the human centipede

yes, i watched it.  i had to, i live with a 16 year old boy who practically squealed with delight when he saw it was at the redbox.  i told him we had to be quiet about it, and never tell anyone we watched it, but here i am already breaking that rule.  for one thing, it was quite possibly a million times better than i expected, and i wasn't even drunk.  the bad guy was so deliciously creepy and evil with just a hint of camp, and it had all the "oh my god don't go in there!" moments i love in a horror film.  for a movie about people being sewn together ass-to-mouth, it was well done.  nicely shot, nicely cast, creepy and subversive and ridiculous.  i suppose i expected so little that i might just be surprised that it wasn't the worst thing ever, but honestly? if you dig on gross horror films, you'll like it.  watch it for the creepy guy, and you won't regret it.  he reminds me of a euro-version of christopher walken.  that, my friends, is high praise.   

spooky

tonight the girlchild is off at a sleepover, where they will be watching scary movies and probably not sleeping all night long.  D is working, so the boychik and i rented a few creepy movies ourselves, ordered a pizza, and bought cheetos.  i might also be imbibing an adult beverage or two, because you know, i'm a grown up and i love watching vampires and spooks while tipsy.

tomorrow is my 33rd birthday, and i have high hopes for this year.  it sounds corny, but i like really like the sound of thirty-three.  it's such a nice number, that i'm sure it's also going to be a nice year.  tomorrow D and i go see some of my aunties and my mom on the island, then we'll spend the rest of the day goofing off.  i also have a trunk full of pumpkins that need to be carved, and the button machine is finally working okay.  there are still some kinks to be worked out, and some research i need to do, but for the most part, it's up and running. 

oh, the buttons i have planned for you.  go watch something creepy with your loved ones, i'll talk to you soon!

buttons and hookers

the day charlie sheen stops hiring hookers is the day he dies.  or i lose interest.  whichever comes first.  truth be told, i know i should think he's a cad, but i find him a delightful scamp.  what gives? why does the feminist part of my brain go on vacation when i read these stories?  i should be outraged or irritated, but instead i'm all "oh! that charlie! what will he do next?"  he's not dennis the menace, he's obviously a misogynistic alcoholic, but i can't imagine him any other way.     

also!  my sweet D bought me a button maker for my birthday and it showed up early!  that's the good news.  the bad news, either i am retarded and can't make it work, or it's cursed because it is not working.  i got two or three buttons out of it, then a piece of paper got stuck, and now it seems irrevocably fubar-ed.  it didn't come with instructions, so i've been using the internets to figure it out, but i have a feeling it really isn't supposed to be as hard to use and shouldn't be frustrating me quite this much.  i should just be making BUTTONS.  shit.  i'm thrilled that my boyfriend is so awesome, but annoyed at the machine.  no matter what happens i know this: if this machine doesn't work out, i'm buying another one because the few buttons i did get made are AWESOME.  the end.  (how have i not bought one before now?)

hey look!

not only do i knit hats for awesome boys (dave and cary, to be exact), but i make the same face in each photo of the finished product.  i guess i think i have a good side, and i'm sticking to it.

this one is D's

this one is for D and is made out of some seriously luxurious yarn.  alpaca with a twist recently came out with highlander, which is merino, baby alpaca and just a smidge of microfiber.  it's a bit spendy, so i couldn't make him something big like a sweater out of it, but for a hat it wasn't too much at all.  besides, i still think he shouldn't get a sweater until he marries me, which is ridiculously old-fashioned for a girl who is shacked up with her boyfriend.  what can i say? i'm only traditional about stupid things.  i found the pattern over on ravelry, from a yarn store up in canada.  i liked the honeycomb cable pattern; it gives it an interesting texture without being too fussy. 

after i finished this one tonight, i decided it should be sent to cary.  he's living with my favorite portland family right now, and this hat should keep his noggin warm through his first oregon fall and winter.  he's originally from arizona, so he's still getting acclimated to our odd, damp, dark weather.  it's from an awesome pattern i also found over on ravelry, and is made with my favorite acrylic, vanna's choice.  it's warm, but can be thrown in the washer and drier when it needs it, without him having to worry about it.  it reminds me of tiger stripes.  i liked working the pattern, too, so i think i'll be making a few more before the holiday season is through.

nothing makes me feel craftier than starting and finishing a project in a weekend, and hats are perfect for that!  i want to make myself a new one, but it's like the scarf dilemma; so many hats, only one head to wear them on.  such is the trouble all knitters have... 

one down, a million to go

parenting milestone being met tonight:

first time cleaning up kid puke!  not spit up, not cat barf, but honest-to-goodness, vomit in a bucket. 

(applause!)

back in the saddle baby

i went for my first walk after the half marathon tonight.  my blisters are healed (some are still kind of gross looking, though), and the only pain i have left is this weird spot on my right heel that got rubbed pretty raw by my shoe.  i've been keeping it covered this week, and put a little moleskin over the bandaid tonight before i went out, and that seemed to work fine.  it felt good to be outside for a while.  i only did 2 miles, and it's amazing how short a walk that felt. 

i was listening to elliott smith's XO, as i cruised around the park.  the album has a few waltzes on it, and one came on as i rounded a corner.  the sun was beginning to go down, the light was all reddish and golden, and there were a group of kids rehearsing for a quinceañera.  the waltzes matched up almost perfectly.  it was lovely.  if it weren't such a sad song, i'd have waltz #2 at the wedding for sure.  maybe i still will, who knows!  i might be able to sneak it in as background noise during the reception...

what's funny is that i have a cardigan just like this

thank you natalie dee for summing this up so well!

i might be sick in the head...

but your friend amanda just signed up for two more half marathons.  one is in january, and is close to home and a small affair.  i figure it's kind of nice to have something to keep in shape for.  the other is the portland half again; i had an amazing time in the city with my friends, and the race was hard, but also awesome.  i'm surprise at how much i enjoyed it.  my official time was 4 hours and 17 minutes, which is INSANE and makes me want to keep training.  technically, that time should read something closer to 4 hours and 30-45 minutes, so if i can keep up with the four and seventeen, i'll be a happy girl.

who the hell am i becoming?  crazy.  it feels good, though, and i have to say, just thinking about training makes me smile.  i hate you, endorphins.  look at what you've turned me into!

the schedule for tonight

involves eating clam chowder for dinner and taste testing a variety of apple ciders.  that's why i love D; sometimes we'll see something interesting at the store (like hard apple ciders) and decide we need to buy a few and try them next to each other while taking goofy notes and saying ridiculous, foodie things that would get you kicked anywhere else.  plus, i like that he always makes his chowder, instead of buying it in a can.  he's so dreamy!

i succumbed to the cowl fad

i suppose things could be worse, i could be into sexting or frotage, or whatever the kids are doing these days.  although to be honest, i probably don't need the five hundred or so scarves i've made, bought or inherited over the years.  i bet three would suffice.  if you get some sort of neck-warming-device any time soon from me, i'd like to apologize in advance.  some of them might have to go... 

i had to work at a "women's fair" today, manning a booth that let ladies know our hospital provides MRIs and PET/CT imaging.  it was thrilling.  by thrilling, i mean i started and finished another cowl, read a magazine, and heard way too many women talk about their various diets for hours on end.  lunch was good, though.  they had goat cheese sandwiches and lentil soup.  no one liked the soup but me, and i loved it.  i don't know why lentils get such a bad rap, they are delicious.

i think after that yoni-fest (which D and i decided was the flip side of a sausage-fest) i need a nap, and then i will frost some delicious vanilla cupcakes i made and start cooking dinner.  tonight we are having roasted chicken and squash with mashed potatoes. i love that the cooler weather lends itself to roasting stuff in the oven.     

my feet are still kinda fat

this is what 13 miles looks like

i still kind of can't believe i did that half-marathon.  it's an understatement to say that i am really, seriously, truly not built for extreme feats of exercise.  i suppose to a real athelete, 13.1 miles is child's play, but for a girl who loves her couch and won't hustle to answer the phone, 13 miles was a hell of a long walk.

part of the reason i wanted to do this race was to raise money for LLS, but i was also curious to see if i could do it.  my first piercing was also done in the same spirit ("can i really endure a needle through the tongue?"), i learned how to drive a stick because i thought it would be too hard, i moved far away from home because i kinda thought it would kill me, and we all remember that time i lived on a fishing boat because i might never get a chance to do so again.  evidently i am all about making myself uncomfortable in the name of "broadening my horizons."  for someone who is usually so anxious and weird, i sure do a lot of things that seem ridiculous even to me.  in any case, i believe that this is one of those things i did once as a lark, but will keep on doing.  kind of like the piercing and driving a standard shift.

i have a new respect for my body and what i can do.  training for the race showed me how all that talk of exercise and endorphins might not be a lie that thin people tell fat people to make us feel like shit.  spending time out in the world, listening to music and taking in the sights is a fun way to spend an hour or two alone.  i can also feel better about the upcoming zombie apocalypse, because now i have the stamina to get out of the way.  i don't think i'll ever be a racer who cares much about beating other racers, i'm not that competitive; but i can see myself trying to beat my own times, and enjoying doing more walks like this one.

things you won't ever see me doing: throwing my water cup on the ground like a lot of asshole walkers.  that part i didn't get.  i wasn't at the head of the pack, slowing down to throw my cup in the trashcan did not add precious seconds onto my time that i couldn't recover from, so if you were ahead of me and threw your cup on the ground, i thought you were a dick.  if i didn't need to do it, you didn't need to do it either.  you won't ever see me in a super-coordinated, cute running set, unless you think black pants a t-shirt are the height of fashion.  you won't ever see my sneering at other runners or walkers if they get in my way for a fraction of a second.  you won't see me eating one of those energy goo things; they look weird and i can't imagine eating them without looking retarded.  you also won't ever see me throw my clif bar wrapper on the ground because i'm so busy walking fast and can't stuff it back in my stupid fanny pack.  you will probably see me in a fanny pack, though, because as dumb as they look, they really are useful.  after the race, you will probably also have to hear about how my feet hurt and my toes look like vienna sausages.  because guess what? my feet hurt and my toes are swollen little nubs of pain.  in fact, i think i'll go put them up and ice them again!

thanks to everyone who sent me nice thoughts, money, and comments.  it was amazing to have such support, and it sounds cliché, but i couldn't have done this without you!  thank you, thank you, thank you!  

four and half hours, baby!

i survived!  i actually did better than i thought i would.  i also got my period that morning, got lost, and it rained so hard that i ended up with blistered feet (forgot dry socks!) and wearing five hundred pounds of waterlogged clothing.

i am totally, and completely amazed.  it was hard, but the nap i had after the race was sublime, and eating pizza later that afternoon i felt all blissed out and happy.  the o'neals were excellent hosts, as always, and while i'm glad to be home with my people, i still think we all live too far away from each other.

photos and details to come!  right now i'm going to go soak my poor feets, which are swollen to an obscene extreme, but oddly enough, the only part of me that hurts.  my legs, my back, my hips, all still feel rad.  i was better prepared in some ways, not so much in others, i guess.  i had to buy some old man slippers yesterday because my feet were literally too big for all my shoes.  oh, you should see them.  they are a sad, sad sight.

pre-race jitters

tonight was the pre-race dinner for team in training runners/walkers.  a lot of the people there were very PUMPED and talking a lot about their times and stuff.  honestly, i am one of those people who just hopes i can finish without getting sick or embarrassing myself.  i thought all the talk of pre-race jitters was ridiculous. 

now of course, i should be sleeping, but am awake and a little nervous.  my fanny pack is all ready to go, my clothes are laid out, my taxi cab reservation has been made, and i know in my head i'm as ready as i'm going to get, but my brain wants to stay up and fret.  i took a few benadryls because the dogs here do make me itch a touch, but mostly to get me to sleep sooner.  i'm a dork!

the other weird thing about this is that today i already started thinking about doing this half-marathon next year.  what's become of me? 

birds!

can you guess which one is mine?

my race is tomorrow.  i am trying to set up my cheap-ass pay-as-you-go cell phone so i can update you while barfing in port-o-potties.  ha! i joke.  i will not be using my cell phone while puking.  i really, really hope i don't vomit.  we went to get my race day stuff today, and i have to say, all those serious marathon runners in one place gave me hives.  they were very SERIOUS and WALKING BRISKLY.  there were also a million people in one place, all hot but wet because it was pouring out, so collectively we were a steamy mess.  needless to say, i was glad to get out of there. 

so far my portland trip has been awesome; lots of great food, some treats bought for my people, a visit to a yarn store (!), and now i'm getting ready to carbo load and then go to bed early.  if i die tomorrow in the race, please make sure you remember me fondly, and that no one makes any reference to my failure on my tombstone.  okay, thanks!

i fixed the goddamn stereo in the car

but it took me way too long, i had to do an exhaustive research on the internets, and i had to deal with a very polite juggalo TWICE at the auto zone down the road.  i also beat the shit out of my hand prying the damn fuses out, one by one, so i could figure out which one had blown.  it was worth it though, because tomorrow i will be spending a lot of time in my car driving to portland, and i can't listen to my thoughts for more than 15 minutes before i go bat-shit crazy. 

whew.  after all that work i need a sandwich. 

please feel free to disagree, but please back your comments up with examples!

i picked up a copy of "the corrections" two weeks ago because so many reviews of franzen's latest book have been published.  there's the whole talk of "is this as big a masterpiece as the last?" and frankly, it made me want to know what all the fuss was about.  an old co-worker of mine and i decided to read it, as our own mini, email book club.  i'm about 100 pages in, and here are my thoughts so far:

• some passages are terribly, awfully overwrought.  like franzen just got a thesaurus and is using it to make certain sentences as fussy as possible.  using big words to obfuscate* or otherwise confuse the reader, and give the ones who can follow it an undeserved pat on the back for their genius.  i imagine it also causes a lot of readers to act like the emperor's advisers, talk a lot about how genius it all is, when really it's just awkwardly written.
• which isn't to say i don't enjoy reading novels that make you work for it, that aren't spare in style like say, Margaret Atwood or Kent Haruf.  even j.d. salinger is sometimes over-the-top, and packs a lot into sentences than run on, but at least he makes an effort to make make them readable.
• the shrill, martyring, passive-aggressive mom archetype? again?  that just always makes me think an author has mommy issues.  maybe that's why franzen was such a dick to oprah.  (although given a chance, i might also act like an impudent child with oprah myself. i can see the appeal.)
• it must be so hard to be so well-read, so well-educated, and so rich.  poor, poor lamberts.

 i still might change my mind about all this.  just so you know.

*i know, right?! i'm a dick!

the downside of fall

is that i never want to go to bed because there are too many awesome things to do.  tonight i made a rad dinner (stewy goodness), baked these crazy cute mini pumpkin cakes (which are being frosted right now), got some grocery shopping done, painted my nails, painted my toenails, tidied up the kitchen i destroyed with all the baking and cooking, watched an episode of SVU and now i'm blogging.  i never, ever, ever want to go to bed.

also, why is it that i never want to bake before 9 p.m.?  is there a name for this nocturnal baking?  it's like my favorite thing.   

at the risk of sounding corny...

tonight i made homemade potstickers for dinner.  as you can see, i also made peanut noodles with stir-fry broccoli and porky goodness as well.  this was a huge platter of food. partly because we have a 16 year old boy, partly so we would have some leftovers.  by "some" i mean noodles; potstickers never stand a chance in this house.


after i took this photo, and watched everyone settle down to eat, i realized why i had spent way too much time today making this whole thing by hand.  the kids would eat a store-bought potsticker, i know it and you know it, the trouble is, the kids are little foodies just like D and me.  i make dinners like this because i absolutely love how everyone reacts.  i love watching dinner get decimated.  i love having kids come in for tastes while i cook.  i love it when the kids friends come over and swoon over homemade anything.  i like hearing them boast about how awesome dinner was.  i'm an absolute sucker for their praise.  what it boils down to is this: i like making them dinner because they like to eat it.  my favorite part of being some one's semi-step-mom is feeding them and watching them be happy.  i've always loved feeding people i love, but this? is awesome in a way i couldn't have explained before.  i'm sad sometimes when i see photos of my kids when they were younger and knowing i missed that, but it feels really awesome (super-ultra-mega-awesome) to know i'm making them dinners they enjoy and ask for again and again.

i'm really not much of an evil step-mother.  sure, i bitch when they don't do their chores and homework, but overall, i'm a softie who wants to make them dinner and hug them goodnight.  dammit.  there goes my indie cred...

hello, october!

my favorite month is upon us!  the weather is getting cooler and the days a bit shorter, and halloween and my birthday are coming.  this year my birthday falls on a saturday, which is nice.  it means i don't have to take the day off work.  :-)

there's battle of the bands going on in my house at the moment; D is in our room, listening to led zeppelin, and the girlchild is in her room, listening to some top 40 radio.  katy perry and robert plant, oh my.  i'm sandwiched in the middle, in the computer room, kind of hating my life.  both are cleaning, and both are in less-than-stellar mood.  whoo!

i have one last week to kind of get ready for this half-marathon.  i know i'm not going to pass out or die during the race, thanks to my internal laziness (i wouldn't really know how to push myself too hard, physically), and also thanks to there being medical professionals and water stations at this thing.  i'm not going to do great, though.  at this point, however, survival totally trumps excellence.  you'll get to hear all about how sore i am next week, i promise.  i bet you can't wait!

another great thing about october? all the horror movies on tv.  i've been going out of my way to rent kid-friendly movies for the girlchild as often as i can, because what's fun for the boychik and i is fun for no one else.  we get away with it when D's at work and she goes to bed, but i don't want her feeling left out of the fun.  i'm also using this time to pass on valuable parental advice.  like, in all horror films, the girls going wild in the movies always die first.  i told her that having fun at parties when she gets older is one thing, but if she takes it too far, the psycho in the woods with a hook for a hand is going to come for her first, so she better be careful.  i got an eyeroll for that, but also a giggle.  i know when i was her age, i hated scary movies, so i'm keeping that in mind when i go rent something.  for every copy of slash and bleed that comes into the house, some ridiculous comedy comes in as well.  it's only fair!