bittersweet

my last night out was fun. a lot of fun. so much fun, in fact, that i was pretty much hungover all day yesterday. i finally felt human this morning, although my stomach is still a tiny bit angry at me. note to self: martini's get the job done, but they are a fickle mistress. seeing my friends and having drinks and going to all the bars in town i love was fun. i don't want to leave them behind. my friends, i mean. bars are great but universal. if i can get them out to visit me in portland, maybe they'll love it and stay. why can't i just take all the great part of colorado with me?! is that so much to ask?

look at my pretty corsage! it's true i basically hounded justin into buying it for me, but i loved it. it was fun to wear it around, and girls everywhere we went were all jealous. it was cute the way people reacted. part of me wanted it because it's girly flowers, the other part just wanted something fancy i could hold onto at the end of the night. having something to remember the night by, the way you do at the end of prom, was nice. is nice.

the moving box shows up tomorrow. i should be packing for it, disassembling my furniture, labeling boxes, wrapping up my five hundred virgin mary statues in bubble wrap, but instead i started knitting a new baby blanket and have been watching hours of tv. we only get two channels, both of them are lousy, and yet i sat through a whole hour of cops last night. my eyes have that heavy pressure behind them, like right before you realize you're going to cry, only i'm not crying. it gives me a headache. there's a lot i'm sad about leaving behind, more than i realized until just this week. that makes me both happy and sad, and also makes me want to curl up on the couch and watch some more tv and knit furiously at the celadon blanket, ignoring the inevitable.