countdown

thirty days to my thirtieth birthday. thirty! maybe i should do something big and stupid before then. although one could argue i've done my share of slightly irresponsible stuff already this year, so maybe i should just plan some sort of party. i haven't had a proper birthday party in years, mainly because i don't really enjoy them, but if any milestone deserves some sort of recognition i think this one is it.

a few of the girls at work yesterday freaked out on my when i told them i was almost thirty. "no way, you don't look that old." while i don't think i look terrible, i don't think i look that young. i mean, the big cheeks and random zits are actually working in my favor, but come on. i don't pass for early twenties anymore! that's fine by me. my early twenties were a hell of a good time, but i don't think i could carry on like that anymore without some serious hangovers. funny how those get worse as you get older.

i had a whole list of things i wanted to do before i turned thirty, and i don't think i've checked a lot of them off. at the same time, i did a whole slew of things i didn't think i would do ever, and that's got to count for something. in the past year i've,

1. learned how to drive a stick.
2. lived on a boat for three months.
3. made another major move from one state to another.
4. gotten into my first car accident.
5. had a pattern published in a book.
6. cut off my long hair.
7. i met a hot fisherman and, you know. went in for a one-night stand and ended up with a serious boyfriend. what?!
   
8. i finally conquered my fear of knitting socks and have made a few pairs.
9. got a new tattoo and made plans for my next one.

that's not bad for twenty-nine. i'm ready for thirty, though. i have a feeling this is going to be good year, and i can't figure out why. there are a lot of things i'm looking forward to this year, like friend's weddings and trips and art projects i have planned for the dark winter. autumn is my favorite time of year; no matter what new year's might have to say this is when i feel like the year is really starting. the scent of wood fires and that dark, deep, greenness of everything getting it's last big growth in before winter always makes me feel like getting my own shit together so i can work all winter. winter's here aren't exactly fierce or gruesome, but they are dark and i do tend to get a lot of work done in them. hiding out at home and making stuff is pretty much the only thing i want to do when the sun goes away. if anything, i should have a little party around my birthday as a hooray for fall thing.

but now i'm going to have a cup of coffee and get ready for work. whoo!

hatr

hatr, originally uploaded by pinprick.

yesterday i was completely full of anger. i was worse than alexander on his horribly rotten day! i was all single eyebrow glaring, eye rolling, yelling at cars mad. it was not pretty. i went by the evil empire to pick up a prescription and was annoyed that the stupid clinic i went to only gave me a script for two months worth of pills (what the fuck? did she not believe me when i said i'd been on them for six years?!). then i was annoyed that the other script was $12 instead of $4 because it didn't come in generic. then, i didn't have enough money. searching through my wallet didn't make any magically appear, so i told the lady i'd pick up the cheap pills that day then come back for the other ones.

then the lady behind me in line gave me two bucks and told me not to worry. she totally ruined my bad mood.

it was such a nice thing to do. she doesn't know me, i'm sure i looked angry and fussy and bleak and lord knows i might not have been so nice to a girl who looked like me. i might stay away for fear of an old-fashioned shivving. i'm not going to go all hallmark on you and tell you this lady was an angel sent to help me out, but damn. no matter how black my heart is, i was touched. i ended up being nicer to people all day. i felt guilty for muttering about mouth breathers on my way into the evil empire, only to be proven totally wrong. that two dollars bought more than pills, it smoothed out the rest of my day.

happy news, in no particular order

carving, originally uploaded by pinprick.

1. baby and i are making our first trip to the library this week. they do a preschool story time, and lucky for me i have the day off! i'm excited to introduce her to the library, and am hoping she has as much fun as i think she will.
2. i got the "new" shins album last week and i think since then i've listened to it about five hundred times. i say "new" because it came out before i went to AK, but i just now got it. when it came out i wasn't so sure about it; i really loved chutes too narrow and when that happens i worry i won't love the next album as much, but hearing james mercer on the latest modest mouse album made me change my mind. wincing the night away wasn't what i thought it was going to be like at all, but it's amazing. it's an unexpected happy surprise.
3. i get to officiate at a wedding! aunt lisa is getting hitched and i'm going to buy a pretty dress and get to be part of their happy day. whoo! i'm crazy excited about that. when it was first brought up i thought they were joking, but the more i thought about it, the more i realized what an awesome thing it would be. i spent most of my drive home from portland daydreaming about it. lots of people get married, but not a lot of people get to be the ones saying "you may now kiss the bride."
4. i just found out i get paid more to work sundays. the grocery store i'm at gives a premium for hours on that day because i guess everyone hates to work it. which is fantastic because i always work sundays.
5. i'm off to a slow start this year, but my christmas present making it coming along nicely.
6. my netflix hold comes off today, and on the top of my list is hot fuzz. i can hardly wait.

secret jewish boyfriend

oh andy samberg, with your floppy hair and adorable smile, you are one of my newest secret jewish boyfriends. you are the epitome of things i love in men including curly hair, big noses, and a smart ass sense of humor. i always fall for boys who love poop and dick jokes. i think sometimes secretly i'm a teenage boy stuck in a chubby broad's body.
perhaps you've seen andy on a little-known show, saturday night live, where he's funny in sketches but brilliant in the digital shorts he creates. who can forget such masterpieces as lazy sunday, natalie portman rapping, laser cats and the gift that keeps on giving, dick in a box. dude, he's funny. seriously funny. he's also sort of tall and lanky, and i think a lot about climbing up him. this might sound a little odd, but i always think about what people will look like when they're older; if they'll have a face interesting enough to always want to look at. it might be weird, but i think andy will be cool looking when he's old, and that appeals to me as well.
honestly, look at that face and tell me you don't like it at least a little. of course, secret jewish boyfriends don't get by on looks alone; i'm a sucker for the funny guy. funny is harder than most people give it credit for, and while denzel washington might get by playing the same stoic-faced, impossibly handsome man, i don't think he could crack me up. aside from cheap liquor, that's the fastest way to my swimsuit parts. andy samberg, congratulations on being this week's secret jewish boyfriend.

p.s. he's also hot in glasses, and like that. i like it a lot.

go computer, go!

bear face, originally uploaded by pinprick.

the drive to portland today was miserable. i was about twenty minutes late in the grand scheme of things, and ran into not just a hell of a lot of seattle traffic, but there were also about four accidents slowing me down. got here in time to kiss T goodnight and feed him candy (i hooked him up with his first pez!) and then goofed with his folks for a while.

everyone is in bed now, which would be wise of me to do as well seeing as H gets up e-a-r-l-y, but my vampire time clock says it's too early. i will just have to suffer through tomorrow, which won't be so bad seeing as i will get to spend the day with some of my favorite people. i will load up on coffee and comics and hugs from my boys. how could i sleep though a day as great as that?!

high speed internet access, how i ache to have you for myself. being here and getting on and off the computer so fast is delightful.

my niece is smarter than yours

baby on seat 1, originally uploaded by pinprick.

i have been spending a lot of time with baby lately, and while i have a million stories for you, here are a few that totally prove my assertion. i mean, i'm sure your niece is smart, but mine is going to blow that mensa shit apart, yo. if she doesn't take over the world first.

1. her new favorite shape is the star. she has a star balloon, she gets all excited when you draw them, and she spends a lot of time crawling all over me to see my tattoo stars. she especially loves the one behind my ear, which coincidentally i got with her initial in it. so she's crawling around up there the other day, and she pulls out my plugs, which have stars on them too, and then giggles and pokes around the holes in my ears. very funny. the next day she finds a pencil eraser, the kind you put on top the pencil, and she looks at it, she looks at me, and then tries to stick it in her ear. when she realizes she doesn't have earlobes big enough for it, she walks over and hands it to me, and waits patiently until i put it in my ear.
2. we're teaching her to name body parts and so far she's got her nose down, as well as her eyes and ears and stuff. when you ask her where her booty is, though, she doesn't point at it. instead she shakes what her mama gave her. she's got her own booty dance, and she's not even two!
3. pop listens to a talk radio show that uses guns n' roses music as their intro. baby drops everything to run in and listen, then she shakes it happily. i don't know if that proves she's a genius, but i do think it proves that she's going to be a lot of fun someday.

on my way out of town, just as soon as i bathe and finish packing (god, i am slow). from portland i will have access to a computer that isn't in the baby's room and i can tell you all sorts of other random things. aren't you lucky?

new library card

CDs at the Edmonds library, originally uploaded by kiltedlibrarian.

getting a new library card is downright thrilling. why? because i am a dork. a very broke dork with a need for new things to read and listen to. i went down to the library i lived in as a kid and it was so much the same. the kids section was in the same spot, the same chairs were in the corners, waiting to be sat in to read in the sun, even a lot of the librarians and aides there i recognized. one of my favorite past librarians was even there. i used to baby-sit her kids, and now they're 20 and 15! i told her i was a month away from 30 and she said, "oh amanda, i didn't need to hear that." picked up a knitting book, a book about a crazy alaskan family who live pretty much in the middle of nowhere and a set of cd's that are all edgar allen poe stories read by vincent price and basil rathbone. it's almost my favorite month of all, october, and therefore close to my favorite holiday, halloween, so i thought the stories would be fun to listen to on my way to and from work.

man, i love the library. love it. tonight i'm going to make a list of the books i want to read (by pulling them off my amazon.com wishlist!) and see if i can get them at my branch. the library in my town is tiny, but we are a big system and one of the other branches are bound to have all sorts of good things for me to read and listen to. i can hardly wait.

my hands hurt

dusty dials, originally uploaded by pinprick.

they are so dry from all the hand-washing that any little thing that bumps into them cuts me. yesterday a metal chaffing dish sliced through my thumb, leaving what feels like an extra-big paper cut on the joint. sucks. i try to slather on the lotion on breaks and before bed and on the drive to and from work, but i'm afraid soon i'm going to have mitts like asbestos, and my soft little sausage fingers are going to be tough soon. too bad.

tomorrow i have the day off so i'm trying to talk my sister into taking baby to the park with me. i could use a run around and some time on a swing!

baby interrupts my blogging!

wheel watch, originally uploaded by pinprick.

my work schedule means i'm up late at night and don't get up too early in the morning. i miss out on prime being-on-the-computer time thanks to baby's need for naps and sleep. doesn't baby know auntie needs to blog?!

work is going well. there's one old lady i work with that i totally and completely despise, but other than that i'm pretty happy. i'm getting to know people, and who knows, maybe some of them will be good for going out to have drinks with. my feet hurt less than they did when i started, and i think i might have lost some weight thanks to the heat and constant running around. people eat a lot of sliced meat and fried chicken. that's all i'm saying.

the money situation around here is embarrassing and frustrating. the captain still hasn't sent the rest of the money he owes me, i don't get paid until next week, and yesterday i had to hit up pop for gas money. whoo. it's not enough i live with my folks, i have to ask them for cash! dude, i rule.

the best thing about working in the deli are all the people i see every day. that satisfies the anthro in me; i watch them and try to figure them out and generally enjoy thinking about what their lives might be like. i hook up punk ass teenagers with extra jo-jo's, wink at old men, try not to roll my eyes as yuppie moms insist that i don't fill the smallest container all the way because they couldn't possibly eat all that potato salad, and goof with babies in carts. most of the time my shift passes so quickly that i'm in and out before i realize it.

the fisherman is on land for a while and we've been talking a lot on the phone. man, i love that. he's doing some drilling right now, working on water and oil wells. he might have this winter off and then we are discussing (gasp!) shacking up for a few months. it wouldn't actually be all that different from bunking in the same stateroom all summer, but to me it feels bigger. i have never, in all my years, wanted to shack up with a man. the closest i've come is a boy having a toothbrush at my house. a key? his stuff? using my address?! that's grown-up stuff. i'm excited though. i can't wait to see him, especially on our own terms and not on the captains.

two day weekend!

blurry ferry shot, originally uploaded by pinprick.

i had the past two days off. yesterday my sister and i spent the day at the mall, which we thought would be fun, but since we are both totally out of the loop culturally we didn't realize that the mall would be freaking insane. it was labor day, duh, and the place was packed with teenagers and families and it was totally overwhelming for both of us. we found a seafood place on the outskirts of the mall and went in and had lunch and a drink before doing any actual shopping. we needed a little fortification.

today i did some major lounging, including napping, and took baby to the park to play. she ran all over and we had a good time, but i felt dumb that i forgot my camera. that kid is photogenic, yo. after she goes to bed, my sister and i are headed to the grocery store to do a little shopping. i need some lunch supplies!

work is going well. the job itself is physically demanding, which i love. by the time i get off work i'm tired, sweaty and ready to be home. i've learned a ton of stuff this week, and think i'm doing okay. although to be honest, all the driving is indeed taking a toll. i'm going to ask if i can cut back my hours until i get a place closer to work, i think it's just too much for me. plus, pop starts radiation soon, and because i spend so much time traveling to and from work i'm not much help around the house. this leaves my sister the bulk of housework-y tasks, and with baby that's a tall order. the hours are great, and i do really enjoy the job, but i need to not be there all the time. does that make me an ass? maybe. i just thinking roasting five hundred chickens daily is less of a priority to me than taking care of my family business.

no thanks

the thing about working in a grocery store, in one of the hottest places in the store, swaddled in poly-cotton blends and dealing with armies of roasted chickens and vats of coleslaw, is that at the end of the day you kind of aren't hungry anymore. eating for me the past few days has been a task because nothing sounds good and when i do eat, i can't bear to eat anything warm. this is either going to be the best diet i've ever been on, or pretty soon i'll adjust and just start eating a few chickens every day, ripping them apart with my bare hands and shoveling the meat in.

the rotisserie chicken is one of our mainstays, and flocks of birds are consigned to the roaster every day. i like meat, i think it's tasty and being a carnivore comes pretty naturally to me, but the mass consumption of these birds sort of freaks me out. not to mention the waste that goes on. if something is going to die so that something else can eat it, like me, then i don't think it should be unceremoniously thrown out when it doesn't get bought in time. throwing away food that is perfectly acceptable but maybe not as pretty or juicy as it was isn't something i'm 100% comfortable with. i've bought those kind of chickens before, and think they are tasty and delightful, but never thought of what it takes to be able to provide hundreds of people a day with food. it's a huge operation, and while most of what we make is used and consumed, because it's such a big show there is a considerable amount of waste. in relation to the amount of food that does get eaten it's not such a big number, but on it's own it sort of overwhelms me. it also reminds me of how separated the ordinary consumer is from the food making/procuring process is. people expect to be able to walk in and buy the food they want to eat, with out much thought as to where it comes from, how it was made, what went into getting it from it's raw state to their grocery cart. when i stop to consider all the steps taken transforming raw products into packaged food items you can eat my brain almost explodes.

i also work with a bunch of teenagers and old women. there doesn't seem to be much in between; people aged 25 to 55 are scarce. i think i'm one of three. i don't mind the young kids, except sometimes they talk more than they work, but the old women and i don't get along. one of them in my department is universally loved, but i can't stand her. she's got a wicked lisp (which i know i shouldn't hold against her! but i am shallow), can't hear for shit, and is always talking down to me in the sweetest, most grandmotherly voice. you can use any tone you want, but telling me to not sell meat that's been on the floor still seems fairly condescending to me.

last but not least, i'm not totally in love with the driving. being in the car for two hours a day (usually two and half) isn't so awful, but i did apply for a job closer to home with the county and if i get an interview for that one, i'm taking it. it would be a city job with good benefits, and i wouldn't have to wear a vest and tie every day and i'm not opposed to that.