your mama was a monkey

going to the zoo today with my favorite little monkey! it will either be super fun, or mostly fun with a chance of one or two meltdowns. we're at that age, you know. here is a short list of things maggie does now that crack me up:

• when you say "maggie!" to get her attention she yells back "what-ie?"
  
• she will admit when she is feeling rotten. this is useful information, but it's hard for me to keep a straight face. i know that my job is to remain impassive and stern when she's being a tiny jerk, but sometimes she has that look on her face; that sparkly, ha-ha twinkle, and i break. i am a weak auntie.
• she grinds her teeth and talks in her sleep like the rest of us.
• it's retarded and i know soon we're going to have to crack down on it, but she's still hellen keller at the dinner table. we make her a plate of her own, but she never eats off it. instead she travels from lap to lap, taking what she wants and giving you that little shit-eating grin.
  

the fact is, she knows she's cute, she knowns we adore her, and she's doing her damnedest to get away with murder.

off to the zoo! i'll take photos of your mom while i'm there.

it's official: i'm a dick

i hate to say this, because i realize that teenagers are inherently annoying and abrasive and weird, but i really do not care for the one i live with. the situation is livable, that's for sure, but goddamn, the girl never stops talking. she never takes a breath, never stops to think about what is actually going to come out of her mouth, never lets more than five seconds pass before she's on to the next inane story. the only time she isn't talking is when she's sleeping or eating. her stories are also horrible; all about kids i don't know, situations i have no context for, family i don't care about. i am trying hard to be patient and kind, and remember how awful adolescence was and cut her some slack, but there are times when it takes a giant force of will to stop me from rolling me eyes or asking her to just shut the fuck up. ack. maybe motherhood isn't for me.

i don't feel this way about my kids, though. they can talk till the sun goes down and even if i'm not glued to their every word the sound of their happy little voices is nice to hear. i'm biased though, because tiernan and maggie and jude are ridiculously smart and funny and cuddly. teenagers, not so much.

plus, she's been into my cupboard. i know for sure she ate one of my kinder buenos, and then she left the empty box in there. i asked her about it and she was all wide-eyed and "i have no idea!" until i pointed out that i would not put an empty box back into my own cupboard. she's also been eating my lean cuisines, which is petty for me to be irked about, but i am. i buy them cheap at the g.o. and eat them for lunch, because i am lazy. having to pack lunches for the next few days annoys me, and i will now be putting my name on all my stuff so she can't do the whole " i thought they were mom's." they weren't, and she knew it. her mom would rather die than eat a lean cuisine. true story.

okay, i feel all jerky and embarrassed now admitting how annoyed i am. i'm a grown-up! i should be above all this! alas, i'm not. we'll all settle into a nice routine, and i might have to act a bit more stern than i would like, but we'll all survive and this will build my character. or something.

how is it saturday already?

i swear the week just started! i actually did some moving/unpacking stuff today. if i have to move out of this place any time soon i am going to be seriously pissed. and i'm going to ask for help, so beware.

a friend at work hooked me up with a dresser she was getting rid of. it's retarded looking (someone painted it hot pink and black, and they did so poorly), but it's big and fits in the closet so you can't see it. i also bought some curtains and a rod today, and a computer desk and chair. i spent a LOT of money, but it was well worth it. i think. i need to balance my checkbook and make sure i can actually keep it all, i might need to take some of the extraneous stuff back. like the candles i bought, and the votive holders. there's $10 right there!

work is both strange and good right now. i got a raise! finally. i'm serious, i've been promised this raise for months and months now, and was getting ready to quit. i was actually going to wait until i went on vacation, then do it when i got back. so that's the good news. the strange is the wine guy, of course. the rumors about us are running rampant and virulent, and i can't do much but laugh them off, really. to protest too much just makes me look guilty, and no matter what i say people are going to believe what they want. plus, he's taken to not wearing his wedding ring. what the fuck? i recall him distinctly wearing it when we met, that's how i knew he was married, but because he doesn't wear it no one else knows it. i have to tell on average three people a day that he's married and i'm not a whore, and yes we have lunch together sometimes. jeez. i think that's allowable, and to be honest, i don't want to give that up. selfish, yes, but i don't know a lot of people who share the same interests as me, and i think as long as i never make-out with him, i should be able to have lunch with him. for all i know, all those things he said could just be perfectly innocent. he hasn't made an actual move toward my boobs, so i think i'm safe.

speaking of boobs! i saw a co-worker today and she was in her regular clothes, and looking super foxy. i said, "hey M! you look super cute! man, you have great boobs." i mean, she does. (insert sexual harassment suit here!) she said "thanks, i should, i paid a lot for them." d'oh! i didn't believe her, not because i think buying boobs is inherently awful or shallow or anything, but just because i've known her for a long time now and had no idea. plus, they look amazing. really. i would have never in a million years thought they were anything but perfectly natural. she's got a great doctor. it had to be the funniest conversation i've ever had with her, though, and while i was surprised to hear her news, i was kind of stoked she likes me enough to tell me. (and you know what, if you are wearing a cute shirt and your girls look good, i will tell you too. i can't help it. some shirts just make them look awesome and i'm all about giving a girl props for it!)

reasons i hate my sister

1. she can get me to do pretty much anything with the promise of a new eyeshadow. tonight i'm babysitting my niece in order to get a free lancome shadow, a crazy pretty shade called personal style. in real life it's a lot more peacock-y.
   
2. she got me hooked on maroon five. could adam levine have a more nasally voice? could the songs be any more ridiculous? could i be any more hooked? the answer to all of those is "yes." dammit.
3. her baby is like crack to me, i can't get enough.
4. she's always super-well put together and no matter how cute i feel when i leave the house, i feel shlumpy next to her. true, i take five minutes to get ready and she takes considerably longer, but does she always have to be so damn cute?
5. all the clothes she picks out for me are adorable and expensive and worth it. i spend too much with her! in high school she was my personal stylists and i must admit she's got a good eye for what works on me.
   

awesome afternoon

awesome afternoon, originally uploaded by pinprick.

before i moved in with d, she would sometimes show up at work a bit hungover telling me she kind of had a party, "on accident," the night before. i thought she was full of shit, until it happened last night.

it wasn't anything ridiculous or retarded; i think the most daring thing we did was move a neighbor's sprinkler so it would also water our back yard, but it was fun. some girls came over, we drank beers on the back porch and enjoyed the lovely afternoon weather late into the evening, and then we all drank giant glasses of water and went to bed. it was really very enjoyable. at times after work i feel seriously anti-social, but then people show up and i have fun and think about how glad i am that it's not always up to me. because if it were, there's a good possibility i would be a hermit.

today i got my deposit back from the other apartment, and while i kind of feel like they gouged me for the cleaning, i got back a little over half and that's fine by me. it's enough to pay for my camping trip next month, and if i save a little more i can also buy a bed over at ikea. good times! i also picked up some old horror movies from the library, so tonight i'm going to enjoy some schlock and go to bed early.

remind me to tell you about my cute librarian tomorrow!

ouch

ouch 2, originally uploaded by pinprick.

still crispy and burnt and bright red. i am the same color as my bra, which is unfortunate. i took an oatmeal bath last night, which was hilarious looking, but felt pretty good. i'm slathering on lotion at hourly intervals, hoping not to peel too badly.

also, i realized that lately i'm having small headaches, due to the fact that i can't see too far away very well anymore. right now i'm about 2 1/2 feet away from my computer monitor and in order to see what i'm typing i'm squinting. this can't be good. i also realized, however, that i have some pretty kick ass insurance right now, so i called a local eye doctor and made an appointment for next week. i'm excited about the prospect of new glasses, or at the very least new lenses.

i'm still full of sloth today, but so far i've gotten some laundry done and one whole box unpacked. i have a nice list posted of things to do today, and i do indeed plan to get them done. wish me luck.

p.s. my morning jacket? yay or nay? i picked up Z at the library, and it sounds to me like the doves, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but isn't something i would normally go for. thoughts?

reading notes

not having cable tv, and also having a roommate who doesn't make fun of me when i read, means lately i've been doing a lot of that. i was also lucky enough to snag a few early reviewer books from library thing, which i've been plowing through. i admit i haven't read anything too terribly taxing or difficult; both early review books i got are semi-autobiographical memoirs couched as fiction, all about tragic childhoods and overcoming them. thanks to augusten burroughs* for making those popular. i hate to say it, but if you've read one " i was abused as a kid and all i got was this lousy book," then you've read them them all. i really enjoyed the last chabon i read, the yiddish policemen's union, and today i picked up a new library card and another of his books, gentlemen of the road. so far i'm at about chapter three, and am unsure if i like it or not. i probably should have read something else in between the two, as a literary palate cleanser. all i can do now is compare gentlemen to yiddish, which is unfair.

my new library is pretty nice. it's not a huge building, but it's a cozy brick affair, in an old part of town. for the size it has a pretty impressive collection, as well as a reciprocal agreement with another local library; one that is very close to where i work. i'm anxious to try that branch out.

sometimes i worry i'm having a boring summer, but honestly, after the drama that was my affair with the fisherman, i am enjoying the peace and quiet. are you reading anything good? send me a line and let me know what it is. i feel a bit like i'm in a rut, i need to read something new and different.

*what's funny is that out of all his books, i liked running with scissors the least. i've thoroughly enjoyed every other book of his, sometimes reading them all in one sitting, but that first one just didn't quite do it for me.

extra crispy

tonight was my overnight shift; once a month we have to do inventory and for whatever reason everyone does it in the middle of the night. it makes sense because there aren't as many customers, or workers, so a few of us can go in and bust out a shitload of numbers then head back home to bed. part of me dreads inventory, part of me loves it. the day of inventory is weird because you spend the whole day relaxing, trying to nap, taking it easy and conserving your strength. today's activities involved reading, napping, drinking beer and laying in the sun.

that last part kind of screwed me, though. i swear i was outside in the sun for all of 45 minutes. not even all of it in direct sunlight! yet i still burnt to a crisp. only on my topside, though, because my legs are refusing to take any color whatsoever. the funny part is that i applied sunscreen to my cleavage, thinking about the skin there is delicate and thin, so while my boobs are bright red, there's this pretty, perfectly straight white line between them. genius! i also have big white sunscreen circles around all my tattoos, and my nose got a bit red too. my face overall looks okay; it's a nice golden color, but my chest and arms are impossibly, painfully red. i itch, i burn, and have no idea how i'm going to sleep tonight. clothes are uncomfortable, and my sheets, while new and freshly laundered, feel about as cozy as sandpaper.

i'm going to go fill the tub with aloe vera and try not to cry. remind me of this when i feel like getting some color, okay? thanks.

conflicted

do i crack open another beer and park it on the couch? we get one channel very well, and tonight they're playing steel magnolias. do i read my new book? do i clean up my room some more and unpack yet another box? i haven't done any knitting or painting in a while either, and i have a start on a blanket and a picture of conjoined twins i could work on. go to bed early? take a bath? eat some bran flakes?

so many options.

did you miss me?

it's been a crazy week in my life. true story. i moved, one more time (hopefully the last time for a while), had to deal with the fourth of july holiday at work (who knew grocery stores got so crazy?), and have been busy unpacking and settling in.

got the internet set up today. it was less than smooth sailing; my computer's ethernet connection is fritzed, for some unknown reason. i've spent most of this morning futzing with it, but to no avail. broke down and bought a wireless usb network adapter, which is working like a dream. the other computer will need one as well, but we can probably share one for a while.

my roommate is pretty awesome; she is actually one of my bosses at work. what should be weird oddly isn't, but i admit i do try harder to treat her like my boss at work. i don't want her thinking i'm going to take advantage of the fact that i know where she lives, you know? the only downside to living here is that my room is *little* and i am a woman of lots of stuff. the other thing that puts a crimp in my style are her kids. she has two, an 8 and 12 year old. the little boy and i get along famously, he is super sweet and fun to hang out with, but the teen girl is just that--a teenager. a very talkative, know-it-all, never-quite-for-a-fucking-second teenager. she's very sweet, don't get me wrong, and i genuinely like her, but i wish she would shut her piehole on occasion. they don't live here all the time, though, and to be honest i think once they get used to me they'll settle down a bit. i might not get all of my weekends alone, but i'll get at least two a month and that's reasonable. it's more than i got when i was living with ed, so that's something to be thankful for.

okay, off to unpack more and drink more coffee. i'm so glad we got to talk, i'm sure we have lots to catch up on.