i don't know where this attitude came from, but i have begun to realize this: i sometimes spend money i don't have, so that i won't feel as though i'm inconvenience anyone. instead of saying, "hey, i just paid my student loans, i can't buy
tonight i actually said out loud to D, "i'm just really uncomfortable talking money with you." he said, and i quote, "yes, i know." how is it that i just came to that conclusion?! i did come up with a plan to help get everything sorted out, though, and am feeling pleased about that. it's not a permanent fix, by any means, but it will help get me to a place where i can stop with all the worrying about it and actually do something. it's also not like our finances are totally, thoroughly, ridiculously fucked or anything, but there have a been a few big-ticket items that need to be taken care of, like getting the truck fixed so i can quit with the carpooling. i hate paying someone to drive me to work who is always late or sick or whatever. if i'm going to be late, i want it to be my fault, dammit.