Friday, July 09, 2010


i'm going to go to work and ask nicely for a lung transplant. the ones i have are obviously broken. case in point: the last cold i got moved right into my lungs. that's nothing new, i get bronchitis the way lindsay lohan gets drunk. OFTEN. after two weeks of all the hacking you could stand, it went away. it's been a few weeks now, and i've felt great, but woke up this morning feeling like midgets moved into my chest and are thrash-dancing. there's a pressure on my chest like someone sitting there, every cough hurts, and what's coming up is lemon-colored (although not lemon-scented). what the hell?! i don't smoke, no one smokes inside the house, i steer clear of crack cocaine and cigars, and this week i've eatedn a bushel of salad greens. what is going on? why do my lungs hurt like this? what did i do to piss off my body this way? i went over to every hypochondriacs favorite website, webmd, and there are a million different things i might have, and a million different pills i can take to fix them. awesome! i suppose if it doesn't clear up soon, i'll have to see a doctor. boo hiss.

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