said maybe he said it after a coke-fueled drug binge in which he and GW were snorting blow off a hooker's ass. i could hear mom start to laugh, then the phone died. she called me right back and said, "you know they're listening to us and don't like you talking about assassinating pat robertson or the thing about hooker's asses and coke!" she's probably right. hey NSA, we should take out pat roberston and when was the last time you caught georgie with a white nose? no fly list, here i come!
one last thing, no one i work with knew who ariel sharon is. i asked someone, "how long do you think sharon has?" i got the blank look and they said, "who?" i said, "ariel sharon." "who?" "the prime minister of israel?" "yeah, i don't watch the news." oh, that's nice. idiot.
Friday, January 06, 2006
typepad can kiss my ass.