my favorite halloween costume

a few years ago, when i was working at the grocery store and dating a certain man who lived on the ocean, i went to work as a bearded lady. 

it was a silly costume; not even a full beard but more of pretty goatee with braids, some fake tattoos, and a tiara.  i won a $15 gift card for 2nd place, and was feeling pretty good about myself.

what makes that costume so special though, is this: while the guy i was dating thought the costume was so-so, and didn't get why i thought it was so rad, the man i would end up marrying and his kids came into work that day and were the only people who laughed with me and told me how great my outfit was.  i remember seeing them walk in the front doors, turn toward the deli, and instantly light up with grins.  it sounds so insane, but they looked so happy to see me, so pleased, and i felt so glad that they got the joke. 

D and i would go out on our first date over a year after that day, but that still remains my favorite halloween costume.  the moral of my story is, even if you don't realize it, you might just run into your family in the strangest place, and have a funny story for later.

always the bad guy

the hard thing about having a kid in school that isn't doing well, regardless of how smart or dumb they are, or how unfair the teachers are, or whatever, is this: you end up spending a lot of time being the bad guy.  taking away fun toys, cutting off access the internet/tv/video games, having serious talks basically to yourself because no way is a teenager going to talk to you about what is bothering them, and conferring with your partner about "what should be done."  it is such a fucking drag.  it's like the terrible parts of being in school with none of the fun note passing and gossiping in the bathrooms. 

i distinctly remember being a difficult student, and not understanding why my parents were so frustrated and irate.  they were my grades, what's the big whoop?  which is why when your parents give you that smirk and say, "just wait," you'll recall it later and think, "well, shit."  because they were right. 

hello fall!

seriously, i love this time of year.  the days get a bit crisper around the edges, scarves come out of hiding, you can buy new black cardigans everywhere... fall is my favorite time of year.  i've already had two pumpkin spice lattes, and bought one very bright orange glitter skull. 

today is the skagit valley family farm festival (it was yesterday too!), and we're going to hit a few farms with some friends.  usually we do it all two days, and make it to almost all the farms, but this year we decided to not do as much.  partly because we're down to one car, and partly because yesterday i had a wicked hangover and wanted to go nowhere except back to bed.  this morning i actually got up a reasonable time, am almost done with my first cup of coffee, and am ready to go out and see some pumpkins and corn mazes!

what time is it?

it's motherfucking soapbox time!

i'm sorry, i can't help it.  sometimes when i get all riled up, the motherfuckers just come out of my face without my realizing it.  ahem.

let me tell you something serious: i have never had an abortion.  true story.  so far as i know it, all 35 years of my life my uterus has been embryo free.  if i was ever pregnant, at any time, i didn't know it.

do you know how i managed such a daring feat? was it abstinence? no.  i'm sorry to burst your bubble, but i was not a virgin when i married.  wait, i'm not sorry to burst your bubble.  i was a happy, sexually active adult for about 16 years before i married my husband.  you know why i never got pregnant? i was armed, at an early age, with a working knowledge of my body as well as birth control methods.  it's literally that simple.

when women don't feel guilty about being sexual being, when they are armed with knowledge, they make better decisions for themselves.  they take care of themselves.  this might mean making babies, it might not.  regardless of that, i'm not less of a woman because no child came from my uterus, not less of a woman because i didn't "save" myself for marriage, not any less of  a PERSON because i think my body is mine and i deserve access to health care. 

so yeah, i never had an abortion.  i know a lot of women who have, though, women that i love and would full on getting into a knife-fight for. whatever their reason (or reasons) for terminating a pregnancy, it was theirs.  not yours, not mine, not anyone else's.  let's trust them to be kind to themselves, to be true to what they believe, to make the very best decisions they can.  if you think they're old enough to be a parent, let's trust them to do what they think is best for their bodies and families and lives.  any reproductive decision is hard to make without the GOP and Jesus all up in our uterus.  don't believe in abortion? don't have one. 

look, i just solved the abortion debate. i did it while tipsy and angry too!