Sunday, December 31, 2006

smell ya later, 2006

i did not much care for 2006. i'm not alone in this feeling, and i know quite a few people who will enjoy watching 2006 go away along with me. 2007 can only be better, which isn't to say all of 2006 was lousy. just big chunks of it!

i have some fun plans for 2007 including moving into my new big house (okay, it's technically my roommate's new big house), setting up a giant sewing table in the basement of the new home, and getting rid of tons of stuff during the move. i want to meet henry and see more of baby, along with tiernan and jude and all of the other kidlets i know, i'm going to cut all my hair off (just as soon as my bangs grow a bit longer), and try to watch a bit less tv. the only thing i have going on resolution-wise is to pay more attention to my bank account and try to get some of my debt consolidated. does anyone have any tips for that? or have you used one of those non-profit services? i'm going to need some help with learning how to manage my money in a grown-up way.

thanks for reading in 2006, i know it wasn't always pleasant or fun, and here's hoping 2007 gives me better material to work with. happy new year!


just a little, but still. sort of fuzzy round the edges, sleepy but not wanting to spend all day in bed, you know the drill. i won't be going out tonight, so i made up for it by going out last night.

we went to a bar that i had never been to, that was seriously cool looking and had 2 pinball games, amazing slices of pizza, booths with seats that suck you in and won't let go, all of which could have totally made me love that bar until death do us part. the only downside was how the place had the unmistakable underlying scent of barf. it's like meeting a seriously tall, dark and handsome guy wearing a uniform (my favorite) only to discover he has dandruff and it's everywhere. so close, yet so gross. thinking back on it now i can't believe how much time we spent there, because the moment we walked outside all three of us said, "damn," as we tried to inhale as much of the cold colorado air to cleanse ourselves of the vomit odor. even my girl roommate, who is sick with a cold, could smell the barf. we must have been drunk.

strawberry vodka + 7up = good times. go write in on a bathroom wall somewhere!

Saturday, December 30, 2006

shit bags

friday i got paid. that was yesterday, and the amount of money in my checking account at that moment almost made it hard to breathe. i got my very first grown-up commission check and it was massive. i kept checking the account to hear the amount in there, i kept thinking about all the things i could do with all that money, i just looked at my balance lovingly and thought good thoughts.

of course, life has a way of spending your money before you get to do anything actually cool with it. today i put new tires on my car, something i'd been meaning to do since i moved out here, but which i realized i desperately needed halfway through skidding into a 180 on ice in my car. sitting there, with my car pointed the very wrong way, not able to get it to move forward because i was stuck in the snow i thought, "hmmm...guess i put that off too long." all the careful driving in the world cannot compensate for tires without tread. when all was said and done my tires cost about $500. i didn't want the cheapest tires, and i didn't want the most expensive ones, and with all the other dicks out there buying tires there wasn't much in the way of middle ground. i could have spent less, but sometimes you get what you pay for and truth be told i haven't put new tires on my car in years so i knew i was going to have to suck it up. driving home this afternoon was a dream; my car handled beautifully and i knew i did the right thing. it was hard to say goodbye to all that money, but not dying in my car is worth it.

Friday, December 29, 2006

how to have a successful snow day

  1. go ahead, get up early. it will just make the day longer, and will make the nap you take in the afternoon that much more enjoyable.
  2. take a shower, if you must, but under no circumstances put on make-up or a bra or brush your hair. this will ruin all the fun of being disheveled all day.
  3. it helps to have a cat or dog around to nap with, and feed illicit treats. a toddler might be fun too, but only if they like napping and laying around the house.
  4. watch the movies you kind of always meant to watch but never got around to.
  5. finish a knitting project. if you want to make it a really successful snow day, finish two. (you can substitute any crafty project for knitting.)
  6. watch everyone else shovel the walk while laying on the couch.
  7. don't answer the phone! the outside world does not exist!
  8. do some internet shopping. it will make you feel like you've accomplished something, and give you something to look forward to in the mail. today i ordered some new knitting needles on-line with one of my gift cards, and will be ordering some more yarn tonight after i finish project #2. i have a rule right now about finishing big knit projects before starting new ones!
  9. drink stupid amounts of coffee spiked with non-dairy creamers. the sugar and caffeine is extra delicious on a day like today. if you are worried about getting too big a buzz, make a pot or two half-caf, but don't tell anyone.
  10. gloat about your snow day on your blog. revel in the smugness of having only been outside once today, and not for any good reason, and not for very long. go relax some more, and check back in the next day!

Thursday, December 28, 2006

hey, guess what?

it's snowing again! they are calling this phase two of the blizzard, and honestly with all the hype surrounding it i kind of thought it wouldn't happen. weathermen, you freak out about things so often that i basically don't believe you. have you ever heard the story about the boy who cried wolf? take a lesson, jerks. all day today the sky definitely looked overcast and menacing, but by three this afternoon all we'd gotten was some paltry rain. i was really thinking we weren't going to get any snow here in fort collins, that only denver would get hit, but then right at six it showed up. it's about ten now, and it hasn't let up at all.
M is convinced we're all going to be snowed in for quite a while, so he made go grocery shopping with him after work. all i really needed was toilet paper, but it was fun to see what he buys at the store. you can learn a lot about a person by what they buy, and how they shop. like M does not look at labels or prices, which makes me INSANE. i followed him around the store, picking up what he picked up, looking at it and saying things like, "do you know what's in this?" and he kept saying, "no, put that down." i ended up buying two of the last four boxes of mac and cheese on the shelf, some pumpkin spice creamer, and the toilet paper i came in for. there was pretty much nothing on the shelves, since everyone else in town is stocking up, but i did that last week so i wasn't really in need of anything big. plus, getting snowed in means having to eat all the weird stuff in your cabinets anyway. don't people know anything? it's like god's way of saying, "hey, stay in for a few days and catch up on your reading/movie watching/board game playing. and while you're at it, figure out what to do with that can of tomatoes that's been in the pantry for months, why don't you?"

snowed in or not, i have the next three days off and the whole house to myself. i plan on doing nothing but drinking coffee, sewing, knitting, painting stuff and wrestling with the cat. oh, and watching movies. yay for pay-per-view! it means movies at my house, no waiting in line, no returning them, not having the movie i want all rented out, and not having to leave my home. i love you, pay-per-view. i have lots of good things to tell you about christmas, and a meme i've been tagged with, but right now i want to go enjoy being snowed in. i have some mac and cheese that needs to be cooked, and a kitten to watch tv with. hooray!

Sunday, December 24, 2006


now that i'm home in my pajamas, full of christmas pizza and beer, with a fun project* stretched out before me, i'm in a fantastic mood. jerks can definitely dampen my christmas spirit, but it cannot be totally thwarted!

sorry i didn't get my cards out in time (or at all). here it is anyhow, in all it's silly watercolor glory! Merry Cthuluhu Christmas to you and yours, and here's hoping for a wonderful 2007 and that the Old Ones keep on sleeping.


*i'm making some headbands to tame my bangs during this awful growing-out phase. giving my hair up is the easy part, watching it try to grow out is the hard part.

merry fucking christmas

i am in a seriously foul mood. it's christmas eve, and i'm at work, people are jerks, and it's snowing again. i like the snow, i love that i'm going to get a white christmas, but my tires do not like the snow and i won't be able to get new ones until next week. it's just kind of an inopportune time for snow.

i'm making the boys at work listen to christmas music, and they love me and aren't even complaining. i'm feeling horribly homesick, and out of sorts, but i promise tonight i'll leave a nice christmas message for you. i did a cute watercolor for the christmas cards i never made or sent out, so we'll just do it electronically. at least science and technology are there for me!

man, i shouldn't even post this, but if i have to be grumpy then you have to hear/read about it. sorry!

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Do any of you work retail? Are you working today? Are all of your customers evil & crabby like mine are?
Cossacks! Pain! Jerks! They are ruining my xmas mood.

Friday, December 22, 2006

knitters only!

i want to try out those addi turbos, but am looking for a good place to buy them online. where do you get your needles? i want to be able to go fast! faster! fastest! i think the turbos will help me do that. i got a need for speed, baby.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

baking and knitting

this is the baby hat i made earlier today. it ended up kind of pointy, and not in an all together pleasant way (i don't want people thinking kali is a conehead), so i made my very first pompom to detract from it! at the same time, when i put it on over my knee, in an approximation of what a baby head might look like in it, it looked perfectly reasonable. there's a good chance i'm more nervous about the hat being pointy than i need to be.
this is the eggnog bread i made today. i actually made a loaf before these two, but like the math-challenged girl i am, i put the whole batch in one pan not realizing i had a pan smaller than recommended. oops! needless to say, it sort of exploded, part of it burnt, and part of it didn't cook at all. maybe i'll stop bragging about my cooking skills because when i do i invariably funk something up. the thing about eggnog bread is that even people who maybe don't love drinking eggnog usually really like this. in fact, when my mom started making it i was seriously anti-eggnog, but i would eat tons of this. now i enjoy a little nog in my coffee on occasion, and i owe it all to eggnog bread! although i don't think i can actually drink it, it's a bit too thick for my taste. in any case, here is the recipe! it comes from an issue of better and homes and gardens, circa 1991. a good year.

you will need:
  • 3 cups flour
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 4 tsps baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1/2 tsp ground nutmeg
  • 1 beaten egg
  • 1 3/4 cups eggnog
  • 1/2 cup cooking oil (light, like canola or a very pale olive)
  • 1/2 cup chopped pecans (or more! i always use more)
  • a 9x5x3 inch loaf pan, or two smaller ones. i think i used 8x 12 here.
  • a mixer is nice, but you don't need it. all you really need is a big bowl and a wooden spoon.
in a large mixing bowl, stir together, flour, sugar, baking powder, salt and nutmeg. i usually sift it right into the bowl to avoid lumps. combine the egg, eggnog and oil, add to the dry ingredients, stirring until just combined. it's important to note that like a lot of breads you shouldn't over mix the dough because it can lead to toughness. tough is good on the mean streets, not in the oven. stir in the nuts!

turn the batter into greased/buttered/sprayed/non-stick loaf pans. bake in a 350 degree oven for 60-70 minutes (if you are making two loafs you might want to lower the time to 45 minutes, or at least make sure you check on them at that time!). cover bread with foil if the top seems to be getting too brown but a tester comes out with batter stuck to it. once a tester (toothpick) can be inserted into the center of the bread and come out clean it's done. cool in pan for 10 minutes, then remove and finish cooling on a wire rack.

if you want to store it in the pan, it's always a good idea to wash and dry them after baking to make them all clean and good for storage. you can also wrap in wax paper, then foil, and freeze the loafs. then you can stash them just in case jerks stop by and you need something to feed them.

snow days are the best days

why? take a look at the list below, grandly titled "why snow days kick major ass;"
  1. watching the cat freak out at how the snow is taller than she is. she got up on her little paws to sniff at the top of the pile only to sink in, which totally pissed her off, but not enough to make her come inside.
  2. drinking beers and cocktails while knitting and watching everyone else slave over digging their cars out so they can go to work.
  3. having the day off to enjoy all the snowy-snow goodness.
  4. eating leftovers of last nights primo dinner.
  5. watching bad movies. and good ones. and bad tv, too!
  6. starting and finishing a knitting project in one afternoon. granted, it was a kids hat knit with bulky yarn, it was a piece of cake project, but it still felt satisfying.
  7. not taking a shower! wandering around the house looking moderately homeless and disheveled, and loving every second of it.
  8. even knowing i have to go into work tomorrow isn't that bad. we're close to christmas, i only have a fews days of work before i get to open presents and see if my parents really do love me (ha ha ha), i've fed everyone i know cookies so far, and sooner rather than later my hair will be all nice and short again. the combination of alcohol, sugar, christmas songs and crafty good times has made me impossibly giddy.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

this is real weather

all day yesterday the weathermen did nothing but talk about the "storm of the year," all the customers talked about what getting ready for big snow, and all i did was roll my eyes. you hear a lot of hyperbole from pretty much every weather "authority" these days, so like everyone else i just look the other way when they show up on the tv, and check out the sky before i leave the house in the morning. clear? no hat. cloudy? hat.

i went to bed last night at 1 and there was no sign of snow. the sky was cloudy, but whatever. i woke up this morning to a nice, even layer of snow, a ton of insane wind, but it wasn't that big. i've seen snow like that before, so i got dressed, made breakfast (cheesy grits! best breakfast ever!), and headed out. the roads were definitely sort of rough since the plows weren't really out in force yet, but i just did what i always do; drive slow and steady. got to work, only to find out everyone that didn't live in town was excused from work, and it was just me and M and our assistant manager. we goofed around for a while, a few folks braved the elements to see us, but it wasn't many, and they were all either jerks or retards. while at work the wind picked up even more, and it was decided that the store would close and we'd all get to go home! yay! my assistant manager and i went to the grocery store and liquor store across the street, picked up things to make big dinners and beers, and then went home.

i got stuck in the parking lot for about twenty minutes. the trip home, all three miles of it, took over half an hour. i saw a few accidents, got passed by just about every asshole with a big truck and a tiny penis, got stuck in a snow drift at a stoplight, and when i finally made it home, i got stuck one more time in the parking lot. whoo! getting stuck in snow in a skirt, with wellingtons on, so close to being able to just go inside and warm up by the fire was extra-super-lame. however, one of my seriously nice neighbors helped dig me into a spot, and i gave him a beer and finally got to go inside where my roommate and i went right to work lounging. we made a delicious roasted chicken with veggies, some mashed cauliflower, and ate cookies. it was a great night. i wanted to take more photos of the snow, which continues to fall and is at this time seriously deep (if i wanted to i couldn't drive out of my parking lot), but it's cold out there! instead i'm going to bed where i will watch cartoons. i have the day off tomorrow and i plan on trying out a new recipe i have in my head for a cross between egg-in-a-hole and frittata, watching movies, finishing my sweater, baking eggnog bread and trying to take not blurry photos of the snow.

photographic evidence

and the stitch markers i finished for my mom. to the left is a small oilcloth pouch i made her for all her knitting accoutrement's, and up above are some nifty needle holders. there's actually one more marker i made her, but i forgot to take its picture. it is cute, though!

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

you wish i was your housewife

tonight i came home from work and made not one batch of cookies, but two. even more amazing, i got home at 6:30 and was done with all my cookies by 9! i deserve a happy-homemaker medal or something. i have honestly never been seriously organized when it comes to baking, but i've been doing so much of it lately that i can get in and out of that kitchen in no time. tonight the secret was making one batch of dough earlier. i used a basic ice-box cookie recipe, but made it spicy, and then rolled it up into tubes and stashed it in the fridge this weekend. tonight all i had to do with them was slice and bake, and while they were cooking make up the other batch of dough, which was a basic chocolate chip cookie with coconut. i like a little something else in my chocolate chip, and coconut makes them feel all festive. why all the cookies? i'm going to a cookie-swap party tomorrow night. i'm not going to hide out in my house and gain five hundred festive pounds. promise.

there are now quite a few dozen cookies upstairs, cooling, and i still have all this time left to myself to get other things done! like finish yet another knit hat and maybe (maybe!) get some stuff actually packed up and ready for the post office. i need to finish the stitch markers i'm making my mom, too.

i'm also pretty serious about cutting all my hair off. it's time for a change. in a few weeks my bangs should be grown out enough for me to pin them back and out of the way, and then off with my head. better yet, i'm sending my hair off to locks of love. i might not want a lot of hair right now, but i know some kids out there who lost theirs in chemo might like it. i'm going back to my bob, baby. i'm more fun with shorter hair, anyway. the funny thing is, i told my roommate i was going to do it, and she said, "i was just thinking this morning about how i missed your short hair." i won't do it right away, but it's going to be one of the first things i do next year.
I am making everyone @ work listen to xmas music. They hate it, which i don't get. I'm supposed to be dead inside, not them!

Monday, December 18, 2006


i had a super-shitty day at work. i kicked out a deaf guy (!) THREE times, and the last time he came in he actually said to me, "you call the cops." so i did. fuck that shit! he might have been deaf, but he was still a total asshole. disability does not excuse awful behavior. the end! and after all that shit, i didn't make one single sale. working on commission can suck eggs.

after that i came home, made a drink, and called my aunt charlotte. i'd been meaning to call her for a while because she has this crazy-good recipe for sticky buns that i cannot seem to replicate. i've looked all over for the recipe, i've looked for a similar recipe, but it wasn't right. i need her recipe. i must have it! i was telling pop about that, and he said, "you should call her." um, duh. so i did, and it was great. aunt charlotte is my grandmother's little sister; she was pretty much my dad's mom for a while, and she was one of the few aunts we visited as a kid. my pop loves her more than anything, and i have always been extra-fond of her, but i get shy when calling her. we ended up having this nice chat, she cracked me up (i think she is the funniest lady ever), i got to talk to a cousin of mine, and at the end of the call she said, "i love you, call back soon," and it was like a really good hug. i mean, aunt charlotte has 52 grandchildren and great-grandchildren, meaning there's at least 100 of us nieces and nephews. if she didn't remember me, i wouldn't be offended; but she does remember me, she loves me, and i might have the shittiest job on earth, but there's a lovely indian lady up north who would totally take me in. how can life be that bad when there are people that good out there? plus, when i hear that reservation accent, i just feel better about life. curious about what that sounds like? rent smoke signals. close your eyes and think about giant families having dinner, yelling kids, big hugs, the smell of never-ending pots of coffee, and you'll know how i feel when i talk to aunt charlotte. it's not that just she's indian that makes her amazing, she's just a really great aunt, who happens to be indian. you don't know what dinner can be until you've eaten it with fifty other people, juggling a baby on your lap, goofing with cousins, laughing about something dumb, and munching on something delicious. it's not always amazing being to be indian, but when it comes to dinner, it totally is. i'm a lucky girl.


Chocolate vodka & coke makes the world feel like a nicer place! Go tell it on the mountain.


I am going to cut all my hair off! I hate it. And i hate the world, i mean customers.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Secret Boyfriend Saturday

this week's secret boyfriend, mike rowe, is very dear to me. mainly because this week i had a sort of...friendly dream about him. isn't it strange how once you have a naughty dream about someone, you're automatically more fond of them? i mean, i liked him before, but now when i see him on tv i feel like we have a secret in common. of course, that's sort of a stalker thing to say, isn't it? forget that last bit.
you might know my secret boyfriend from his work on dirty jobs. i know he did some other sort of cheesy things, like selling fake diamonds on the home shopping network, but it's his work on dirty jobs that makes him so attractive to me. he does all sorts of disgusting things, he's always got a good sense of humor about it, and we often get to see his muscles bulging. i like that. he just seems so wholesome and manly, and that is a dangerous combination for a girl like me.
he seems like the kind of boyfriend who would change a flat tire for me, try to cook dinner on occasion, and break up bar fights. he'd be sweet enough to let me rent the movies i want to see, but he wouldn't be a total pushover. he would also wear boxers, never briefs, and have a huge collection of hoodie sweatshirts, which i could steal and he wouldn't complain. yay for mike rowe, this week's totally imaginary, extra-shot-of-testosterone secret boyfriend.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

holiday got me down

not too down, but i feel all rushed to finish gifts that are close to being done, wrap the ones that are done, and put stuff in the mail. i'm disappointed the post office isn't open this sunday, because if they were, damn i could get a lot done. however, since it's been assumed since i was born that i will be late to my own funeral, i think presents that show up on the 27th won't be too upsetting for my friends and family.

i ate corn chips in bed the other night, and let me tell you, cracker crumbs are like velvet compared to shards of fritos. just so you know.

i just found out that we officially have one month left in our apartment, before moving into the biggest house on earth. did i tell you i get my own garage there? my own garage. i'm amazed. plus, this is a house that will have two ovens, many bathrooms, and room enough for me to take over part of the basement with a big work table. i will be living above ground for the first time in six years, so it was pretty much understood that i will need a place to hide. a corner of the basement seemed totally reasonable. i am not particularily looking forward to the moving part, or the new commute to work that lasts more than five minutes, but this house is spectacular and i'm excited about living in it. while i'm not a home-owner myself, i do feel more accomplished living with one. curious about where i'm living? so am i, so i looked over here. i guess stuff has happened there. who would have guessed?

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


hi! my name is amanda and all i do is knit hats! i'm serious. i don't think i've been this productive in a long time. i've just gotten to the point where most of the time i can knit simple things without looking, and that's opened my whole world up.
i kept notes for this hat with flaps, and so here is my haphazard pattern.

you will need:
  • size 9 circular needles, the 16 inch kind.
  • a set of size 9 double pointed needles.
  • a skein of chunky wool. i used almost a whole skein of wool of the andes bulky hand dye. the color is impatiens, which is a lot pinker in real life than it is in the photo on their website. just so you know.
  • a few stitch markers.
  • a yarn needle.
cast on 86 stitches. join, being careful not to twist (um, duh. i like how this is basically how every single hat pattern starts!). knit 5 rows of 1x1 rib stitch. after that, switch to stockinette stitch. knit until piece is 5 inches long total, from cast on edge to knit edge. start decrease!

row 1: *knit 2 together, knit 6, repeat from * until end. it might not end neatly.
row 2 and all even rows unless noted: purl.
row 3: *knit 2 together, knit 5, repeat from * until end.
row 5: *knit 2 together, knit 4, repeat from * until end.
row 7: *knit 2 together, knit 3, repeat from * until end.
row 8: *knit 2 together, knit 2, repeat from * until end.
row 9: *knit 2 together, knit 1, repeat from * until end.
row 10:*knit 2 together, repeat from * until end.
cut a long tail, thread through remaining stitches and pull closed.

to create flaps, put the hat on your head and figure out where your ears are. using stitch markers that open up is good for this. i use 50 stitches to make the flaps and back, but i like mine to sit back off my face. you might use more, you might use less. i have a very round head!
using the double pointed needles, pick up however many stitches you need, in my case, 50. i divide among three double pointed needles, with 20 on each end for the flaps, and 10 for the center. i picked up my stitches on one hat from the outside in, and it made a little ridge. on this hat, i picked up from the inside out, and it kept it smooth. after i picked up and divided my stitches, i knit in stockinette for 3 rows.

on the 4th row, knit along the first needle like normal. the bind off the center 10 stitches. knit along the second needle to finish row.

now you'll only be working on one needle for a while, to finish the flap. follow these directions for finishing the other flap as well.

row 1: purl.
row 2: knit 2 together, knit to last 2, then ssk.
row 3: purl.
row 4: knit.
repeat rows three and four until you have 10 stitches left on your needle.
row 1: knit 2 tog, knit 2, knit 2 tog, knit 2, ssk.
row 2: purl.
row 3: knit 2 tog, knit 3, ssk.
row 4: purl.
row 5: knit 2 tog, knit 2, ssk.
bind off in purl.

weave in ends, then cut 6 strands of yarn into lengths of about 40inches. on the bottom of each flap, thread 3 of those strands, doubling them up so that when they hang it looks like 6 strands. braid until long enough for you, then trim the ends.

you'll need to block the flaps or else you'll look like a crazy dutch kid. then wear your hat everywhere and when someone goes, "dude, nice hat," you can say, "thanks, i made it myself."

you are right

i wasted too much time even thinking about the ex, and now i am done. done! i wash my hands of the whole thing. went back to blocking him and ignoring him. a few years from now, when he tries this again, i'll do the same thing right away to avoid all this stupid angst. yay!

today is my first whole day off in 8 days! i already slept through a big chunk of it, so now i'm going to get in the shower and get this party started. i have some sewing to do, and a hat pattern to transcribe. i should also put away my clothes, take some to the salvation army, return some knitting needles that i bought on accident (already had that size at home!), dye my hair, do the dishes, start going through my stuff and getting rid of some of it since we are moving next month, etcetera, etcetera. damn. maybe i'll just go back to bed.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

this is what really bothers me:

that having the ex start all this up makes me feel like a gigantic loser. how is it that this guy was the last guy i dated seriously? am i so awful that i can only date the retarded? what is wrong with me? why i can't i just shrug all this off, why does it bother me so much? i feel embarrassingly insecure about how my life might look to him. which is dumb! i felt fine about everything a few days ago! i even felt foxy for the first time in a while. going from feeling foxy to feeling fifteen is depressing. quick, go get my cardigan sweater and a copy of suedehead, i need to lie down.

more myspace fun!

the ex keeps writing. i ignored every email except the third, because i started feeling guilty but then i just sent him a teensy less-than-a-paragraph note. then he actual said, and this is a quote:

P.S. I figured if I tried to contact you enough you would finally talk to me. :-)

i am so annoyed. i pointed this out to him, but he shrugged it off. which is basically what he did every time i asked him not to do something while we were dating. he'd listen thoughtfully, pretend to care, then go right back to doing what he did. like he used to always pee while i was in the shower. i hated that. weird, i know, but it drove me crazy. i always asked if he had to pee before i got in the shower, but he would always say "no" then pee while i was showering. i figured it was just because he liked a little peek in the morning, which was fine with me! i even said, "go ahead and come in and bug me, but pee before i get in there or after. not during!" the "hi, howya doin?" poke of the head into the shower was not the annoying thing, i just did not like it mixed in with pee. i finally quit asking because he never listened. every conflict we ever had essentially ended the same way. me asking nicely, me trying to be an ass about it, me pleading, then finally just giving up.

he just doesn't see why i don't think we'll be friends. i remember telling him when we were breaking up for the final time that he didn't have to understand why i felt that way, that just because he didn't get something didn't mean it meant any less to me. i was a total and complete ass after a while because he wouldn't stop calling. i changed my phone number, i sent back things he tried to send to the house, i got a new email address. thanks to the internet it's easier to be found than i'd like. if he were a real stalker, or if i honestly hated him (which i don't) i would have done a better time disappearing. the thing is, i thought he's just get it and leave me alone. i wouldn't want to talk to someone who was obviously uncomfortable talking to me, i wouldn't push a point knowing that the other person felt a completely opposite way. i assumed that enough time would pass and he'd move on to other things. after all, he's got a girlfriend, he's got a life, he's not lacking for buddies. i was not his first or most important relationship, i don't understand why he feels the need to constantly poke his head into my life.

him getting back in touch with me was good in that it made me remember how irritating he can be. how insulated he is, and how smug his whole "i knew i could beat you down" tone can be. he knew i'd talk to him, i'll give him credit for that, just like he probably knows i'll go right back to ignoring him.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Secret Boyfriend Saturday

if i'm going to admit my love for rob zombie, then i have to also admit my love of bruce campbell. after all, where would rob be with out bruce? on the evolutionary time line of great horror films, bruce comes before rob. it goes evil dead, then house of 1,000 corpses.
a boyfriend of mine in college introduced me to evil dead. well, i think it was actually his roommate that introduced me. in any case, i was sort of afraid to watch them (you might recall i had an experience with freddy krueger as a kid that sort of put me off horror films), but i played it totally cool because this guy was phenomenally cute, and in the end thought it was really funny. however, being that this was in college, i was pretty drunk at the time and i sort of forgot about seeing it for a while.
i really started crushing on bruce later, after i saw him on the x-files and in bubba ho-tep. the more i saw him on screen, the more i liked him. he's also another secret boyfriend who is handsome in movies, but becomes even more irresistible when you see him in interviews being all charming and smart. there is something in me that will always love a boy who is a bit of a smart-aleck.
if there is one thing i am totally afraid of it's falling in love with a man with a weak chin. what on earth would i do with a kid with no chin? i'd have to save for college and a chin implant at the same time, and that makes me tired just thinking about it. as an added bonus, with bruce this is not a fear i need to have. he has a wonderful chin. he can also grow amazing chops, has a nice deep voice, and totally falls into that "tall and dark" category i have a such weakness for. i know i'm not the first girl to crush out on bruce on her blog, but i don't think it can be mentioned enough that bruce campbell is one hot guy, and totally deserving of secret boyfriend status.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

ha ha ha, barf

yesterday i got up, went to the chiropractor where he did a great job cracking my back, and then to work. i got to work, found out that it was actually my day off, goofed around with the kids for a while then went home to watch movies. an hour later i get a call from boss saying there's some sort of phone fair at school that we were supposed to be a part of but that we got the day wrong on and can i come in and pick up some phones and go out there? i grudgingly agree, annoyed that now i won't get a day off until next tuesday (!), but happy for the overtime. i take my knitting with me and get half of a baby-zissou hat done. i chit chat with people about phones and the merits and drawbacks of making most of your christmas presents. i brought a sweatshirt and t with me to the fair, so afterward i go back to work, drop the stuff off, change and make my assistant manager go out for drinks with me. we drink cheap pitchers of beer with her boyfriend, eat chicken strips, and for the first time in my year in colorado a boy tells me i'm pretty and buys me a beer. we decide to go home because we all have to work tomorrow (today), but on my way i run into my boy-roommate and his friends. i stay out later than i thought i should. i smoke too many cigarettes and indulge in jello shots. i get to go to a bar that is ridiculously wonderful and tiny but i decide i LOVE it because it is so perfectly miniature. i get home super late, eat a bagel in bed, realize i will be sleeping in poppy seeds and crumbs, watch a little x-files and sleep. now i have to go to work. jeez.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006


finshed M's hat last night! it feels massive to me, but i made boy-roommate try it on, and it's just right for a giant man head. it would have been more delicate and such if i had used the size needles indicated in the pattern, but i could not find a pair of size 8 short circulars in time. i had some knitting to do, so size 9 worked fine!

Monday, December 04, 2006


i knit a hat this weekend! the pattern is mostly mine, with some help from magazines figuring out the decreases at the brim. i took the basic parts of making the hat from a few different patterns, did some math, and figured it out as i went. i did do a swatch, but ended up ripping out parts a few times anyway. swatches aren't foolproof, that's what i learned, but they do help. i didn't waste a lot of yarn, and in the end the hat is a bit loose, but that's what i was aiming for. honest!
all i really wanted was a hat with earflaps that wasn't too tight. earflaps are important here in colorado because it gets windy and cold ears suck more than anything. not too tight because i hate hats that smoosh my bangs. also, when i saw this yarn on knitpicks (colorway is spumoni!) i knew i had to have it. it's so exactly me. the lady on the phone at knitpicks talked me into buying two hanks, even though this took only one. i'm a little annoyed at the amount of yarn she sold me (i know all about the upsell, and yet i still fell for it), but yesterday i realized i could make some matching mittens with the leftover hank and that made me happy.

i have a few other hats to work on too. baby needs a zissou hat of his own, and T needs a bigger one. i'm making a lovely grey cable-knit one for M, and now J wants one too. i've been thinking about outfitting the roommies, too. hats are great because they only take a night or two, you can afford to use yarns you wouldn't dare make a sweater out of, and the finishing work is a lot less annoying than say, sewing sleeves onto a sweater. (which, you will notice, i still have not managed to do!) hats rule. hooray for almost-instant gratification!

myspace confessional

an ex-boyfriend found me on myspace. i'm sure he'd found me a long time before he sent me a message, after all i'd found him once and was only half-assed looking. (what can i say? about some things i'm morbidly curious!) i'm not sure why he sent me a message, and i'm not sure why i answered. as you all know, i have some pretty strict rules concerning interactions with ex's. the main being, i don't.

i've been accused of being cold and mean when people find out about my no-contact rule, but it's a choice i made a long time ago to simplify my life. that makes me sound like i have a lot of ex's, but that's not true! i just think that if you aren't friends to start with, trying to be friends after a romantic relationship is over just doesn't work that well (if at all) dated. the thing for me is that i just don't like the . boyfriends have a lot of friendly qualities, but aren't exactly friends. not for me. i like my friends and my relationships to be separated: i don't want my boyfriend to be my best friend, i think that's kind of an unfair amount of pressure to put on one person. i don't think this is a bad thing, although i've heard pretty often that i'm horrible and completely unsentimental, which no one could accuse me of if they saw the stacks of letters and notes and detritus i keep from just about every boy i'vedated. i don't like the awkwardness of having to shift gears from one type of relationship to another, and i also don't like having to explain to the new guy who the old guy is and why i want him around. i've also only ever been in one or two serious relationships, and they weren't with guys that i wanted to be friends with.

this is one of those guys. we were fairly serious, we were together longer than i was with anyone else, and he was honestly the first boy i ever seriously thought about marrying. he was a good guy, we had a comfortable little life, and i could look at him and see him fitting into my family. we had lots of other issues, though, and in the end it just wasn't going to work. he wanted to stay friends, and i made it pretty clear that i wasn't interested. he's tried to get in touch with me a few times since then, but i kept all our interaction minimal and superficial, and always ended up asking him to stop, leave me alone. then i get this message from him on myspace and thought, "why not?" maybe it will be good for me to chit chat with him a little, to make him real again, instead of relying on old, fuzzy memories of him. maybe i'm too ridgid, maybe i should try this whole "being friends with ex's" thing that others talk about. also, lately i've felt like i romanticize him, like i have this idea about our relationship that leaves out all the bad and annoying stuff. at the same time, i'm irritated that he keeps ignoring me when i ask him (nicely) to just get the hint and drop it. this time, though, i'm totally responsible for him sending me more messages. if i didn't want to talk to him now i should have just deleted his email. plus! he asked to be my myspace friend and it seemed way too shitty to say no. so now we are fake-internet friends who dated once for years. great! once again, i am a total hypocrite!

the whole thing weirds me out. on one hand, i do kind of miss him and wouldn't mind talking to him a little. on the other hand, we'll never really be friends and so why keep this up? i don't want to know all about his new girlfriend, when i go home to visit i don't want to see him, and while he was a big part of my life for a while, he isn't now. i don't like dwelling on the past, and even though i'm guilty of that more often than i'd like to be, i like to think i'm pretty good at cutting ties and moving on. would this be any easier for me if i had a boyfriend of my own? admittedly, i feel kind of like a loser that he's got a girlfriend and i'm terminally single. at the same time, i don't exactly want a boyfriend of my own, so why am i comparing myself to him? just because i'm single doesn't mean i'm a complete loser, it doesn't mean i'm lonely and pathetic. i might be, but he doesn't know that for sure.

i know i'm over-thinking this. i know the whole thing is retarded and i shouldn't have spent this much time telling you about it. i don't even know why i feel funny about the whole thing. i just do.

Sunday, December 03, 2006


i tried my hardest to tie on a little buzz all weekend long. do you know how rare it is for me to get two days off in a row? and on an actual WEEKEND? super rare, like good junk mail or oddly shaped moles. of course the one night i kind of succeed is the night before the day i have to go back to work.

i am such a jerk! also, i was really glad to get email from you saying that my financial worries are pretty common, and that you think it's going to be okay. hearing that made me feel like less of an ass for freaking out about it.

Secret Boyfriend Saturday (the sunday version!)

this week's secret boyfriend is a bit on the creepy side. you might remember him from a little band known as white zombie, or you might know him from his work in horror movies. either way, my secret boyfriend this week is rob zombie!
honestly, i've had a crush on him every since i saw the video for thunder kiss '65. i loved that video, and even though i normally do not love dreadlocks or long hair on men, with rob it was different. he might not be considered traditionally handsome, but how can you not love a man who loves metal and horror films? he's also extra-smart and funny, and whenever i see him in interviews i spend the next few hours afterward imagining myself as his girlfriend. i think he would be a super-fun boyfriend who would take me to freaky movies, art galleries of rogue taxidermists, and buy me old victorian mourning jewelry.
it's not like he's ugly like that guy. plus, have you seen his movies? they are really great horror films. gory and funny and freaky; they were actually what got me into horror films to start with. up until a few years ago i stayed as far away from horror films as a girl could (i had a bad experience with freddy krueger as a child), but when i saw house of 1000 corpses i changed my mind. maybe i'm just older and wiser (hey! that's fake blood!), or maybe i just grew to enjoy the thrill of being freaked out at home, where i'm actually safe, but whatever it is, lately i totally love a good horror film.
he also has what is quickly becoming a secret boyfriend staple, good arm tattoos. fellow secret boyfriend admirer, spacebeer, also recognizes their inherent hotness and has included some tasty arm tattoos in her editions of secret boyfriend wednesday.

oh, and did i mention he worked as a production assistant on pee-wee's playhouse? because that alone qualifies rob for membership into the secret boyfriend club.

also, next week i promise to post secret boyfriend saturday actually on saturday.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

okay, i've calmed down a bit

it's true (super true) that getting a call from your bank is usually very bad news. it's also true that sometimes it's bad news that comes with some good. how many banks have ever called me to say, "hey, did you realize you are super broke and still using your debit card like there's money on it?" never, before today.

i feel like i've dug this stupid big money hole, and now i need to get my shit together and fix it. i spent some time yesterday afternoon talking to just about the cutest and nicest financial planner (i think she's a few years younger than i am), and even though things look like not-so-much fun for the near future, i'm just glad to know i haven't royally fucked myself over. it was actually just really nice to explain to her how it happened, what i'd like to do about it, and what my options are. in short, we are going to try to do some consolidating, and she assured me that she's seen much worse. she was like my little financial therapist!

money is so weird. it totally stresses me out sometimes, but then i stop and think about how it's just money, how a lot of people have more debt than i do, and how someday i'll be dead and i'll never have to balance my checkbook again. things will be okay.

Friday, December 01, 2006

shit shit SHIT

i'm so freaked out right now that i'm typing this from work, which is muy dangeroso since they don't know i have a blog and if they did they would know how i honestly feel about my job, but i got a call from the bank and it is not good.

not good at all. the short of it is that i am seriously FUCKED and will now never, ever in a million years be able to move out of this fucking town because i kind of accidentally sold my soul. shit!

i need to eat more ramen, drink less beer, and dig myself out of this financial hole i'm in. part of this is all my fault, part of it is just never having caught up from the move, and part of it was just sheer ignorance on my part. dammit.

i owe so much money so many places i can never go anywhere or do anything fun ever again.