L4 can go to hell!

maybe L5 too...

my back has definitely been feeling out of sorts lately.  that's not big news, it bothers me on and off from time to time.  as a kid i sprained it pretty badly and have the tiniest case of scoliosis known to doctors.  it's enough to get me checked out every time one of them feels me up, but not enough to really trouble me or do anything about (but exercise the damn thing).  i thought a nice long walk today would help work my current kinks out, like it usually does, but i hardly went half a mile before my back started in.  it's not just the pain my lower back, it's the sciatica that gets me.  my left thigh likes to go numb, and sometimes it feels like my hip socket might be lined with shards of glass.  awesome!  i did go a whole mile before i gave up, which felt ridiculous.  a mile?!  that was too short a walk.  i know better than to push it, though; i came home and had some ibuprofen and a warm shower, did some more stretches, and will try again tomorrow.  sometimes my back just needs an afternoon to act like a jackass and then it's fine. 

i will admit, though, i would like to move some of that turkey and gravy out of my system!  thanksgiving lasts a long time in this family, and i might be comprised right now of 25% gravy and pie. 

back in the saddle baby

i went for my first walk after the half marathon tonight.  my blisters are healed (some are still kind of gross looking, though), and the only pain i have left is this weird spot on my right heel that got rubbed pretty raw by my shoe.  i've been keeping it covered this week, and put a little moleskin over the bandaid tonight before i went out, and that seemed to work fine.  it felt good to be outside for a while.  i only did 2 miles, and it's amazing how short a walk that felt. 

i was listening to elliott smith's XO, as i cruised around the park.  the album has a few waltzes on it, and one came on as i rounded a corner.  the sun was beginning to go down, the light was all reddish and golden, and there were a group of kids rehearsing for a quinceañera.  the waltzes matched up almost perfectly.  it was lovely.  if it weren't such a sad song, i'd have waltz #2 at the wedding for sure.  maybe i still will, who knows!  i might be able to sneak it in as background noise during the reception...

my feet are still kinda fat

this is what 13 miles looks like

i still kind of can't believe i did that half-marathon.  it's an understatement to say that i am really, seriously, truly not built for extreme feats of exercise.  i suppose to a real athelete, 13.1 miles is child's play, but for a girl who loves her couch and won't hustle to answer the phone, 13 miles was a hell of a long walk.

part of the reason i wanted to do this race was to raise money for LLS, but i was also curious to see if i could do it.  my first piercing was also done in the same spirit ("can i really endure a needle through the tongue?"), i learned how to drive a stick because i thought it would be too hard, i moved far away from home because i kinda thought it would kill me, and we all remember that time i lived on a fishing boat because i might never get a chance to do so again.  evidently i am all about making myself uncomfortable in the name of "broadening my horizons."  for someone who is usually so anxious and weird, i sure do a lot of things that seem ridiculous even to me.  in any case, i believe that this is one of those things i did once as a lark, but will keep on doing.  kind of like the piercing and driving a standard shift.

i have a new respect for my body and what i can do.  training for the race showed me how all that talk of exercise and endorphins might not be a lie that thin people tell fat people to make us feel like shit.  spending time out in the world, listening to music and taking in the sights is a fun way to spend an hour or two alone.  i can also feel better about the upcoming zombie apocalypse, because now i have the stamina to get out of the way.  i don't think i'll ever be a racer who cares much about beating other racers, i'm not that competitive; but i can see myself trying to beat my own times, and enjoying doing more walks like this one.

things you won't ever see me doing: throwing my water cup on the ground like a lot of asshole walkers.  that part i didn't get.  i wasn't at the head of the pack, slowing down to throw my cup in the trashcan did not add precious seconds onto my time that i couldn't recover from, so if you were ahead of me and threw your cup on the ground, i thought you were a dick.  if i didn't need to do it, you didn't need to do it either.  you won't ever see me in a super-coordinated, cute running set, unless you think black pants a t-shirt are the height of fashion.  you won't ever see my sneering at other runners or walkers if they get in my way for a fraction of a second.  you won't see me eating one of those energy goo things; they look weird and i can't imagine eating them without looking retarded.  you also won't ever see me throw my clif bar wrapper on the ground because i'm so busy walking fast and can't stuff it back in my stupid fanny pack.  you will probably see me in a fanny pack, though, because as dumb as they look, they really are useful.  after the race, you will probably also have to hear about how my feet hurt and my toes look like vienna sausages.  because guess what? my feet hurt and my toes are swollen little nubs of pain.  in fact, i think i'll go put them up and ice them again!

thanks to everyone who sent me nice thoughts, money, and comments.  it was amazing to have such support, and it sounds cliché, but i couldn't have done this without you!  thank you, thank you, thank you!  

four and half hours, baby!

i survived!  i actually did better than i thought i would.  i also got my period that morning, got lost, and it rained so hard that i ended up with blistered feet (forgot dry socks!) and wearing five hundred pounds of waterlogged clothing.

i am totally, and completely amazed.  it was hard, but the nap i had after the race was sublime, and eating pizza later that afternoon i felt all blissed out and happy.  the o'neals were excellent hosts, as always, and while i'm glad to be home with my people, i still think we all live too far away from each other.

photos and details to come!  right now i'm going to go soak my poor feets, which are swollen to an obscene extreme, but oddly enough, the only part of me that hurts.  my legs, my back, my hips, all still feel rad.  i was better prepared in some ways, not so much in others, i guess.  i had to buy some old man slippers yesterday because my feet were literally too big for all my shoes.  oh, you should see them.  they are a sad, sad sight.

i'm still here

you can be a crazy feminist and love mickey avalon at the same time, right? because i looove mickey avalon, but also rage against shaving my legs and losing my hyphenated last name in marriage. i can't help that i love his dirty rapping! i'm telling you, there's more than one 15 yr old boy living in this house; i let the boychik listen to "my dick" (which is just as ridiculous and raunchy as it sounds) and we giggled like dorks while bobbing our heads.

i made it through a week without crying at work or setting anything on fire. i suppose since it's only thursday i should wait until tomorrow to make that statement, but i like to live my life right on the edge of things, as you can plainly see. my uncle's party-which-shall-not-be-called-a-wake happens this weekend. i'l be glad to be wtih my family for a few days, even if it isn't for the happiest of reasons.

i didn't want to walk today (because for me grief involves couches, beer and long showers), but i have to say, it does me some good to get all stompy and hot and sweaty. my butt hurts, though. my legs seem stronger lately too, which is a weird and awesome feeling. i find that as much as i drag my feet and procrastinate with the exercising, once i'm in the swing of things, and afterward, i feel good. those endorphins health articles are always extolling might actually exist after all. shit, who knew shape had anything of value to offer a girl?