braids and baby and britain

i figured out how to do my hair up in milk maid braids. by "figure out" i mean, of course, youtube. hooray youtube!

the best thing about this hairstyle is that while it keeps my hair up and out of the way, it doesn't tire my scalp out. you know how if you wear a ponytail all day, or a bun, by the end of the day your head is like, "shit man, take this thing DOWN?" for whatever reason, these braids don't do that. i love that.  i love it so much. i've been doing my hair like this a lot lately, and i don't see it slowing down any time soon.  for one thing: summer is coming and when it's hot, i hate my hair. for another thing, i'm definitely going through a i-want-to-cut-it-all-off phase.  up and out of the way is just what the hair doctor ordered.

i have already bought like three different fabrics for my sister's new baby quilt.  this is the one i think is winning, though. those little red riding hoods just kill me. plus, the tiny bees match the fabric my sister picked out with my mom for the quilt mom is going to make her. this will come as a huge surprise, but this is an improvised quilt.  i started with some stacks of wonky squares and filler fabric, and am just going to town. i've been listening to a lot of elliott smith while working on it, because it's one of my and my sister's favorite singers.

seedlings

i know it really is that time of year; the danger of frost has passed, and i need to get out in my raised bed garden and plant some stuff.  i like my little garden.  this will be year three (!) of living here, and my third attempt at having a real, honest, veggie garden.  the first year was pretty slapdash; we ripped some azaleas out and plunked in some seeds.  the second year, we put in a three raised beds. two did great, one was too shallow.  this year, my plans are pretty modest. i want to grow some beets (i want to grow a billion beets), some peas, some carrots, and a bushel of kale.  the kale from last year actually wintered over! that stuff is amazing. 

i went to my mom's this year for easter.  i love my in-laws, but they get pretty much every holiday, and to be honest, i did not want to have a jesus-easter. i know, i'm a terrible person. the last holiday at their house had a lot of jesus talk (one of D's brothers is getting back into it, and my father-in-law is also very religious) and it just makes me uncomfortable. i'm not like an angry skeptic/slash/atheist, but i had some bad experiences with people who talked a lot about jesus when i was a kid and the whole thing just makes me cringe.  i never say anything, and don't plan on it, but i spend a lot of time worrying at some point i'll get caught rolling my eyes or being an asshole.  i just wanted to eat my mom's ham and be with my sister's kids and my aunt.  it ended up being a very quiet day, and it was great. 

i spent the whole weekend at mom's, which was very nice.  my relationship with my hometown  suffered after my dad passed away.  i used to love going back, but after he died every trip became a nightmare.  i admit, 9 out of 10 times i still burst into tears at some point driving onto the island. weird little things trip me up; baby cows in fields, his favorite grocery store, random memories.  it's probably worse because i drive his truck now and i banked hundreds of hours in that thing with him traveling to and from school. it still smells like his cigarettes on a hot day.  this is really why i will never part with the truck. 

little black submarines

for quite a while now i've thought i didn't like the black keys.  i'm not sure why; so many of my friends have recommended them to me, and i was like, "yeah, i guess."  this last week, though, i realized how much i loved them, and have been torturing my family with loud late night sing-alongs.  needless to say, we all know all the words now. 

in other news, i think i'm hitting my winter blues early this year.  i have an actual doctor's appointment tomorrow, because no matter how many vitamins i take, how much sleep i get, how much i try to not just lie in bed listening to songs over and over again, i find myself in the same old funk.  i seem to have two speeds, sleepy or nervous.  neither is doing me any good. 

my cat has been gone for about three weeks now, too.  i don't think she's coming home.  i keep having dreams about her, and keep thinking i hear her right outside my window, but no luck.  i miss my lulu. 

such a bummer post!  normally i love fall, and this early holiday season.  that's one reason i know something in my chemistry is off.  after seeing the doctor, i think i'm also going to try to find a nice new shrink who will listen to me and say things like, "and how does that make you feel?" we all know i just want prince valium to come to the rescue, but that might not be the best idea i've ever had!

for every shitty spin recommendation

there are sometimes ridiculous little gems, like this from the wavves. yes, it's stoner pop rock, but so fun! cute! teenage! i'm surprised at how much i like it, since the interview with the lead singer and his girlfriend was so terrible. what can i say? they came across as young and smug and annoying.

then, of course, i looked up her band, and they were also awesome. i also saw an interview with her where she was honestly sweet and funny and smart, and now i feel like a jerk for thinking they were asshole hipsters. i mean, they still might be hipsters, but they are not assholes. check out this adorable video!

you know what sucks?

getting this song stuck in your head. because it's catchy, but not necessarily good. yet once you hear it, you will tap it out while waiting on hold, you'll hum it in the shower, you'll find yourself thinking about it at the weirdest times. i'm sorry if you watched it and are stuck with it in your head, but at least you know what i'm going through.

glork

you know why glee is ruining america? not because it has the gays in it, we all know the gays are fabulous and i think more happy, gay teens should be on tv, but because now it makes teenagers think they should express themselves in song more.  what happened to terrible, furtive poetry readings? i had to sit through three musical interludes at the boychik's graduation; one of which was pretty okay, one of which was mediocre, and one that i hated but to be honest, it was a rascall flats song and i'm pretty sure nothing in their repertoire would have impressed me much.  in any case, three of them was about three too many.  also, when you first heard green day's longview did you ever think that one of their songs would become the go-to soundtrack for major life changes* or that they'd have a goddamn musical on broadway?  seriously.  we all thought they were stoner retard punks.  they might still be, but some how they are also middle aged, like me.  ...shudder...

*time of your life: it's good for funerals and graduations.  i bet it also gets used a lot at rehab "graduations." 

dearest

i know, i'm too old to indulge in adolescent musical interludes but this song reminds me of a boy i was smitten with at 20, and still miss today. not because we would have ever grown up and gotten married or had kids or been anything but childhood sweethearts; but because he was a nice boy.  not my boy, but a sweet, kind boy who knew that i wasn't the marrying-kid-having type.  we actually argued about that sort of thing, and i recall being annoyed he thought that i wasn't ready to settle down.  he was right, and i was wrong about what i wanted and when i wanted it, which in the end was exactly what i needed.

i wasn't supposed to get married at 22 and have kids.  my kids were already around, waiting for me to show up.  i couldn't love them more if i had made them with my own body.  i hear albums like this one, and remember what i though my life was going to be, and am happy i was wrong.

*what makes me think of him is that my parents really loved him; they were his parents in a way.  i have moments where i remember we all went out, hand in hand, and they loved him, knowing we wouldn't grow up and get married.  it's a testament to how great my parents were that they loved him regardless, and how i learned about love with all of them.  is that weird?  knowing even then that what i wanted wasn't the best for me, wasn't what was in store, and still playing along.  he remains a good man, someone's happy partner, just not mine. 

what makes me think about all of this is knowing if my dad had known D at all, in any way, he would have been happy.  he would have liked him, they would have gotten along, and they both would have rolled their eyes at my more insane tendencies.  my dad loved the boy i grew up with, but he would have loved D more. i wish they had known each other.  it feels unfair that he knew the boy i wouldn't grow up to marry, and not the man i love so much. 

lemon jelly

D likes dub, techno, whatever it is they call all those blippy poppy songs that kids high on E adore.  which isn't to say he wanders around the house in giant pants and blows a whistle when he gets excited, but he does like music that's a bit ambient and groovy.  the other night while looking at boat videos on youtube he stumbled upon a band that's new to all of us, lemon jelly.  specifically, he ran into this song, and was pretty excited to show it to us.  the past week has found us all singing it and goofing on it, changing the lyrics, looking up new songs and playing those too. 

the past two weeks have been like real summer break.  halcyon and warm, everyone in a good mood, playful and energetic.  it's a shame summer break ends always ends at this point; you spend a month getting things done, a month getting into a groove, and then right as you're actually having a fun time, it ends. part of me is ready for the kids to go back to school, part of me is going to miss the fist bumps and singing in the kitchen while making dinner.

we're brewing up our winter plans.  we'd like to build a canoe, which i know sounds crazy, but all of us are into it.  i want to build the hazelnut, the boys are into the prospector, and i think the girlchild thinks there is no way we'll get it done.  she does think building it will be fun, but doesn't think we've got the stamina to get it finished!  so far we've just looked at a lot of plans and talked about what to name the boat.  personally, i want to name it bollo, after the ape from the mighty boosh.  we're also unsure if we'll paint it red or blue.  or green.  these things are important!    

country roads

this will come as no surprise to anyone, but i've been kind of stressed out lately.  excited and happy too, but also anxious and busy.  the wedding is less than a month away, and it feels like we still have a lot to do.  the week after that we have to move four people out of a house we've lived in for years, and the thought of that is so daunting to me.  i hate moving all by myself, i can hardly bring myself to pack things in any kind of neat or orderly way, i always wait until the last minute and throw things in trash bags and boxes, then procrastinate for MONTHS with the unpacking.  you've seen me move enough times to know that's true! only this time, i'm kind of a grown-up, suddenly have kids, and kind of need to set a better example.  it's also a lot more important to get set up easily and comfortably in the new house, because kids need stability and their toothbrushes.  on occasion the thought of all my responsibilities kind of strikes me dumb.

in addition to all the fun stresses of getting married and having a home of our very own, the kid's mom has come back on the scene.  it's been about 8 years since anyone has heard from her, and guess what brought her back this time?  facebook.  (dear facebook, i hate you even more now. congratulations!)  it's a weird and touchy situation all around; with one kid trying to make contact, and one kid not wanting to have anything to do with her.  D isn't thrilled to have to talk about it either, and we're worried that the kids will end up disappointed or hurt.  to be honest, so far the contact that's been made between her and the kids hasn't looked too promising.  i hope i'm wrong.

today was a crazy beautiful day, though.  spring in the pacific northwest has taken forever to show up, and this is the first sunny, warm day we've had in forever.  the kids were out with their friends, D was at work, so i took a nice long drive.  i forgot my MP3 player, but found some tapes in the car, and spent hours driving around listening to jane's addiction.  by the time i got home, i felt considerably more cheerful.  the sun, the sights, the aimless wandering all did me good.  since coming home i've gotten some wedding stuff done, made plans to do more wedding stuff with my mother-in-law on monday, and tidied up the house.  it's amazing what a long stretch of road does for my mood.

it's kind of a funny story

is a movie with my favorite bearded man (this week), zach galifianakis. i watched it tonight, and found it kind of sweet, and enjoyable. nothing groundbreaking about it, but it was nice. they used this version of the pixies "where is my mind?", though, and just listen. it's so lovely!

also, while poking around the youtubes, i found this version by placebo. it's excellent!

pop quiz

i'm posting this on both blogs!

i'm starting to set up my reception ipod playlist.  do you have some ideas for romantic or otherwise fun songs?  if so, you should post a comment or send me an email.  don't feel like you have to limit yourself to just one song, if you've got a lot, send them all!

some songs i know i want to play, with links to the youtube videos,

• cee-lo's old fashioned
• camper van beethoven's life is grand
• the avett brother's january wedding (even if we are getting married in may!)
• travis, sing (also flowers in the window because, um, it's so cute!)
• stevie wonder, isn't she lovely (really, though, there will probably be a lot of stevie on the playlist.  i can't hear him without smiling!)

the suburbs

new arcade fire! i got the album last week, found this video on the internets. honestly? i like everything the arcade fire does, so i'm biased and anything i say to try to encourage you to listen can't really be trusted. it's good, though, so you should check it out.

so dreamy

i bought myself the newest cee lo album for xmas (with a gift card from my awesome co-worker).  #1: it's fucking awesome.  there is literally not a song on it that doesn't make me happy.  #2: look at that pink suit.  LOOK AT IT.  do you know of another man who can rock a suit like that?  i didn't think so.  #3: i kind of really want to play this song at my wedding.  i made D listen to it tonight, but i think with me standing there going "OH MY GOD don't you just love it?!" didn't help my case out any.  i might have come on too strong.  ahem.  i'm not giving up, though.  this song is awesome. 

to see more of mr. green and his amazing videos, check out his work on the youtubes. 

back in the saddle baby

i went for my first walk after the half marathon tonight.  my blisters are healed (some are still kind of gross looking, though), and the only pain i have left is this weird spot on my right heel that got rubbed pretty raw by my shoe.  i've been keeping it covered this week, and put a little moleskin over the bandaid tonight before i went out, and that seemed to work fine.  it felt good to be outside for a while.  i only did 2 miles, and it's amazing how short a walk that felt. 

i was listening to elliott smith's XO, as i cruised around the park.  the album has a few waltzes on it, and one came on as i rounded a corner.  the sun was beginning to go down, the light was all reddish and golden, and there were a group of kids rehearsing for a quinceañera.  the waltzes matched up almost perfectly.  it was lovely.  if it weren't such a sad song, i'd have waltz #2 at the wedding for sure.  maybe i still will, who knows!  i might be able to sneak it in as background noise during the reception...

dance party, baby!

i can't stop listening to this cee lo green song.  here is the link, but be WARNED: it is NOT FOR WORK.  or for listening to when your grandma is around, or if your pastor comes over.  or if anyone under the age of five is in your house.  it is, however, so supremely catchy and awesome that i can't stop shaking my booty to it and singing along.  i listened to the other song off cee lo's forthcoming album, and bought it on the spot because i liked it so much.  there is something about that man's voice that makes me dance! 

january wedding

if we get married in january, we could use this song...

speed and i are not friends,

but i need the sudafed because whatever is growing in my sinuses has a voracious appetite for pain. the longest i went between doses today was 8 hours, and near the end i didn't want any more, i wanted to sleep (amend that to present tense, dear, i want to sleep), but the pain in my head was too much. i took some, and now i am awake, my heart is jackrabbity, and i actually said the following things out loud today while dosed:

"my brain is all fertile with creative shit!"
"what a nice young juggalo."
"guess who's a landowner, bitches?!"

i went to work today which was good for me a in lot of ways. money being way #1. it wasn't terribly taxing, and now i'm back into my long weekend. for some reason my schedule was wonky, and the other patient coordinator was on deck for tomorrow. i could use the day to recoup; while i didn't die at work, or even pass out, i have hours that feel okay if sleepy, hours of crazy sped-up me after the little red pills, and that ridiculous "i'm too hot!" or "i'm too cold!" argument going on with my body. i discovered that another coworker had this same ailment, and while he was a lot tougher than me and worked right through most of it, the weird body-temp thing and aches stay around for a while. hooray.

i do have all sorts of creative ideas a' brewing up in my head. i can't get the new broken bell's song out of my head, so at night after everyone else is in bed and i'm still up, i listen to it on repeat on youtube and work on stuff. most of what i'm working on at the moment is just planning stages stuff, and to be honest, most of it is wedding stuff. working out what we need to get, what i want to do, time lines and lists and sketches! such fun stuff. the house is too full of unorganized things that are right in the way and threatening to trip, maim or infect us for me to do much at the moment; i'm hoping tomorrow i can at least get boxes into the garage, and start the giant "garage sale" pile.

late tonight D and i snuck out to jack in the box for chicken tenders, to go with our wing sauce (of course), and the nice young man who helped us had a name tag on that said "juggalo." part of the reason we like that jack in the box so much is that the night crew is ridiculous and funny and genuinely seem to enjoy that weird shift, and you see the most interesting kids there. D and i argued about whether or not our fine young juggalo looked like a little steve perry or no, and while i say the world would be a better place with a little more steve perry in general, D didn't see it. then i told him about this extremely NSFW clip on the youtubes concerning juggalos just today that sort of made our being served by Mr. Juggalo seem like fate.

before the high wears off, i did indeed become a landowner today as i inherited some land on the rez from my pop. actually, it's on more than one rez, but all in one state. pop said there was maybe enough there for him to be buried standing up, but evidently my half is almost 300 acres. way to undersell it pop! no word yet on whether it's inhabitable, valuable, or what our options are. i know he didn't make money on it, but i also don't recall him having to pay taxes on it. being that i am not a very good indian, i honestly don't know much more than that at this point, i just like bragging about how much land i own. even if it's swamp land or a parcel of hell, it's mine, and it's got an impressive number on it. more research needs to be done!

i'm going to go lie wide awake next to D now for a while until his snoring drives me to the couch. normally the snoring doesn't bug me, but while on cold medication i find it unbearable. mainly because it's like his nose bragging that he can't sleep and i can't. sleep tight my darling juggalos. (and you too!)

DAMMIT

i had a moderately crappy day at work. not entirely shitty, just annoying and i had to work with someone i have never worked with before and hope to never work with again. granted, my job is not entirely essential: i am support staff, i make work pleasant for my tech, and make sure that the patients are comfortable. i clean and tidy and enter information into databases. the tech i worked with today was such a snide little bitch. she talked over me when the patients were around, she was dismissive and condescending, and she did it all with a fake plastic smile plastered to her big, dumb, face. spending the day with her gave me heartburn. a special heartburn that can only be cured with red wine.

my period might be imminent.

the kids are sickly, so they spent the day at home today. well, one of them was legitimately sick, one might have been stretching it. either way, both got lots of time on the couch, and D picked up juice and pineapples for a punch of vitamin C. they both go back to school tomorrow, although i kind of think one of them should actually stay home. we'll see how it works out in the morning.

i have discovered that i love the band mastodon. it's metal and gorgeous and i don't know what it is about the fall that makes hard rock guitars sound so great. i read about them in spin magazine, and checked them out, and they are awesomely heavy. i wish i knew more kids into metal, i think i would have discovered them sooner. hooray for heavy metal!

(i was trying to blog while watching community, and i just can't. A) it's too funny, and B) joel mcHale is too delicious to not watch. i know, i called and cancelled the cable tv, but comcast are idiots and we still have it. don't get too excited, they charge me more now for the phone since we're not "bundled" so i'm not actually getting anything over on them. except we still get to watch tv while pretending to be upset that it's still on.)

idiot savants

this morning in the car i was rocking out to lady gaga and thinking about pop stars. the publicity surrounding michael jackson still amazes me and i admit that i've been following it (although not terribly obsessively, honest!). i was thinking about MJ's decline in past years, about the public's consumption of him as a product, from his early days as a sweet-faced boy in his brother's band, to his amazing early 20's, to his decline into oddity and ridicule. everyone wants to blame joe jackson* for his son's weirdness and inappropriateness, but no one wants to take any blame for it themselves. we had a hand in making michael jackson. we bought his albums, we wanted him to dance and smile and make music we could shake our booties to, we bought the tabloids with the lurid headlines, we watched the uncomfortable and insane interviews, we lapped it up. no one really cared if he was healthy, or mentally okay, as long as he produced for us. it's the same with britney spears; we grew her in a crazy hothouse of child sexuality, money, and conflicting religious beliefs, then watched her shave her head and go batshit. no one honestly cared if she got better, or worked on her post-partum depression, as long as she got skinny again and made more albums. the public was concerned when it looked like she might burn out too soon, so we made it okay for her to get better "enough," put her dad in charge of doling out medication and keeping her home so she can make more albums, go on tours, work her toned body for our amusement. no one gives a shit if amy winehouse actually stops doing drugs because she's already made an album that everyone loves, and watching her skeleton cavort around a tropical island is evidently amusement enough for us. we've all made fun of courtney love for years, but i bet you if she died tomorrow the only photos of her that would be on magazine covers would be during that brief period of time when she was sober and acting and had a good boob job. the tabloids would show her with stringy, stick-figure arms and dark circles under her eyes, lamenting her decline and trying to shock us, and we would pretend that we weren't buying them, but the sales figures would show otherwise.

i'm not trying to sound all bitter and above it all; i'm as guilty of consuming artists, celebrities, this way. i do indeed own a britney spears album from after her nervous breakdown (yes! i know! i like to shake it, so sue me), i do flip through magazines and voraciously read the ones left behind at the hospital, full of gossip and information from secret sources. i love talk soup, and perez hilton and gossip columns. i just think it's time we talked about our role in creating celebrity this way. it's as though we like our stars to be entertainment idiot savants; talented and sparkly for us, but unable to live normal, healthy lives on their own. we talk a lot about how sad it is that certain celebs can't cope or handle fame, but we stand by and watch them self-destruct as gleefully as romans at a christian vs. lion match. i don't know where it comes from, i don't even know if we can do anything to stop it. if i gave it more though, maybe did some research, perhaps i could come up with some reasons we act this way. this is honestly just something i've been thinking about this morning, feeling slightly guilty about my own desire for dance music and celebrity drama. would not buying albums or gossip rags do anything? is there in fact, anything, we can do to change this? what sorts of cultural shifts would have to happen for us to become a society that cared about everyone's emotional and physical well-being, who saw celebrities for what they are; just people, but living under microscopes and pressured to produce for us. what happened with and to michael jackson seems tremendously fucked up; he had for all accounts a miserable childhood, he made a few brilliant albums and danced like his life depended on it, then he became a side-show freak, addled by drugs and trailed by child molestation allegations, and all the while everyone just watched. it was as fun for us to watch him dance like a zombie as it was to watch the painfully deluded man he became give creepy interviews. either way, we were entertained, we got what we wanted. i just hope now he has a little peace.

*this makes me crazy because the kid had two parents. katherine might not have been beating him and calling him names, but she was letting her husband, which i think makes her as culpable. just sayin'.

naptime!

more animals

lately i have been addicted to the afternoon nap, which makes me feel all bright and perky for a while, but then i don't get to bed on time, and am sleepy the next morning and need another nap the next afternoon...which i can't tell if is a vicious cycle or just plain awesome. i like naps, even if i don't take them i hate mornings, and if i'm going to have a vice, i'm just glad mine involves blankets and curling up with the cat or my boyfriend.

work is adding a few mondays to the schedule (two a month for the next two months!) and i'm going to get some more hours which will be awesome. there's a possibility of a trip coming up (more information for you as i get it!) and if i go, then yay! i'll have saved some money for it, and if not, yay! money in the bank. i feel like i'm slowly getting caught up on some stuff, although to be honest i'm still pretty screwed as far as debt goes. there's a good chance i'll still have to do some debt consolidating and/or bankruptcy fun, but for the moment i'm just glad that my bills are getting paid, the power is still on, and i'm slowly building up a little safety net.

the new neko case album is out, and since tomorrow is payday i'm going to go pick it up. i also heard a band called nathan on the vinyl cafe this weekend, and ordered one of their cds. i am an absolute sucker for banjos and pretty voices, and nathan seems like a lot of fun. i remember listening to them last weekend while we worked on breakfast and saying, "damn, i like this, write it down!" i hope their cd is good, and that neko's album is as good as the reviews have been. hooray for new music!