here we go again

pop just had a CT scan this week, because they found some nodules in his lungs during a routine PET scan. now that i work in the "diagnostic imaging" field, i can tell you that it's pretty common to have a PET and CT at the same time, since they are complimentary, but i can see why they did one and waited for the results before doing the other. the kind of nodules he has might very well be nothing; the standard practice is to watch them and see if they get bigger, then maybe biopsy them if they do. to be frank, it's not like this is the first time they've found something wonky or not-quite-right in my dad's lungs. they aren't exactly pure as the driven snow, and with his history of COPD this sort of thing is par for course. my mother usually keeps my sister and i in the dark about this sort of thing until after the fact but this time she was remarkably forthcoming. she actually told us about it beforehand, but of course then did the whole "okay, now you can freak out about it" thing, which i didn't go for. i told her i was glad she had told me, and that i don't ask for that kind of information so i can worry and fret or freak out; i just want to know. i want to be able to call and check in on him, i want to be able to let him know i'm thinking about him, i want to be able to ask him questions. pop will tell you anything you want to know, but in our family he's not the phone caller. the phone is not his favorite form of communication, and as much as mom hates it, he thinks she'll tell us, and 99% of the time he's right.

i called him up today to see how he was feeling and he's got a bit of a cold, is feeling all congested and snotty, and hacking up his lungs on a regular basis. he seems to be in a pretty good mood about the whole thing though, aside from making it very clear that he's not too into doing radiation or chemo again if these nodules turn out to be tumors of the cancerous variety. i can't say i blame him; he was miserable last time, and would likely be miserable this time too. i can't say i'm not hoping he does whatever he can to live forever because duh, he's my POP, but if he wants to bow out gracefully and forgo treatment this time 'round, i'll support him. just because i think he's still handsome with no hair doesn't mean he's a big fan of it.

these days i'm not exactly worried so much as i'm preoccupied. i know enough about cancer this time to know that worrying about his test results won't actually change them and that the only thing i can do is call him, let him know i love him, and wait and see how things unfold. i hope his chest cold clears up, i hope they don't biopsy him because he hates needles, and i hope the doctor tells him that nothing is going on. family illness is a strange thing, but we aren't the first family to go through it and it's certainly not our first rodeo, as the kids say.