guild time!

some ladies where i work have a quilting group.  they call it a quilting guild, although there aren't any dues, so i don't know if it's "official." although, to be frank, i don't care if it is or isn't. it's fun to be around people who like to quilt and are making things.  we meet once a month at work and bring things to show or talk about the latest charity quilt.  that's one of the very cool things about the group; they make a charity quilt or two a year, and either give it away or auction it off and donate the proceeds to a group.  i think the next one they are working on is going to be a quilt that is donated to a hospice house.

i keep saying "they" because i'm not so sure about joining.  on one hand, yay, quilters! on the other hand, some of them are kind of uptight.  i really like my weirdo quilts. i like to work without a pattern. i like modern quilts, and improvising as i go. i like to buy fabric with no idea of what it will or won't become. a few of the ladies take very expensive classes and only make quilts with fabrics from the same line and designer, and are very serious about the art and technique of it.  i think all creative people face this; you have painters who prefer realism, and painters who prefer abstract forms and color.

one of the ladies has a physical reaction to my work. a "back up in my chair" reaction.  she spends all of her time looking at my stuff and saying, "no, no, no, i couldn't do this." which is fine, i get it. abstract isn't her thing, heirlooms are. at the same time, i like suggesting she try to loosen up.  she might like it. the same way i might like doing something more traditional. right now i'm just really into color and weirdness, but that doesn't mean that i think the work she does is any lesser than my own. traditional designs are gorgeous, and her quilts are really very beautiful.

there's a snobbery in quilting, though, that i can't get into. it's so hard for me to want to be a part of this thing and wanting to roll my eyes when someone goes on and on about juried shows.  i know that as women our art is often considered "craft," and that things that are useful are often relegated to less than art status. pottery made by men for no reason is art, a lovely water jug made by a woman who uses it daily is craft, for example. what i want is for the quilts i create to be BOTH. useful and beautiful and art.  abstract and homey and make-do. i want it all. i don't want to have to fight to be considered art, and i don't want to argue about why craft is important.  at the same time, i'm probably not carrying as many years of discrimination and disregard as this lady in my group. her work is considered frivolous and in the way, her partner rolls his eyes at the time and expense it costs her.  i have a family and partner who think what i do is amazing. who are supportive and open to new ideas.  i don't have to justify the fabric i buy or the room i use or the time i spend doing what i refer to as "work." i don't have to carve out time for it, i expect it and am given it. it helps that my kids are older and my husband is a hippie. i know not everyone is as lucky. i also think that as women, we internalize what society tells us. that our desires are too much, that our crafts are too distracting from our work, that the way we express our artistic selves is just a hobby. there isn't a lot of value given to women having alone time, to just create without purpose. to play. to explore and make and try new things.

to which i say, as my mother said before me, fuck that noise. let's make quilts and afghans and paintings and design bathrooms that feel like underwater grottoes and gardens that are home for fairies and gnomes. let's not feel bad about taking time to do what we want. let's be kind to ourselves. let's support other women and not make everything into a goddamn competition. life is short. make good stuff.   

knee jerk response

this is my senior homecoming, 1994 that dress was $7

 ever since the boychik got me all worked up into a frenzy, he's been an absolute doll.  aaaargh.  D thinks that maybe he's picking fights with me so that i won't ask him "real" questions about him moving out or his new girlfriend, or whatever.  i told him that i'm going to choose to think that he's pushing my buttons because i'm his parent and he loves me.  "kids do that, right?" i asked, "it's like a thing they do to see where your boundaries are?" in short; he's treating me like a parent, so i'm going to focus on that.

the girlchild got asked to homecoming.  i don't know why i wasn't prepared for it; she's really, honestly a lovely girl. getting taller and prettier by the day, much to her father's chagrin.  no, that's not quite true. we're both digging watching her grow into her face, and agree that she's more than just pretty, she's also very down-to-earth and funny and kind.  i should have been anticipating that she would be asked, because she's not a 14 year old girl who is afraid of boys.  having spent most of her life with her brother and dad only, she understands boys. there's no mystery, no angst or anxiety about hanging out with them.  she tends to bowl all the boys over with her mix of adorableness and fart jokes.

she got into the truck friday afternoon with a pink rose.  i asked her where she got it and she told me she'd been asked.  i won't lie, i squealed a little.  she said, "yeah, i guess i have to go now." i said, "no you don't, you go if you want to, not because you think you have to. don't do something just because a boy wants you to." she gave me a sidelong glance and giggled and said, "you know i want to go, i'm just giving you a hard time."  i told her that i was excited for her, but still full of feminist agenda.  "i know, amanda."  

we went dress shopping this weekend, and for all my feminist agenda, i had a few knee jerk reactions to the dresses she tried on.  too short! too tight! oh my god, you have a butt hiding under there! no, no, something more shapeless!  none of these things i said out loud, however.  i don't want her to be ashamed or feel weird about her body, and i don't think it's her job to be all prim and proper so boys won't get ideas, as i could put her in a burlap sack and they'd get ideas.  she ended up with a stretchy black dress with one strap, no sequins ("they itch!"), and when she puts it on and pulls her hair up it's kind of audrey hepburn.  all long neck, legs and arms.  she looks 16 when she puts it on, not 24, thank god.  it gave D a heart attack, but who can blame him?  that's his baby.

i'm glad she wanted to go dress shopping with me, though. she made me a little crazy at first, but i realized later it's because we both hate malls (THANK GOD) and she was anxious because she didn't know what size she was, what to expect of the dresses, etc.  we talked about the boy she's going with (he runs cross country with her, he's a sophomore, "really nice"), who else was going, what people have been saying about the dance.  she's obviously excited. i always had fun at proms and homecomings, so i'm excited for her too.  i told her i'd pull out some old photos so i could show her my ridiculous dresses. like the one above; bought for $7 at the thrift store, all velvet and 1970's.  that was my friend jonathan, who i probably should have made out with, but i didn't think he liked me.  we had a great time that night; jonathan was totally into wearing something 1970s (down to the buster browns!), we went to the city for the day and then stayed up all night. i think i got home at 6 in the morning.  we had a lot of fun.  i hope she does too (but i'll probably ask her to come home sooner).