Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
except instead of an old lady, it's five adults and one very fussy 16 month old living not in a shoe, but a house the size of a shoe.
i love my family, god knows i do, and spending time with them has been basically my only goal the last few months, but the house i grew up in is tiny. you sneeze in the garage, they hear you in the back of the house. we are piled on top of each other like kids crammed into a phone booth, and it's starting to take a toll. i'm just as excited to see alaska right now as to be staying someplace bigger. yes, the boat is bigger than my parent's house, and with a little more privacy.
my niece is crazy adorable and funny as hell, but she is also adjusting to being in a new house full of adults she's not totally familiar with, and as a result she's been pretty rotten. i hope you don't take that the wrong way; it's not that i don't love her and we aren't having fun, but when she's terrible it's fairly painful. it's a testament to family love and good times when you adore a kid even when they're being bratty, isn't it? she knows how to throw a fit, but i also know how to ignore her or change the subject, so we're getting along just fine. she hugged me this afternoon, and i thought i was going to melt. she can be as naughty as she wants to be as long as she hugs me!
this time tomorrow i'll be in alaska! i started packing earlier but i think i'm taking too much stuff so later i'm going to unpack it all, lay it out, and consolidate. i'll only be gone two weeks, no one expects me to be crazy pretty and there is a washer and drier on the boat. my goal is to get everything i need into one medium duffel so i can check it and the sleeping bag. i need to make a list as well, to make sure i pack the essentials (like deodorant and soap!), but right now i'm going to have a drink. baby's been in rare form tonight and i need a little cocktail to take the edge off. maybe i shouldn't be a parent...
Monday, May 14, 2007
it's weird to have both parents diametrically opposed to this trip. mom is excited for me, happy about the money i'll be making and happy i met a boy i want to spend weeks with on a boat; pop pretty much wants me dead. i very rarely go against either of my parent's wishes, i mean, they are my parents for a reason, but there is no way anyone could talk me out of this. trust me, people have tried. my aunt is a little freaked out, a good friend of the family asked me if i felt safe enough to do this ("there aren't cops on the ocean, you know."), and my sister is loving making crab bait jokes. i know she's joking, but no one else is.
this is why i like my life, i can pick up and take off for a few weeks because i don't have a cat or kid to worry about, or even a job right now. not everyone gets a chance like this and to not take it because that would be the responsible, reasonable thing to do seems like bullshit to me. why have that sort of regret hanging over your head? i would rather regret doing something (i.e. colorado*) than regret NOT doing something. how could i in good conscience pass this trip up? especially when you consider i will be getting paid for this. money! this is a no-brainer for me.
i might have intermittent access to the web while out there; they have a laptop and there are a lot of places it works, but more likely than not i'll be taking photos and drawing small comics and pictures. i'll do a big scan of everything when i get home so you can all see it. i don't leave until wednesday, though, so you'll hear more from me before i go. thanks so much for leaving all the nice comments, it was reassuring and i appreciated all the nice thoughts.
*colorado might have been a mistake, but even as far as regrets go it's a small one. i met a lot of amazing people and did something i never thought i could do, and in that regard it's not a regret at all. coming home means i can go on this new trip, though, and that is also a good thing.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
sometime last week the fisherman's boss asked if i wanted to come along with them back up to alaska. working on the boat as a deckhand of sorts; mainly cooking and tidying up and doing wheel watch, nothing too serious. they're short a person on the crew, and didn't know anyone else to fill that spot. i assumed they were joking, and told him that he'd have to talk to the fisherman about it because going up with them is a lot like moving into his house and maybe he's not ready for that. i told them it sounded like a lot of fun, but then i brushed it off. i got to the boat last night and boss said, "where's all your stuff? you can't go to alaska with just a purse!" i thought he was joking, but he totally wasn't. i asked the fisherman point-blank if he was okay with it, and he said he was and so i said yes. yes, i will go with you to alaska.
i'll only be gone a few weeks, i'll be getting paid more money than i've made in a LONG time, i'll get to see alaska and see what it's like to live on a real fishing boat. to be perfectly honest, i am thrilled. i'm beyond excited. when i left the house last night i knew it was the fisherman's last night in town, and i was sad and wondering if i should even go see him. i felt totally unsure of myself and nervous and knew that i didn't want to be the crazy girl crying in the car on the way home tomorrow. on the drive up i had some time to think (the drive from my island to his is about an hour), and i decided to just have the best night possible, to not think too much about what was coming, to just enjoy the time i had left. the second he got off the boat i knew i was in the right place. for a girl who's spent so much time being an asshole spinster, i feel oddly corny about this guy.
the fisherman was as surprised as i was about his boss's offer, but we talked about it a lot last night and we're both really excited. boss already told us that he's going to keep our trips together minimal; i won't ever be allowed to make a big run with them because we're dating, and he doesn't normally allow that on the ship (unless it's him!). if i like this trip and do well, i might get to go back this summer for another short run. the fisherman says after this i can get the anchor tattoo i've been wanting, and i told him that just because i'm going with him to alaska doesn't mean i expect a proposal when we get there. however, i do still want the salty dog sweatshirt he promised me. getting to spend a few weeks on the ocean, seeing something totally new and amazing, and being with him all sounds like fun.
i am not leaving with them today, though. instead i'm flying into ketchikan wednesday night to meet them. i needed a few days to get my shit together, spend some time with my sister and niece, and try to calm my pop down. mom is seriously happy for me, and dad kind of wants to kill me. "i'm getting a little sick and tired of your fucking adventures, it's time you grew up." i can see where he's coming from, but i'm still going. he might be tired of my "adventures" but i'm not.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
last night's plans with the fisherman fell through, thanks to some last-minute cargo they had to pick up. i was disappointed, but it's understandable.
i really want to see him tonight, as it's pretty sure he's leaving tomorrow. the only thing that would keep them here any longer would be something going wrong with the boat, and even if that happened i wouldn't get to see him because he'd be too busy fixing it. at the same time, my sister, brother-in-law and niece are all here right now, and it feels shitty to leave them to go out. they don't care, but i feel like an ass.
i feel just really conflicted right now. i like him, i want to spend some more time with him before he goes, but i know i don't know him that well (how well could you know anyone after two weeks?) and that part of my brain that goes to worst-case-scenario as default is having a field day with all of this. making myself relax and just enjoy the time left is the challenge, let's hope i'm up to it.
Friday, May 11, 2007
the fisherman leaves soon. how soon no one knows for sure, it might be as early as tomorrow, might not be until monday.
either way, it sucks. there's a lot i could say about all this here, but i'm never sure how much anyone wants to hear, or what to say even. i like him, more than i probably should, and am sad he's leaving. he's been a bright spot during a time that's been more than a little stressful, and honestly, i could kiss that boy for days and not get bored. he turned out to be a very nice surprise.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Monday, May 07, 2007
Saturday, May 05, 2007
forbidden zone was another movie i heard about through the mystery grapevine, and it was delightful. i made the fisherman watch it with me, expecting him to hate it, but he had as much fun watching it as i did. true, he thought it was bizarro, but he was totally game. this is what i like in a man: being up for anything. want to see a weird movie? sure. want to go some bar we've never been to? okay. want to eat this food you've never had before? why not. want to hang out with people you've never met and might hate? love to. i am not always so open, no matter how hard i try to be. the mood isn't always right, i sometimes want the familiar and cozy as much as the next kid, but for the most part i'd say i'm okay with relinquishing some control and trying something totally new. anyone who says more often than not, "no, i don't want to do your weird thing" isn't a boy who hangs around for very long. amanda, she has some standards.
i like the fisherman. i have this sneaky suspicion i will miss him when he leaves. don't tell anyone, because we all know i'm a bad-ass broad and all that shit.
Friday, May 04, 2007
tiernan is taking photos with the digital camera, and i have to say, i love them. he gets some stuff spot on, he gets up close to stuff, he has an unusual way of framing shots. he's also three. they might just look like photos to you, but when he's super famous, you will know i'm right about his genius. tomorrow is 24 hours of flickr, and this is my tiny plug to you. go look it up, sign up, and we can all be in it together. i want to get T in on the action too. seeing what a three year old thinks is cool enough to photograph is very fun for me, and over the course of a whole day even more fun.
on the phone wednesday he wanted to know when i was coming over. "friday," i told him. "what time?" i asked him what time he thought i should be there, and he said 8:30. if i actually were to get to portland by 8:30 in the morning i would have to leave my house in washington at 4:30 so i suggested a later time, which he seemed fine with. i'm trying to leave earlier than i did last time, which means i should really be taking a shower and finishing putting all my stuff in the car. instead of taking I-5 down, i'm going to cross the sound here at port townsend and take 101 down. this is actually a bit faster and more direct, HOWEVER, port townsend is a lot of fun and who knows if i won't be tempted to stop and buy yarn and beads and second hand books. i won't, though! they have all those things in portland, and i can always stop on my way home. yes, that will be my plan. whew, glad i worked all that out.
the next time we talk, i'll be actually hooked up to an internet service that works! god, i can hardly wait. that alone makes the four hour drive worthwhile.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
coming home from the store this afternoon i saw three bunnies in the yard. one was off to the side, while two of them were sitting side by side, very snuggly looking. the rabbits in my neighborhood are a weird hybrid bunny; someone let a bunch of long-eared domestics free and they've been breeding with the wild bunnies for a few years now. you get rabbits that sometimes look wild (small ears, brown fur, sleek shape) but are HUGE, or bunnies with big heads and little bodies, weird color combinations, huge albinos, what have you. because of their mixed heritage, they don't run at all when you pull into the driveway. if they have to hop out of the way so you can park, they do it while giving you bunny stink-eye. i love the little mutants. in any case, those two bunnies were being all cute, and by the time i got out of my car they were nose to nose, and then two seconds later they were doing it in the driveway. it went from being a very disney moment to being totally hardcore XXX bunny action. the third bunny hardly seemed to notice, but if i had been it i would have been very embarrassed.
i don't know why, but i keep saying this to everyone. i am not a juggalo, don't know any actual juggalos, and frankly am frightened just knowing they exist, yet i want to yell out "juggalos unite!" every thirty seconds lately. hmmm.
i found four grey hairs last night in my bangs. i knew i had one, but FOUR? fisherman told me that it was my fault; everyone knows if you pluck one, two grow back, but i told him i never plucked that first one. i liked it. i kept it even when my hairdresser tried to remove it! now it's inviting friends over? secretly i am hoping i get a skunk stripe like my mom had when i was about two or three.
the fisherman hurt his eye and i told him he could have an eye patch, that i was okay with him having only one eye, but that if he ever lost teeth i was out. missing eyes are one thing, but missing teeth are a total deal-breaker for me. i require a man with teeth, although limbs and other organs are negotiable. plus, eye patches are hott with two "t"s, and dentures are not. a girl has to draw the line somewhere.