another intermission

the house is full of dust, my glasses were covered in it, and i'm sneezing like you wouldn't believe. my hair is a giant braided rat's nest, although oddly enough my room is cleaner now than it has been in months.

the purging part of packing is wonderful. i forget about that. also wonderful: energy drinks. it's a good thing i didn't grow up with them, i would have been impossible. more wonderful: loud hip hop music. i actually do feel like getting stuff done!

however, i have to do my secret boyfriend saturday post! i still haven't done one this year, and that's just not cool.

this week's entry will be short but sweet and to the point.

i had a very sexy dream about this man earlier this week.
first things first: he cooks. he cooks well. and he does without so much of the pretension that seems to pervade chefs. he's not interested in your adoration as much as he loves cooking and making the perfect meal. okay, he likes the attention too. can you blame him? also, look: he's eating my favorite animal.
he's a writer as well, and a damn good one. everything of his i've read i've found totally engrossing, funny, sarcastic, witty, and dead sexy. i think it's the swagger he has, both on page and off that makes him so attractive to me. it's that surety he has about himself that i can't get enough of.
he loves to travel. more than that, he seems to share my own feelings about travel, which is a very "when in rome..." attitude. who knows, maybe that's just his television persona but it feels very genuine. i have very little patience for people who look at what the locals eat and turn up their noses, and know more than a few people who won't eat anything but american-ized fare when they travel. plus, he hates woody harrelson and his raw food bullshit as much as i do! knowing that he's a man i could sit down and eat fois gras, spicy beef tendon, or squid with makes me totally hot.

anthony bourdain, if you ever come to colorado and want to make out, look me up. congratulations on being the first secret boyfriend of 2007!

Secret Boyfriend Saturday

this week's secret boyfriend, mike rowe, is very dear to me. mainly because this week i had a sort of...friendly dream about him. isn't it strange how once you have a naughty dream about someone, you're automatically more fond of them? i mean, i liked him before, but now when i see him on tv i feel like we have a secret in common. of course, that's sort of a stalker thing to say, isn't it? forget that last bit.
you might know my secret boyfriend from his work on dirty jobs. i know he did some other sort of cheesy things, like selling fake diamonds on the home shopping network, but it's his work on dirty jobs that makes him so attractive to me. he does all sorts of disgusting things, he's always got a good sense of humor about it, and we often get to see his muscles bulging. i like that. he just seems so wholesome and manly, and that is a dangerous combination for a girl like me.
he seems like the kind of boyfriend who would change a flat tire for me, try to cook dinner on occasion, and break up bar fights. he'd be sweet enough to let me rent the movies i want to see, but he wouldn't be a total pushover. he would also wear boxers, never briefs, and have a huge collection of hoodie sweatshirts, which i could steal and he wouldn't complain. yay for mike rowe, this week's totally imaginary, extra-shot-of-testosterone secret boyfriend.

Secret Boyfriend Saturday

if i'm going to admit my love for rob zombie, then i have to also admit my love of bruce campbell. after all, where would rob be with out bruce? on the evolutionary time line of great horror films, bruce comes before rob. it goes evil dead, then house of 1,000 corpses.
a boyfriend of mine in college introduced me to evil dead. well, i think it was actually his roommate that introduced me. in any case, i was sort of afraid to watch them (you might recall i had an experience with freddy krueger as a kid that sort of put me off horror films), but i played it totally cool because this guy was phenomenally cute, and in the end thought it was really funny. however, being that this was in college, i was pretty drunk at the time and i sort of forgot about seeing it for a while.
i really started crushing on bruce later, after i saw him on the x-files and in bubba ho-tep. the more i saw him on screen, the more i liked him. he's also another secret boyfriend who is handsome in movies, but becomes even more irresistible when you see him in interviews being all charming and smart. there is something in me that will always love a boy who is a bit of a smart-aleck.
if there is one thing i am totally afraid of it's falling in love with a man with a weak chin. what on earth would i do with a kid with no chin? i'd have to save for college and a chin implant at the same time, and that makes me tired just thinking about it. as an added bonus, with bruce this is not a fear i need to have. he has a wonderful chin. he can also grow amazing chops, has a nice deep voice, and totally falls into that "tall and dark" category i have a such weakness for. i know i'm not the first girl to crush out on bruce on her blog, but i don't think it can be mentioned enough that bruce campbell is one hot guy, and totally deserving of secret boyfriend status.

Secret Boyfriend Saturday (the sunday version!)

this week's secret boyfriend is a bit on the creepy side. you might remember him from a little band known as white zombie, or you might know him from his work in horror movies. either way, my secret boyfriend this week is rob zombie!
honestly, i've had a crush on him every since i saw the video for thunder kiss '65. i loved that video, and even though i normally do not love dreadlocks or long hair on men, with rob it was different. he might not be considered traditionally handsome, but how can you not love a man who loves metal and horror films? he's also extra-smart and funny, and whenever i see him in interviews i spend the next few hours afterward imagining myself as his girlfriend. i think he would be a super-fun boyfriend who would take me to freaky movies, art galleries of rogue taxidermists, and buy me old victorian mourning jewelry.
it's not like he's ugly like that guy. plus, have you seen his movies? they are really great horror films. gory and funny and freaky; they were actually what got me into horror films to start with. up until a few years ago i stayed as far away from horror films as a girl could (i had a bad experience with freddy krueger as a child), but when i saw house of 1000 corpses i changed my mind. maybe i'm just older and wiser (hey! that's fake blood!), or maybe i just grew to enjoy the thrill of being freaked out at home, where i'm actually safe, but whatever it is, lately i totally love a good horror film.
he also has what is quickly becoming a secret boyfriend staple, good arm tattoos. fellow secret boyfriend admirer, spacebeer, also recognizes their inherent hotness and has included some tasty arm tattoos in her editions of secret boyfriend wednesday.

oh, and did i mention he worked as a production assistant on pee-wee's playhouse? because that alone qualifies rob for membership into the secret boyfriend club.

also, next week i promise to post secret boyfriend saturday actually on saturday.

extremely late secret boyfriend saturday!

i'm sorry i'm late with this week's secret boyfriend post. going on vacation always puts me way behind on everything else. like i still haven't unpacked my suitcase, i have a mountain of laundry to do, and boxes of things to send out! sheesh.
this week's secret boyfriend is foreign! with a funny name! and a pretty face! his name is cillian murphy, and he's from ireland. his accent is totally delicious. he's a mighty fine actor too, you may have seen his work being evil in batman begins. he's the handsomest bad guy i've seen in a while. although he's almost too pretty to be a boy, don't you think?
i'm not the only one who thinks so, because some wise casting director made him a transvestite in the film breakfast on pluto. the film itself was okay (i thought the story needed some work) but his work in it was sometimes totally heartbreaking. and he's just so pretty!
he's not always pretty, though. he also kicked some major zombie ass in 28 days later (which is one of my favorite zombie movies), and the part where he goes kind of bat-shit-crazy is hot. covered in blood and fighting back the undead, i wanted to make out with him. it is unusual for me to like a boy with such delicate features; i tend like to my men more on the "sexy ugly" side of things, but with cillian i simply cannot help myself. he's too tasty to not make a secret boyfriend!

Secret Boyfriend Saturday

this week's secret boyfriend is infinitely pale, as well as a million years younger than i am. he knows his way around eyeliner, and is unapologetic in his love for all things black. i probably should have called this week's post, "Secret Boyfriend Saturday: I'm 15 years old." i feel slightly like a lecherous old lady having a crush on a boy younger than i am...wait! he's actually six months older than i am! my love doesn't have to be an embarassing secret! wow, that's nice.
his name is gerard way, and he's in a little band you might have heard of, called my chemical romance. say what you will about their music, you have to admit that's a damn good name for a band. i've had a crush on him for a about a year now, when one of the boys i used to work with at finko's made me a copy of three cheers for sweet revenge. for weeks i listened to it in my car, rocking out, driving back and forth to a job i hated. it made me feel better.
he might be pale, he might be dark, but he's also super cute. look at that smile! he reminds me of a young billy corrigan or jack white. in interviews he's funny and smart, and i seriously enjoy the giant sound of their music. everything is huge and operatic, various themes run through their albums, and even though teen girls everywhere swoon over them (the rest of the band is mighty cute, too), i think they're great. the hipster in me wants to say that they are too popular to like, that i should seek out more indie bands to get my goth-rock fix, but i don't want to.
i even really like his new blonde hair, and just like my comrade spacebeer, i rarely go for blondes. of course, his hair is more platinum than blonde, and with his pale skin and dark eyes he looks more undead than surfer-boy so that helps.

when i listen to a lot of MCR i wear a lot more eye make-up and spend more time doing my hair. i always forget how hot black eye liner is until i see it on a handsome boy. that's weird, i konw, but the first person i ever realized was wearing eye liner (my mom never wore it) was david bowie. you can trace a lot of my preferences in men to my first crush on bowie.

if gerard and i were to make a baby, it would have good hair and a very nice, round head. that's important to me. i like him a little more because of that.

(i'm also going out of town tomorrow for about a week, so this little post will be the last one until i get home. i won't have access to a computer, and more than that, my people don't know about this blog and i want to keep it that way. happy thanksgiving early!)

Secret Boyfriend Saturday

this week's secret boyfriend comes to us straight from some creepy logging town in the pacific northwest. well, sort of.

it's kyle maclachlan, who's known best for his work with mr. david lynch on the tv show twin peaks. he was the eerily straight-laced fbi agent dale cooper. i'd like to say right here and now that i think mulder from the x-files owes a lot to agent cooper. (which is also one fbi sandwich i would love to be a part of.) amidst all the bizzarro things going on in the show, agent cooper was totally crushable. i think that show is also responsible for my love of the quirky guy.

kyle's worked with david lynch a few times, including on the movies blue velvet and dune. it's true dune is about five hours too long, but it's been one of my favorite sci-fi movies since i was a kid. it used to come on the sunday television matinee all the time, and it was just recently i saw the whole damn thing. i can see why they cut it down to only two hours. of course, dune also has the distinction of having one very red hot sting in it. how can you not love paul muad'dib?

maybe it's the chin, the good thick hair, the way he stands up super-straight. kyle is not one of those actor guys who ever shows up someplace wrinkly and unshaven, and i like that in a man. a little scruff on the weekends is one thing, but if you are a movie star, i kind of like it when you act like one.

i even liked his role in the so-bad-it's-good showgirls. i felt bad for him while nomi did that rabid dolphin thing to him in the pool, but other than that i found him delicious.


diane, take a note: kyle maclachlan is totally hot and is this week's very special secret boyfriend.

Secret Boyfriend Saturday

i'm worried about spacebeer taking all the good secret boyfriends, so this week i'm getting in on the action!

the first installment is a special one featuring the one, the only, brock sampson. brock is the bodyguard for the venture family, and while he sports a dubious mullet, he is still extra-sexy.

oh wait, he's not always brock. sometimes he's also david puddy. david is hot, but also sort of dumb in an affable way. i was always jealous of elaine for getting to date him.

in cartoon or real-person form, patrick warburton is one foxy babe. plus, he has that great voice and he's all tall and stuff. i like tall. he's also lent that deep voice to many a cartoon, which makes him that much hotter in my dorky eyes. (although i think if the two of us were to mate and make offspring, i might have to weed-whack the kid's eyebrows. between the two of us, that's a lot of caterpillar growth.)

and that's my very first installment of secret boyfriend saturday!