Thursday, November 06, 2008

why did i even look?

***note; i wrote this last night, hid it this morning, and am reposting it now. i'm doing that for a few reasons, one being that even though this may not be my finest moment, it is the truth. and i was right, this morning i did feel better. annoyed and still a little hurt, but much better.***

i was on the myspace and i checked out miss piggy's profile because it looked like she put up some new photos and suddenly she's "in a relationship." with dickwad from work. which shouldn't bother me, because um, duh, they've been dating now for a while, but seeing it there made my tummy hurt.

i think i liked him so much because i didn't know him very well and it's easy to idealize a man you just flirt with. had we actually dated i'm sure it would have been disastrous, because obviously he's looking for someone totally different than me. besides, i just got done dating a man who wasn't too terribly into me, why would i want to do that again?

sometimes i hate being a girl and feeling like my emotions are out of control. of course, normally all i have to do is acknowledge i feel a certain way and then i feel better, but still. it sucks to feel all down on myself and insecure, it sucks to have been pushed aside for someone else, and it sucks when any boy just stops fucking calling.

i was in a pretty good mood too; spent the weekend with my folks, spent a lot of time with my niece, had two really awesome meals and watched some fun tv. i was feeling good about being home and not too disappointed about working tomorrow. now i feel sick to my stomach and retarded all at the same time. let's hope i feel better in the morning.

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