famous last words

"what?! your wife might be drunk."

i went to the doctor's office,

and all i got was some stink-eye.

i knew that i didn't have the plague, that the cold i've been battling is probably on the wane, but to be safe i went to see the doctor anyhow.  i have a cough that's giving me shaken baby syndrome, a delirious, dizzy feeling most of the time, and am producing mucus in a variety of colors.  my throat hurts, my head hurts, i'm having a hard time breathing, etc. why have health insurance if you aren't using it, right? after the doctor checked me out, heard me cough, he said, "so what brings you in?" um, where should i start? he told me my lungs sounded fine, which is funny because my husband can hear them wheezing from across the room, and that codeine wouldn't do me much better than over the counter cough suppressants, did i want some? when he said it like that, even thought that's why i went in, i said, "oh, i guess not.  if you don't think it will help that much more."  d'oh! i could just smack myself silly.  it's amazing how being in the room with a doctor for all of three minutes can make me so dumb. 

i might call and ask for that script anyway, because a good night's sleep would be awesome.  for everyone.  no matter what, i'm ready for this cold to be gone.  my immune system has been acting all kinds of wonky lately, and i'm hoping i'm just getting all the snot and poop out of my system so that when spring finally arrives i'll be able to just work outside in the sun, and think back fondly on the mucus times, glad that they're over.

hippie johnny

 today was really the first day it felt like spring outside.  i've been having some issues with my allergies, so i knew spring was right around the corner, but today was nice and warm and sunny and i finally got to go outside and get some gardening started!  this is our little patch, in the backyard.  it's about three feet by 15-20 (?) feet.  when we moved in, it was full of azalea bushes, and so i ripped them out.  actually, the boychik did that for me.  i know, azaleas are pretty, but you can't eat an azalea, and the one thing my husband and i whole heartedly agree on is that we want an edible garden. we want productive plants around, not just pretty ones.  i think my mother-in-law was a little agog that i was all for just tearing them out and chopping them up to add to the compost pile; she thought we should relocate them.  i'm not a huge fan of azaleas or rhododendrons, even if i do live in the pacific northwest, where it's practically mandatory that you LOVE them.  plus, it's my house! i'm going to rip out all the stuff in the landscaping i don't like.  it's so liberating. 

last year i splurged and bought myself a pair of gardening clogs because 1) they're red, 2) they're paisley and 3) can you really be a gardener without clogs? i think not.  i love that you can get them all muddy and yucky and because they are plastic, you can just rinse them off and leave them outside to dry.  which was good, because after i took this photo i got them pretty grubby.  i went through our little plot, pulled out rocks and weeds, turned the soil over, and added a little bit of fertilizer and a bag of organic potting soil to enrich it all (the compost isn't ready). i had pretty much forgotten how you have to ready the bed before you can plant, so i'm glad i didn't have my heart set on planting a bunch of stuff.  the boychik came out with me and finished chopping the azaleas up, helped me move around some of the big bags of soil, and assisted with the turning and watering of the compost.  it was nice to have someone to work with.  we listened to our favorite podcast, pseudopod, while we worked, which was also fun. 

before we did all that work, we went to home depot for some soil and plant markers (also known as "pointy tongue depressers").  i had to buy some seeds because OMG there were so many.  the boychik wants to experiment with sunflowers, so we bought a few packs of those, i picked up a few varieties of radishes, some beans, and carrots.  we also have a lot of herbs starting and to plant, as well as a few cool heirloom, organic varieties from baker creek seeds.  i'm excited to see how those do.  i've never had a garden, so we'll see how well i do this year, or how big i fail. 

also, we went out and had breakfast together, and some nice old couple asked how long dave and i had been married.  we told them six months  and they said they thought at least 12 years.  i think the giantness of the boychik threw them off!  but it was funny.  one of them thought we'd been married for 15 years!  which of course, would have made me a child bride.  ha! 

the end of the great poop saga

i am sorry to leave you hanging like that!  the poops did not kill me, i am happy to report.  i was still feeling "off" south of the equator for a few days after i pooped the bed, but slowly things got back to normal.  in fact, tonight i made these delicious individual pot pies from scratch! that's how much better i feel.  i made it all, except the crust because making crust is for suckers.  or husbands.  since my husband wouldn't make the crust, i bought it like a good, modern housewife at the grocery store.  i don't feel guilty about that at all.  i have one of those community cook books that people make and sell for charity, from the town of mobridge, south dakota, that i got an amazing pot pie recipe out of.  my mom picked it up for me one summer when she and my aunties were visiting relatives on the rez.  a couple of my cousins even have recipes in it, ooh la-la! i love those kinds of cookbooks, whenever i find them at thrift stores and bookshops i always feel like i should buy them.  they have funny little stories and great ideas in them, as well as 101 variations on hot dish or tater tot casserole.  delightful!

we had a very nice, quiet weekend.  put some books in bookshelves, cleaned some rooms up, bought major veggies at costco, that sort of thing.  i also started reading the stars my destination, which so far i have found sharp, funny, amazing, rollicking and witty.  how am i just now finding out about this book? i feel ridiculous, but am glad i picked it up.  i don't write book reviews as well as many other bloggers i know, but i will say this: the stars my destination is great, even if you think you don't dig on sci-fi.  however, if you don't dig on sci-fi, we might not be friends.

i've been trying to write some posts at work, in between calls, in an effort to be here more often, and sharpen what writing skills i have.  i always forget you can set up posts to publish at future dates; you don't just have to sit down, write furiously for ten minutes, then hit "publish."  not that i have anything against that, since that's 99% of what i do, but i've been working on some short stories as well and i think spending more time writing and revising might benefit me.  i used to write all the time!  (i used to do a lot of things all the time, didn't we all?) i like writing.  almost as much as i like reading.  almost.

i pooped my bed

let's just get that out of the way, shall we?  i went out last night to see a friend of mine who is doing an "internship" at a local pub (working on his bartending skills) had half a burger and the cream of asparagus soup.  i also played some bar trivia that was weak and for the first time i LOST by a lot. normally i kick trivia night's ass!  in any case, the soup wasn't that great, so i didn't eat a lot of it, and now i'm glad i didn't.  at 6 this morning i woke up in the fetal position, cramping and sweating.  after that, i lost approximately 12 pounds pooping.  i spent an hour in the bathroom. gross, right?  i took some pepto, rallied the troops, and went to work.  i spent most of my day hunched over my desk, answering calls and being less nice to the very few asswads who call, just to keep those calls short in case i had to run to the bathroom.  my sister was kind enough to lend me some of her extra-strength pregnant lady anti-nausea pills to help with the stomach cramping and i am proud to say that while it was not fun, i only left work an hour early, making me in charge and not my guts.  came home, took a nap, woke up, thought i had a fart in there, only to REALLY WAKE UP when i realized that said fart was awfully fluid.  dammit.  i remember being a kid and getting something like this and being totally freaked out by the amount of..stuff, coming out of my body.  i'm still kind of freaked out, but happy to say that this is the first time in years i've shat the bed, so that has to count for something.  avoid the cream of asparagus.  and stay at your own house, mine is ritually impure. 

jolly time

i went grocery shopping with my sister after work yesterday, because we work together and right next door to a grocery store, and she said the strangest thing.  we were driving over there (just because we're next door doesn't mean we can roll our carts through the woods to our work parking lot!) and i was telling her some story about the tea the kids are loving and she interrupted me saying, "i don't know what it is, but you're always so cheerful. are you just really happy? i mean, you just seem so...jolly all the time."  she went on to say, "it's not like you were ever a serious debbie downer, but i don't know, maybe it's D and the kids, but you've just been so...happy lately. maybe i didn't notice it before?"

maybe.  i wasn't sure what to say.  yeah, i am happy.  i've been happy for quite a while.  i have a nice little family that i love to come home to, i have a husband who isn't just funny and smart and good-looking, but who makes dinner a lot of the time.  i like my job, even on the days i don't, because there's always something new to learn and it's taught me how to just be in the moment better.  you have to just let go of a call the minute you hang up, because no matter how rad or terrible that call was, the next call is a new person, with new issues, and a new attitude.  i am lucky enough to amazing in-laws who helped my family and me move into a great house.  i'm growing things that hopefully we'll get to eat later this summer.  i have time to make things i like, do some knitting, watch dumb cartoons on netflix.

of course, i think she hasn't noticed what's been going on in my life for a while.  she's got her own things going on, and while some of them are happy and fun and rad, some of it isn't.  i made a choice a while ago to distance myself from her because she's kind of negative.  also, she's not usually so nice to me. i think in her mind she thinks that you can treat your family however you want, because they have to love you, they have to hang around, they have to forgive you.  that is a nice idea, and i'm all for unconditional love, because after all, there isn't a time i can conceive of that i wouldn't actually love her, but that doesn't mean i always like her and/or have to put up with her being an asshole.  you know, the first two years i dated D, she never spoke to him.  she didn't acknowledge him when we came over to visit, she hardly looked at him.  if she had a problem with him, she wasn't telling me about it, and she was acting like a jerk.  when i told her i was getting married the first thing she said was "when?" and when i told her, the second thing out of her mouth was, "well, that ruins my wedding plans."  during my wedding she pouted the whole time, ignored my new in-laws and left early because she wasn't feeling good, then posted her party pictures of her and her "bestie" out drinking in the city all night.  she doesn't let me babysit my niece because i'm not trustworthy enough.  she says awful things, all the time, and just doesn't seem to notice or care that they're hurtful.

if it didn't hurt my mom's feelings so much, i would probably have less to do with her than i do.  that, and my niece. i love that kid.  i've been trying to get us to a place in our relationship that's kind of neutral and easy-going, and i think for the most part i'm doing okay. i think what made the conversation we had yesterday stand out for me was how surprised she sounded that i was happy. how her tone was almost sneering.  like happy is something to apologize for, to hide, to be ashamed of.  i worked hard for this, and i'm not sorry i'm happy.  i'm not going to downplay it. i'm not even going to explain it anymore.  she'll always be my sister, and i'm honest when i say i love her and wish nothing but the best for her, but at the same time, i have a life and family of my own and am okay with us not being as close as we were as kids.  it sucks, but that's just the way it is.  

i heard you liked blogs

tag! i'm it!  if i didn't love sarah so much, i would have never done this! although at the same time, many of these same questions i've been asking myself lately, so it's like we're psychic blogosphere sisters.   here are the questions she asked, with my answers in red (of course):

1.  Does your blog fit into a "niche" and how do you choose what to write about?  Have you ever pulled a post after you published it because you regretted it or got some horrible feedback?
i don't think it does, unless you count step-mom blogs.  i haven't pulled a post, but i have written a lot that have never been published.  my mother is always is saying she doesn't read my blog out of respect for my privacy, and while i believe her, i don't know that i want to tempt her or say something shitty that will hurt her feelings.  i also have a sister that i have kind of a difficult relationship with that sometimes i wish i could talk about more, but also kind of think, "if this is difficult, how much worse can it get and do i want to go there?" although to be honest, i think i'm going to talk about that big mess more, because truthfully? i don't think i'm doing anything wrong.  who am i hiding from?
2.  Do you read a lot of other blogs?  How many? Have you had contact with the bloggers, or are you a lurker?
i read a LOT of blogs.  i use google reader (because bloglines pulled the plug after many yeas of use, then came back, but by then i was internet irate and just stayed with google. it's easier because i use blogger and gmail, too.) and the last time i looked i subscribe to 132.  some are comics, some are food blogs, some are house blogs, which i got a lot more interested in after i got a house, and a big chunk of them are everyday people blogs.  what i like about reading those personal blogs best is seeing how other people's lives and days unfold, seeing the connections between their lives and mine, as well as the differences.  this sounds so fucking corny, but reading about things other people are doing can totally inspire me to try something new.  gag. and i have lots of bloggy friends! some from the old blog, some from flicker, and all of them i love. i think internet friends are awesome and just because i can't come over and get drunk and pass out on your couch doesn't mean we aren't as good of friends as if i could. 
3.  Do you comment on a lot of other blogs?
some.  honestly, if a blog is way big, i don't comment as much.  i used to comment more, what happened?
4.  How important is it for you to get comments on a scale of 1-10?
i'd say a 6. i guess if i got no comments, i would be sad and blog less, but at the same time, you are talking to someone who has kept some form of diary/journal/blog for over twenty years.  i have to do something, i have a compulsion to write, and i like writing for an audience.  i think it makes my writing better. 
5.  Do you respond to your commentors?
probably not enough. should i comment back more? 
6.  How many followers do you have?  How did you get them? 
not very many! the official count on google is 25.  i used to have a very popular blog, that got hundreds (sometimes early thousands!) of a hits day, back when i used typepad.  i was a tiny bit internet famous.  sometimes it was awesome, sometimes it was creepy, and at one point i realized too many people i knew were reading my blog and some of them didn't need to.  sometimes i wish i had more readers, but at the same time, i'm not really sure how many are out there.  maybe i should do a secret poll and get a better count of who's out there. 
7.  How do you promote your blog?
i leave that up to sarah!
8.  Do you write for any other sites?
no, but mainly because i've found it a struggle to write as much as i used to on this blog.  when i met the man who would become my husband, my life changed in a radical way.  i had less time because suddenly it wasn't all about me, i was a partner and a mom, and for a while i was unsure how much of that i should write about.  i didn't want to betray the kid's or D's trust, and while he's never said to me, "no more blogging, woman," i get the feeling sometimes that he wishes i talked less.  he does realize, though, that he married a loud broad, and i think after i got in the habit of being quieter, it was just hard to break out of it.   
9.  What is your most favorite and least favorite thing about blogging?
i love it when someone says, "yes! i totally get it!" there are very few things on earth that please me as much as when someone says, "i felt/feel the same way."  i hate feeling like i'm not blogging enough and when i feel like i'm being uncreative.  i think that for me has been the biggest change over the last few years of blogging; i make considerably less crafty, awesome projects and that makes me feel bad. 
10. What advice would you give to potential bloggers?  What do you HATE when you see on a blog?  What do you like to see on a blog?
i would advise anyone thinking about blogging to do it because you like it.  seriously.  don't do it for money or followers or slight internet fame.  do it because you feel like you have to write things down, like you have to share, like it's an itch that only be scratched via html.  i hate self-conscious blogs, i hate whiny blogs, i hate it when i am both self-conscious and whiny.  i like to swear, both when i write and when i talk, so i dislike when people self-censor.  i like to see photos of your day, your pets, your amazing and cute children, your dinner, your shoes, any and everything!  i like to read your book, movie and tv reviews, i like to hear what you're listening to and see where you're going.  i don't want to be sold "style."  i don't want to hear a perfectly lovely size 8 woman cry about her fat ass, because it makes me want to yell, "fat ass?! i'll show you a fat ass!" i will also admit, as much as i love horror films, i do not like to see any photos you may have of your surgery.  dear sir, no thank you very much.  

how was that? too much, not enough?  what do you want to hear more about on my blog? what would you add to the discussion?  i will admit, i think i've been writing a lot less, and that makes me kind of sad.  i like being able to look back and read about stuff i was into, stuff i was doing.  i'm going to try to blog more, and to write more about the stuff that isn't pleasant to write about.  this, internets, is my promise to you.

the placebo effect

my husband i argue about the benefits of the placebo effect all the time.  probably more than any other couple i know, at the very least.  i was thinking about it the other day, though, after we watched a movie called fat, sick and nearly dead.  the film was all about a guy who lost a lot of weight doing a 60 juice fast, and a guy that he inspired to do the same, and how they both radically changed their lives and appearances thanks to the power of juicing.  i cannot tell a lie, it was pretty inspiring to see the guy he helped get healthier and happier.  the guy who made the film, eh. he was a rich dude, travelling around, preaching the powers of juicing. of course he lost weight and was the epitome of new age healthiness. the other guy was a truck driver who started the film very sad and overweight, and by the end of it was smiling and happy.  you didn't know if he would be able to stick with the juice fast, or if he did, if it would make him any happier.  i always root for the underdog!

anyway, we have a juicer because my husband worked as a cook for a group that took juicing very, very seriously.  they were a new age health center that primarily helped cancer patients feel better.  (i'm not going to tell you who they were, because i don't want anyone thinking i endorse their methods.)  here is what D and i argue about: he thinks the the juicing, attention to nutrition, and holistic, alternative methods the place he worked for were honestly helping to cure cancer.  he believes that with the right nutrition, atmosphere and attention, you don't have to use all the chemo and radiation.  i think that the methods the place he worked at certainly don't harm the patients, and may make their treatments easier to handle and endure, but that ultimately no juice in the world is going to cure cancer.  i call it the "magic applesauce" approach to oncology and he calls me an "asshole."  which is fair.  i'm kind of a loud mouth when it comes to cancer, and love modern medicine.  this is where he cites the placebo effect, and i admit, while that might help some of the patients, if it were someone he cared about, would he be willing to put his faith in their survival in placebo only?

which leads me to my next point; drinking the juice.  i have been using the juicer lately, and like it.  the juice it makes is awesome, super fresh, delicious, and you may not believe this, but kale juiced is like the greatest thing ever.  it smells like a fresh cut lawn and tastes like springtime to me.  i add it to everything and love it.  i don't know if it makes me feel any better, because i don't feel that bad to start with.  however, i'm seriously curious about doing a short juice fast/cleanse and think i might try one sometime soon.  i like the idea of taking food out of the equation for a few days, getting a crazy amount of vitamins and nutrients in a few shakes/juices a day, and seeing what the big whoop is.  there aren't a lot of medical studies about the benefits of a juice fast, but there is a ridiculous amount of anecdotal evidence.  i'm wondering if the placebo effect will affect me, because like all good rational humanists, i'm not sure i believe in it.  i'm skeptical, but intrigued, and wonder if anyone i know has tried one of these.  if so, what kind of results did you have? do you think the idea is batshit crazy? will it make me poop like a madwoman?  questions, questions, questions.  leave your answers below!

house for rent!

the house next door is for rent. they won't be making it available to live in until the first of next month, but i'm curious who is going to move in there.  i think it's a bit pricey for a 3 bedroom, even if it does have a fenced in backyard, because you can't even have a dog.  what's the point of the fence if you can't have a pet back there? also, have i mentioned that our street name is kind of ridiculous?  part of it is spelled "vue" which is soooooo annoying.  it means you have to spell it out every time you give someone your address; the pizza guy, the phone company, the dmv, etc.  everyone gives you the stink eye or sighs when you start to spell it out, then you get to the "vue" part of it and suddenly they realize you aren't a condescending bastard, you just live on a dumb-named street. i tried to talk a friend of mine into moving into the house, but he rightly said, "no way, the rent's too high and what's with your street name? was "kountry kubbard" taken?" 

before we get new neighbors we want to put up our own tiny fence or something to block part of their view into our backyard. not so we can have crazy caligula themed parties back there, or start putting cars on blocks, but because there's this weird gap where they can see where we do all the gardening stuff from their front yard.  we think putting up a trellis for peas and beans and other climbing plants should do the trick.  it will give me especially a little more privacy, so that whoever moves in next door won't have to constantly see my ass crack as i bend over the garden.  really, the fence or trellis is more for their sake than mine.