the hard thing about having a kid in school that isn't doing well, regardless of how smart or dumb they are, or how unfair the teachers are, or whatever, is this: you end up spending a lot of time being the bad guy. taking away fun toys, cutting off access the internet/tv/video games, having serious talks basically to yourself because no way is a teenager going to talk to you about what is bothering them, and conferring with your partner about "what should be done." it is such a fucking drag. it's like the terrible parts of being in school with none of the fun note passing and gossiping in the bathrooms.
i distinctly remember being a difficult student, and not understanding why my parents were so frustrated and irate. they were my grades, what's the big whoop? which is why when your parents give you that smirk and say, "just wait," you'll recall it later and think, "well, shit." because they were right.
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Friday, August 24, 2012
i make fun of my college degree a lot
i mean, seriously: who do you know that majors in anthropology that is actually a paid, titled, for-real, anthropologist? how many newspaper ads have you seen begging for someone, anyone! with the knowledge to compile an ethnography or family tree to apply for a starting salary of 50k? it's true, i majored in something that can be loosely applied to many fields, but not applied to many more.
however, my love of sex and gender studies comes in handy all the time. i got a call today from someone asking about labiaplasty benefits and guess what? not only did i not blanch at the very idea, i knew what it was and didn't need to be told. then when i was asked how it was different from clinics offering "vaginal rejuvenation" i could explain the difference between a simple trimming of some excess labial tissue vs. full on, surgical alteration of the vaginal canal. yeah, i'm a rock star.
if there is anything you can take from this post, it is this: i'm so glad i studied what i studied. i'm so glad i took the time to learn about things that interest me, even if my interests are either perverted or morbid. that even though i will literally spend forever paying off my studen loans, those hours i spent teaching sex ed, organizing transgender speakers for classes, and reading about alternative sexualities was well worth my time. also, if you have a question about your delicate parts, feel free to ask me. i don't blush easily, and my company is so lucky to have me.
however, my love of sex and gender studies comes in handy all the time. i got a call today from someone asking about labiaplasty benefits and guess what? not only did i not blanch at the very idea, i knew what it was and didn't need to be told. then when i was asked how it was different from clinics offering "vaginal rejuvenation" i could explain the difference between a simple trimming of some excess labial tissue vs. full on, surgical alteration of the vaginal canal. yeah, i'm a rock star.
if there is anything you can take from this post, it is this: i'm so glad i studied what i studied. i'm so glad i took the time to learn about things that interest me, even if my interests are either perverted or morbid. that even though i will literally spend forever paying off my studen loans, those hours i spent teaching sex ed, organizing transgender speakers for classes, and reading about alternative sexualities was well worth my time. also, if you have a question about your delicate parts, feel free to ask me. i don't blush easily, and my company is so lucky to have me.
Thursday, September 08, 2011
back to school time
the girlchild is in the 7th grade now, and i admit being more than nervous about the upcoming year. last year her grades were terrible, her attitude was even worse, and we spent many miserable hours and months trying to figure out what was going on and what we could do about it. this year she's enrolled in a program that is supposed to help her study skills and organization, as well as provide a little extra math and reading help. when it comes to the girl and her grades, i admit that D and i approach it from very different points of view. i think that's part of the reason i'm not looking forward to this year. she's a bright kid, but if things are hard, she just gives up. she is also under the assumption that she's already "good" at math, and doesn't need to try anymore, and to be honest, she's not that good at math. she doesn't consistently fail it, but she never aces it either. she has a hard time finishing what she starts, keeping track of assignments, and on more than one occasion she's just flat-out lied to us about what she had to do/when she had to do it/what was going on. i'm definitely more of the disciplinarian, which is a shitty role, but considering one kid does well and never needs much in the way of supervision when it comes to school, i guess it evens out. my plan this year is to make things kind of hard to start with. instead of taking away stuff like tv and computer time and going outside when things go bad, from the very start she's going to have to prove that she can do her schoolwork first. meaning, no computer time until after 7:30, and if she wants half an hour of facebook and shit, she's got to give me half an hour of reading. if she wants to be allowed to watch any tv (for us, netflix) or a movie, she's going to have to have all her homework done as well as her chores. she has to tell us what is due and when every day, via her assignment log. i know it sounds harsh, and it is, but last year she brought home a report card with three D's and 2 F's and didn't see anything wrong with it. the way i see it, if things start out kind of gulag-y, then they can only get better, right? i don't necessarily want to punish her for last years grades, but i don't want her thinking she can skate until she gets caught again, either.
just thinking about all of this makes my blood pressure go up. i'm going to try to be optimistic, i swear, but if this year is like last year, i don't know what i'm going to do. i'm not a very good tutor for her while sober, and this sort of thing makes me want a big old glass of boxed wine, and guess what? i'm worse at explaining fractions then.
Monday, January 10, 2011
called into the principal's office
DAMMIT. i kind of thought after the girlchild met with the school counselor, things would quiet down. while i didn't think the girls giving her shit would magically stop, i did think they'd tone it down for their own sakes. evidently, they haven't, and D and I came home to a message from the school asking us to call them back ASAP. we're not sure what the meeting is about exactly; it could just be the principal just wants to let us know he knows what's going on and is taking care of it, it could be he wants more information, it could be something else. i wonder if he doesn't want to see our pretty faces because the bullying going on is potentially lawsuit material. can you say "sexual harassment?" because now the girlchild can.
i'm not going to try and say this sort of shit didn't happen when i was 12, oh so long ago, but i will say i think the internet makes kids mean in a different way. this summer we dealt with some of that, with the same group of girls, sending mean messages through facebook and ourworld and stuff. we had good talks about how easy it is to feel like you can say whatever you want when you don't have to say it to someone's face, but how those things are still hurtful and not okay. now she doesn't have the same kind of access to the internet as then, but with school back in session she's getting a crash course in gossip. how it starts, how it spreads, what the effects are. essentially a group of girls led by one particular girl (there's always a ringleader!) has been telling everyone that the girlchild is bisexual, and that she tried to get another little girl to be her girlfriend and kiss her. being called bi doesn't bother her; she lives in a house where we're open about different kinds of sexualities and even genders (one of the boychik's friends is trans), she understands that we don't believe there's anything wrong or weird about being queer, and she doesn't believe that being called "bi" is a real insult. at the same time, it does bother her that if she says she isn't, no one listens, or they take it to mean that she really is and just denying it. in short, there isn't anything she can say or do that's going to make this better, and that's frustrating at best. if she stands up for kids who are bi or gay or questioning, she's automatically lumped in with them, if she denies it vehemently, she's implying there's something wrong with those kids and acting like the jerks.
she knows we love her, and we'd love her even if it does turn out she's bi, but that we also think she might be a bit young to have given it much thought. it's early for this to be an issue, we want her to be a kid a while longer and understand that sexuality is a part of who she is as a person, but not the definition of her. she has time to learn about herself, she has time to grow up. this shouldn't be an issue a 12 year old deals with, and we think that if she were older, or a boy, or not as okay with herself, the school would have jumped on this quite a bit earlier.
sigh. i mentioned all this to a co-worker the other day, and she said, "do you really want to marry a man with teenagers?! maybe you should have a long engagement." too late! we may as well already be married, dammit. i'm too far in! plus, now i'm all riled up. no one messed with the kid, no one. the end.
i'm not going to try and say this sort of shit didn't happen when i was 12, oh so long ago, but i will say i think the internet makes kids mean in a different way. this summer we dealt with some of that, with the same group of girls, sending mean messages through facebook and ourworld and stuff. we had good talks about how easy it is to feel like you can say whatever you want when you don't have to say it to someone's face, but how those things are still hurtful and not okay. now she doesn't have the same kind of access to the internet as then, but with school back in session she's getting a crash course in gossip. how it starts, how it spreads, what the effects are. essentially a group of girls led by one particular girl (there's always a ringleader!) has been telling everyone that the girlchild is bisexual, and that she tried to get another little girl to be her girlfriend and kiss her. being called bi doesn't bother her; she lives in a house where we're open about different kinds of sexualities and even genders (one of the boychik's friends is trans), she understands that we don't believe there's anything wrong or weird about being queer, and she doesn't believe that being called "bi" is a real insult. at the same time, it does bother her that if she says she isn't, no one listens, or they take it to mean that she really is and just denying it. in short, there isn't anything she can say or do that's going to make this better, and that's frustrating at best. if she stands up for kids who are bi or gay or questioning, she's automatically lumped in with them, if she denies it vehemently, she's implying there's something wrong with those kids and acting like the jerks.
she knows we love her, and we'd love her even if it does turn out she's bi, but that we also think she might be a bit young to have given it much thought. it's early for this to be an issue, we want her to be a kid a while longer and understand that sexuality is a part of who she is as a person, but not the definition of her. she has time to learn about herself, she has time to grow up. this shouldn't be an issue a 12 year old deals with, and we think that if she were older, or a boy, or not as okay with herself, the school would have jumped on this quite a bit earlier.
sigh. i mentioned all this to a co-worker the other day, and she said, "do you really want to marry a man with teenagers?! maybe you should have a long engagement." too late! we may as well already be married, dammit. i'm too far in! plus, now i'm all riled up. no one messed with the kid, no one. the end.
Monday, November 22, 2010
options
i had two options for today: go to the dentist to have some old fillings pulled and re-filled (which feels the same as just getting a damn cavity filled), or go to the girlchild's parent-teacher conference. normally i'd do anything to get out of going to the dentist, including crying, faking my death, barfing, etc, but today that actually sounded like the better option. so now i have a face full of numb, and D had to deal with the teachers all by his lonesome.
i love the girlchild. i think she's funny and interesting and sweet, but her grades this year have been abhorrent. the kind of stuff she brought home at the last progress report would have gotten me grounded for YEARS. i know i've mentioned it before, but there are times when my parenting style differs from D's, and this proved to be one of those times. he didn't want to make her feel bad, and i never wanted her to be able to leave the house again. we've been working together to figure out what's going on, why her grades are this bad (it's not because she's dumb, i'll give her that), and what we can do, all together, to make them better. it is exhausting work, and i have to say it's disheartening to work all day at my actual job and then spend hours arguing with an 11 year old who KNOWS EVERYTHING ALREADY (GOD!), and trying to help her get her work done. it's been a trying few weeks, and i'm still figuring out a good way to help her, without doing the work for her (or getting conned into doing more than i should be). teaching self-reliance and responsibility while trying to help is tougher than i thought it would be.
i know going to the dentist instead of going to the school probably isn't the best thing i could have done (if i had been on top of stuff i would have just moved my appointment), but i am sick of talking/thinking/working on this subject. there have also been a few times that i've clearly stepped on D's toes, and i want to give him some space to work on this by himself as well. i'm also a little tired of being the Hammer Of Consequences (i.e. the Wicked Stepmother), and if i put off this dental appointment, i'd never go.
things are slowly righting themselves, and i think our girl understands that we really aren't trying to be assholes, but it's hard work. i hope the meeting went well today, and that D comes home with nothing but good news, and that my mouth co-operates while i try to drink a cup of tea. we also got snow today, and i am freezing.
p.s. if you live in the skagit valley and are looking for a dentist, i highly recommend dr. matterand. i always call him dr. matterhorn in my head, but trust me, he's awesome. i am nervous and sketchy and usually require medication to visit the dentist, but this guy makes everything easy and painless. i have yet to feel a needle going into my gums. good times. his staff is also awesome, and the kids see dr. forsythe and love him too.
i love the girlchild. i think she's funny and interesting and sweet, but her grades this year have been abhorrent. the kind of stuff she brought home at the last progress report would have gotten me grounded for YEARS. i know i've mentioned it before, but there are times when my parenting style differs from D's, and this proved to be one of those times. he didn't want to make her feel bad, and i never wanted her to be able to leave the house again. we've been working together to figure out what's going on, why her grades are this bad (it's not because she's dumb, i'll give her that), and what we can do, all together, to make them better. it is exhausting work, and i have to say it's disheartening to work all day at my actual job and then spend hours arguing with an 11 year old who KNOWS EVERYTHING ALREADY (GOD!), and trying to help her get her work done. it's been a trying few weeks, and i'm still figuring out a good way to help her, without doing the work for her (or getting conned into doing more than i should be). teaching self-reliance and responsibility while trying to help is tougher than i thought it would be.
i know going to the dentist instead of going to the school probably isn't the best thing i could have done (if i had been on top of stuff i would have just moved my appointment), but i am sick of talking/thinking/working on this subject. there have also been a few times that i've clearly stepped on D's toes, and i want to give him some space to work on this by himself as well. i'm also a little tired of being the Hammer Of Consequences (i.e. the Wicked Stepmother), and if i put off this dental appointment, i'd never go.
things are slowly righting themselves, and i think our girl understands that we really aren't trying to be assholes, but it's hard work. i hope the meeting went well today, and that D comes home with nothing but good news, and that my mouth co-operates while i try to drink a cup of tea. we also got snow today, and i am freezing.
p.s. if you live in the skagit valley and are looking for a dentist, i highly recommend dr. matterand. i always call him dr. matterhorn in my head, but trust me, he's awesome. i am nervous and sketchy and usually require medication to visit the dentist, but this guy makes everything easy and painless. i have yet to feel a needle going into my gums. good times. his staff is also awesome, and the kids see dr. forsythe and love him too.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
PTA, represent
hey! i get to go to my first elementary school open house tonight. well, the first open house i've been to since becoming an adult. i know the girlchild isn't too stoked about her teacher this year, he has a reputation of being a bit stern and strict, but i'm trying to convince her that sometimes teachers that are tough are actually worthwhile. in any case, it will be good to put a name to a face, and maybe they'll have punch and cookies to make it all worthwhile.
speaking of cookies, i made an amazing batch last night. my oven cooperated, and i baked off a batch of browned butter sugar cookies. they were thin and crisp on the outside, slightly chewy in the center, coated in crunchy "raw" sugar and tasted like toffee. everyone liked them but the boychild, who for some crazy reason doesn't dig on caramel flavors. we're going to have to work with him on that. i'll post photos and a recipe soon!
speaking of cookies, i made an amazing batch last night. my oven cooperated, and i baked off a batch of browned butter sugar cookies. they were thin and crisp on the outside, slightly chewy in the center, coated in crunchy "raw" sugar and tasted like toffee. everyone liked them but the boychild, who for some crazy reason doesn't dig on caramel flavors. we're going to have to work with him on that. i'll post photos and a recipe soon!
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