breakfast of champions.
i bought the tablecloth yesterday at fred's. it's one of those funny vinyl ones with the soft back; meant for picnics and being outside. it was just so fresh and spring-like that it had to come home with me. normally we use a cloth tablecloth, but to be honest it's kind of trashed and i hate having to wash it all the time. this one is ghetto and ridiculous, but you can also wipe it clean with a damp cloth. it wins!
Monday, April 27, 2009
breakfast of champions.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
once i got home, we realized there was no beer in the house and i really wanted a beer, so we went on a beerventure. found one grocery store with a generator and picked up some tasty beverages and then went back home to relax and wait for the power to come back. we played farkel, nibbled on chips and salsa, and at about 8 we were sick of being inside so we headed for the part of town that did have power to eat a late supper. overall, it was a super fun night. however, in the future i think we need these things on hand just in case the power goes out again or, you know, we go camping. they'd be good for both!
- some sort of battery-free radio. my pop had a wind up radio he used in the bathroom (because you know in my family you can't be more than three feet away from a radio), and i really wished we had one last night so we could listen to the news and see what was going on.
- bigger, fatter candles. we only had some wimpy ones, and we definately needed something to cast some more light. oil lamps would also be good.
- smoked oysters and crackers. you are going to need a snack, and nothing satisfies more than smokey bivalves on saltines. chips and hot sauce were good, but we all agreed we wished we had some fishy treats as well.
- emergency beer rations. what if the store hadn't been open? what then?! i shudder to think.
i'm glad we did have games, and plenty of light to play by in the kitchen. it was fun to be sort of pioneer-esque. i remember being a kid and loving power out nights. mom and pop would light the oil lamps, we'd all hang out in the living room reading and playing games and goofing off. if it stayed off for a while, we'd build a fire in the woodstove and sleep out in the living room in sleeping bags to stay warm. it always felt neat to pretend we were camping, or were characters in a laura ingles wilder book. those are still some of my favorite childhood memories. of course, being a grown-up means now i get to drink beer during power outs, which is also nice.
Monday, April 20, 2009
this year has been somewhat exasperating at times. yes, i met someone i'm head-over-heels for. yes, i get to go on a fabulous vacation to a city i've only barely seen. yes, i got a new job that kicks my old jobs ass. at the same time, i lost a parent. i came to a difficult decision to end some friendships that were pretty shitty. there's been some illness and bad news in D's family. for all the ups, are these downs that seriously just suck. at times i feel fairly philosophical and okay, dealing with crap as it comes and trying to make the best of it. other times you'll find me in a sobbing heap in the shower. i don't know what this is like for other people, but i have a feeling this is actually kind of normal.
the weather's getting nicer by the day. flowers and trees bloom, and i start sneezing like a sonofabitch. apt metaphor, yes? the other day the boychild decided he didn't want to eat meat anymore, right on the heels of his father and i talking about how we think we're eating too much meat (and sort of poorly in general). we were all in agreement; cutting down on meat is a good thing, although to be fair we might sneak some bacon in on occasion. or not. i had a perfectly lovely vegan lunch today, and it didn't require any big effort on my part. tonight's dinner plans are also vegan, by a fluke. white bean and garlic soup, with crusty bread and a side salad. in addition to eating less meat we're going to try to plan out our dinner's in advance. i'm going to become a domestic engineer, to be sure. menu planning seems hokey, but is a good way to plot out what we need from the store and get stuff ready in advance (so we don't cop out and eat out when nothing's ready and we're starving). kitchen time at the house is my favorite thing anyway, so working on makig that a bit more efficient and pleasant seems like a good investment. it might save us some money as well, which will be nice when we go to chicago.
other than this, i'm just busy trying to make it through every day. sometimes this seems like a task, other days, not so much. i miss my pop, i miss him a lot. it strikes me at the strangest times. looking through some of his cd's the other day i was struck with the knowledge that i wouldn't be able to share musical discoveries with him, wouldn't be able to burn him cd's, wouldn't hear what he was listening to and what he thought i should be listening to. it made me cry, but it made me happy that we always had that in common. he introduced me to neko case, and i introduced him to the white stripes. we swapped cd's and fought over what to listen to in the car. who am i going to burn a copy of middle cyclone for now?
Thursday, April 16, 2009
i'm pretty excited. more than that, really. it was hard for me to sleep last night, thinking about the stuff i want to see and do, the food i want to eat, the parks and museums and bars i want to visit. i have some cousins in town as well, and a good friend that lives in milwaukie, so i'll get to do some catching up as well. does anyone have any suggestions for things to do and see? bars you love? i'm all about doing typical tourist-y things, but i'm also all for doing more random stuff, seeing other parts of the city. i hear the weather there this time of year is spotty; it can be warm one day and cold and rainy the next, but i'm hoping we get a little more sun than not, and that part of my trip can spent lazing outside a coffeeshop, reading and drinking and watching people. i'm also excited for cable tv and hotel living. i'm telling you, if i could, i would totally live in a hotel. nothing pleases me more than tiny bath towels that someone else washes, random comforters, views of parking lots and miniature coffee pots with single serving packets of coffee to go along with them. plastic wrapped water glasses, remote controls velcroed to tvs, bibles in bedside tables. i can practically smell the disinfectant! like i said before, ahh, travel.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
i promise at some point the blog will go back to being about my life, but right now, this is my life. sometimes it feels awful, but sometimes, not so much. i like being able to talk about him, i like remembering him. he's my pop and i love him, and for a while he's just going to be at the forefront of stuff i'm thinking about.
well, that and how awesome the movie step brothers is. seriously. i could watch it like three times a day and always pee a little at the sleepwalking/tree house/catalina wine mixer scene. grief is a strange thing, my friends. suddenly the comedic timing of john c. reilly is just amazing to me.
Monday, April 13, 2009
which sucks. i mean, parts of it are awesome (like sleepovers with my boyfriend and cocktails), but for all the fun and good food yesterday, i still felt pretty sad. the day before easter we went to a memorial for one of D's uncles who passed away this past week. i was glad to be there with him, for him, and to meet more of his family, but it definately put me in a subdued mood. easter just wasn't the same without pop, and it's hard for me to talk about him with anyone, still. on the way home i told D that the rest of the year we're spending all holidays with his folks. i want the kids to be with their grandparents next time, in their own environment, doing what they normally do. they've been just absolute champs about the whole thing, they deserve a holiday where amanda doesn't get mopey.
that's the best and worst thing about all this. through all of this, D and the kids have been awesome. i didn't realize that three people who don't have to love me, who don't owe me a thing, could be so amazing and supportive and wonderful. i feel very well taken care, and grateful for the little things they do to make me feel better. when push came to shove, they were right there. all the people that came through for me, that were there with calls and emails and cards made me realize how fortunate i am. i'm also just very lucky that i spend most of my time with a cute family that hugged me tight and told me i was going to be okay. i wish my pop had gotten to know them, because he would have loved them.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
slowly getting back into the swing of things. days are mostly okay, i find i'm worse at night. it's the quiet, thinking times of days where i'm struck dumb. it feels very surreal, to keep going about work and life and love when he's gone. at the same time, i'm fairly sure he wouldn't want me hiding in my room crying for weeks or months on end. pop was nothing if not practical. i don't know. it just all seems strange and if i stop too long to think about it...it just gets complicated. my brain hurts.
i've been indulging in some serious escapism lately, including watching massive amounts of the mighty boosh on adult swim, reading everything i can get my hands on, and knitting. the boychild lent me the first of stephen king's dark tower series, which is honestly a lot of fun. it's got that awesome, creepy, post-apocalyptic vibe that i love so much, with a hefty dose of western and epic. evidently they are also comic books, which we also want to read. last weekend we spent a good chunk of the beautiful spring sunshine inside, playing pinball and old-school arcade games (tetris, anyone?), which was lovely. this weekend is easter, and i've got our egg dyeing kits all ready to go. tonight we boil the eggs, tomorrow we color. i found a camo kit, as well as your basic bright colors. i'm going to pick up some glitter as well, i think. shiny eggs might be fun too. we'll see!
Friday, April 03, 2009
i'm lucky that i have plenty of people who love and care about me and for me. seriously, truly, fortunate in that regard. i feel awful that i'm such a shit to be around right now!
i only worked two days this week, but i think that was pretty much all i could handle. this weekend i plan on doing not much of anything; D has to work a lot, and has a lot of homework to do, and the kids are finishing up their spring break. if the weather holds, i'm going to try to squirrel them off someplace fun to treat them. they were absolute dolls this past week; they deserve some laser tag or arcade games, comic books, movies and/or pizza. there is a big part of me that just wants to crawl into bed and not get out of it for the next 48 hours, but if i start there i might not stop. plus, that sort of lifestyle will just lead to me becoming a 500 lb shut-in, and i'm pretty sure that would piss my pop off royally*.
*i still cannot bring myself to use past tense. i can't do it, i cry too hard. i'm a retard.
(because i need to make a list and you get stuck reading it!)
1. home made pitas and baba ganoush. especially because then you can make mighty boosh jokes, "the ganoush is loose and it's a little bit raw!"
2. episodes of the mighty boosh on adult swim. thank god it's not just on the youtube anymore!
3. coffee. specifically double tall soy lattes, which are my favorite and i have been indulging in.
4. knitting. keeps my hands busy, lets me think without anyone realizing i'm thinking, because you know, it's just looks like i'm knitting.
5. my dad's watch. i took the one on the kitchen table, which i'm pretty sure was the last watch he wore (the man had something like 7 of them), and it might sound morbid, but i like knowing when i check the time he's close to me.
6. making it through a week. it's an arbitrary number, i know, and my grief today doesn't feel any less awful than it did seven days ago, but somehow thinking that i got through a week makes me feel a little better.
i have great friends and a wonderful family, and thank you for being kind when i needed it most.