Thursday, January 19, 2006

i could use a nap

what's funny about that is it's not even nine in the morning. the sleep, it has gone away. my tummy hurts too, i'm drinking massive amounts of the ginger crystals today*. i wish my sister would just have her damn baby and let me get some sleep! i am wound up tighter than a $2 watch.

last night i dreamt about the baby. she was in a shoe box, and i wanted to peek inside and see her. my sister told me she wasn't "done" yet, and that i had to wait. "baby will come out when she's ready." so i held the shoe box and said to it, "come out, baby!" it was such a small box, burgundy colored and soft on the outside, warm and heavy to hold. i was trying to be patient, but i really wanted to see her.

what strikes me about this dream isn't that baby was in a shoe box, but my insistence on calling her "baby." until my sister was about two, i never called her anything else. it was always "baby" this and "baby" that. finally my mom got sick of it and insisted i call her by her name.

of course, she's still baby to me. which is probably why i'm so freaked out and excited and nervous and tired.

p.s. it's snowing! not a lot, and it seems sort of dry and light, but everytime it snows i get excited. something about snowy weather makes me feel all cozy and happy to be inside. even if by "inside" i mean "goofing off instead of actually working."

*scroll down to the bottom of the page!

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