i pooped my bed

let's just get that out of the way, shall we?  i went out last night to see a friend of mine who is doing an "internship" at a local pub (working on his bartending skills) had half a burger and the cream of asparagus soup.  i also played some bar trivia that was weak and for the first time i LOST by a lot. normally i kick trivia night's ass!  in any case, the soup wasn't that great, so i didn't eat a lot of it, and now i'm glad i didn't.  at 6 this morning i woke up in the fetal position, cramping and sweating.  after that, i lost approximately 12 pounds pooping.  i spent an hour in the bathroom. gross, right?  i took some pepto, rallied the troops, and went to work.  i spent most of my day hunched over my desk, answering calls and being less nice to the very few asswads who call, just to keep those calls short in case i had to run to the bathroom.  my sister was kind enough to lend me some of her extra-strength pregnant lady anti-nausea pills to help with the stomach cramping and i am proud to say that while it was not fun, i only left work an hour early, making me in charge and not my guts.  came home, took a nap, woke up, thought i had a fart in there, only to REALLY WAKE UP when i realized that said fart was awfully fluid.  dammit.  i remember being a kid and getting something like this and being totally freaked out by the amount of..stuff, coming out of my body.  i'm still kind of freaked out, but happy to say that this is the first time in years i've shat the bed, so that has to count for something.  avoid the cream of asparagus.  and stay at your own house, mine is ritually impure.