happy new year's!

i'm going to my newly-minted boyfriend's house to ring in the new year with him and his kids. we are going to make party hats and have cocktails and mocktails and bang on pot and pats at the stroke of midnight. i hope you all have an awesome night, and get to kiss someone foxy at midnight!

a little old gregg

the kids introduced me to old gregg this weekend. i'm not familiar with the mighty boosh, and am not sure if this clip is how it looked on tv, but goddamn if it didn't totally crack me up. the man's ringtone is "i'm old gregg!" and we yell it at each other all the time.

happy happy, joy joy

a rare night at home! well, it's been rare lately. i needed to spend some time with lulu, who showed her disapproval at my spending time at another house with another cat (puddin) by scratching me and trying to claw the couch, but once she saw i was home for the night she settled right into my lap on the couch for a quick nap. oh boy, it was a good nap. i also need to do stuff like paint my toes, work on my eyebrows, do some laundry, and a million other things i can't do at his house. you know, like daydream about him and draw stupid comics.

this morning my man made me breakfast, which included biscuits and gravy with home-made biscuits. it wasn't even bisquick! that he's such a good cook totally makes me hot. it's also fun to sit and talk about weird food things with him, look through issues of cook's illustrated, and have him show me how to do kitchen stuff. he walks through the kitchen with a towel thrown over one shoulder, flipping stuff in pans one-handed, and it makes me swoon a little. you should see him in his chef's pants, too. good stuff.

this is my last week full-time at the grocery store. moving out of cheese will be a little sad for me, i'll admit. i love my co-workers (most of them, except for the brood of angry old deli harridans who love to talk shit!) and will be sad to not be able to show people the difference between cilantro and parsley. i get to interact with a lot of different people and a lot of different ingredients, and that's been fun. my boss seems genuinely sad to see me go; she even got a bit teary eyed yesterday, which makes me sad. it's been a good time, and i would have never met so many of my friends (or my new guy) without this job, so i'll always be thankful for that. i saw my customer that got me my new job tonight too, and that was awesome. he got the biggest hug i could give, and promises for cocktails. i can't wait to get started, the job sounds fun and interesting and i know it sounds shallow, but my god! the money! sure, most of it will go right out to bills, but i'd rather that than being the deadbeat i am now.

that's all that's going on! when i finish a comic, i'll show you.

fuck yeah!

i got the new job! whooooo! it came as a total surprise; first i'd sent in my application and resume only to have it get lost. then i finally got it all in, and didn't hear back from anyone. then i got a phone call from the guy who will be my main boss, and while i thought we had a nice chat i didn't think it would lead to anything but an actual, face-to-face interview. the other day i got an email telling me some paperwork was on it's way, and i assumed it was your standard, "this is what we do here" kind of stuff, so when it showed up on christmas eve i ignored it at first. impulsively, on my way out of the house i grabbed it thinking i could read it at home. i forgot all about it until mom asked if i'd heard anything else from them and i said, "oh i got some stuff in the mail, let's see what it is." what was it? an offer letter. AN OFFER. i haven't even met any of these people! i am so crazy excited. it was pretty much the perfect christmas present.

i'm not exactly sure what my job will entail, but i know i'll be working for a place that does MRI's as your basic receptionist. official i'm a "patient coordinator" but what that means is setting up appointment, doing some filing, helping get people ready for the test, and doing some driving. all of which i think i'm totally going to be fine at.

new job, new man*, new year right around the corner; i'm feeling pretty good about myself. christmas was awesome as well, and tonight i get to subject my pointy chin to more kissing, which is like icing on the cake. if i could give myself a high five, i totally would!

*srsly. i'm crazy about this man. that's enough gush for today.

i have to make his quick

because i'm supposed to be packing up and driving to my folk's house, right this second!

the date, it was awesome. it was better than awesome. it was pretty fantastic. in real life, outside of my store, he is just as cute and funny and smart as i thought he would be. he's a great cook, he's easy to be around, and while my stomach jumps up to my throat every time i see him, he's comfortable. my chin is rubbed all raw and pink from the making out*, but i'm sure when my new chin grows in it will be lovely. he's pretty much the best kisser ever. for me this is a HUGE deal. kissing is a deal maker or breaker for me. bad kissing is something i can't remedy because i have zero patience, and it's something i cannot live with. the fact that i can spend hours sucking face or talking to this guy bodes well, as far as i'm concerned.

we had a chaperoned date last night, where i came over and we hung out with the kids. he told me today that they both seemed to really like me, and that right now i'm the "belle of the ball" at the house. that totally made me laugh and blush. i've never dated a guy with kids this old (14 and 10) and i wasn't sure how it would go. i just decided to pretend it wasn't nerve-wracking and we ended up having a really good time. like their dad, they're easy going and smart, and we talked all night about arrested development, stupid movies and fun board games. they played their nintendo DS's, we talked on the couch and they quietly eavesdropped at time. they get along well, and it was funny to look over and see them like two peas in a pod, watching us and making up their minds about me. i'm glad they like me so far, i can't imagine how difficult it would be to keep seeing this guy if they didn't!

it feels really good. who knows where it will all end up, and i suppose i might regret telling you how dreamy he is and how awesome his kids are and how he drinks wine out of jelly jars just like me and how i'm sure that's a sign, and that he built his own amazing loft bed called "the fort" and how when i leave his house he stands outside in the cold waiting to wave me goodbye and make sure i make it out. it's early, and early should feel good, but this feels criminal.

he's like the best christmas present i didn't ask for.

i hope you all have a merry holiday, and eat way to much and have people you love nearby to kiss and hug and shower with affection! i'm going to go enjoy my family and send surreptitious text messages to my new man, and think about kissing some more and open some presents. hooray!

*i have a chin that doesn't looks as pointy as it is, and somehow it always gets crazy chapped the first time i make out with a guy who doesn't have baby smooth skin. it revolts when it gets near whiskers for the first time in a while, and i just know my mom's going to make "rudolph the red chinned reindeer" jokes all day christmas. shit, i'll probably start making them myself.

a date!

i haz it!

i admit, i did a bit of stalking this afternoon after finishing up my christmas shopping. i talked my roommate into going by a certain big chain restaurant when i knew grocery-boy was working. i was a nervous wreck on our way there, because i wasn't sure if he would be pleased to see me or annoyed. i mean, work isn't always the funnest place, and having people drop by unannounced can be fun or it can be irritating. you have a 50/50 chance, and i didn't want it to freak him out or upset his day.

long story short, when i finally got his attention with a "psst!" and a wink*, he seemed happy to see me. he asked what i was doing, and i said, "um, i told you i was going to stalk you." he laughed and said, "finally!" then he laughed and said it again and then i really wanted to kiss him right then and there.

the party for tomorrow night has been postponed due to inclement weather. i asked him if he'd still like to do something this week and he said he would love to. we both work quite a bit up until christmas, and after going through our schedules we realized that tomorrow is still the best night to hang out. the good news is that a) i still get to see him and b) i don't have to drag my sister to a party where she doesn't know anyone. bonus round: c) i get a little more one-on-one time with him, instead of having to deal with the anxiety of getting to know him as well as all his friends. we all know i'm a nervous nelly; the less nerves for me the better.

this might all crash and burn, and it might do so in a spectacular way. i won't lie and say i feel nonchalant about this date: i'm pretty fucking stoked. he seems super nice, very easy to talk to and get along with, and he has the kind of dimples you can drive a car into. i want to bite him. i want to pin him down and see if he tastes as good as he looks. i want to know more about him, and i want to know it now. even if it's all for naught, this feeling of excitement, of the unknown, of sparkling anticipation is worth it. this is the feeling that we all try to bottle and save for later. this is the rush we chase and why we keep going out with people even if 99% of the time we're left in a situation that either hurts us or is completely unimpressive or uninspiring. this feels good. not as good as it's going to feel when i get my hands on him, though, i hope.

*i didn't realize i winked. i never do it intentionally, because when i try, it looks retarded. however, i tend to do it when i'm not thinking about it consciously, and my roommate totally caught it. i wasn't trying to be sassy! i swear!

p.s. i looked all over the internets for the j. mascis version of this song, which is the one i prefer. if you want to hear that, go check out martin + me. thanks!

it's going to be a very gabba christmas for maggie!

i just learned that maggie is totally into yo gabba gabba; which thrills me because honestly, i dig it too. tonight i bought her a brobee doll, a video, and a little muno and car. since then, i can't get there's a party in my tummy out of my head. so go watch the video! even if you don't have kids, you'll probably get a laugh out of it.

everyone weigh in on this one!

ahem. dating is complicated business, and since i've lifted my "don't ask, don't tell" policy, i find i really enjoy talking about it with you. even if my dates are failures, i kind of like documenting it here. that could be slight masochism on my part, but i like to think it's because that's just how close we are, and how i do enjoy hearing how my experiences aren't as unusual as i might think. in any case, take a look over some of these facts and then fill me in on what you think it all means.

1. i've been flirty with a customer on and off over the past year, but the past few weeks i really turned it up. what changed? i saw him without his hat, and realized that he has a gorgeous head of hair underneath. shallow? sure. it's not as though he would be un-handsome without hair, but i had to be sure if he was bald that he was good bald.* since he's not bald at all, it's not an issue.
2. we finally established a first-name rapport. talked more about his work, mine, and other stuff.
3. this monday he came in while i working and went out of his way to get a coworker of mine to fetch me from dishes.
   
4. he asked me to a party, being held this next monday.
   
5. i gave him my number and we flirted a bit more.
   
6. i didn't hear from him until today, but he was extremely apologetic at the very first, and let me know that he'd misplaced my card. he even let it drop that his kids gave him a hard time about losing it. then he admitted he came by work looking for me to get it again, but i wasn't there and he didn't want me to think he was "stalking" me.
   
7. we had a nice chat and i realized that this party he asked me to is a party he's throwing; for himself and his roommate's birthdays and the solstice.
8. we established that he is a bit older than i am (he'll be 38 this week) but that he isn't nearly as much older than me as he thought. he told me he thought i was 23 or 24, which i totally don't believe. 26 at the youngest!
   
9. he told me he was looking forward to seeing me, and having some actual time to talk.
10. then he called back and told me i was free to bring a boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, etc.
11. this made me furrow my brow a bit.
12. i told him exactly this; "i won't be bringing a boyfriend, i can tell you that."
    

i'm fairly sure he was testing the waters, to see if i am indeed single, but really, why would i accept a party invitation from a man i don't know that well if i weren't interested in him? and would a man with a girlfriend ask another girl to his birthday party? i mean, it's conceviable. was i too forward? am i over thinking all of this? (of course i am, don't answer that!) he's just, really, seriously cute. with bright blue eyes that crinkle at the edges, and dark dark hair, and a lovely smile. he's unfailingly polite and nice when he's at work, and he has two really gorgeous kids that he seems super close to. i like him. i feel butterflies when i see him, and when he came in the other night to ask me out, i blushed bright red. i think he wants to make-out with me, but i don't want to show up to his party to find that he's got a girl already. at the same time, bringing a friend to his party would be advantageous to me, because then i have someone else to suss him out with. plus, i'll need someone to snark with. i'm trying to rope my sister into coming with me, with promises that i'll buy the liquor.

being nervous like this, waiting for the call, not knowing; it's all excruciating and wonderful. the imaginary part of wondering what he's like, daydreaming about what i think might be in store, is fun. how can something so awful and uncertain be so delicious? there's always a better chance of being disappointed than being thrilled, but you never know unless you try. i hate myself when things don't work, i feel foolish and silly, but after a while i realize that's jut how this particular game is played, and ultimately i'm proud of myself for not giving up. spinsterhood would be easy, getting back on the horse is hard.

so what do you think? this is perfectly normal, yes? the worry, the butterflies, the uncertainty. do you think he likes me? don't make me come over there and pull off your petals. i'll do it!



*bad bald= men who don't get that they are balding and hold on too tightly to the hair on the back of their head. longish hair in back, bald on top, not cool.

**also, i wrote this under the influence of real, honest to goodness sudafed. which makes me slightly retarded. i'm going to go paint magic mushrooms now!

bleh

snow days should be good days, but instead i got trapped in a house full of kids that aren't mine and a sinus headache from hell. currently i'm on a lot of sudafed, feeling high, and wishing the snow would stop so i could be alone.

i doubt that's going to happen though! tomorrow i go back to work, probably until christmas eve, and at some point tomorrow i have to put chains on my car tires. that should be interesting, to say the least.

i feel strangely homesick and nostalgic, but i blame that on the psychotropic qualities of cold medication.

knitting the most boring hat on earth, but the yarn is soft and the color is very pretty. i just needed something practical and mindless.

christmas happiness

at work they are playing massive amounts of christmas music. which is perfectly okay with me. however, this is the only version of 12 days of christmas that i like, and it seems to be missing from my store's playlist. ba-da-dum-DUM!

you can open this box

a friend told me about pandora yesterday; it's a site that essentially creates little radio stations for you based on songs or artists you type in, and it's all free. if you have an iphone, you can use it on that, if you don't (like me) you can just use it on your computer. i'm totally loving it. the past few years i've fallen out of love with radio, because most of the stations play a very limited variety of songs or music, and as much as i love npr, i tend to like listening to that on the internet while i putter around the house. the advantages of internet radio are that you can listen to what you want with little to no advertising (and usually no commercials), you can pick very specific songs or genres to listen to, and you can still be exposed to new stuff. i like that. plus, now i'm listening to a whole lot of awesome john doe* songs, which makes me want to go buy a whole lot more of his albums. it's good for me, it's good for the artists, and it gets me away from my tv.

*i can't get enough john doe lately. i love his voice, i love his lyrics, i like his collaborations. he's sad without making me want to open any veins, and when i hear him i feel like learning how to play the guitar just so i can sing his songs.

on porn and roommies

the other day at work i was having a typically strange conversation with my friend josh, when the topic of porn stars came up. josh is in most ways a pretty ordinary 21 year old male, so i asked him who his favorite porn star was. he told me he didn't have one, and i almost had a conniption. honestly, porn stars are everywhere. they write books, they appear on regular tv shows, and while most don't exactly cross over into "mainstream" media, i think it's safe to say that the average american can name a few porn stars off the top of their head. he asked me if i had a favorite, and i said sure. in fact, i have a few. don't you wish you knew who they were? ha! in any case, i told him that maybe he should go home and do some porny homework. i can't have this conversation with him again. i gave him a short list of girls to google when he got home, and sent him on his way. imagine, a 21 year old boy knowing nothing of the porn arts. jeez.

also, i'm pretty sure my roommate slept with her best friend's boyfriend the other night. at the very least i caught them sucking face in the living room like they were hungry zombies. it's hard to look at her now, much less carry on anything even like a normal conversation. if i thought moving sounded good before, now it sound epically amazing. after the new year i'm going to look into it seriously. i just can't wrap my brain around what she might have been thinking. i can't even make out with anyone who's shown an interest in any of my friends, much less sleep with a guy who's dated one. or is dating one. not even casual acquaintances! ugh. i'm torn between wanting to tell her how i really feel, and keeping my mouth shut because i have to live here a bit longer. i suppose if she actually confronts me i'll give her the nutshell version and not hysterically try to pin a scarlet A to her chest, but i just can't take her seriously anymore. if she'll do that to the person she claims to love the best, then she's more than willing to throw the rest of us under any oncoming traffic. i know rightous indignation is unbecoming on me, but i take my friends seriously. i'm ashamed of myself for not saying anything when i caught them, i should have done something right then. at least brought to their attention that one of them, you know, has a girlfriend. and one of them is friends with that girlfriend. being quiet about it makes me just about as guilty as they are. shit. at the same time, i don't want to tell my friend about her boyfriend and my roommate; and i can't tell if it's because i'm totally chicken shit, or if it's to spare her feelings. i'm not sure what to do. goddamn it.

par-taaay!

one of the best and worst things about my home is that on any given night i might come home to a party already in progress. i admit, tonight i was not thrilled about the prospect. however, after getting the cat set up in my room (one of my best friends is pretty afraid of cats, making lulu more of a liability than fun for her) i'm actually having a good time. living here means giving up on some of my hermit tendencies, and while this is a bit annoying at time, at other times i realize it's kind of good for me.

the end.

hi!

oh my gosh, i am so annoyed! i went home to my parent's last night to see them and my niece and sister, and pretty much everyone in that house except me and my mom were in the world's worst mood. hmmm. i ate an excellent rueben, got lots of hugs and kisses from maggie, but other than that, i probably should have stayed home and done laundry. ah well, it can't all be sunshine and balloons, i know.

the plan for tonight is to aforementioned laundry. via minnie i discovered google tasks (whoo!) and i'm going to work on the rest of my list, bleach my hair, and do some serious red dye. i think it's time my bangs got in on the action. i'm also planning on seeing the bad things soon, so i'm going to work on my victory rolls. i even bought some of that foamy stuff and new hair-pins to work on them! i know, silly. however, a band like the bad things requires some sort of costume, and my face is good with old-school hair.

wow, kind of a boring post. sucks to be you!

total sensory overload

i can watch tv, surf the internets, and listen to music all at the same time. i don't need to do all three at once, but sometimes it's kind of fun too.

i have grand plans for my day off, but seeing as it's already almost one in the afternoon and i'm still in my pj's and only on my first cup of coffee, i'll be surprised if i get too much of my list done. i'm hoping to do some more pom pom crafting with my sister this afternoon, see my niece and lounge supreme at mom and pop's. i should also wash my hair and clothes, and shut the damn tv off.

oh, but the tv is so awesome! ah, i love it. i know we're on our honeymoon phase, but that doesn't make it any less fun.

spam!

i had spam and eggs for breakfast. true story.

public service announcement

effective forms of birth control rarely discussed:

1. attending any young child's birthday party at chuck e. cheese. especially useful if the kids are mostly toddlers!
2. babies with head colds on long flights. the screaming, the snot!
3. listening to children whine in the check-out line at the grocery store.
4. crying children at the movie theater.
5. any extended amount of time spent with a surly teenager not directly related to you.
6. chunky spit-up. then later, cleaning up barf when the kids don't make it to the bathroom.
   
7. seeing the hannah montana show, even if only briefly and on accident.
8. really, any mention of miley cyrus does it for me. think of your miley cyrus and insert name here ______.
9. coincidentally being at a museum at the same time as any school field trip.
10. getting caught behind a school bus on your drive home.

i'm sure your children are nice, and i'm glad you had them because i honestly enjoy kids for the most part, but i have to admit lately i'm glad i don't have any of my own. last night after spending three hours at a chuck e. cheese birthday party for a toddler, i was relieved that none of them were going home with me. the cake was awesome, though. dark choclate with a cherry filling!

w00t

I HAVE CABLE TV. IN MY BEDROOM.

if you don't see or hear from me in a few days, please roll me over so i don't develop bed sores.

thanks!

christmas wishes

pretty much everything i could want for christmas can be found over at adult swim. especially this new sweatshirt! i put together a small list for my folks this year, at their request, and on it was some venture bros., subscriptions to juxtapoz, giant robot or bitch, and maybe a new set of car floor mats. i know, i know, totally greedy of me. honestly, i'm hoping they stick to the list, because they've already done a lot of me this year and i don't want much.

what are you asking for?

things that make me feel better

also, reading natalie dee comics; knitting; drinking tea; talking to my friends, and having a thursday off. see, i'm not just a black cloud of doom!

post 1020

one of my favorite customers lost his long-time girlfriend to cancer the day before thanksgiving.

he's a good guy. you can see he was a hot mess in his youth; he tells you about his issues with drugs and alcohol, he's not shy about it. he's been clean for many years now, and his girlfriend was this lovely, sweet ex-hippy like he is. they were nice together. the kind of couple you could tell just liked being together, who were friendly and pleasant and just overall the sort of customers that you enjoyed working with. he told us when she got sick, because she stopped coming in with him, due to issues with her weak immune system. if you have issues with your immune system, the grocery store is pretty much the last place on earth you want to hang out. we are like a giant, over-sized, juicy petri dish. at first we were full of concern but sure she would get better. that never happened, and when it started getting worse we all just did the best we could feeding them both and making sure when he came in that he was taken care of. he never really had to wait in line, we knew what he liked and often had it ready for him before he came in, we'd make sure he remembered the sprite and ask how she was and if she wanted anything special.

it's rare, but some customers become your friends before you realize it.

her passing is an awful, horrible thing. watching him go through grief not once, but twice is painful for everyone. when she stopped being coherent and here, it was bad. now that she's gone, it's worse. no one knows what to do, so we all just do our best. that includes calling and checking in and making casseroles, or just listening to him when he wants to talk.

i didn't hear about her death until after thanksgiving. my thanksgiving day was wonderful, full of people i love and a metric ton of fowl, and i feel guilty now for being so blissfully unaware of what was going on. i feel guilty for being so lucky to have had an awesome day. i know that there's nothing i can do about that, that there was nothing i could do that day even, other than love my people and be grateful for them. i can't imagine thanksgiving falling on the day after the love of your life, your mother, sister, or friend, dies; i don't think anyone in that family will celebrate the same ever again. i can only imagine it will always be bittersweet at best. what holiday without someone you love isn't?

i know this post comes to you late, a week after the fact. i've been thinking it over and wondering if i should even say anything since it's not my story to tell. it's been on my mind, though, quite a bit. i feel horrible for the people involved, thankful that even with all the crap my family's been through this year we're all still together, and have spent a lot of time thinking about death and dying and families. not the perkiest of holiday thoughts, to be sure, but i know that at least any good times i have this season will be less likely to be taken for granted. you just never know what tomorrow is going to bring.

sorry for the boring mc. boringpants thing going on over here. between house and kitten sitting, the holiday, and work, i haven't actually been in my home for more than thirty minutes all week. tonight is my first night back, and my roommate's out and her kids are at their dad's, meaning i have the whole place to myself. i'm going to drink a beer, working on yet another knit hat, and lounge in a very sloth-like way. tomorrow we'll play catch up!