oh my goodness

so that tax benefit refund thing actually came through. i wasn't counting on it, but i checked my bank account this morning and there it was! it's more than my actual refund, which is sad, but happy too because DAMN i could use that money. i need to pay my car insurance, set up payments on my student loans again, save up for moving, pay off my storage unit before they sell all my shit, blah blah blah. the list i have of things that need to get paid is much longer than i want to admit, and i know i can't do it all, but i have a plan. a meager one, but a plan nonetheless.

i think i pissed off the fisherman last night by insisting he leave me alone and let me sleep by myself. he's just always here, sitting and doing nothing, and i resent that he has the house to himself all day and i have it never. this past weekend he spent all his time getting drunk and mad and me and wanting to talk about what's going on with "us." um, there is no "us" so nothing. he wants to move to montana? okay! he wants to join the circus as a fire breather? rock on! all i care is that he goes somewhere and does something other than lie in the bedroom with the lights off telling me i make him feel bad about himself. fuck.

good news; baby was with her dad this week since my folks are on vacation and my sister had to work, and i got to talk to her yesterday about her trip. she's only 2 1/2, and not quite as verbal as say, tiernan, was at that age, but damn she had a lot to say. it was awesome. i hadn't talked to her in over a week, and i missed that little kid so much. she told me all about the beach and park and doggies, and i asked if she missed us and she said, "yep!" whew. i don't want her other aunties moving up to try to take my place:-) that's my baby, yo.

my chariot awaits

it's not fancy, it's not pretty, and it came with its own name (the rocket) and i love it. it is definitely a boy car, i'm not sure how i know, but i do. abby and dottie were most certainly ladies, but this car is a boy. maybe a teenage boy. a sweet one, before he gets all angsty and starts listening to a lot of lamb of god and hating girls because they don't understand him.

viva le rocket!

in other news, not only did i learn how to drive a stick yesterday but i also did my taxes. take that, life dumping shit on me. i will prevail! i shake my tiny fist of fury at you! my taxes are done and the money is on its way!

this accident came at an awful time, what with the new move and my not having any money in savings or on my cards to use, but at the same time tax season was right around the corner and the rocket was just waiting for a new owner. the initial stress is gone, i slept last night without having horrible dreams and waking up every few hours to freak out silently in the dark, and even though i have some work ahead of me, i feel more confident than i have in a long while. maybe this signals a new era, the "amanda learned how to be a grown-up" year(s). who knows.