Sunday, September 29, 2013
is it just me?
i always put "working" in quotes when i talk about being at home and working on projects. knitting, sewing, quilting, painting, drawing, whatever; it's "work." it's what i actually really like doing, not my job. i call it work because it's important to me, even though it does not pay the bills.
at the same time, i spend huge amounts daily devoted to thinking and working at my job, and so why shouldn't i just chill out after work? or on the weekends? yesterday i did nothing but read and watch tv and it felt great, but i felt guilty at the same time. where does this guilt come from? i was a terrible catholic, so i don't get it. my therapist says that i need to try to be nicer to myself, and also more honest about my feelings. it's a drag, but it is kind of helping.
there just isn't enough time, and i think at the heart of it all is that i feel bad not trying to do all of the things i love, every day. thinking and working at my job are one thing, but coming home and "working," making something from nothing, creating, is what actually makes me feel good. i need my paycheck, but i'd probably go nuts just coming home and having nothing else to do.
today i started and actually finished a quilt top. getting set up for the sewing and doing the cutting and pressing always takes the most time. it looks like i'm just poking around for hours, then suddenly! boom! quilt top!